


Bound

by funhousefreak



Series: Heartstrings [1]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Attempted Rape, Depression, Mentions of past abuse, Multi, Polyamorous relationship, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Threesome, all three of them are 18, but also explicitly abuse occurs, friends-to-lovers, high school/college au, max's life is just shit ok, mentions of past rape, oh boy i'm just torturing these poor kiddos, one-night stand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2018-11-28 05:02:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 85,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11410758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funhousefreak/pseuds/funhousefreak
Summary: Nikki presents Neil and Max with a stunning proposition. The boys naively agree, unaware that their decision will completely change their friendship and their lives forever.A friends-to-lovers story





	1. But the Blood's on Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this all stemmed from my idea of the main trio ending up having a threesome, but in the end it turned out to be a lot emotional than that. The trio here have a very deep emotional connection, but they don't know how to handle it because, well, they're 18. Chaos ensues. 
> 
> Yes, there will be graphic sex. You've been warned.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

“Hey, guys?”

Nikki’s voice perforated the silence that had settled over her and her two best friends. _Scream_ played on the television in front of them, an unsurprising pick for their weekly Friday Night Horror Flicks. Neil turned to face Nikki from the left end of the couch where he sat, his head propped in his hand on the armrest and his legs curled up so his feet pressed against Nikki’s thigh. Max cocked an eyebrow from his seat on the other end of the couch, but he didn’t bother to look at his friend.

“Have you guys ever had sex?” Nikki asked unabashedly. Neil’s elbow slipped off the armrest and his head whacked against the side of the couch. Max stiffened and sat up straight, turning suddenly to look at her in disbelief.

“What the actual fuck, Nikki?” He couldn’t imagine why the hell she was asking that question. Sure, all three of them were very open with one another, especially after being best friends for almost a decade. They always told each other everything: relationships, family problems, life plans, and anything else, really. But none of them had ever explicitly discussed sex, besides the occasional jab that one of them jerked off to porn or that one of them would never get laid.

“Yeah,” Neil started hesitantly, rubbing his head where he’d slammed it against the couch. “What the hell kind of question is that?”

“I was just wondering!” Nikki cried semi-defensively, but it was clear there was more behind the question than mere curiosity. “We never talk about it, so I didn’t know if you guys were hiding stuff or something.”

Max scoffed. “First of all, that excuse is bullshit. Second, there’s nothing to hide. Who the hell would want to fuck me?”

“Yeah, no one even wants to make eye contact with you for fear you’ll kick their ass,” Neil chimed in, leaning forward to look at Max.

“Shut up, Neil,” Max snapped bitterly.

“So…no for both of you, then?” Nikki asked, not letting the issue die.

Max chuckled darkly, a smirk stealing his features. “Please, who in their right mind would want Neil? He’d probably start trying to talk about chemistry as he fucked her.”

“Excuse me,” Neil barked. “Who said it’d be a girl?”

“Really, Neil, that’s the part you’re worried about?” Max jeered.

“Hey, I won’t have my bisexuality erased just because you want to talk shit about me!”

“Alright, alright, shut up!” Max yelled, tired of the bickering. “Okay, Nikki, what the hell is actually going on here?”

Nikki leaned back against the couch, looking sheepish. She avoided eye contact with her friends and curled in on herself. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them loosely. This was a rare look for her; Nikki was usually so outgoing and loud and in-your-face. Neil and Max exchanged a confused glance, then looked back down at their friend.

“Well…” she started hesitantly. “I had an idea.”

“What sort of idea?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, you’ve never had sex, I’ve never had sex. And we’re all about to go off to college….”

“Oh god, no,” Max groaned, slamming his palm against his forehead. “You better not be suggesting what I think you are.”

“What?” Neil piped in. “I still don’t get it!”

“Screw it!” Nikki threw her hands in the air, tired of being delicate. Her normal cheery expression returned to her face. “You guys wanna have a threesome?” Neil fell off the couch and hit his head a second time. Max groaned even louder and ran his hands over his face.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck. Why would you ever ask something like that?” Max yelled, flinging his arms dramatically into the air.

“Ok, ok, hear me out!” Nikki cried, waving her arms in front of her face. Neil tried to sit up on the floor, still in shock.

“What kind of bullshit explanation do you have for this?” Max roared. “You literally just asked us to fuck you!”

“Listen! Ok, I know I sound crazy (“No shit.”), but look. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Wouldn’t you rather have your first time be with someone you trust? Someone who you already know your ins and outs? Somebody who already knows you just like they know themselves?”

Max was already preparing a retort, but he kept his mouth shut and let Nikki finish. Neil just stared at her, mouth agape in surprise still. He had sat up, but still couldn’t find it in himself to stand up.

“We’re all about to go our separate ways soon. And then we’re on our own. I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve really gotten to like always having you two to lean on.”

Max and Neil exchanged a look. They had been loving it, too. For the past eight years, they’d never had to go through anything alone. Though the three of them lived in different towns, they talked constantly during the week, and over weekends, they all met up at one of their houses. Whenever one of them had a problem, they immediately went to the other two. They knew one day this would all have to end, at least in some capacity. And with college fast approaching, and all of them going to different places, they didn’t know what was going to happen to their relationship.

“Look, I wanna experiment, I wanna try this. But I want it to be with someone I trust,” Nikki finished, leaning back into the couch again.

Max and Neil didn’t need to look at each other to confirm they were feeling the same thing. It was clear Nikki wasn’t telling the full story, but they wouldn’t talk about that for days to come. Two weeks later, they found themselves lying in Max’s bed in the dark of night, trying not to lie too close to each other, afraid of what would happen if they let their skin touch again.

“Max?” Neil started, dissolving the silence that had laid across them for over half an hour.

“Yeah?” Max grumbled, trying to sound grumpy and tired, but he knew his voice betrayed his genuine interest.

“It was never about just wanting to experiment, was it?” Neil asked. He had been scared to ever say anything about his suspicions aloud, afraid he’d break the thin thread that their friendship seemed to be dangling on. They should’ve known they could never go back after that night, but somehow it seemed that if they didn’t acknowledge what had happened out loud, then maybe they could pretend they were still just friends. Friends who do everything together, share everything, keep no secrets. Really, _really_ close friends. Abnormally close, almost.

“No, it wasn’t,” Max sighed.

“Not even for you?” Neil pressed. He’d been sure that Nikki had meant more by all of it, but he’d had his doubts about Max. Max didn’t love anything or anyone, after all. He was not one for intimacy. Indeed, in their eight years of friendship, this moment, this emotional vulnerability while lying side-by-side, was the most intimate they had ever been with each other. Even after _that_ night.

Max weakly grumbled, “Fuck.” That was all the answer Neil needed. He chuckled a bit, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"I didn’t think you were capable of that much emotion.”

“Fuck you,” Max spat, shooting a glare over at Neil. Neil just laughed it off, entwining his fingers with Max’s.

           

                                                                        ~(*)~

 

“Nikki,” Neil finally managed, composing himself a bit after having a minute to calm down. “This is huge! This….We’re best friends, guys! We’ve been friends for almost a decade. And usually people don’t mix friendship and sex because it ends in awkwardness and tension and eventually losing each other.”

“We’re stronger than that!” Nikki protested. “We’ve been through tons of shit together and are still going strong!”

“Like when you walked in on Neil masturbating that time,” Max smirked. Neil blushed furiously.

“You shut the hell up!” Neil pinched the skin between his eyes, closing his eyes. “Look, I too would like to gain a little…experience before I go off into the world. And I’d rather it be with people I trust then some rando from Tinder. But is experimentation really worth risking our eight-year friendship?”

A silence fell over them for a few seconds. Max crossed his arms, not feeling the need to respond; the answer was all-too evident to him.

“It’d be a one-time thing,” Nikki clarified, wrapping her arms around her legs tighter. “Just because I want to be with people I trust doesn’t mean we have to put emotions into it. It’s just sex.”

Neil sighed. Nikki was really serious about this, wasn’t she? And she wasn’t going to give up without a hell of a fight, it seemed. Neil bit his lip nervously as his options ran through his mind. This was risky, and would almost surely put their friendship in jeopardy. But, what Nikki said was true: it was just sex; there didn’t have to be emotion in it. And if they went in know it was a one-time, purely physical pleasure thing, then they wouldn’t have to worry about it developing into more. They were going to fuck people who _happened_ to be their friends, that’s all. Deeper down, Neil knew this logic was total bullshit. In fact, quite opposite of what Nikki had just promised, he was already putting emotions into this.

Neil looked back down at Nikki, who was still pressed flush against the couch. “In addition to just…all of this, I’m confused about some of the logistics.”

“What?” Max cried in disbelief. “You’re really worried about logistics?”

“Shut up,” Neil dismissed. “First, aren’t you mostly interested in girls?”

“Yes,” Nikki answered, almost with an air of professionalism. It was eerily like she was being interviewed for a job. “But there aren’t many queer girls at my school. Certainly none who are interested in me.”

“Fair point,” Neil nodded thoughtfully. “Second, why both of us?”

“Couldn’t pick one of you. Besides, we’re a trio and always have been.”

“Finally, who would top?”

“Enough!” Max interrupted. “You’re not seriously considering this, are you Neil?”

“I’m just trying to see where Nikki is coming from! I still think it’s crazy…”

“But…?” Max pressed, sensing some sort of objection approaching.

Neil sighed. “Look, I get it... well, kind of. It’s like I said earlier: I too want to experiment, and I’d rather be with people know and love.”

Max rolled his eyes. “First of all, I don’t love anything. Certainly not either of you pieces of shit. Second, are you guys seriously that insecure and horny that you can’t wait to experiment with one-night stands in college like everyone else?”

He should’ve known in that moment what was going on. The feeling was almost palpable in the room. He could see it in Nikki and Neil’s eyes. This wasn’t about sex. This wasn’t about experimentation. And yet, they all tried to play it off without a second thought.

“Aren’t you curious too, Max?” Nikki asked, meeting his gaze. He could almost swear there was pleading in those eyes. Why did this mean so much to her?

He knew the answer to that. But he was too scared to acknowledge it until after the fact.

He sighed, realizing he was fighting a losing battle. “You’re serious about this?” Nikki nodded. Neil kept his eyes trained on Max, curious for his response.

Max groaned, frustrated. “Goddamn it,” he cursed. “I can’t believe you’ve roped me into this shit.”

Nikki’s face lit up, and she bounced up off the couch. “So you’ll do it?” she asked eagerly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever! But I swear to god, if this makes things weird, I’m going to kill both of you.”

“Deal!” Nikki chimed, shaking his hand as if they had actually just made a legal deal.

Neil continued staring at Max, surprised by the turn of events. He had not expected Max to actually ever agree to this crazy plot. Of course, he was still surprised that he himself had agreed to this absurdity. He tried to pass his interest in the idea off to hormones and teenage curiosity, but he knew those were weak excuses. Looking back, he remembered this decisive moment as the one that was the start of it all. It was when he realized Max cared a lot more than he said he did, Nikki was more in touch with her emotions than she let on, and he was craving something that he’d never known he needed before then. They all were.

 

                                                                       ~(*)~

 

They agreed to meet at Max’s place the following Friday. Max’s parents, as usual, were going to be out of town on business for the weekend, so the trio would have the house to themselves. Max, though he refused to admit it, even tidied his room up so it looked like a place where someone actually lives and not the Depression Cave really was. Neil, anxious as all hell, showed up ten minutes before their agreed meeting time of 9. He carried with him a small brown paper bag. Max rolled his eyes at how “discrete” Neil was trying to be and how badly he was failing at it.

“Get inside, nerd!” Max barked, grabbing him by his shoulder. Neil lurched forward and stumbled across the doorstep.

The three had divided up the supplies amongst themselves. Max would supply the location, Neil would bring condoms, and Nikki would get some lube. Max snatched the bag from Neil’s hand as Neil recollected himself from his trip. He peeked inside, curious as to what he’d bought. Not that it meant anything to him; he’d never used a condom before in his life. He withdrew the small box from the bag, crumpling the latter in his fist. He stalked off wordlessly, dropping the box on his bedside table and discarding the bag. Neil stood awkwardly in the foyer of the house, unsure what he should be doing.

Max returned, and for the first time that evening actually looked at Neil. He had clearly dressed up a bit for the occasion, though Max couldn’t figure out why; they were just going to throw all their clothes off anyways. He had a blue Oxford shirt on with a black sweater vest on top. He had nice black jeans on, the pair he usually reserved only for giving presentations and speeches at school. Max definitely stood out against his best friend, wearing his usually blue jeans and blue sweatshirt. He prayed Nikki wouldn’t make things this weird, too.

Nikki, as per usual, showed up twenty minutes after their designated meeting time with a small plastic bag. At least that was a normal-looking bag and not a “I’m-definitely- _not_ -carrying-drugs” brown bag. She was dressed in a casual outfit like Max, just a tee-shirt and blue jeans. She bounded over the threshold excitedly and wrapped her two best friends in a hug. Max groaned but didn’t bother trying to wriggle out of it, knowing Nikki’s strength was far superior to his own. Neil returned the hug awkwardly, his anxiety growing with every passing moment.

“Okay!” Nikki started enthusiastically after releasing the boys from her grasp. “I got the lube!” She brandished the aforementioned item from the plastic bag. “Did you get the condoms, Neil?”

“Yep,” Neil nodded, fidgeting with the cuff of his shirt.

“And Max, you’re sure your parents won’t be back till Sunday?”

“Yeah yeah,” Max huffed. “You guys know my parents. They’re never here.”

“Perfect!” Nikki cheered. “So, you ready?” She looked both boys in the eyes, trying to register what they were thinking. Max returned the look, his usual ambivalence and lack of caring present in his eyes. He shrugged, reflecting what his eyes said. Over the past week, he had come to terms with what he’d agreed to do and decided to just roll with it, rather than freaking out. Neil, on the other hand, looked between the two of them anxiously. Why did this have to be such an affair? Why couldn’t he just have casual sex? Perhaps it was because he knew this wasn’t really “casual,” and that this night would forever change their lives. Or maybe it was just his usual anxious self making a big deal out of everything.

“Neil?” Nikki asked, concerned. His name drew him out of his thoughts and back to his friends. They were both looking up at him, Nikki worried and Max with a raised eyebrow. “Are you okay?”

“Ye-yeah,” he stammered, attempting to discretely wipe his sweaty palms off on his jeans.

“You don’t seem okay,” Max jabbed before Neil could get another word in. Neil sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“Look, guys, I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

“I swear to god, Neil, if you have an anxiety attack….”

“I said I’m fine!” Neil snapped.

“Neil,” Nikki started, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked down and caught her gaze. Despite his anxiety, he could see the extra little twinkle in Nikki’s eyes. He felt her eyes bore into his soul. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“No, no!” Neil shook his head, a blush stealing his face. “I want to, I just always get this way before doing anything…like this.”

“Geez, Neil, how horny do you have to be to put sex before your anxiety?” Max chided, an evil smirk spread wide across his face.

“Shut your whore mouth!” Neil threatened, jabbing an accusatory finger at his friend.

Max swatted the finger away. Nikki rolled her eyes. “Let’s just go to Max’s room.”

She led the way, leaving the boys behind her to glare at each other. “ _Idiots_ ,” she thought to herself. _“Why did I want to do this with them again?”_

She entered Max’s dark room and set the lube next to the box of condoms on the nightstand. Max and Neil followed shortly after her, and Max closed the door behind them. The darkness completely enveloped the trio, which only raised Neil’s anxiety. How the hell was he supposed to see what he was doing? Max, meanwhile, was used to his room being this dark, as he rarely ever turned the lights on when he was curled up in bed, wasting away the day on his laptop or playing a video game.

“Max, a little light?” Nikki suggested. Max groaned and grumbled something underneath his breath about how everything is better in the dark. Nevertheless, he switched on his bedside lamp, something he used even less often than his overhead lights.

“Thank you,” Nikki nodded graciously. Max just rolled his eyes.

“Ok,” Nikki continued. “Um….”

“Oh god,” Neil gulped after a few seconds of awkward silence. “You didn’t think about how you wanted to start all this?”

“No!” Nikki cried defensively. “I just thought, um, it’d start…”

“God, do I have to do everything?” Max snapped. “I’ve never even dated anyone, unlike you morons!”

Nikki bowed her head, a bit embarrassed. Neil’s face grew more red as he averted his eyes.

Max stomped the few steps over to Neil and stood directly in front of him. He stopped so close to his friend’s body that Neil could feel his breath on his face. Max looked up into Neil’s sea blue eyes, his stare intense. Neil felt his hands trembling at his sides, beads of sweat slipping down his forehead. Without warning, after several silent seconds of just staring at each other, Max grabbed a fistful of Neil’s sweater vest and pulled him down till their lips met.

Neil hated to admit it, but he’d thought about this moment numerous times, mostly at night as he drifted off to sleep. He’d always imagined Max warm, despite his cold exterior. His lips were never chapped, his facial features were always soft as he looked into Neil’s eyes, and he always pulled back with a deep flush on his face. His fantasies weren’t totally off, but there definitely were some discrepancies. Max was indeed warm and his lips were not chapped in the least. Indeed, Neil swore Max must’ve put on chapstick shortly before they arrived, because there was a distinct taste of cherry on his lips. His face wasn’t relaxed or soft, though; it was more concentrated, like he was trying to make sure he did this right. He was just standing there, letting his lips press against Neil’s. He barely noticed all these details thanks to his own pounding heart, which he could hear hammering in his ears and the sides of his skull.

“ _Oh shit.”_ Neil’s eyes flew open at his sudden realization, his heart somehow managing to beat even faster. “ _This is Max’s first kiss!”_

Feeling like he should take some more control, as he had actually done this before, Neil placed a gentle hand on Max’s shoulder and pulled him in closer. Neil removed his lips just barely, then dove back in with more vigor. He pressed their lips together with a bit more force, tilting his head slightly to erase the distance between them. Slowly, Max’s hand released the fabric of Neil’s sweater vest and came to rest lightly on his chest. Neil moved his hand to the back of Max’s neck, letting his fingers run through a few stray curls of Max’s incredibly soft hair. Max started to gain more confidence, now that he no longer had to lead this train wreck. He moved his lips against Neil’s, breaking away for breath only after a solid ten seconds. Neil felt himself calm down as he adjusted to the situation and got comfortable kissing his partner. His friend. His _best friend_. Oh god. The anxiety came back and hit him like a train, but he tried his best just to focus on the boy in front of him.

“H-how was it?” Neil asked warily. Max looked back at him blankly, as if he was unsure how to feel.

“G-good.” Holy shit did Max just stammer? He never does that! And Neil was the one who’d done it to him. His blush deepened another two shades at that thought.

Nikki, all but forgotten for the last few moments, walked over to them. She went behind Max, who was closer to her height, and wrapped her arms around his waist. Max turned his head to look over his shoulder, forcing Neil to remove his hand from his neck. Nikki reached around and met his lips, planting a chaste kiss on his warm lips. She nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck and the curls of black, uncontrollable hair that hung by it. She inhaled his scent, a mix of some indescribably human smell, shampoo, and lavender fabric softener. Somehow her brain just registered it as Max. No one else in the world smells like this. This scent was uniquely and purely Max. She placed gentle kisses on his caramel skin, and Max’s breath hitched in his throat at the sudden contact. As a hint of teeth just barely scraped against his skin, Max sighed and rolled his head to the side to allow Nikki more access. Nikki could feel her body warming up already. God she’d been craving this for so long now.

She had been fantasizing about this night long before even suggesting it to her friends. At some point, her masturbation fantasies had transformed from imaginary strangers to the faces she trusted most in the world. Faceless lovers were replaced with one of the two boys’ features. Bodiless arms curled around her frame suddenly turned into warm caramel skin. Moans and whispers of her name came out in familiar voices. She would find herself staring into the vibrant eyes of her favorite nerd or her angry cynic. At first she tried to shut down the thoughts, knowing that she shouldn’t think of her friends like that. But her chest started tightening and her body heated up every time they invaded her fantasies. She decided to investigate those feelings, partially so she could allow herself to indulge in the pleasure they brought her. One day, while casually watching Netflix, it hit her like a car. And that was when she knew she couldn’t keep this a secret from her friends. Asking them for a threesome was not just for her own sexual pleasure; it was also an experiment, a test. She was unsurprised when they freaked out at her suggestion, but the fact that they both gave in without much fight told her a lot about how they felt. She was not alone in these feelings, though none of them would say it aloud.

Neil tilted his face to meet Max’s lips, which were now at an awkward angle from him moving his head out of Nikki’s way. He kissed with more enthusiasm, perhaps just the tiniest touch of lust. Seeing Max getting flustered, a blush consuming his cheeks, his breath shaking, his stuttering, it was all heating Neil up. He could feel himself hardening just the slightest in his pants. He wanted more of this. Max wrapped his arms around Neil’s neck and pulled him tightly against him. Nikki’s arms were squished between the two boys awkwardly. She tried her best to ignore it, focusing instead on kissing every inch of visible skin of the boy in front of her. She decided to drag her teeth against her lover’s skin and see what sort of reaction it elicited from him.

Max let out another long sigh, breaking away from Neil’s lips. He hung like a ragdoll from Neil’s neck, relishing in the warmth spreading through his body. Neil tried to instigate another kiss, but Max eluded him. Through heavy breaths, he finally managed to force out some words.

“I never un-understood the appeal of neck biting,” Max commented. He didn’t sound completely present, as if his mind were drifting off in space. “But now, I’m starting to get it.”

Neil smirked, laying a kiss on his partner’s forehead. Nikki chuckled against his neck before lightly taking a small patch of skin between her teeth. Max moaned quietly, tightening his grip around Neil’s neck.

“Do-don’t just pamper me, you assholes” Max protested weakly, trying to compose himself a bit. “Let me help, too.”

“Oh, you think we’re just making you feel good?” Nikki smirked. She bit his neck again, a bit harder this time. A rush of adrenaline hit her at her lover’s moan. Neil felt warmth pooling in his lower half.

“Yeah,” Neil started. “You think you’re the only one enjoying this?” He rubbed his growing erection against Max’s thigh to prove his point.

“Ok, ok!” Max grumbled. “Still, you two haven’t interacted at all yet.” He shoved Neil and Nikki off of him, despite his desire for them to continue their attention.

Nikki and Neil stared at each other for a moment, unsure what to do next. Both of their faces were flushed a deep red, though Neil’s was worse than Nikki’s. Both of their eyes screamed desire, particularly Nikki’s. Back to feeling awkward and unsure when faced with a new partner, Neil racked his brain for the best course of action. Then, suddenly, Nikki shoved Neil backwards onto the bed behind him. Taken off guard, and expecting to hit the floor hard, Neil cried out. Max laughed, doubling over and clutching his stomach. Neil felt anger rising in his chest, but he paused. That was the first time in a long time he’d heard Max genuinely laugh. Max usually only chuckled or snickered at someone’s pain or at some smart-ass comment he’d made.

Neil knew Max was severely depressed. He hardly made it out of bed most days. It was really only on the weekends when Nikki and him visited that Max got out of bed, got dressed, and left his room. He’d been concerned, scared even for Max over the last few months. Max, unlike Nikki and him, had no idea what he was doing next month. Neil was going to MIT, Nikki was taking a gap year and working with Outward Bound. But he had nothing planned. When Neil asked why he hadn’t figured anything out yet, Max blew it off and claimed he had applied to college, but realized it was beneath him and bailed. But Neil could see through that pathetic excuse. His suspicions would be confirmed several nights after the present night, when Max would disrupt their silence to say, “I didn’t plan for the future because I never planned on living this long.”

To hear Max laugh, a genuine, amused laugh, brought a huge smile to Neil’s face. Instead of making a snide comment, he started laughing, too. Nikki, not catching onto the joke, shrugged her shoulders and pounced on top of Neil. Neil flinched back, surprised once again by the sudden movement. Max just laughed harder. Neil had forgotten how much he loved Max’s laughter. A fluttering started in his chest and stomach.

Nikki straddled Neil’s hips and leaned forward. She pressed her lips roughly against Neil’s, running her hands through his crazy curls. She tasted the remnants of cherry chapstick on his lips, a leftover from his make-out with Max. Neil wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller girl, pressing her tightly against him. Max rubbed the bulge that was growing in his pants, causing him to slip out another sigh. Nikki grabbed a fistful of Neil’s brown curls and yanked upwards, causing the boy beneath her to yelp.

“What the fuck?” he asked accusingly after pulling back from her kiss. “That hurt, Nikki!” Max laughed again, amused as his friends’ attempts at intimacy got messier.

“Sorry!” Nikki apologized, reaching upwards to kiss the tender spot. “Some people like that sorta thing, you know?”

“The only kind of people interested in that are masochists,” Max jeered.

“Hey!” Nikki objected. “I like hair pulling!”

Max smirked as he situated himself on his knees on the bed next to the duo.

“Is that so?” he asked dangerously. He leaned over and grabbed a tuft of Nikki’s teal hair before yanking as hard as he dared without actually tearing out her hair. Nikki gasped loudly, her back arching. Max swore he heard a surprised Neil mutter a quiet “holy shit” under his breath. Max released the hair and with it, Nikki collapsed on top of Neil’s chest.

“Hm,” Max noted, pretending to act like a smug scientist studying a lab rat. “Guess so.”

Neil let a hand gently stroke through Nikki’s hair, as if that would eliminate any of the pain she’d just felt. Nikki sat up after a few breaths with a new fire in her eyes. She turned to look at Max, who was still kneeling beside her and Neil. She then pounced on him, knocking him backwards into the pillows at the head of his bed. She yanked the collar of his sweatshirt down and clamped down on a large swatch of skin on his neck.

“Agh!” Max moaned loudly. Instinctively, a hand flew up and grabbed a tuft of Nikki’s hair, as if he was trying to ground himself. He hips involuntarily thrust forward, trying to get his erection some much needed physical contact. After the initial euphoria wore off, Max growled under his breath. No, there was no way he was just letting her win like that. He yanked the tuft of hair his hand had grabbed onto, eliciting a moan from the girl on top of him. Fuck, yes, it felt good to hear that.

Neil was watching the pair as they went back and forth with this little game. Nikki would bite at Max’s throat, then he would get back at her by pulling a lock of her hair. After a few minutes of this, Nikki was redder than Neil had ever seen her. Her hair was in disarray thanks to Max, and she was breathing heavily. Max was looking similarly, his neck slowly getting covered in red, slobbery tooth marks. The bulge in his pants had grown significantly in the last few minutes, and now he was keeping his eyes closed.

Finally, Nikki seemed to tire of this game. She sat up, leaving Max flustered and longing beneath her. She turned around and eyed Neil. Without even thinking, Neil crawled over towards her and pressed his lips to her’s. He ran a hand under the back of her shirt and felt her warm, slightly sweaty skin. Nikki busied herself with palming him through his pants. He let out a deep groan against her lips and started thrusting against her hand. Nikki coaxed their kisses into open-mouthed ones, and her tongue quickly dove into his mouth. Max looked on, mesmerized by how consumed in one-another they were. But he was missing the action, and the aching bulge in his pants was only worsening.

He worked his way around so that he was behind Nikki. He wrapped his arms around her torso and gently grasped her breasts. While she said nothing, he could feel her breath hitch in her throat from the contact. He leaned in and did as she had done to him earlier, peppering her neck with kisses and nips. Meanwhile, his hands gently began massaging her breasts. She released a quiet moan, leaning her head back into Max’s curls. Neil followed her, their kisses becoming fast and messy. Teeth clashed together, tongues slid against each other, and salvia touched the edges of both of their mouths.

Neil eventually broke free, wanting to move things along. He grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it upwards. Max unravelled himself from Nikki to allow Neil to do his work. Nikki lifted her arms above her head, allowing Neil an easy time of slipping the garment off. Once it was over her head, Neil tossed the shirt onto the floor haphazardly. For a few seconds, Neil just stared at the new-found bareness of his friend. “ _Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”_ Neil’s mind jammed, like a record player stuck on repeat. This wasn’t really happening right now, was it? He had not just been passionately making out with his best friend, who now sat in front of him in just a bra.

“Oh god,” he whispered to himself. He tensed when he realized he’d said it aloud. Shit.

“Like what you see?” Nikki asked tantalizingly. Neil just sat there, jaw slack, unable to form words. What the fuck had he gotten himself into?

“Neil?” Nikki asked, placing a concerned hand on his shoulder. His face was transforming from an awed expression into one of anxiety. “Neil?” she asked again, shaking him a bit this time.

Max paused at hearing Nikki’s worried calls. He had been in the midst of undoing her bra strap, but he peered around the girl to look at his friend.

“Ah!” Neil jumped, as if he had just arrived back from zoning out. “S-s-sorry. I’m okay. Let’s just keep going.”

“Neil,” Nikki said sternly. “What’s wrong? Are you having second thoughts?”

“No! I’m just—“

“Neil,” Max interrupted in his “no bullshit” tone.

“Ok, maybe. Well, no, not really. Not second thoughts so much as just…I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

Nikki and Max shared a glance, unsurprised that they were foreplaying with their best friends since childhood.

“Doesn’t this freak either of you out a bit?” Neil sputtered.

“This is what we signed up for,” Max reasoned. “I’ve made my peace with it.”

“Yeah, but, this isn’t just some fantasy or wet dream. We’re doing this! Right here, right now! I’ve gotten an erection from all of this!”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Nikki questioned, sounding confused.

“Well, yeah, but….” Neil sighed, realizing neither one of them understood why this so concerned him. “Guys, this is going to have real consequences.”

“Like what?” Nikki asked. “I thought we agreed this is a one-time thing, no string attached.”

“Is it though? Can you really fuck your best friends and then move on and never think of it again?”

Neither Max nor Nikki said anything for a moment. Max piped up, trying to fill the void. “Well, I’m good at repressing shit, so yeah, I think I’ll be fine.”

Nikki still didn’t say anything. She just kept staring off blankly into the bed sheets.

“What’s actually going on here, Nikki? What are you really after?” Neil pressed.

“Neil,” Nikki sighed, forlorn. Max could see things were only going to go downhill from here.

“Neil, why don’t we worry about this later? We’ve already been doing shit, so if there are any consequences we can’t avoid them now. Can’t we just enjoy ourselves since we’re already screwed?”

Neil looked into Max’s eyes and saw the desperation in them. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted sex. He was trying to protect Nikki. Neil sighed, not wanting to upset either of his friends further.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry guys. Let’s keep going.”

“Are you sure you want to continue?” Nikki asked, finally making eye contact with him again.

Neil paused a moment, weighing his options. He could turn back now and be free of whatever guilt and awkwardness would inevitably rear their heads. But Max was right, he’d already gotten involved and do a bunch of things. And he was honestly enjoying himself…

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Neil confirmed, albeit with a lump in his throat.

Max just gave him a skeptical look.

“I’ve got it now, I’m fine,” Neil assured. “Now, where were we?”

“I was getting this piece of shit off,” Max grumbled, turning back to the bra and fiddling with its latch. “Jesus, who the fuck thought this was a good idea?”

Finally, he managed to free the clasp. Nikki slid the unhinged garment off her arms and threw it onto the floor. Neil immediately felt his heart rate pick back up as he stared at her bare chest. Not allowing himself time to think, Neil dove forward and wrapped his mouth around one of her nipples. Nikki moaned, caressing her unoccupied boob with her left hand. Max returned himself to Nikki’s neck, his kisses getting faster and his bites harder. As he marked her neck, he half-intentionally ground his pulsing erection into her lower back, desperate for friction. Meanwhile, Neil swirled his tongue around her hardening nipple. He used his free hand to rub against Nikki’s crotch, which she deemed approvable by clutching tightly onto Neil’s sweater vest.

Max took a breather from ravishing Nikki’s neck, only to look down and groan at the sight. Neil was on his knees beneath him, sucking on one of Nikki’s tits while his hand rubbed against her crotch. A huge bulge pressed itself against the zipper of his jeans, and a deep red flush consumed his entire face. And god, it was driving Max wild. Max had always been more sexually attracted to penises than vaginas, hence why he was more interested in seeing Neil’s hot flustered body than Nikki’s. As he watched the duo, he slid off his sweatshirt and discarded it carelessly on the floor. He hadn’t bothered putting an actual shirt on today, since he knew it would just get tossed aside later. He then unzipped his jeans and pulled out his erect dick. He eagerly began stroking it, staring at the pair in front of him as he did.

“And we have our first genital!” Nikki cheered enthusiastically. Max had been so consumed in his own pleasure that he hadn’t even noticed the pair stop to turn and look at him. Nikki seemed pleased that things had progressed to this stage. Neil just stared at Max’s erection, unable to process anything.

“Need some help with that?” Nikki asked tauntingly, running a hand down Max’s bare chest. He removed his hand wordlessly to allow room for her. She wasted no time getting up to Max’s speed. Max moaned and bowed his head forward, his eyes squeezed tight. God, someone else’s hand felt amazing.

Neil wrapped his hand in between Nikki’s legs and returned to stimulating her crotch. He wanted to get at the place he knew would really drive her crazy, but her jeans were too dense for him to find it. He retreated momentarily before settling on an option.

“Maybe we should all just take our pants off,” he suggested to his partners. Not needing any further instructions, all three of them were furiously slipping out of their pants and strewing them all over the floor. Neil went ahead and removed his shirt and vest while he was at it, seeing as he was the only on with his chest still covered.

“Much better,” Nikki noted, with an enthusiastic nod from Max. She returned to giving Max a hand job while Neil went back on the hunt for Nikki’s clitoris. It wasn’t hard to find now that the constraining jeans were gone. He lightly rubbed his thumb across it, only to receive a shriek of pleasure from Nikki.

“Man…” Max drawled, astonished. “What the hell did you do?”

“Found every vagina-owner’s favorite place,” he smirked, pressing his thumb against it.

“Neil,” Nikki gasped breathlessly, giving a light thrust of her hips. Holy shit, had she just called his name out in lust? Holy fuck.

“Oh god,” he mumbled, his eyes snapping shut as a wave of pleasure coursed through him. Max smirked, watching his lovers dissolve in front of his eyes.

“Nikki,” Max moaned as her thumb swiped across his tip. God, he could cum just from the work of her hand. But he had a feeling this was not the end of their fun yet.

“Ok, this is great and all,” Max started, putting a hand on Nikki’s wrist. “But I don’t want to cum before we actually fuck.”

Nikki nodded and removed her hand. Neil silently agreed as well.

“So, how do we want to do this?” Nikki inquired as they all exchanged glances. It was hard to focus right now, with their needs strong and their breaths heavy.

“Well, who wants to top?” Neil started, wiping a thread of sweat from his brow.

“I’ll do it,” Max volunteered, looking desperate to return to physical touch. “Can I top you, Neil?”

Neil nodded, feeling his dick twitch at that idea.

“Then do you want me to top you?” Neil asked Nikki.

“Sure,” she panted. “But can you just do oral? I’d rather not do penetration.”

“Of course,” Neil responded. And with that, they all set off to removing their last remainders of clothing.

Max let out a sigh of relief as he was finally freed from his last bit of clothing. He climbed off the bed and made his way to his bedside table. He grabbed the bottle of lube and two condoms.

“Neil, catch!” he called out, tossing the condom at him. Neil fumbled it, but just managed to grab the wrapped thing. “Nikki,” he ordered. “Lay down on my pillows. That’ll work better for everyone.”

Nikki nodded and crawled her way to the head of the bed. She flung herself across the pillows, making sure to lie in a sexy pose like a model in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Neil wanted to follow after her and continue teasing her, but he knew he needed to get this condom on first. Neil slid his on with relative ease, though it did rile him up to be handling his cock when it was this sensitive. Max, on the other hand, was moving rather slowly and seemed apprehensive. If Neil didn’t know him, he’d even say he seemed nervous.

“Max?” Neil inquired. “Need help?”

“He probably just wants an excuse for someone to touch his dick,” Nikki snickered. Max shot her a glare and spat out a “shut the fuck up” as he walked over to Neil.

Neil held his lover’s erect dick in his hand. God, he wanted to taste it so badly. He wasn’t sure where that urge had come from, but he knew that now wasn’t the time. All of them were antsy to get to the finale by now. Gingerly, he slid the condom over Max’s penis, studying Max’s face all the while. Max watched Neil’s motions, but his breath was shaky and he clearly was ready to get back to the fun. Once Neil felt sure of his work, he released his partner’s erection and gave him a soft smile. Max leaned down and gave him a kiss on the top of his head before crawling onto the end of the bed.

Struck by the tenderness of the gesture, Neil felt a smile steal his face. A powerful warmth stirred in his chest, and he felt a spike of adrenaline hit his veins. No, no, stop, now is not the time for…whatever this is. He needed to focus on finishing this endeavor right now. He placed himself between his two partners in the middle of the bed. He lowered his face so that it hovered just above Nikki’s crotch. Max closed the distance between him and Neil and settled his hands on Neil’s hips. Max then grabbed the tube of lube and lathered his fingers in it. Neil felt his arms quivering beneath him. This was all so new to him; what does it even feel like? Nikki noticed the nervousness on her partner’s face, so she ran her hands through his curls calmingly. Neil smiled up at her, appreciative of her gesture.

Suddenly, Neil’s eyes widened. His breath caught in his throat. One finger was in. Max let it settle there for a few seconds, then he slowly thrust it in and out. After surpassing the initial shock, Neil shivered as a wave of pleasure swept him. He bowed his head and closed his eyes tight. He moaned quietly with each thrust, and soon he was thrusting his hips in time with Max’s thrusts.

“God, yes,” he moaned when Max inserted another finger. Max and Nikki made eye contact as he opened Neil’s hole. He had a huge grin on his face, one full of lust and desire. Nikki looked at him with a similar expression, her hand reaching down to rub against her clit. Holy fucking hell.

“When. Did. You. Two. Get. So. Sexy?” Max grunted in between finger thrusts.

“Sometime between puberty and now,” Nikki responded confidently, despite her breathlessness.

“You two are gonna be the death of me,” Neil huffed.

Max chuckled, then inserted the last finger into Neil. Neil sputtered a stream of curses as he balled his hands into fists. After a few thrusts, Max removed all of his digits.

“You should be good now,” he declared. Neil whined at the sudden lack of physical touch, but his heart leaped into his throat when he realized what that meant. A dick was about to be inside him. Holy hell.

Neil sat up a bit, nodding to show he understood. “Get started on Nikki while I lube myself up,” Max commanded.

Neil eyed the beast in front of him. Nikki gave him a seductive but needy look. God, she looked so desperate. And yet, somehow at the same time, so powerful.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” Neil commented, leaning forward to give her a quick kiss before starting his work. Nikki beamed ear-to-ear at the compliment.

He started at her favorite place. He first pressed a chaste kiss to the little bulb, eliciting a gasp from her. Her back arched off the bed just slightly. He provided several more of those before flicking his tongue across the sensitive surface.

“Ah!” Nikki cried, her hands flying into Neil’s hair and grabbing two large clumps of curls. Her back arched further this time, and her toes curled up at the end of the bed. Max gave the little digits a smirk as he lubed himself up. Neil lowered his mouth further onto the clit until the whole thing was in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the sensitive nub.

“Neil!” Nikki shouted, pressing his head firmly down onto her crotch.

Finally ready, Max cast a glance over at his friends. His dick twitched at the sight. Neil was sucking on the most sensitive spot on Nikki’s body, and Nikki was losing it. She was grasping anything she could get her hands on, trying to ground herself somehow. Her eyes were squeezed shut and sweat dripped down her forehead. She was mouthing Neil’s name over and over again. Goddamn, these people were fucking beautiful. And they would be his undoing, he felt sure of it.

Shaking himself free of his musings, Max grabbed hold of Neil’s hips. He then slowly slid his erect cock inside of the beautiful boy. Neil’s eyes shot open and his head jerked upwards.

“Max,” he said. It was not a moan or cry of pleasure, but it wasn’t concern or fear either. It was like he was trying to confirm that this was really happening.

“I’m in,” Max mumbled; not like he needed to really say it.

“Give me a minute,” Neil grunted, trying to get his ass used to the dick inside it. “Fuck.”

“Neil,” Nikki whined in need. Neil tried to focus on getting back to the girl in front of him, but he couldn’t get over the erect cock in his ass.

Neil waited ten seconds before saying anything. He then took a shuddering breath before saying, “Move.” Max didn’t bother to double check that he was actually ready. He slowly drew out and, right before fully withdrawing, shoved his dick back in.

“Fuck,” Neil groaned, his hands balling up the sheets around him. He forced his mind to focus on Nikki, feeling bad for abandoning her for so long. Besides, if he didn’t return to her soon, he’d get completely lost in his own pleasure. He dove down further, this time licking away at her labia and her hole.

“Shit,” Nikki cursed, letting her back fall back against the bed.

Meanwhile, Max was starting to quicken his pace. With each thrust, Neil moaned against Nikki’s center, drawing a moan out of her. Max grunted with each thrust, his cock feeling so satisfied to be within Neil’s walls.

“God, Neil,” he moaned. “You’re going to kill me.”

“I know the feeling,” Nikki panted, her head flung back against Max’s pillows. “I thought this would only happen in my dreams.”

“You…you fantasized about fucking him?” Max asked. Attempting to have a conversation was tough, as he was having trouble concentrating on anything except his primal instinct to thrust his cock.

“And you,” Nikki confirmed right before taking a sharp inhale. “This is so much better than anything I imagined, though.”

“Am I the only one who never imagined us fucking?” Max grunted. No response came from either of his partners, and so he got his answer.

Neil’s mind was swimming; Max’s thrusts were driving him mad. He was quickening his pace, and every thrust brought a spark of pleasure to his dick. Meanwhile, Nikki’s reaction to every lick and taste he made were setting him on fire. Suddenly, Neil felt a sharp pulse of pleasure shake his body.

“Max!” he screamed, his back arching and his head thrown back into the air. He heard Max mumble a snide “found it” somewhere behind him, but Neil was too far gone to process much of anything. “Right fucking there. Don’t stop.”

“My pleasure,” Max purred seductively. He rammed Neil’s ass as rapidly as he could. Neil’s cries of pleasure were drawing Max closer to the edge, which only encourage his speed. Nikki was in the same position, but she needed her stimulation back if she wanted to finish. She leaned up and grabbed Neil’s head and brought his face back to her crotch. Losing all sense of control, Neil latched onto her clit and sucked as hard as he could.

“Neil!” Nikki cried. Her back was once again off the bed and her toes were curled up as tight as they could go.

“Nikki! Neil!” Max moaned loudly, feeling himself losing control as well.

Hearing his name cried twice, coupled with the assault on his prostrate, Neil knew he was on the edge. The warmth was rising rapidly in his abdomen. Every thrust pushed him closer and closer to a cliff, and god was he ready to fall off.

“Neil,” Max groaned, his own orgasm approaching. “Agh, Neil! Yes!”

And that was all Neil could take. All of a sudden, his body tensed as he came onto the sheets beneath him. He cried out around Nikki’s clit, his hands balled into fists and back arched. God, this was way better than the orgasms he got from masturbating. When he was empty, he collapsed like a ragdoll on top of Nikki.

Neil’s collapse led to Nikki’s. The feeling of Neil’s screams surrounding her clit were too much for her to take. “Neil!” she screamed as she released her own fluid. “Oh god, oh god!” she chanted repeatedly. She then too collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.

Max was the last one to finish. Watching his best friends shatter in front of him brought him to the edge. He dug his nails into Neil’s hips, his eyes tightly squeezed shut. Warmth was rushing through his body, and he could practically feel himself chasing after that euphoric feeling. “Yes, yes, yes!” he chanted as he thrust messily into an already-done Neil. Finally, he caught up to the feeling, and he laid his head on Neil’s back as he emptied himself. He cried out louder than Nikki and Neil had ever heard, and Neil swore he would have marks on his hips from Max’s nails. When he was finally done, he didn’t even bother to pull out of his partner. He just lay exhausted atop his back.

The three of them breathed heavily, calming down after their orgasms. The silent house only made their breathing sound louder. After a minute of recuperation, Max removed himself from Neil’s ass. Neil scotched himself upward so his head rested on the pillows besides Nikki. Max moved up and lay on her other side. Nikki hummed in satisfaction and turned on her side towards Max. She rested her head on his chest and threw her arm across his torso. Max placed a hand on her tousled hair and gently stroked it. He was new to cuddling or, well, any physical intimacy. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was supposed to do, but Nikki seemed content with this. Neil then turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around Nikki’s frame, pulling her close against him. He nuzzled his face into her hair and placed gentle kisses occasionally.

Now that their hormones were satiated, the realization of all that had just occurred started to sink in. Exhaustion luckily kept Neil’s anxiety from re-spiking. Nikki shoved the thoughts to the back of her mind, as she had been doing for weeks now. But Max couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that was sinking in.

“Guys?” Max whispered, the full force of everything registering with him finally.

“Hm?” Nikki mumbled against his caramel chest.

“What did we just do?”

“Something we can worry about in the morning,” Nikki responded. Neil hummed in agreement. “Besides, I thought you had ‘made your peace with it’?”

“Yeah,” Max mumbled. “So did I.”

Nikki tensed slightly in his arms and Neil’s breath caught in his throat, but neither of them said anything. They could deal with this later. For now, they should just relish in this afterglow.

But Max couldn’t clear his mind. He thought he didn’t care, he thought he was cold enough to not put emotions into any of this. His actions and words throughout the evening told him he had been wrong, though, and now that he was no longer repressing those emotions, he would have to face them. He prayed morning would never come. He didn’t want to face the consequences of all this.

But time keeps moving, and no one can run from the truth forever.


	2. I'll Clean Your Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Max discuss the aftermath of their actions and try to sort out their emotions. But Max has another secret that he can't hold onto anymore...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So, after some thinking I decided to just make this one big fic rather than a collection of one-shots. I've already got a ton of ideas for future chapters, so lord knows how long this'll be. Also, from here on out, NSFW chapters will be explicitly marked at the start.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

“Max?”

Max cracked his eyes open slowly at the call of his name. He had not expected the lanky boy next to him to say anything, especially after half-an-hour of silence. He was well aware that, just like himself, Neil was finding sleep unattainable, but he figured they’d wait the night out without a word to each other. It was long past two in the morning, which didn’t bother Max in the slightest; he typically found himself awake at this hour. Neil, on the other hand, was usually in bed by midnight, the exception being the past three nights. Especially tonight.

It was Monday night, or rather, early Tuesday morning. Neil had been going mad the past three days. Usually he spent his weekends with Nikki and Max, and they all slept over at one of their houses. But this weekend, for one of the first times in eight years, the three had done their own things, never once contacting the others. It scared the hell out of Neil, and he found himself unable to calm down. After three days of pacing around his room endlessly and doing some pointless and unsatisfying coding, he finally resolved to get the hell out of his house. His need to escape was so powerful that he was able to ignore his anxiety and ask Max if he could come over. Max had agreed, no questions asked.

Neil had gone over shortly after his mom went to bed. The duo had just stood in the foyer for a few minutes, unsure what to do. Usually they were content to do their own things, just basking in the company of the other, an occasional conversation here or there. But Neil was too anxious to just sit around in Max’s room, and Max immediately sensed that. They settled on watching one of their favorite movies, _10 Things I Hate About You_. It was the boys’ guilty pleasure, one they had sworn each other to secrecy about when they were fourteen and discovered their mutual love of the romcom. Now they watched it only when going through hard times and/or whenever Nikki wasn’t around.

Max slouched into the couch, as he normally did when they watched movies. Neil was too tense to get comfortable, and it wasn’t until they were halfway through the movie that his body relaxed and he leaned back against the cushions. He swore he heard a mumbled “about time” from his companion, but he paid the comment no mind.

When the film was over, Max turned off the television and casually mentioned, “You can stay over if you want.”

In reality, Max was apprehensive, his palms damp inside his hoodie’s pocket.  He had mastered hiding his emotions as a child, though, so he felt assured Neil would not pick up on his nerves. Like his friend, he had been stewing in anxiety the entire weekend. He had hoped having Neil coming over would help ease the nerves, but the tension only seemed to worsen. He had no doubt that having Neil sleep over would just result in a sleepless night, but there was a dull ache in his chest that begged him not to be part from Neil yet.

“Oh!” Neil was surprised by the invitation. He had assumed Max would want him gone the second they were done with the movie. Surely Max didn’t want him around after what happened a few days prior?

_Get the fuck out of here. Leave, leave, leave! You’ll never sleep if you stay here! This is way too anxiety-inducing!_

Despite his brain’s frantic chanting, his mouth managed to croak out, “Okay. Thanks,” before he could stop himself.

And that’s how they wound up lying in silence side-by-side in Max’s bed, trying to ignore the warmth radiating off the other and purposefully keeping their skin from touching.

“Yeah?” Max grumbled. He tried to feign exhaustion, like he had been on the verge of falling asleep. His curiosity was just too strong though, and his voice didn’t come off nearly as annoyed and tired as he’d wanted it to.

“It was never about just wanting to experiment, was it?” Neil asked.

He had been chewing on that question for weeks now, from the moment Nikki had presented them with her idea. He had wanted to talk to them about it the morning after their threesome, but they had all gone home without a word to each other. After three days of anxiety and fear, Neil decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. He refused to have their friendship, their nearly _decade-long_ friendship, torn to shreds by a fucking one-night stand. Clearly it was a hard question for Nikki to answer, as every time he brought it up, she got nervous and changed the subject. That only fed more into Neil’s suspicions about the nature of their hook-up. Now Max, he was one who probably had had no sort of emotional stake in their undertaking; he should be a safe one to question. At least then Neil could know if he was the only one questioning things.

Several seconds passed, the question hanging heavy in the air. Then, Max rubbed at his eyes and sighed. “No, it wasn’t.”

Just as he had suspected. Well, it had been more than a suspicion. Honestly, it was pretty obvious that “experimentation” had been a poor excuse for their night together. At least they were openly acknowledging it at last.

“Not even for you?” Neil continued. He tensed as soon as the words left his mouth, the realization of what he’d just asked hitting him. Whoa, he had not been intending to ask that. He had indeed been wondering about Max’s place in all of this, but he thought he’d rather leave that stone unturned for now. Apparently, his mouth had other plans.

Max stiffened. That was a fair question, he had to admit. He was not one for emotions and intimacy, and Neil was well aware of that. But he had told a different story on Friday night. His compliments to his partners, his gentle kisses and touches, it all showed the cracks in the walls that he shoved his emotions behind. As much as he didn’t want to face his feelings and be vulnerable, he didn’t want to lie to Neil anymore. This was clearly really bothering Neil, and Max owed it to him after all these years to be honest.

“Fuck,” he grumbled, hardly audible. That was all the confirmation Neil needed.

So, Max wasn’t as good at repressing his feelings as he claimed. Neil couldn’t help but smile at the admission. He didn’t know why hearing that made him so pleased. Maybe it was just nice to hear that all three of them had gotten emotionally involved in their endeavor. Or…

_Nope, nope, shut up, Brain._

“I didn’t think you were capable of feeling that much emotion,” he chuckled, trying to ease some of the tension.

“Fuck you,” Max spat, glaring at his companion. It was the first time they had made eye contact all night. Neil just beamed and laughed the harsh words off. He was glad to see Max was still himself, even after his latest revelation.

Neil entwined their fingers together gently, trying to further cut through the tension and break down the barriers between themselves. And totally _not_ because it sent a nice fluttering feeling to his chest. Max tensed at the touch. He didn’t like the feeling that had been gnawing at his chest since Friday. He still wasn’t sure what to make of it, but he knew part of it was emotional dependency. He was emotionally dependent on Nikki and Neil, which he had known for years. But somehow, he felt even more so after their night together.

What exactly had they gotten themselves into?

“Neil?” Max started hesitantly, casting worried eyes over at his bedmate.

“Hm?” Neil hummed happily, turning to look at Max. His smile immediately disappeared when he saw the look on Max’s face. Max was not one to worry about things, so whatever this is must really be weighing on him for him to bring it up.

“What does all this mean? What are we now?”

“I…I don’t know,” Neil said unhelpfully. “We need to talk to Nikki about all this. Maybe she had some endgame in mind this whole time.”

“Like what? Us becoming her boyfriends?”

“Maybe.”

“All I know is that there’s no way we can just be normal friends after this. Normal friends don’t fuck each other and care about it. Normal friends don’t fuck _period_.”

“I know,” Neil whispered.

“We all do. And we all knew it when we agreed to that stupid threesome.”

Neil squeezed Max’s hand. “Do you regret it?” He didn’t know why, but he felt a small knot form in his stomach.

Max paused, unsure of how to answer. Did he regret it? He had to admit, he’d enjoyed himself immensely during the event, but he was still unsure of the cost of their actions. Sex definitely wasn’t worth losing his best friends—his only friends—over.

“I don’t know,” he confessed.

“Did you at least enjoy it, though?” Neil pressed.

“Yeah. Even though it was clear you two had no idea what the fuck you were doing.”

“Oh, and you did?” Neil challenged playfully, a smirk stealing his face.

“Apparently more than you!” Max shot back, his grip on Neil’s hand unconsciously tightening. “You two were fumbling around like idiots!”

Neil’s smirk widened. “You didn’t seem to mind,” he remarked coyly. “In fact, I recall you calling us ‘sexy.’”

Max blushed furiously, though Neil could hardly tell in the dark room. “Shut the fuck up! It was my dick talking. Like I’d ever find you two attractive.”

"Okay, Max,” Neil conceded, squeezing his hand again lightly. “Whatever lets you sleep at night.”

“Well it sure as hell ain’t you,” Max snapped. Neil just laughed.

Max sighed, calming down from their friendly spat. He looked over at his friend once more. “So, where do you stand on all of this?”

“Oh, the sex?” Neil blushed. “I enjoyed it! It was fun.”

“Not that, you idiot.” Max gestured his free arm wildly, unable to find useful words to describe what he wanted. “ _This_. This…relationship thing!”

Neil tensed at the subject matter. “Well, we all said it was going to be strictly sex, but I think we all know that was bullshit.”

“God,” Max groaned. He turned over on his side so that he was directly facing Neil. Neil turned his head and caught Max’s gaze. “I know all that. I mean how do you personally feel?”

“Oh. Um… I’m honestly not totally sure. I….” Oh god, why is this so awkward? Why is he so afraid to say this stuff to Max?

_Because Max is the one causing it._

_Nope, nope, shut the fuck up, Brain. Hell. Fucking. No._

“I definitely felt… something. A warm feeling in my chest, butterflies in my stomach.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a crush. Or, well, crush _es_.”

Neil’s eyes widened in shock. No, that couldn’t be it. Sure, he’d gotten those same feelings when he’d developed crushes in the past. But this was different! This was his two best friends.

Except he knew this was only about one of them. And it was the one that would never, ever return any sort of emotion ever. So, no, it wasn’t a crush, because Neil wouldn’t let it develop into that.

“How would you know?” Neil challenged. “Since when have you ever had a crush?”

“I haven’t. That’s just the sort of sensations people describe having when they get crushes. Remember the first time Nikki had a crush and she freaked because she thought she was dying?”

Neil chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, that was funny. God, she can be so dramatic sometimes.”

“Like asking for a threesome instead of talking over whatever feelings she’s dealing with?”

“Yeah…like that.”

“Ok, so, what? You got a crush on Nikki and me. Guess that made that night even more fun for you.”

“Ugh, no,” Neil groaned. “I don’t have a crush on either of you.” He felt a twinge of guilt twist a knot in his stomach. _Don’t fucking lie_ , his brain chanted.

“Then why are you holding my hand?”

Neil cast his eyes down at their hands. Their fingers were still intertwined, and had been like that for quite a while.

“Holding hands isn’t inherently romantic! I, just….” But he had no real defense here, and Max knew it. Max smirked, turning once more so that he was lying on his back again.

“Whatever, nerd.”

Neil released a sigh of relief, glad Max had dropped it. And glad that Max hadn’t removed his hand yet.

A comfortable silence fell over the duo. Neil finally felt himself unwinding after three days of being consistently on edge. His eyes gently closed, but his hand never left Max’s. Max, on the other hand, stared at the ceiling of his room, a thought prickling at his mind. If they were being so open with each other and coming clean (more or less), he might as well just air out his biggest skeleton.

“Neil?” Max started, refusing to let his gaze drift to the happy boy next to him.

“Yeah?” Neil didn’t even bother opening his eyes.

“I, um, feel like I should tell you something. I…Fuck, look, the truth is, I….” Well, this was going well.

Neil sat up and looked down at Max. His eyes were wide with concern. He squeezed Max’s hand gently, trying to be supportive.

“It’s okay. Just say it,” Neil prompted.

“I…I didn’t plan for the future, because I never planned on living this long.”

A painful silence blanketed them. The air was so thick Max swore someone could have cut it with a knife. Not a sound was to be heard from anywhere in the house, and Max hated it. It forced him to hear the words he’d just uttered on repeat in his head. He shut his eyes and tried to erase the image of Neil’s face from his brain. Neil was white as a sheet, and his eyes were stuck in their enlarged state of shock. He untwined their fingers, retracting his hand and using it to support himself. Max felt those blue orbs boring into him, so he forced his eyes open and sat up.

“What…what do you mean ‘you never planned on living this long?’”

Max sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “I mean that… I thought I would have killed myself before now.” His voice sounded exhausted, like this was hard to talk about.

Max had felt guilty about hiding this for so long. At first he had decided that it was fine to keep some things to yourself. Taking a few secrets to your grave is perfectly normal, right? But as time wore on, Max found the guilt of hiding his plight weighing more and more on him. He had always known this was the type of thing you need to tell someone about, not keep quiet. He had never been able to bring himself to admit it, though. The secrecy also had laid weight on Max’s relationship with his best friends, as they were always completely open with him. Especially now as he looked back and realized the increasingly intense and emotional nature of their friendship ( _“Is what we have just a friendship anymore_?”), he felt guilty for lying to them.

“What?” Neil asked, his voice barely audible. Max felt a sharp pain stab his chest. He didn’t need to look at Neil to know how he felt; the betrayal and heartbreak were both clear in his one-word question.

“Neil…” Max started. He didn’t know what he was going to say to the boy, but he felt like staying silent would only be worse. His voice was more full of regret than ever before. The only time he had sounded anything like this was after he pushed David too far back at that bonfire at Camp Campbell when he was 10. Neil was his best friend, and he had just broken him.

Neil hiccupped, covering his mouth with his hand. Max cast his gaze up at his friend, only to feel the stab in his chest get worse. Neil had started to cry, and tears were streaking down his cheeks. His body shook from the intensity of the sobs he was trying to hold back. Max had never seen him like this before. Sure, Neil had cried in front of him and Nikki before, but never full-out sobbed. Even when his grandfather died, he had just kept it to some quiet tears.

“Neil,” Max tried again, this time reaching a hand out towards Neil’s shoulder. Neil immediately swiveled away from Max’s touch, rotating his body 90 degrees so that he faced the end of the bed. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his long arms around them, pulling them tightly against himself. He hid his tear-stained face in his knees, not wanting Max to see it. He finally allowed his sobs to escape, and they tore apart the pristine silence of the house. His body quaked violently as his sobs racked his entire form.

Max retracted his hand, his chest only growing more painful by the second. Fuck, he’d really done it now. He’d completely broken his best friend, one of the two people he actually had in this life. He knew he shouldn’t have kept quiet about this. He wanted to retreat in on himself, which was his usual defense mechanism. _No. Neil needs me now. I cannot abandon him. I’ve already been selfish enough.”_

Neil was the kind of person who liked comfort in the form of physical gestures. While it was not Max’s style at all, he was willing to put that aside for Neil’s sake. He crawled on his knees and situated himself behind Neil. He then straddled his legs around the trembling boy. He threw his arms around his abdomen and pulled himself close, situating them into a backwards hug. Max rested his head on Neil’s back, his face turned to the side so he could speak.

“I’m sorry, Neil,” he whispered, praying Neil could hear him over his sobs. He didn’t think he was capable of talking louder right now. “I knew I shouldn’t have kept it a secret, but I did. I…I didn’t want anyone to stop me.”

Neil made no sign that he could hear Max, but he didn’t wriggle out of the hug. Max took that as a sign to continue.

“It’s okay, Neil. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t think I can bare to leave you and Nikki behind.”

Neil’s sobs intensified. Oh god, just hearing all this just made it more real. Max had been planning on killing himself. He was going to commit suicide. And he wasn’t going to tell Nikki or him. He was going to leave them here, alone, without any idea of what had happened. God, he hated this boy sometimes. Fuck his emotional incompetency and his inability to be vulnerable!

“Neil, I’m here,” Max repeated, his voice a bit stronger this time. “That’s in the past. I’m safe now. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Neil lifted his head up and brought his right hand up to his head. He grabbed a clump of his hair in a vain attempt to ground himself. He tried to catch his breath, and after several butchered attempts, he gained enough air to respond to Max.

“How can you say that?” he cried. Max winced at Neil’s distraught voice. “Of co-ourse I have to worry about you! You just tol-old me you were planning to kill yourself!”

Max turned his head and rested his forehead against Neil’s back. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. “I know.”

He let Neil cry it out from there. There was nothing more for him to say; even if there was, it would all just seem like empty words to Neil. So he held Neil silently while the boy got all his emotions out.

It took a good 5 minutes or so, but finally Neil’s breathing began to return to normal. He leaned back into Max’s arms, letting out a shaky sigh. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, then leaned his head towards the ceiling. Max tightened his hug and squeezed Neil slightly. Despite his disheveled state and the emotional turmoil he’d just been through, Neil still felt his heart skip a beat at the gesture. God, this boy was going to be the death of him.

“Max,” Neil broke the silence that had settled between them. Max raised his head, but Neil didn’t wait for him to respond.

“Promise me that if those kind of thoughts come back, you’ll tell Nikki and me.”

“I will,” Max promised, putting his head back against Neil’s back and nodding. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He knew the words were useless, but the guilt was crushing him. It was an unfamiliar feeling, one he’d only felt a handful of times. He didn’t usually care enough about people for him to feel bad if he hurt them. But Neil was one of the exceptions to that.

“I know,” Neil whispered. “I’m just glad you’re okay. I…I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Max nodded again. He too would be lost without Neil and Nikki, but admitting that aloud was too much for him to handle tonight. This was already overwhelming enough for him.

A beat of silence passed. Then Neil commented, “I’m always surprised by how much you actually care.”

“Shut up,” Max grumbled weakly, his voice muffled by Neil’s back. Neil chuckled lightly. _Good old Max._

As much as Neil was enjoying this embrace, his chest yearned for something more. He moved out of Max’s grasp and turned around. He crawled on his knees until he was mere inches from Max’s face. Max just stared up into his sky blue eyes, sensing what Neil was after. He placed a hand on Neil’s shoulder, giving him the go-ahead. Neil leaned in and closed the distance between them.

Their lips barely touched. It was like they were back to being thirteen, awkward and starting puberty and unsure of everything. If they’d done this back then, this would likely have been how their first kiss went: hesitant, afraid of pushing too far too fast, self-conscious. They placed several more air-light, chaste kisses against each others’ lips before Neil pulled back. His heart was racing, despite the innocent nature of their kisses. His head was spinning, adrenaline pumping through his veins. Max just stared back at him, looking as calm as he always did. Clearly this wasn’t affecting him the same way it was Neil.

“Take your hoodie off,” Neil demanded after a few moments of just gazing into each others’ eyes.

“What?” Max asked, confused. This didn’t really seem like the time for stripping, after one of them had just experienced a breakdown.

“Just do it,” Neil said.

“Neil, I’m really not in the mood.”

“I’m not either. I just want to see something.”

Max cocked an eyebrow in suspicion, but he complied. He slid his hoodie over his head and tossed it onto his pillow. Neil studied his skin diligently, looking for something in particular. They were hard to make out in the darkness, but he found them nevertheless. Just as he suspected.

Neil lifted up Max’s left arm and rested it in his hand. Max silently watched Neil, still not understanding what the boy was after. It struck him like a gunshot as Neil ran a finger lightly across the horizontal scars on his arm. Max’s immediate reaction was to yank his arm back, to hide the evidence of his self-deprecation. But it was time for him to stop lying, and this was part of that process. Neil ran his index finger gently over every scar, slowly making his way up Max’s arm. Max swallowed a lump in his throat; this was somehow much more intimate than having sex.

Max stiffened as he felt an odd sensation on his forearm. He glanced down to see Neil kissing his scars. His eyes were closed, completely focused on the task before him. Max felt his cheeks redden at the intimate gesture. He never would have guessed he’d ever be this open with anyone. He had long ago accepted that emotional connections, let alone romance, were not his thing. He had figured he’d never date, or be emotionally or physically intimate with anyone; he never even expected to sleep beside anyone. Suddenly, everything he swore would never occur was happening all at once. But, while it was overwhelming, it also set off a strange, pleasing feeling in his chest.

Neil placed gentle kisses up Max’s forearm and bicep, going one scar at a time. Max was unsure what to do with himself, so he just watched Neil work. When Neil had finished with his left arm, he set it down and started on the right arm. Max stared at his left arm, as if Neil’s kisses left a visible mark on his skin. Though there was no physical transformation, his skin felt tingly, and he somehow felt a bit of weight lifted off his chest.

When Neil finished with his other arm, he entwined their fingers and looked up at Max. This time, Max was the one to lean forward and kiss him. He hadn’t even thought about it; he had just mindlessly let his body move forward. He gently cupped Neil’s cheek in his free hand. Neil used his own free hand to grab Max’s waist. His heart hammered in his chest, his blush deepening across his cheeks. Max’s lips were so warm and smooth, just like last time. Neil never wanted to let go; this moment, despite the trouble that brought them to it, was heaven on earth. After a few warm kisses, though, Max backed up and looked into his companion’s eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“You-you’re welcome,” Neil stumbled, his face flushed. Holy shit this boy was so beautiful.

Max leaned down and laid his head on his pillow. He dragged Neil down with him, their fingers still laced together. Neil laid his head on Max’s chest, then pulled the covers up over their lower halves. Max put his free hand on Neil’s back, holding him against himself. Neil smiled, closing his eyes.

“I can’t believe you let me do that,” Neil commented, feeling himself losing consciousness.

“Fuck you,” Max bit dryly, but his tone wasn’t scornful in the least. Neil just smiled to himself.

Several minutes of comfortable silence passed. Max felt his eyelids getting heavy finally, the warmth of his partner luring him into sleep. Neil was already almost asleep, exhausted by the emotional toll of the evening. Without even realizing it, three words slipped off his tongue before sleep overtook him.

“Please don’t leave.”

Max’s eyes shot open. He tightened his hold on his friend and inhaled a shaky breath.

“I won’t.”

He knew that was a promise he shouldn’t make. Much as he wanted to, and as much as it pained him, he just wasn’t confident that he could keep it. But he needed Neil to rest easy. And who knows, maybe whatever they and Nikki had started together would draw him back from the edge.

They certainly were making him happier. And that was a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll try to get the next one up in a week, but we'll see how it goes. Thank you for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! Y'all are wonderful <3


	3. The Blood Stains Won't Wash Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil, Nikki, and Max finally talk about what they did, what brought them to this point, and where to go from here. Things get emotional real fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Okay, so, this chapter was oddly really easy to write and very hard to write. I had a tough time putting into words the emotions of the characters, mostly Nikki and Max. Sorry if that part doesn't come out very clear/is confusing. Emotions are just so hard to explain sometimes???? Which was part of the point of this chapter but yeah, anyways. I hope y'all enjoy it!

Max really didn’t want to be awake right now. Of course, he never really wanted to be wake up in the morning, but there was something extra desirable about sleep today. He was so tired from staying up late and bearing his feelings and comforting Neil; he just wanted to sleep the whole day away. But something had jolted him awake, and now trying to go back to sleep would be fruitless. What the hell was that anyways…?

Oh.

Max looked down to find Neil draped over his torso, his wild bed-head curls itching Max’s face. His legs were strewn across the bed wildly; it seemed safe to assume one of them had kicked Max awake. Max shoved the offending hair away from him and noticed that one of Neil’s legs was on top of his, trapping him in the awkward embrace. Max rolled his eyes, half-considering shoving Neil’s head to get him to move. Then the memories of how they’d gotten here flooded back, and a pang of guilt tugged at Max’s chest. He abandoned the idea, letting himself relax into the cuddling.

Neil made a happy hum in his sleep. He nuzzled his head into the crux of Max’s neck. Max sighed, absentmindedly running his fingers through the previously-obnoxious brown curls. He reached his free hand over to his nightstand and grabbed his phone. 7:15 AM. Damn it.

Max unlocked his phone and scrolled through Facebook. He hardly glanced at most of the posts. Honestly he wasn’t really sure why he still had an account; he didn’t care about any of these people. He used to talk to the other campers from Camp Campbell, but he’d fallen out of touch with most of them over the years. He probably kept the shitty social media just for the group messages sent between himself and Neil and Nikki. They had had a group chat since they had gotten home from their first year at camp when they were 10. All of their messages from the past eight years of their friendship were on there: every joke, every major life event, every development in their friendship. Every time Max considered deleting his account, he paused and scrolled through the old messages. The small grins on his face when he read them were enough to convince him the hellsite was worth staying on…not that he’d admit those messages had that effect on him.

Suddenly, a picture of Max appeared on the screen. He stopped scrolling, studying the post. It was a collection of photos posted by Nikki late last night. They were of the trip him, Nikki, and Neil had taken to the beach last month. The first photo was a close-up on Max, who was shirtless and wearing dark shades. He had his usual grumpy expression on, complimented by his middle finger flipping off the camera. The next was of a shirtless Neil hesitantly dipping his toe into the water, looking as though he would bolt if the water was deemed too chilly. The following photo was an off-kilter selfie of Nikki, who was sticking her tongue out at the camera.

The photo Max noticed the most was the one in the far-right corner of his screen. He clicked on it to enlarge the image. It was a picture of the three of them together in front of the ocean, taken by using the timer setting on the camera. Max wanted to groan at the sight of the shot. It had taken them at least five tries to get that photo right. Nikki kept missing the timer, or Neil was blinking, or Max was making a rude face. For some reason, Nikki had been really determined to get a nice photo of them altogether, and she wouldn’t give up until she had what she wanted. Max, who hated photos, reluctantly stopped protesting and sat still for the shot. He didn’t smile, but just having a photo of him not looking irate or flipping off the camera was a miracle. Nikki wrapped her arms around her two friends, pulling them in close. Neil smiled awkwardly, put off balance by Nikki pulling him next to her.

Max had never understood why that photo was such a big deal to Nikki, but after the events of the last few weeks, he felt like he was finally getting it. Max pressed the “like” button beneath the photo, a rare occurrence for him. He then closed the app and opened up his contacts. He found Nikki’s name and hit the blue phone button. After three rings, a groggy voice answered.

“Hello?”

Oops, right, it was like 7:30 in the morning in the summer. Of course she was still sleeping.

“Be over at my house at 10,” Max stated curtly, not bothering with introductions.

“No way,” Nikki protested weakly. “11, at least.”

“Fine, whatever.”

“Why’d you have to call so early?”

“Because I felt like it. Go back to bed.”

With that, Max hung up and put his phone back on bedside table. Well, looks like today was the day. They would finally figure out what the hell was going on between them.

                                                                        ~(*)~

 

Max opened his eyes, confused. How the hell had he fallen asleep again? What time was it?  He grabbed his phone to see it was 10:30. Okay, good, he hadn’t overslept at least. He threw the device back down and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He groaned as he realized he should wake Neil up, seeing as Nikki would be there in half-an-hour.

He placed a chilly hand on Neil’s shoulder. _God, how does he always radiate so much heat?_ Max shook him lightly, hoping that would be enough to awaken him. Neil just whined quietly, snuggling against Max’s chest more. Max shoved him harder and slid his leg out from underneath Neil’s.

“Neil,” Max snapped, annoyed with the boy. Why was he so hard to wake up?

Neil groaned, shoving a hand lazily in Max’s face. “Shut up,” he mumbled, annoyed.

“Get the fuck up,” Max demanded, wriggling his body out from Neil’s grasp. Neil whined louder, wanting his warm pillow back.

Realizing this was a lost fight, Neil rolled off his partner with a loud groan. Max rolled his eyes at Neil’s dramatic attitude as he reached behind him to where he’d thrown his sweatshirt last night. He slipped the familiar blue hoodie over his head, enjoying the warmth of the fabric after a shirtless night. He glanced down at his companion when he felt a pair of eyes on him. Neil was lying on his stomach, staring at Max in awe and appearing to be in a daze. Max raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk crossing his face. Neil jolted as he realized Max had caught on, and he snapped his head away. A tomato-red blush rapidly spread across his cheeks. Max chuckled, leaning back against the wall behind his bed.

“You don’t have a crush, huh?” he asked challenging, taunting eyes fixed on his embarrassed friend.

Neil whipped his flushed face back up to his tormenter, before realizing he had no good defense. The situation was pretty obvious, and anything he could come up with to justify his staring would be incredibly implausible. Besides, it’s Max. He could see through any and all bullshit.

“Shut it,” Neil bit, his voice much softer than he had wanted it to be. Max chuckled again, pleased with himself.

“Besides, as I recall,” Neil continued, surprising himself with his boldness, “you kissed me last night, too.”

Max’s smug grin fell. Shit. He’d been hoping Neil would forget that small detail. He tried to wave off the discrepancy, as if it hadn’t caught him off guard.

“It was just to make you feel better. You were upset.” Max shrugged his shoulders, attempting to appear nonchalant and calm.

Neil gave him a skeptical look. Max was good at playing off his emotions, but that excuse seemed flimsy even to him. “Uh huh, right,” Neil agreed doubtfully.

The duo met eyes. They stared at each other apprehensively, unsure of what to do. Max knew he should just get out of bed and go brush his teeth, make himself look semi-presentable for when Nikki showed up. But Neil’s eyes drew him in, keeping him nailed to the bed. Neil felt his palms start to sweat, his nerves kicking in. He really was bad at disproving Max’s theory, wasn’t he?

“You’re beautiful,” Neil mumbled quietly, his gaze fixed on Max’s bright green eyes. Wow, his mouth really had taken full control this morning. A small blush stole Max’s cheeks at the compliment. No one had ever sincerely complimented his appearance before.

“Shut up,” Max said without any power behind his words. Neil giggled. Max really didn’t know how to handle his emotions.

“Make me,” Neil challenged, though he failed to come off near as smug and confident as he wanted.

“Okay.” He leaned in towards Neil slowly, building up the anticipation. Neil’s heart started pounding in his ears as he waited. When Max’s face was just mere inches in front of his, he closed his eyes, ready for impact. Suddenly, an unfamiliar pressure landed on his lips. Neil’s eyes flew open to find Max’s hand clamped over his mouth. Max started laughing uncontrollably at the look of shock on his companion’s face. He couldn’t even hold his hand on for long, as he fell back against the pillows, his whole body shaken by the force of his laughter. Neil glared, annoyed by Max’s deception. He lunged forward and pounced on his laughing friend, pinning him beneath him.

“Fuck you,” he spat, but the look of amusement on his face relayed his playful attitude. Max pushed against his chest with his hands, still calming down from his laughing attack.

“You’re so forward, Neil,” Max teased, flashing the boy above him a smirk. Neil blushed furiously, taken off guard by the turnaround of his insult.

“I hate you so much.”

“No, you don’t,” Max returned smugly. He was about to continue teasing Neil about his lack of romantic interest when he heard the doorbell ring. Max snagged his phone and checked the time. That couldn’t be Nikki, could it? It was only 10:45 and Nikki was never early. Hell, she was never even on time. It was probably a mailman or something.

“Coming!” Max yelled. He shoved Neil’s chest lightly, indicating he needed him to move. Neil obliged, though he would have liked to continue their antics. _Wait, were we flirting?_ _Is that how people flirt?_ Smugness and haughtiness were normal parts of Max’s repertoire. But he was smiling a lot more than usual, and he didn’t normally joke around like that. Especially physically.

 _No, no way. This is Max. He doesn’t do romance. And he certainly wouldn’t with me_ …

“Wait, who is that?” Neil asked, drawing himself out of his thoughts. Max was already opening the bedroom door and heading towards the front door.

“Dunno. But Nikki’s coming over soon.”

“What?! Why didn’t you tell me?” Neil yelped in surprise. He hopped off the bed and followed Max to the door.

“I was getting there. We were preoccupied.” Neil blushed once more, embarrassed at the insinuation that came with that comment.

Max yanked the front door open only to find Nikki standing in front of him. His face contorted into surprise, his body leaning against the door frame as he studied his friend. Nikki looked uncharacteristically nervous, her right arm holding onto her left one. She wouldn’t meet Max’s eyes. Her hair was more of a mess than usual, like she hadn’t brushed it in days. Max was concerned; he had never seen Nikki so visibly shaken before. He tried to remain composed, not wanting Nikki to know she was so easy to read.

“Hey Nik,” he greeted casually.

“Hey, Max,” Nikki responded, still not looking him in the eye.

Max moved out of the doorway, giving room for Nikki to come in. “Come on in,” he offered. Well, so much for not being obvious. He was never that formal with her or Neil.

Nikki stepped in the door nervously. She undid her combat boots and slipped them off while Max closed and locked the door. Neil came into view and smiled sheepishly at his friend.

“Hey, Nikki.” He waved slightly. Nikki flashed him a faltering smile in lieu of saying hello.

“Let’s go to my room,” Max stated, heading towards the aforementioned place. “My parents shouldn’t be home till tonight, but honestly who the fuck knows with them.”

Nikki and Neil followed him. Entering the bedroom was so surreal to Nikki. Last time she had come in here, she had been practically bouncing off the walls, so excited for the night before them. Now she entered with reluctance in the aftermath of that escapade. The pain that’d been gnawing at her for the last three days was threatening to devour her. She clenched her hands into fists, trying to steel herself. She’d known this day was coming. She had to face this. This was her mess, after all.

She plopped herself down on Max’s bed, not bothering to ask permission. She feared that if she had stood for much longer, her legs would have given out. Neil pulled Max’s desk chair out and positioned it a foot or so away from Nikki. Max closed the door and leaned against the wall next to his bed, completing the triangle. All of them remained silent, anxious and unsure of where to start.

“Okay,” Max said after a few beats of silence, taking charge as he so often did. “I think we all know why we’re here.”

Neil nodded, his gaze fixed on the floor. Nikki said nothing and didn’t move. Max just sighed, trying to think of how best to break this tension.

“I know this is awkward as fuck. But we gotta do this or shit’s just going to get worse.”

Nikki winced, the guilt wrapping around her insides tightly. God, this was all her fault. She had ruined her dearest friendship with her stupid emotions and her fucking hormones. Why couldn’t she have just talked to them about what she was feeling instead of acting so impulsively?

Neil noticed Nikki’s reaction. Concern flooded him, and he leaned over in his seat towards Nikki. “Nik, you okay?” he asked. Nikki sighed before taking a shuddering breath, trying to ground herself to speak.

“No,” she replied quietly, her head down and eyes trained on the floor. Neil shot Max a worried glance. Neither of them had seen Nikki so upset before. She had had her fair share of bullying and family problems, but never had she sounded so…broken. The room felt completely devoid of Nikki’s presence, of who she really was. This was just an empty shell, a husk of the vibrant, vivacious girl Neil and Max had grown up besides.

Neil reached his hand out, ready to grasp one of Nikki’s hands, but he stopped himself. Maybe they weren’t ready for physical contact yet. Maybe it would only upset her more. He retracted his hand and set it back on his lap. Neither boy spoke, trying to give her room to talk. It was such an odd experience; normally they couldn’t get her to shut up, and they were lucky to even get a word in.

“I…I ruined everything!” she finally cried. Her voice sounded so helpless and vulnerable, two things Nikki was distinctly not. She was the most empowered and independent out of all of them, even in times of distress. God, they really had fucked up, hadn’t they?

“I ruined us with my _stupid_ idea!” she continued. She was clearly on the verge of tears, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence and tears prickling at her eyes.

Neil ditched his concern over physical contact and grabbed Nikki’s hand, giving it a light, reassuring squeeze. “No, you didn’t,” he tried to assure her. “You may have come up with the idea, but we agreed to it and went through with it.” He shot a quick glance at Max. “We could have said no.”

“But I pressured you guys!” Nikki shouted, her voice rising a bit. Max said nothing, because he agreed with her. She didn’t deserve all the blame for this, no, but she had definitely pressured them into agreeing to some degree.

“I wouldn’t say pressured,” Neil remarked uneasily. “You just made a case for your idea.” Max rolled his eyes at his pathetic attempt to relieve Nikki of blame.

“Look, Nik,” Max interjected. “You did pressure us.” Neil shot him an incredulous look, wondering why in the hell he was undermining his words. Max ignored the gaze, focusing totally on Nikki. “But it wasn’t malicious or anything. You just wanted this, for whatever reason. And, just like everything else you want, you fought for it. And obviously, Neil and I weren’t terribly opposed to it,” Neil blushed, but nodded his head earnestly and squeezed Nikki’s hand again.

“Did you two actually want to do it?” Nikki asked. Her voice sounded much stronger, almost back to its normal volume. She looked between the two boys, the first time she had made eye contact with either of them.

“Yes,” Neil responded, too embarrassed to meet her eyes. “Or, uh, well, not at first. I mean, I think I did want it, but I didn’t realize it at the time and it wasn’t until later— “

“Neil,” Max interrupted, giving him his “no bullshit” tone. Neil took a deep breath and composed himself.

“Yes, I did want to do it.”

“Me too,” Max agreed. “I didn’t fantasize about it like you whores, but you know me. If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have.”

Nikki took a deep breath, her body visibly relaxing at the admissions. “Okay, that makes me feel better,” she said, flashing a gentle smile at her boys.

“So, why exactly did you ask us to do this in the first place? Where did all this come from?” Max pressed.

Nikki sighed and fiddled with the bracelet on her right wrist. “Well, you know part of it. I started fantasizing about it. That’s how I got interested in the idea. It made me realize I was attracted to you two.”

“But why did you even start fantasizing about us?” Neil asked, rubbing his thumb slowly across the back of her hand.

“I…I don’t know. It just started happening.”

“There’s more to this than just sexual attraction, though,” Max pointed out. He was trying to get to the bottom of things without pushing Nikki too far, too fast.

“I know,” Nikki admitted. She averted her gaze again, unsure what else to say.

Max sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was starting to get frustrated. They were still all skirting around the crux of the issue, even though it was in plain sight.

“We all know there is something emotional going on here, guys. We wouldn’t be this shaken up by a one-night stand if it had just been sex, no strings attached.” Neil swallowed a lump in his throat. Nikki just kept staring at the floor. Max was really losing his patience now.

“If we don’t fucking talk about this shit, we’re gonna fall apart!” he yelled, throwing his arms into the air in exasperation. “We have to just fess up and admit to whatever the fuck’s going on here!”

“Then why don’t you start?” Neil challenged. Max looked at him, wild green orbs boring into intense blue. “Clearly Nikki and I are struggling here, so since you’re so vocal, you start us off.” Max narrowed his eyes, annoyed by Neil’s tone.

“Alright, fine,” Max bit back, crossing his arms back over his chest. “I don’t exactly know how to put it into words, but whatever.

“Since that night, I’ve been feeling this…deeper connection with you two,” he tried, realizing his words sounded lame and vague. “Some sort of emotional connection, beyond just friendship. I don’t have a word for it really, but…I don’t know, I felt something!”

“Could it be romantic?” Nikki suggested tentatively. She had never known Max to ever like anyone romantically, so she would be surprised if that were the case. But, it would explain why the feeling was so foreign to him.

“No,” Max shook his head. “I doubt it. I…I don’t think I’m capable of feeling romantic attraction.”

Neil and Nikki’s heads shot up at the comment. They stared at Max, surprised by the admission. They had just thought Max hated most people, and that’s why he had never developed a crush. They had never considered he might not be emotionally capable of romantic feelings.

“So, you’re aromantic?” Nikki tried, seeing if he might clarify further.

“Maybe? I don’t know.” Max leaned his head against the wall behind him and gazed at the ceiling. “I’m not ready to put a label on it.”

“Okay,” Nikki nodded, hoping her refusal to press him further would give him some support. Max was never one to ask for help or encouragement, but she wanted him to know that not putting labels on yourself was okay. She would never forget how hard that had been for her to accept when she was a tween.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Max and Nikki’s heads whipped towards Neil. Neil was staring intently at Max, anger clear on his face. Max unfolded his arms and pushed himself off the wall.

“I just did,” he replied, confusion scrunching his face.

“Before now,” Neil clarified. “Why didn’t you tell us before now?”

“Because I was still figuring things out.”

“Why not say it last night, when we were cuddling?” Nikki’s eyes widened in shock, her head swiveling between Max and Neil. Max put his hands on his hips, his eyes narrowing. Neil shot up from his seat, pointing an accusing finger at the grumpy teen. “Or when you kissed me? Or this morning when you flirted with me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, was I leading you on? I believe you were the one who said you weren’t interested in me!” Max’s own finger was up, jabbing angrily at the lanky boy with every few words. “What about what _you_ did? _You_ kissed _me_ first! _You_ slept on _my_ chest! _You_ fucking gawked at me while I got dressed!”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down!” Nikki interjected. “What the hell happened last night?” Her questions fell on deaf ears, the boys too wrapped up in their anger to hear anything else.

“That doesn’t give you the right to toy with my emotions!” Neil shot back, taking two steps closer to Max.

“And what emotions would those be, huh Neil?” Max prodded tauntingly. “The ones you said you didn’t have for me?”

“The ones I’m trying to suppress because I fucking know you’ll never feel the same way!”

Silence fell across the group. Nikki gazed between the two boys, watching for their reactions. She had her arms poised at her sides, ready to push herself off the bed at any moment in case she needed to physically intervene. Max’s face contorted from anger to surprise, his eyes widening and hands falling to his sides limply. Neil turned his head towards the door, keeping his eyes far from either of his companions’ gazes. He let out a long, defeated sigh and closed his eyes. It was done. He knew. No more lying or repression necessary.

“Okay,” Nikki said, slowly rising off the bed. “Let’s just all take some deep breaths and calm down.”

She turned towards Neil, putting a supportive hand on his shoulder. She then looked at Max, but he was still lost in shock. Neil’s feelings had been obvious, both in his words and actions over the past few days. But there was something different about him openly admitting it. Max was not so much shocked that _Neil_ liked him; it was more that _anyone_ liked him.

“How long?” Neil’s gaze drifted up to the caramel-skinned boy, the source of the quiet question. Max’s eyes were fixed to his, an unnamable emotion in them.

“I, uh, I don’t know,” Neil confessed, feeling his cheeks heat up. “A while, I guess. I tried to deny it for a long time though so I wouldn’t have to face rejection.” Nikki squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

“Who said I’d reject you?” Neil’s eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Well, you said it yourself. You don’t experience romantic attraction. You can never return my feelings.”

“Maybe.” Max tucked his hands inside his hoodie pocket. “I said maybe I was aromantic.”

“Max,” Nikki interrupted the back-and-forth. “Be honest: do you have romantic feelings for Neil or not?”

Max sighed and threw his head against the wall behind him. “I don’t know.”

Neil stared at him, thoughts racing through his mind. This wasn’t really happening was it? There wasn’t a chance Max could ever like him, right? Sure, he’d been opening up a lot and initiating physical intimacy lately, but that meant nothing when it came to Max. Max was never a simple person; he was always full of complications and contradictions and confusion. That’s something Neil liked about him: you couldn’t read him like a book. And even though Neil had gotten close to reading him through the years, Max always had a surprise up his sleeve. But at the end of the day, when they laid in bed late at night and opened their hearts up, Max was actually very easy to understand, and Neil loved that. He had the same basic fears and uncertainties and self-consciousness as everyone else. He was a fucked up kid, but he was still a kid.

Nikki nodded, pleased the duo had calmed down. She released Neil’s shoulder and returned to her spot on the bed. “I guess it’s my turn now, isn’t it?”

Neil sat back down in his chair, directing his attention to Nikki. Max resumed leaning against the wall.

“I’m…I’m kinda in the same place as Max,” she admitted, her hands fidgeting with her bracelet again. “I’m not really sure what I feel, but it’s something more than normal friend feelings.”

“So…” Neil started, gathering his thoughts. “Was the threesome based on those feelings?”

Nikki nodded. “I meant it when I said I wanted to experiment. But the actual point of the threesome was…to test you two.”

Max and Neil exchanged a confused glance before facing Nikki. “What?” Max asked in disbelief.

“I wanted to see if you two had similar feelings! And it became pretty clear that you do.” Nikki crossed her arms over her chest and eyed the duo. Max averted his gaze while Neil flashed an embarrassed smile.

“Okay,” Max sighed, rubbing circles around his temples. “Let me get this straight. We all have some sort of…weird fucking feelings towards one another?” His friends nodded slowly. “So, where do we go from here?  We can’t exactly pretend none of this happened and just go back to how things used to be.”

“I don’t think I even want that,” Nikki mumbled under her breath. Max swiveled his head towards her. “Look, I think we’ve been approaching this point for a while now, whether we knew it or not.” Neil rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I know it’s scary, but I think we need to move forward.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?” Max demanded. “Do we date? Is there anything besides dating that’s past friendship?”

“Marriage,” Neil suggested jokingly. Max shot him a glare.

“I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t need a label,” Nikki shrugged.

“This just sounds like friends-with-benefits to me,” Max huffed, crossing his arms again.

“We’ve never exactly been normal friends, though,” Neil pointed out. “We’ve always been way closer than that. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I just… click with you two.”

“Look, I get all that,” Max clarified. “I just don’t know what that makes us.”

“…Soulmates?”

Max and Neil both gave the teal-haired girl skeptical looks. “The fuck you just say?” Max asked incredulously.

“I don’t know! It was just an idea!” Nikki cried defensively.

“Do you actually believe in that mumbo-jumbo?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe? I don’t know. But I don’t hear either of you with better ideas!”

Max rolled his eyes haughtily. “Hey, I gave my opinion, but you two didn’t like it.”

“Here’s mine then: why don’t we just try dating?”

Max tensed, his eyes drifting over to his brunette friend. Nikki looked his way, too, a nervous look in her eyes.

“We don’t even know if this is romantic though,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but…we know something is going on between us. Why not just try it out, see what happens?” Nikki glanced at Max, trying to gauge his reaction. His expression was blank, but his shoulders were tense and his gaze was intently focused on Neil. “Besides, it’s not like we haven’t done that kind of thing before…” Max snorted and Nikki chuckled quietly.

“Okay, sure,” Nikki agreed after a pause. Max shot his stare at her. “What? Neil has a good point. Honestly, Max, what could go wrong?”

“Everything,” Max said dead-panned. “Do you guys see where our last ‘what-could-go-wrong’ adventure got us?”

“Okay, yeah, but that was sex,” Nikki reasoned.

“What, so we’re not gonna fuck while we’re dating?” Neil blushed furiously, attracting Max’s wrath. “Really, Neil? You’re gonna be embarrassed after letting me fuck you in the ass?”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Neil spat, though the flush on his checks dulled his words.

“Okay, okay!” Nikki yelled in an attempt to rein things back in. “Max, what’s your point?”

“My point is if this goes south somehow, we’re gonna destroy this fucking friendship!”

“Max—”

“I am not going to FUCKING LOSE YOU TWO!”

Nikki’s words died in her throat. A pitying look crossed her face as she looked up at her distressed friend, whose shoulders were now rising and falling with his heavy breaths. Neil felt his throat tighten. He hadn’t realized how worried Max was about all of this. He thought he had been the one freaking out the worst the last few days.

_He’s really is just a wild card. I’ll never fully be able to see inside his head._

Without allowing himself time to consider his actions, Neil stood up and stepped up to Max, whose hands were balled into fists and hair was disheveled. He grabbed Max’s left fist and held it in between both of his hands. Max looked up at him, and it was then that Neil saw how damp his gorgeous green eyes were. Neil gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“We’re not going anywhere,” he promised. The words were simple, but they eerily paralleled Max’s reassuring words to Neil last night. The power they held was incredible, and Max felt a bolt of emotion pierce his chest. It actually felt like a genuine promise, something that Max had rarely experienced before. Neil leaned his forehead against Max’s gently. He closed his eyes and took a moment to just inhale the scent of the boy in front of him. He smelt of his room’s air freshener and sweat and god he needed a fucking shower. But Neil couldn’t care less because it was Max, and somehow Max just smelled like home to him. He’d been surrounded by Max’s scent for so long that it was just natural to him.

Max closed his eyes and relaxed into the warmth around him. He may not have known what the best step forward was for them, but damn he loved these gentle touches. Not that he was ready to admit that aloud yet. He was going to allow Neil, and himself, this moment, though, because they needed to stitch their relationship back together. There was no need to push him and Nikki further away, even for the sake of his reputation.

“Nothing is going to tear us apart,” Neil continued, his voice down to a whisper. God, why did he have to make everything so intimate?

Nikki smiled at the scene before her. Neil always knew just the right things to say in times of distress. She had always admired that about him. And Max always spoke his mind, even if it took him some time to get his emotions out in the air. She felt bad that Max was so worried about their friendship, but she was grateful to know she had not been alone in her anxiety the last few days. It was good to know he genuinely cared.

She stood up and joined the duo, grabbing Max’s other hand and entwining their fingers.

“I love you two,” she whispered, squeezing Max’s hand. Max’s breath hitched and Neil’s hands subconsciously tightened around Max’s fist. “Not like that, nerds,” she chuckled when she noticed their tension. She leaned her head forward and rested it against Neil’s left shoulder.

“Nearly gave me a heart attack, Nik,” Max mumbled, his breath coming out in a sigh of relief. Neil tipped his head up and planted a soft kiss on Max’s forehead.

The trio stood together in silence for a minute, basking in the warmth and comfort of each other. Nikki could fall asleep like this, pressed gently against her two best friends.

“So…” she started, not bothering to open her eyes. “Are we doing this?”

Neil nodded silently against Max’s head. Max hummed, releasing a sigh before speaking. “I guess so.”

“Max, don’t do this if you don’t want to.”

“I…I’m just nervous, okay? God, I’m tired of all this emotional bullshit.” His words seemed harsh, but his tone was far from it. His voice was soft and genuinely sounded tired.

“Max…” Neil tested.

“I want to fucking do this, okay? Now leave me alone, you assholes.”

Nikki chuckled and squeezed his hand again. Neil pressed another quick kiss on his friend—lover’s—forehead. His smile beamed from ear-to-ear. He didn’t think he’d ever felt this happy before. How the hell had he gotten so lucky? He unwrapped Max’s fist and settled his hands on Max’s waist.

“Are we gonna go on dates now?” Nikki asked, cracking her eyes open.

“Ugh, gross,” Max groaned. “Are you two gonna be all lovey dovey now?”

“Of course,” Neil smirked. “Just to piss you off.”

“Well, at least you haven’t changed,” Max spat sarcastically.

“Ok, first date should be to the arcade! I want to whoop your asses at some games,” Nikki declared excitedly. She released Max’s hand and bounced energetically in place.

“You already do that, Nikki,” Neil reminded, with a roll of his eyes.

“Yeah, but now I can do it as your girlfriend!”

“This is fucking disgusting,” Max spat, removing himself from Neil’s grasp.

“That’s right, Max, I’m your girlfriend now. And you and Neil are my boyfriends.” Nikki sauntered haughtily back to the bed and sat back on the bed.

“Why the fuck did I agree to this again?”

“Because you love us,” Neil smirked, but it came off much less smug than he had intended. He smooched Max’s uncontrollable curls, earning him an unamused grunt from beneath him.

“So…what now?” Neil asked. “Day’s still young.”

Nikki patted a seat next to her on the bed and motioned with her hands for them to come over. “We can do stuff later. Let’s get some rejuvenating cuddles on right now!”

“You two are going to make me puke,” Max chided, but he walked over and flung himself on the bed regardless.

“You didn’t seem to mind cuddling last night,” Neil said smugly, throwing himself down next to the shorter boy.

“Fuck you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Thank you for reading/continuing to read this story! Every one of your comments/kudos/bookmarks means a lot to me! Y'all are so sweet! I can't thank y'all enough <3 I dunno how fast I'll get the next chapter out, but hopefully within the next week.
> 
> Also, check out this INCREDIBLE fanart that lookhereiam on tumblr did of the last chapter! It's absolutely amazing and you should all follow them! https://lookhereiam.tumblr.com/post/163038327879/g-u-y-s-if-you-want-an-amazing-camp-camp-fanfic-to


	4. We'll Burn This Town Down (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio go on their first serious date. And, as all Camp Camp adventures, shit hits the fan real fast. 
> 
> Slightly NSFW because Max makes copious amounts of sex jokes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So, this was actually just the first half of the chapter, but I decided to split it up because it was just way too freaking long. I hope y'all enjoy it!

“God, why are you so sweaty?”

Neil swiped a hand across his forehead, a horrified look stealing his face when he felt the perspiration. He wiped the hand on his jeans, a blush coating his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and avoided Max’s eyes.

Max crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his head against the doorframe of his front door. He eyed the boy in front of him curiously. Neil looked…really nice, actually, though Max would never tell him that. He was wearing what he presumed was an expensive navy sweater, fit just right to Neil’s body. Much as he wished he could hide his appreciation of Neil’s choice in outfit, Max couldn’t help but grin pleasantly as he studied the way the sweater accentuated Neil’s broad shoulders, sturdy chest, and bony hips. Neil’s jeans didn’t help with Max’s fascination; the gorgeous black fabric was just tight enough to highlight his hips and calves and thighs, but not enough to outline his—

“Uh, Max?” Neil’s voice shook Max out of his musings. He blinked then met Neil’s eyes. Neil was giving him a confused expression. Max tried to play it off casually, putting a smug grin on his face.

“Yes, Sweat-Master?”

“Ok, that was just fucking low.”

“Why the fuck are you dressed so nicely?”

“Well, it’s our first, um,” Neil stammered, anxiously searching for the right words. He knew he shouldn’t have dressed up this much—god, he was just going to make things more awkward than they already would be. “It’s our first formal date, so I thought I should…look nice.”

The trio had gone to the arcade, as Nikki demanded, the day after their big conversation. While that was technically their first date, Neil had felt like nothing was different. It was just like when they were only friends. He thought that maybe a more traditional date would make things feel a little more real to him. Besides, fancy dinner dates always were a success in the movies!

Neil’s eyes finally scanned Max’s outfit, as he hadn’t actually paid attention to what his boyfriend was wearing. His mouthed dropped open slightly and his heartbeat immediately soared. Max was clad in a gray crop top, the flimsy fabric cutting off right above his stomach. He had a red and yellow flannel shirt on top, the buttons left undone so his gorgeous chest and abdomen were visible. His black jeans had pre-made tears and holes in them on the thighs and knees. Neil had never seen Max look so…well, frankly, sexy. Max usually dressed fairly modestly, which Neil suspected was to keep his scars covered. Apparently, Max had gone more for “sex appeal” when dressing himself tonight, though.

“Done gawking yet, nerd?” Neil’s head snapped up to see Max eyeing him smugly, a knowing grin on his face. He knew exactly why Neil was staring. He knew exactly what he was doing to his partner.

Neil blushed furiously, averting his eyes and trying to suppress the urge to force that grin off Max’s face with a kiss. Max’s wicked grin only grew wider, proud of himself for winning that little contest.

“Let’s get out of here,” he finally said, dropping the subject. He stepped onto his front porch and closed the door behind him. Neil led the way down to his car, happy Max wasn’t going to further torment him for admiring his body. For now, at least.

                                                           

                                                              ~(*)~

    

Nikki was already parked and waiting outside the restaurant when the boys arrived. She was decked out in a blue and purple flannel with her favorite blue jeans. She had mostly chosen that look because she didn’t own much in the way of nice clothes. The nicest thing she had was her brother’s suit, which she definitely felt was too formal for a simple dinner date. To be honest, she didn’t really get the point of this date; why did they need to make their relationship “official” with some expensive dinner in a stuffy restaurant? She would much rather they just order pizza and watch a movie. But this had seemed important to Neil, so she had pushed her dislike of formal events aside to soothe his worries.

“Took you two long enough!” she called out as she saw Neil and Max approaching her.

“We would’ve gotten here sooner if Neil hadn’t been staring at me for ten minutes.” Max elbowed Neil in the ribs, his smugness returning.

“Fuck you,” Neil grumbled, shoving his boyfriend’s shoulder lightly. “Besides, I believe you did the same thing to me.”

“Stop being gay,” Nikki interjected, rolling her eyes. “Let’s go get some food.”

The trio walked up to the host, a tall man in a suit standing behind a podium. He glared down his nose at the three teens, which meant that Max was the one bearing the blunt of the glare as Neil and Nikki were close to the man in height. Max glared right back at him, crossing his arms over his chest. Neil smiled nervously and cleared his throat.

“Hi, we have a reservation. It should be under Zimmerman.”

The host’s disdainful expression never waivered, but he did bother to check for a reservation. He glanced back up at the trio, seemingly in disbelief that this group of oddball teens was going to be eating in his restaurant. Nevertheless, he grabbed three menus and and gestured towards the inside of the restaurant.

“Right this way, Mr. Zimmerman.”

Max scoffed, annoyed with this guy’s pretentious attitude. Who the hell was he to judge them? Nikki too was feeling unnerved, but she tried to ground herself, remembering how important this was to Neil. She grabbed Max’s hand silently and gave it a squeeze. He looked up at her to see her eyes pleading with him.

 _Please behave_.

Max looked away, but said nothing. He kept his hand in Nikki’s as they followed behind Neil and the snooty host. The were given a booth by the window, allowing them to see the waves crash against the rocky shore in the dying evening light. Neil sat alone on one side, while Nikki and Max took the seat with the view. The host left them, with a quick final glare exchanged between him and Max.

The trio picked up their menus. Max’s mouth fell agape as he scanned the prices. 15 dollars for a fucking appetizer? This had to be robbery; no way was this fucking legal! Nikki scrunched her face in confusion. She couldn’t understand any of the meal names. She had no clue what that language was, but it was for sure not English. She shot Max an apprehensive glance. Max caught it from the corner of his eye. He gave her hand a squeeze. They could do this, for Neil’s sake. Then they could rant and rave about how much they hated rich people and how arrogant and condescending they were.

Neil sighed and set his menu down, eyeing his two companions. Nikki lowered her menu to meet his gaze. Max just closed his menu, giving up on studying it any further. He was going to puke if he had to look at those prices anymore. He cocked an eyebrow at Neil when he noticed the expression on the other boy’s face. He wore a pleased, dreamy grin, his eyes half-lidded.

“The fuck’s wrong with you?” Max asked.

“I’m just…so happy!” Neil cried, his smile beaming. “We’re here! Together! This…this is actually happening!”

Nikki gave him a warm smile back. He was adorable; he was just so excited about all of this. She had never seen him so happy to be in a relationship before. She reached her free hand across the table, an invitation for Neil. He took it without a second thought, and their eyes met happily. Max looked past Nikki at a middle-aged straight couple across the room who were giving them an odd look. He tried sending them a glare, but he surrendered with an eye roll when he realized they couldn’t see him. Neil reached his other hand across the table, looking at Max hopefully. Max scoffed and refused to meet his gaze, but he granted the boy his hand. Neil smiled gently, his eyes full of love as he watched Max’s face.

Nikki wanted to face-palm; these two were idiots. It was so clear that Neil had already fallen head-over-heels, even though they’d only been dating for a few days. The feelings must have been building up for a long time now, even if he had been repressing them. Max was so oblivious to it all. He knew of course that Neil liked him, but he completely missed the loving gazes, the way Neil gently ran his thumb over Max’s hand, the small smiles he tried to hide every time they spent time together. Nikki wanted to point all this out to Max, to make him see how much Neil cared for him. But now was not the time. Right now, this was about the three of them, all together.

A waiter, who looked just as snooty and snobbish as the host, approached the side of their table. Nikki looked up at him to acknowledge his presence, as Neil and Max were distracted with their stupid antics.

“Good evening. May I start you off with some drinks?”

“I’ll just have water,” Nikki responded awkwardly. She shot a glance to her partners, who finally seemed to have noticed they were not alone. Neil blushed as he quickly scanned the menu. Max glared at the man, apparently sensing his pompous attitude. Nikki squeezed his hand again.

“Same here,” he mumbled, just loud enough for the man to hear. He was trying not to lose his temper, but god, these people were just such snooty, rich assholes! Sure, he was an asshole, too, but at least he didn’t act stuck-up because his parents made 6-figure salaries. Not like he ever saw any of that money, anyways.

“I’ll take a water, too,” Neil said politely, flashing the waiter a grin. The man ignored it, walking off without another word.

“Man, fuck that guy,” Max growled as soon as he was out of earshot.

“Max!” Nikki hissed, trying to keep her voice down.

“Why is everyone here such snobbish assholes? Would it kill them to not glare at us?”

“Max, please,” Nikki pleaded, squeezing his hand tightly.

“God, and those two!” Max cried angrily, yanking his hands free from his lovers’ grasps and gesturing towards the middle-aged couple who kept shooting them odd looks. “If they keep staring at us, I swear to god I will shove a fork down—”

“Max!” Nikki cried, louder this time. Their nearest neighbors cast worried glances at the trio. Max finally looked at Nikki and was met with anger.

_Shit._

Max turned across the table and felt his stomach drop. Neil was pressed flush against the back of the booth, his face red. He had sunken down in his seat, shirking away from his partners. His eyes were fixated on some spot under the table. Fuck, Max had really done it now.

Max ran his hands over his face, trying to force himself to calm down. Nikki continued glowering at him. Was it so hard to just keep his mouth shut for one fucking hour, for one fucking meal? She glanced at Neil from the corner of her eye, but quickly averted her eyes. He was too painful to look at.

“Neil, I’m sorry,” Max said, removing his hands from his eyes and looking at his boyfriend. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper.”

“If you don’t want to be here, then why don’t you just leave?”

Max froze and his body tensed. Neil’s voice was so quiet, so cold. He wouldn’t meet Max’s eyes. He never acted like this, talked like this. Even when he was angry, he would still make eye contact at least. Nikki whipped her head towards her lanky boyfriend, astounded.

“Neil, please,” Nikki intervened, hoping to keep Max from saying anything else volatile. “We do want to be here. It’s just....”

“What, do you have a problem, too?” Neil snapped, eyes darting to her. He straightened up and folded his arms across his chest angrily.

“Neil,” Nikki sighed. “You know I’m not exactly comfortable in fancy situations.”

“Then why didn’t you just say no when I asked you out?”

“This seemed important to you! We just wanted you to be happy!”

“You should have—”

“Neil,” Max interrupted. A bunch of people were staring at them now and Max did not want any more snotty assholes judging them; it was just making him more and more frustrated. “Why don’t we talk about this outside? Nikki, wait here for the waiter.”

“Hold on, this is my talk, too,” Nikki protested.

“I know. We can all talk about this together later. For now, let me talk to Neil. I’m the one who fucked up.”

Nikki sighed and shook her head, but she scooted out of the booth to allow Max passage. “Fine. But if you’re not back when the waiter comes to take our orders, I’m ordering you something gross.”

Max slid past her, not bothering to respond to the threat. As he walked past her, he caught her eyes and tried to express “thank you” with his face. Nikki seemed to catch on, her face softening and her frown becoming less pronounced. She had to admit, Max accepting responsibility for his actions was really refreshing to see. Normally he shirked off all responsibility, claiming he didn’t give a shit. Seeing him actively accept the consequences of his actions and trying to remedy the situation was huge. His walls really were falling down right in front of her eyes, and she couldn’t stop the soft smile that thought brought to her face.

Max led Neil out of the restaurant and walked up the street a bit so none of their fellow dinner patrons could hear them.

“Neil— “

“Shut up!” Neil yelled. Max’s mouth snapped closed. He didn’t let anyone tell him what to do, but this was Neil. Max actually gave a shit about him, and he didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire he had started.

“You never wanted any of this!” Neil continued, turning his back to Max and pacing up and down the sidewalk. “You never wanted to have sex! You never wanted to date! You never wanted to be here!” He paused, taking a shaky breath. “You never wanted _me_!”

“That’s not true,” Max grumbled through clenched teeth. He was fighting every urge in his body that screamed at him to be angry, to fight back. His fists were clenched at his sides, his eyes intently focused on his pacing boyfriend.

“Then why did you blow up like that?” Neil threw his hands in the air, exasperated.

“Because I’m nervous, okay?” Max said it in the calmest voice he could manage. His tone still managed to come off with a bite to it. It was the best he could do, seeing as it took most of his energy not to raise his voice.

Neil stopped and turned around, staring at Max curiously. “Why are you nervous?”

Max sighed and walked over to a nearby bench. His legs felt like lead, each step requiring massive amounts of energy. He flung himself onto the wooden seat, running his hands through his hair.

“This, this is the worst part of this dating nonsense,” he mumbled quietly. “I don’t want to be expected to talk about my emotions.”

“Max, that’s part of the deal,” Neil sighed, some of his anger dissipating with his exhaled breath. “We’re not asking you to talk about things you’re not comfortable with. But something is clearly wrong here, and it’s affecting all of us.”

A few beats of silence passed between them. Max considered Neil’s words and the growing look of concern on his face.

“I just really hate those kinds of people,” he finally said, his eyes fixed on the ground and head in his hands

“Why?” Neil pressed, voice firm but with a tint of the loving voice he used when Max and him had bared their souls earlier in the week.

“Because the people in there are exactly the kind of people I see at my parents’ parties and dinners.” Neil stiffened at the mention of Max’s parents. His tension and anger suddenly made a lot more sense. “These are the same type of snobby, rich, judgmental fuckwads that come over and get drunk and talk shit about everyone. They’re…the same kind of people as my parents.”

“I…I’m sorry, Max,” Neil apologized. He took a seat next to his boyfriend, his head still reeling from this information. “I see why being here would make you uncomfortable.”

“Yeah,” Max mumbled weakly. Neil looked down ruefully at the boy next to him.

“I should have thought about how this might make you and Nikki feel. I didn’t even think about how the setting would affect you two. I just thought it’d be a romantic date. You see it in all the movies! Couples love a fancy meal! And then they go home happy and tipsy and they have sex.”

Max snorted, sitting back up and shoving Neil’s shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, you geek. Nikki and I are at fault, too. We should have spoken up when you suggested this.”

Neil leaned back and gazed up at the dimming sky. The first glint of a star was appearing overhead as the sky transitioned from pink and orange to navy. “Guess that shows how important communication is.”

“Oh god,” Max grumbled. “Don’t try and pull some dumbass moral from this.”

“But it’s true!” Neil cried defensively, a small grin plastered on his face.

“Fuck you,” Max returned weakly.

Neil shrugged. “Maybe after dinner.”

Max felt his cheeks heat up as he realized Neil’s twisting of his words. He shot his boyfriend a glare.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

“Again, maybe after dinner.” Neil planted a quick kiss in his curls, then stood up and extended his hand to Max. “Ready?”

“You’re a dick,” Max shot back, grabbing the hand reluctantly. Neil pulled him gently and wrapped an arm around his shoulders as they walked back to the restaurant.

“So, was that your plan all along?” Max asked.

“Was what my plan?”

“Have a fancy-ass dinner to get Nikki and I in the mood to fuck.” Neil’s eyes widened and Max chuckled darkly. “I fucking knew it.”

“Hey, I never said it was true!”

“Your face said it all. I didn’t think you were the type to fuck on the first date.”

“Next date I’m duck-taping your mouth shut.”

“Oh, are you into that? You like a little bondage, maybe some gags?” Neil blushed furiously and punched Max’s arm a little to hard. Max just snickered, pleased with himself.

Suddenly, a scream sounded from down the street. In fact, it sounded like it came from…. Max and Neil stopped, eyes wide with fear. They exchanged a glance before sprinting towards the restaurant. They ran into the building to find a terrified group of customers backed into a corner of the restaurant. At their own booth, Nikki was standing on the seat, their asshole waiter being held by the collar of his shirt. She had her butter knife pressed to his throat. Her eyes were alight with a fury that her boyfriends had rarely seen before. She usually reserved that anger for when someone bullied one of them.

“Nikki!” Neil called out. She may only have had a butter knife, but he had seen her do some pretty bad damage to people with less than that. Nikki’s head whipped around to her lovers, surprised by their presence. She saw the fear in their eyes and understood she had gone too far. She turned back to her victim, giving him one last glare. She then threw the knife onto the table below her and shoved the scared waiter away. She hopped down off the seat and walked over to join her boys.

“Let’s blow this dump,” she remarked coldly. She didn’t stop to talk to them, just continued walking straight to the door, cutting a path directly between Neil and Max. The boys exchanged a look before following her.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

No one said anything until they got to the parking lot, a good two blocks away from the restaurant. They should be in the clear by now in case the restaurant had called the police.

“What the fuck did you do?” Max cried when they reached Nikki’s car.

“ _I_ didn’t do anything!” Nikki yelled defensively. “That asshole was muttering homophobic comments under his breath when he brought our waters!”

“So, your immediate reaction was to threaten to slit his throat?” Neil questioned, confusion evident on his face.

Nikki groaned, waving her hands angrily in the air. “I wasn’t going to let that dick talk shit about us!”

“Good,” Max said definitively.  

“Max!”

“What? He was a piece of shit! He deserved a little shaking up.”

Nikki grinned at that, glad Max was backing her up. She felt a bit bad about ruining the dinner, but in all honesty, it had been doomed from the start. And once Max had blown up, there was no going back. She had to admit, she was grateful to be out of that confining place. She just hoped Neil wasn’t too upset.

Neil face-palmed. “You two are unbelievable.”

“You love us, though,” Nikki teased, the last of her anger finally leaving her face.

“At the very least, you put up with us for our bodies,” Max smirked, placing his hands on his hips to accentuate his point. Nikki chuckled as Neil’s face fell into a deep blush. “Didn’t you say ‘maybe after dinner?’”

“Hey, we didn’t actually have dinner!” Neil shot back, jabbing a finger at his taunting lover. “Speaking of dinner, there goes our’s,” he sighed, leaning his back against Nikki’s car.

“We could just go somewhere else,” Nikki suggested with a shrug.

“Like where?”

“Why don’t we just go to McDonald’s like normal?”

“McDonald’s isn’t romantic!” Neil cried. “It’s cheap, garbage fast-food.”

“The price and fanciness of the food doesn’t make a date romantic, Neil,” Nikki reasoned. “It’s who you’re with.”

“Well, then nowhere we go will be romantic, because I’m stuck with you drooling morons,” Max snapped. “Anyways, I don’t give two shits if the place is made of diamonds or is literally a dumpster. I swear to god if I don’t eat soon, I will eat one of you.”

“Is that why you’re dating both of us?” Nikki jabbed jokingly. “So you can eat one of us and still have a lover?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. One of you is to eat, the other is for fucking. There is no love to any of this.”

“Wow, using us for our bodies? That’s pretty low, Max, even for you.”

“I never claimed to be a stand-up guy. You two are the ones who fell for me.” He let his weight land on one foot, jutting out one hip with a huge smirk on his face.

“That may work on Neil, but I’m more resilient.” Nikki leaned against her car next to Neil, who shot her an annoyed glare.

“Are we going to dinner or not?” Neil snapped.

“I know what I want to eat,” Max teased, eyeing Neil seductively and taking a few steps closer to his boyfriend. Neil blushed furiously and looked anywhere that wasn’t Max.

“Max, stop teasing him. You’re going to give him a heart attack,” Nikki chastised. “Come on. Let’s go.”

The three arrived at McDonald’s about twenty minutes later. They ordered the same fries and burgers as always, sat at the same booth as always, even ordered from the same cashier as always.

“God, this is so much better,” Max sighed as he leaned against the back of the booth. The relief was clear in his voice.

“Sorry I dragged y’all into that…” Neil said sheepishly.

“It’s all good, babe,” Nikki assured him. “You had good intentions.”

“‘Babe?’” Max repeated in disgust. “What, are we doing pet names now?”

“Why not?” Nikki shrugged before taking another bite of her burger.

“Goddamn, you guys are revolting.”

“Shut up, Max, you know you love it.” His girlfriend elbowed him in the ribs just a little too hard.

“Piss off,” Max bit back, shoving her shoulder.

“Any ideas for what we want to do after this?” Neil inquired. “That don’t involve teasing me about sex,” he added as he noticed a familiar smirk return to Max’s lips. Max sent him a glare at the stipulation.

“Well, fine, ruin my night,” Max huffed.

“I’ve got an idea!” Nikki piped up excitedly.

“Does it involve arson, murder, or grand-theft auto?”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I’m saving those for once we’ve been dating for at least a month!” Neil narrowed his eyes in exasperation. Max scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Besides, our last attempt at arson went poorly. We need to lay low for a bit before we try that again.”

“Okay, so what is this brilliant fucking plan of your’s?” Max pressed.

“Let’s go to the Blue Lounge!” Neil’s eyes widened and Max had to hold back a laugh.

“You wanna go to a gay bar? For our first date?” Max asked.

“Yeah! We could dance and just let loose for a while! We deserve a break after this stressful week. Besides, I haven’t been there in a while.”

“Wait, you’ve been there before?” Neil asked incredulously.

“Duh!” Nikki waved her hand dismissively. “I’ve been dating girls since I was fifteen. Where do think we went to party?”

“Don’t you have to be at least 18 to get in there?”

“Oh, Neil, sweetie,” Nikki said in a sugary sweet voice, as if she were talking to a naïve child. “It’s called a fake I.D.”

Max finally couldn’t contain himself anymore. Laughter erupted from his chest and silenced his partners. He clutched a hang to his chest in a vain attempt to calm himself down. Nikki and Neil stared at him, completely lost.

“What the hell is so funny?” Neil finally asked.

“Oh my god,” Max wheezed, coming down from his laughing attack. “Nik, you honestly want to take Neil and me out to dance?”

“Yeah, why not? It’d be fun!”

“You do know that Neil and I are…well, us?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Neil asked suspiciously.

“Full offense, Neil, but you’re not exactly the partying type. And I hate people and moving more than is required for me to live.”

“Okay, fine. What do you want to do then?”

As Max opened his mouth to answer, Neil butted in. “I want to go. Let’s do it.”

“You want to go dance at a gay bar? _You_?” Max asked in disbelief, a crooked smile on his face.

“Yeah, I do!” Neil said definitively.

“Woohoo!” Nikki cheered. “Alright! That’s my man!”

“You’re doing this just to spite me, aren’t you?”

Neil leaned across the table at his boyfriend and put on his smuggest grin. “Hell fucking yeah I am.”

“Hope you don’t get too anxious in there,” Max bit back.

“I’ll be fine. Believe it or not, I can relax and have fun.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Max shot back, narrowing his eyes.

“You in, Max?” Nikki asked, hope in her eyes.

“Yeah, whatever. But if I’m doing this, I need a drink beforehand.”

“Oh god, no. I am not getting involved in illegally buying alcohol!” Neil cried, anxiety clear in his eyes.

“No need,” Nikki reassured him. “I already have some.”

“Thank fucking god. At least someone came prepared.” Max gave her a light slap on the back.

“Guys, come on. Haven’t we caused enough trouble for one night?”

“We’re not causing trouble. It’s not like we’re gonna start a bar fight or something,” Nikki reasoned. “Besides, it’s not a night with us if you don’t get into a little illegal activity.” She winked at him playfully, but he just groaned.

“Neil, lighten up,” Max said. “No one’s making you drink.”

“If it bothers you that much, though, we don’t have to do it,” Nikki assured him, raising her hands up in surrender.

Neil sighed, resigning himself. “No, don’t let me ruin your fun. But if you get caught, I am not bailing you out.”

“Deal!” Max and Nikki agreed at the same time.

“I’m going to regret this,” Neil immediately said, his gaze staring sadly off into the distance.

“Oh, definitely,” Max nodded. “Let’s get this party started before that happens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed it! Since I've already written/edited the second half of this, I'll be posting the next chapter either tomorrow or Friday. Thank you all for all the kudos/bookmarks/reads/comments! Every one of you is amazing and I love all of you! Thanks for the support <3 See you soon!


	5. We'll Burn This Town Down (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio's first date continues. Drinking, dancing, and star-gazing ensue. Not to mention some good old sexual tension and fluffy moments. 
> 
> Moderately NSFW for sexy dancing and more of Max's ridiculous sex jokes
> 
> Other Content Warnings for: Underage drinking, self-harm references, a brief mention of shitty straight men ogling a lesbian couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Bless I can't believe I'm posting back-to-back like this. I probably should have held off posting this one for a few days, just so the wait between chapters isn't as long. But, oh well.

The trio drove to the waterfront and parked in a deserted part of the parking lot. Nikki popped the trunk to reveal two cases of beer.

“Now we’re talking!” Max yelled as he grabbed a bottle. He popped the cap using the bottle opener on Nikki’s keyring.

“Where did you get all this?” Neil asked, astounded.

“I’ve got connections,” Nikki said proudly.

“Jack buys it for you, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Nikki sighed, disappointed her air of mystery was shot down. “If he’s going to keep fawning over me, might as well use him to my advantage.”

“That’s fucked up, Nik,” Neil commented, raising an eyebrow. “The guy’s in love with you. You can’t just use him like this!”

“Please, he’s not in love with her,” Max barked before taking a long swig of his drink. “He just wants to get in her pants.”

“Yeah, well that ain’t ever happening!” Nikki cried. “I won’t settle for no man!” She pounded her chest and made a war cry.

“Yeah, instead you settled for _two_ men,” Max replied in a snarky tone.

“I didn’t settle for anything!” She slung her arms over Neil and Max’s shoulders and drew them in next to her. “I was lucky enough to get the best guys around!”

“Aw, Nikki,” Neil cooed. “That was actually…pretty sweet.”

“You two make me sick,” Max snapped, shoving Nikki away from him. He took another long chug of his beer, hoping to get himself tipsy as fast as possible.

“You’re gonna be drunk before you know it, Maxie!” Nikki gave him a noogie, causing him to swipe at her hands.

“That’s the fucking point! And don’t call me ‘Maxie.’”

Nikki reached into the trunk and grabbed a beer of her own, starting with a small sip. She then slammed the trunk shut and climbed on top of it for a seat. Max joined her, and Neil hopped up last. Max chugged the last bit of his beer, leaning back against the rear window and closing his eyes.

 _Thank god for alcohol,_ he thought to himself. He could already feel his cares and inhibitions floating away.

“Jesus, Max,” Neil cried. “You’re going to get alcohol poisoning if you keep drinking like that!”

“Shut up, I’m fine! I just want to get drunk, that’s all.”

Nikki let out a relaxed sigh. She leaned backwards and rested her head on Max’s stomach.

“How are you such a good pillow, Max?” she asked as she finished getting comfy.

“Yeah!” Neil chimed in. “You’re so soft and comfy!”

“Fuck off,” Max said weakly, waving a flimsy hand in the air.

“Can’t you ever just take a compliment?” Neil shot back before leaning back onto Max’s chest.

“Absolutely fucking not. Especially not from you two fuckers.”

The trio laid like that for several minutes, just comfortable in the company of each other and the calming sound of waves crashing in the night. Eventually, Max shoved both his lovers’ heads off of him and sat up.

“Get up. I need another beer,” he demanded.

Neil rolled his eyes, but he and Nikki got off anyways. Max downed another beer in under five minutes, while Nikki continued to slowly nurse her first one. Neil just stared on, perplexed. He would never understand the appeal of drinking, especially drinking beer; it just tasted so disgusting! He had gotten drunk once, back when they were fifteen, but he didn’t find it to be very fun. He had just felt dizzy and off-balance for a few hours.

“Alright,” Max said as he topped off his second beer. “Let’s go.”

“You drunk enough yet?” Nikki double-checked as she got back into the car. Neil stopped her as she tried to climb into the driver’s seat. He took the keys from her hands and took her place.

“Yeah,” Max confirmed, swaying slightly as he headed to the passenger door. “You know I’m a fucking lightweight.”

It only took about five minutes to get to the Blue Lounge. Normally, they would have just walked there, but with Max being drunk, they didn’t trust him to safely walk there. The music was loud enough to be heard from almost a block away. The sidewalk in front of the door vibrated beneath their feet. The bright flashing lights shone through the windows, displaying a rainbow assortment of colors. Nikki bounced energetically towards the door, dragging Max in tow by his hand. Max stumbled forward, too inebriated to worry about falling on his face. Neil lagged behind them, suddenly regretting recent life choices. He was instantly remembering why he didn’t go to clubs or parties: the loud music, the flashing lights, the claustrophobic feeling of being surrounded by huge crowds of drunks. It was all incredibly anxiety-inducing for him.

 _Fuck this._ _Fuck me for getting myself into this situation. Fuck Max for making me want to spite him. Oh yeah, this is Max’s fault. We’ll go with that._

He swallowed a lump in his throat as he and his partners approached the bouncer standing at the door. Without thinking, he grabbed Max’s hand and held onto it tightly. Max glanced at their connected hands, but said nothing. He was drunk enough to not wonder what was up with his boyfriend.

“IDs?” the bouncer asked.

Each of them reached into their pockets and pulled out their driver’s licenses. The bouncer looked over them and nodded. He handed them back and stepped aside so they could enter. Neil grabbed Max’s hand again as soon as they both had returned their IDs to their pockets.

The bar was crowded, as it was a Friday night. Rainbow flags hung from every wall, reminding Neil that he was indeed in a gay bar and he was indeed coming here as a partner in a queer relationship. He was still struggling to wrap his mind around the idea that his relationship was queer. Sure, there were two men in it, but it was Max and himself. They had always been together, just as they’d always been with Nikki. It just felt so natural being with Nikki and Max that he had forgotten that three people dating each other was unusual. When he had dated in traditional couple fashion, something had just felt off. Having things be one-on-one and being exclusive with one person felt so restraining. He loved the freedom of having two people to talk to, of having different people to go to if he had problems, of having multiple personalities and interests and ideas surrounding him. He just couldn’t image being with one or the other; they were a trio, even now.

On the left wall of the room was the actual bar: a sleek marble countertop with glittery stools. All the stools were full, mostly occupied by men. The dance floor consumed most of the rest of the room, and a huge crowd of people were dancing. At the front of the room was the DJ and a small stage for when they had musicians play. A good portion of the dancers appeared to be young men, probably in their 20’s, maybe 30’s. Several more feminine people danced on the edges of the crowd, clearly trying to distance themselves from the men as much as possible. A few stragglers hung out on the edges of the dance floor by the walls, chatting amongst themselves or sneaking a quick make-out session. Neil noticed a trio of suspicious-looking guys near the bathroom who were eyeing a lesbian couple near the entrance. So, the rumors were true: straight guys really do go to gay bars and harass women. He rolled his eyes and debated warning the girls, but before he could do anything, Max pulled him in another direction.

Nikki bounded ahead of her boyfriends, running straight into the middle of the dance floor. Max and Neil followed behind her, weaving their way in between the thicket of people. They kept bumping into other dancers, making Neil cringe. God he hated being surrounded by this many people. He really should have thought this through better beforehand….

They finally found Nikki in the middle of the crowd. She was already in full dance mode, jumping up and down and waving her arms in the air.

“Whoooohoooo!” she called out as she saw her partners approaching her. “Get over here, boys!”

She grabbed their connected hands and pulled them in next to her. She immediately returned to her rhythm, bouncing and swinging to the beat of the electronic music pulsating through the room. This was her element, besides the outdoors: loud music, energy almost palpable in the air, non-stop movement. The walls and the floor vibrated, and Neil swore he felt the floor dip every time Nikki jumped. He could feel a headache coming on, and his head started spinning from the heat of the room and the booming music and the flood of people. Max, on the other hand, didn’t seem overwhelmed in the least. He looked a little dazed from going from the quiet outdoors to the hectic club, but he quickly adjusted though; probably a perk of being drunk, Neil guessed.

Max slipped off his flannel shirt, feeling much too warm from the alcohol in his system and the body heat of a hundred dancing people. He tied it around his waist and immediately felt better. Nikki grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close to her, so that their faces were only inches apart. She continued moving her body to the music, a wide smile beaming at Max. Max started dancing by following her moves, his brain moving too slowly to think of his own dance. Every time he tried to jump, he stumbled upon landing, making Nikki laugh and grab his arm to steady him. Neil watched his boyfriend get into the rhythm, starting slowly before gaining confidence. It only took a few minutes before Max was absorbed by the beat, swinging his hips and twisting his body rhythmically. He clearly was unconcerned about what he looked like, another plus of the alcohol. Despite his intoxication, he actually managed to not fall down or crash into any neighboring dancers. Neil had to admit, he was impressed. Of course, Max had had a lot more experience with being drunk than he had.

When Max was sixteen, he had gone through a particularly rough patch, one he almost never talked about. He had done a lot of drinking and picked up smoking, against his best friends’ wishes. Max never really said what he was doing during the nights that he didn’t spend with them, but Neil knew he’d done some stupid things, dangerous things, even. Mostly, he’d put himself in danger, and that was the thing Neil had trouble letting go of. In the end, he was just glad Max was out of that life. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help remembering that period as he watched the troubled boy drunkenly dance.

Max ran a hand through Nikki’s hair, a seductive grin plastered to his face. His cheeks were flushed from the heat and alcohol. Nikki just laughed at his drunken attempt to be sexy. She wished Max didn’t have to drink to let loose like this, but she was glad he did it tonight. He had been so uptight lately—well, all of them had been, really. At least her and Neil had healthy ways of coping, though; she could dance or run or hike till she collapsed, and Neil could code or write in his diary or even talk to her. Max, however, had never been good at healthily dealing with his emotions. For instance, the scars that littered his arms: he had never explicitly told Nikki that he cut and burned himself, but she had seen these scars numerous times. Hell, she saw them right now as he danced with her. She had always wanted to ask him about them, wanted to know why he didn’t tell her he was doing this. _All in due time_ , she thought to herself. _Give him time to open up to you._ At least in this moment, he was relaxed and free, regardless of what means he used to help him get here.

She had to admit, he still pulled sexy off well despite his intoxication. She had remembered him getting flirty and touchy-feely when they’d drank together in the past, but she had never seen him act so blatantly seductive. Nikki ran a hand down Max’s torso, feeling the flimsy fabric of his crop top all the way down to his soft stomach. His smile widened, his eyes falling half-lidded. She knew she shouldn’t encourage him in this state, but she felt a strong urge in her body to get him closer, to eliminate the space between them, to see that sexy smile keep getting wider and wider. She hooked her fingers through the belt loops of his jeans, pulling his lower half against her own. The duo giggled giddily, like they were the only ones in the room.

Neil watched the scene in front of him with awe and admiration. He had never seen two people be so flirty and sensual around each other before, certainly not in public. He knew the only reason Max was like this was because of the alcohol, but this was just par for the course with Nikki. He had seen the flirtatious gestures she’d used on her previous girlfriends, and it always made them blush and burst out in giggles. He hadn’t expected her to be so forward tonight, seeing as it was their first formal date; then again, this evening had been full of surprises. In general, times spent together never went as expected. Tonight had really not been all that ground-breaking, considering they started the summer off by trying to burn an abandoned factory down.

Neil felt his body heat up as he watched his lovers dance. Their bedroom eyes and sexy smiles and intimate touching were enough to stir something in his chest, but then there was their dancing on top of all of that. They way they swung their hips was mesmerizing; he could hardly take his eyes off them. The fact that they were now practically grinding on each other was only adding to his fixation. Plus, Max’s lack of clothing on his upper-half was drying out Neil’s mouth and making his heart race.

These people were fucking beautiful. And they were going to kill him before the night was over, if things kept going this way.

“Join us, Neil!”

The call of his name jerked him out of his trance. He looked up to see Nikki smiling at him, waving him over. He hesitantly approached her and Max, staying a few inches away from them so they could dance freely. Nikki released Max’s belt loops and slid past him to join Neil. She cupped his cheek in her hand, gazing up into his sea blue eyes.

“Come on! Dance with me!”

She started swaying her hips again, a bit more deliberate and sensual. Her other hand landed on Neil’s hip, trying to guide him gently into motion. Neil started nervously by swaying side to side, careful not to bump into any nearby dancers. Nikki ran the hand from his cheek down his jaw, then his neck and chest. Neil swallowed thickly, his pulse accelerating. He put a little more sway into his movements, trying to gain confidence.

“There you go!” Nikki cried encouragingly.

She wrapped both her arms around his neck, drawing herself flush against him. She was trying to move more slowly with Neil, knowing these sorts of places made his anxious. Neil responded by placing both of his hands on her waist. He still looked hesitant, but there was a twinkle in his eye that was oddly familiar. It took a minute for Nikki to piece it together, until she remembered that she’d seen that same glint last Friday night as they started their threesome. Well, that was encouraging. At least she wasn’t the only one interested.

Their hips swayed together, consequently rubbing their chests, thighs, and groins together. Neil could feel a warmth beginning to pool in his jeans. He bit his lip as the friction continued, his fingertips tingling. Nikki leaned up and gave him a slow, deep kiss. He kissed her back, and was disappointed when she retreated too quickly. She gave him a giddy smile, like she was a fourteen-year-old who’d just had her first kiss. He returned the smile, giggling quietly and resting his forehead against her’s.

Suddenly, Nikki felt a tapping on her shoulder. She backed away from Neil and turned around to find Max standing there. His face was flushed and he still had his sexy grin on from earlier. His eyes were still half-lidded, his gaze fixated on Neil.

“My turn,” he announced, taking Nikki’s place in front of Neil.

Nikki chuckled. “Whatever you say, bossy pants.” She didn’t want to leave, but she knew Max deserved a turn with Neil. Without any resistance, she walked a short distance away back to the center of the dance floor, picking up her moves like nothing had happened.

“Heyyyyy Neil,” Max drawled as he approached his boyfriend. “You didn’t forget about me, did you?”

“How could I ever forget about you?” Neil answered with a roll of his eyes.

Max grabbed him by the collar of his sweater and pulled their bodies together. “I’m going to make it so you never can,” he whispered seductively into Neil’s ear. Neil immediately felt the words hit his groin.

 _Oh dear Jesus_.

Max smirked, feeling the effect of his words on Neil. He chuckled darkly as he reached up and twirled a brunet curl around his index finger. “You like that, huh?” Neil gulped, his face beet-red.

“I-I don’t remember you being so flirty when you drink,” Neil stammered. He wasn’t complaining, but it was the truth. Sure, he’d gotten a little cuddly in the past when he got drunk, but he never actually came onto him or Nikki or tried to seduce them. Had he been holding himself back because they had just been friends back then? Was he doing this now because they had already had sex before and clearly there was mutual interest?

Before Neil could overthink things more, Max crashed their lips together messily, knocking Neil slightly off balance. He instinctively grabbed onto Max’s hip for support. Max’s kissing was clumsy and frenzied and wet, but Neil just blamed it on the alcohol; he knew how precise and delicate his lover could be when he wanted to. Their kisses almost instantly developed into sloppy open-mouthed kisses, their tongues desperately searching each others’ mouths and their teeth clashing together. Neil put his other hand on Max’s hip and pulled him tighter against him, needing more contact with the shorter boy. God, how he wished they didn’t have to have clothes on right now.

Max grabbed ahold of Neil’s shoulders, distancing their chests slightly. Neil was about to whine from the removal of contact when a sudden subtle wave of pleasure rolled over his body. He closed his eyes and sighed, his grip on Max’s hips tightening slightly. Max smirked as he watched his boyfriend’s reaction, pleased with himself. He repeated the motion again, rolling his hips to grind their slowly-growing erections together. Neil’s breath was shaky this time as he exhaled. He felt his head start to swim and he felt slightly dizzy. Trying to ground himself, he dove forward and kissed Max once more. Max returned the gesture but continued with his movements in their lower-halves. Neil moaned into their kisses, kneading his fingers into Max’s hips.

His eyes flew open as he felt a pair of hands grab his ass. He could feel Max smirk against his lips. Max slowly kneaded his boyfriend’s ass, returning to kissing him at the same time. He used his new handhold to help control his hip rolls, allowing him more control and pressure. Just one roll was enough to drive Neil crazy as he dug his nails into Max’s skin. He pulled back from Max’s lips and panted as he tried to catch his breath.

“You’re torturing me here,” he huffed.

“You don’t seem too upset about that,” Max replied, attempting to hold his usual smug tone despite the alcohol.

“Yeah, well, we are not going any further while we’re in public.” Neil painstakingly removed himself from Max’s grasp. It took every ounce of self-control in his body to pull away from his lover, but he was getting way too heated for a public venue.

“But Neilllll,” Max whined, grabbing onto the front of his sweater.

“No, no buts. We can finish this back at my place.”

Max’s smirk returned. “Is that a promise?” He walked his fingers up Neil’s chest, stopping at his collarbone.

“Yeah, sure,” Neil agreed, shoving his hand away.

Max gave him a final seductive look over his shoulder before staggering back to Nikki in the middle of the room. Neil stared after him, trying to process everything that’d just happened. Things always moved so fast with Max, and he always left Neil reeling in the aftermath. Tonight he was mostly perplexed at how he had wound up with such sexy partners.

When he regained his bearings and cooled off a bit, he met up with said lovers. Max and Nikki were back to their dancing, pressed flushed against each other. Nikki’s arms dangled around Max’s neck while his hands drifted from the small of her back to her ass. Nikki just giggled as Max squeezed her a little, rewarding him with a passionate kiss. Neil shook his head, a happy grin on his face. Nikki was right: who cares where you go on a date? Your company’s all that matters. And he had the best company he could ever ask for.

The duo noticed their third lover watching them. Nikki beamed at him. Max unwrapped his flannel from his waist and threw it around Neil’s waist. He yanked the shirt forward, bringing Neil stumbling with it. Neil landed between them, and the trio broke out in ridiculous laughter. Nikki draped an arm around his waist and planted a kiss on his cheek. Max threw his arms around Neil’s neck and heatedly kissed a trail along it. A shiver ran down his spine. Nikki giggled and leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Max, don’t get him all wound up again,” Nikki warned gently, placing a hand on the drunken teen’s shoulder.

“He said we could finish when we got home,” Max whined, resting his forehead on Neil’s chest. Neil’s heart skipped a beat. Max had just called his house “home.”

“Well, we’re not there yet, are we?” Nikki refuted. Max grumbled, but he didn’t return to kissing Neil’s neck. Neil flashed his girlfriend a grateful smile. He knew that he wouldn’t have been able to will himself to stop Max, and he’d rather not get arrested for public indecency in a gay club.

As the trio stood together, Max’s breathing leveled out and his eyes drifted shut. It was like all of his drunken energy had dissipated when he stopped dancing.

“Well, looks like someone is getting tired,” Neil commented. Max grunted in annoyance and flipped him off.

“Shall we head out then?” Nikki asked.

“Are you ready to leave? This was your idea, after all.”

“Yeah, let’s bounce. I’m starting to get kinda tired, too. Dancing took it out of me.” Max groaned in protest. “Besides, if we don’t get this one out of here, he’ll probably start trying to give you a blowjob right here.”

Neil blushed furiously and a sleepy Max smirked against his chest. “Don’t tempt me,” the drunk boy mumbled.

Nikki wrapped one of Max’s arms around her shoulders, giving him support for their short walk back to the car. Neil entwined his fingers with those of Nikki’s free hand, and the trio pushed their way out of the loud commotion of the bar.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

Max practically collapsed onto the hood of Nikki’s car. It hadn’t been a particularly long night, but he had barely slept last night, he was still somewhat drunk, and he had danced his heart out. His drunk one-track mind was focused solely on sleep, even though it was at least a half-hour back to Neil’s house and he was still technically on a date. Nikki rolled her eyes at her tired lover, walking past him to open the trunk of her car. She grabbed a beer and a beach towel, slamming the trunk closed again.

“What’s that for?” Neil asked, pointing at the towel slung over her arm.

“Star-gazing on the beach,” Nikki said matter-of-factly. “Thought it’d be a nice way to finish off the evening.”

Neil smiled, nodding his approval. “That actually sounds really good.” He turned over his shoulder to where Max was lying like a corpse. “Max, you coming?”

Max grumbled in tired protest, but he lifted himself up anyways. “I will be later.” He tried to sound smug and teasing, but the alcohol and his exhaustion were overriding his control. Neil just rolled his eyes at Max’s pathetic attempt at a joke.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just get over here.”

Max stumbled to the back of the car and flung a heavy arm around Neil’s shoulders. He lightly jabbed a finger into Neil’s chest. “You still owe me.”

Neil searched his brain for what his drunk boyfriend could possibly be referring to. He narrowed his eyes in annoyance when it hit him. “Yeah, maybe when you’re not drunk and almost asleep on my shoulder.”

“You’re NO FUN!” Max yelled, stabbing his finger into Neil’s chest again.

“What’s with you and sex jokes tonight, anyways?”

Max grinned, his face somewhere between drunken giddiness and smugness. “They make you flustered. It’s adorable!” He slapped his hand lightly against Neil’s chest and giggled.

“Oh good, so you do it just to torture me?”

“Yep!”

Nikki grabbed Neil’s hand and dragged them towards the beach. “Come on, morons.”

The beach was not exactly a place for swimming and sunbathing. It was mostly rocks with a sliver of sandy beach. The tide made the sliver even smaller than usual, providing just barely enough room for the trio lay out in. The majority of people who came here were teenagers looking for a place to smoke weed and drink and party on the weekends. No one tried to stop them, because last time it had resulted in a fight between some teens and several cops. One cop had gotten a severe head injury. One teen almost died when he hit his head on a rock, fell unconscious into the water, and nearly drowned. After that, the cops had decided that it wasn’t worth the trouble to fight the teenagers, so they stopped regularly patrolling the beach.

Nikki spread her towel out vertically so their heads laid by the rocks and their feet just barely grazed the water. She flopped down into the middle of the towel, spreading her arms out to either side. Neil helped slowly lower Max to Nikki’s side, which Max surprisingly didn’t protest. Neil then took his place on Nikki’s other side. Max curled into Nikki’s side and closed his eyes, glad to finally be lying down. Nikki wrapped her arm around his shoulders and gently ran her fingers up and down his back. She placed a gentle kiss into his wild curls, which were even more disheveled and unruly than normal after a night of dancing. She then intertwined her free hand with Neil’s right hand.

“Look at all these stars!” she cried exuberantly. “It’s so clear tonight!”

“Yeah, it’s really beautiful,” Neil mused, his voice distant and absent. The minutes passed by, Nikki absorbed in the beauty of the stars, Neil in his own thoughts, and Max in sleep. Neil nearly jumped when Nikki suddenly spoke after almost 15 minutes of silence.

“This has been a really great date.”

“Really?” Neil twisted his head to face his girlfriend.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, meeting his gaze. “In fact, I’d say it was the best first date I’ve ever had.”

Neil smiled softly, feeling his body relax into the towel. “That’s…really comforting to hear.”

A beat of silence. They turned their faces upwards, back to looking at the burning orbs of light that were so, so far away.

“Neil?”

“Yes, Nik?”

“I’m really glad we did this.”

“What, stargazing?”

“No, dating.” Neil looked at her again, confused. “I really wasn’t sure about it at first. But now I’m really happy we’re doing this.” She squeezed his hand but refused to meet his eyes. Her voice dropped a little, her tone sheepish as she continued. “I think I’m falling for you two.”

Neil’s eyes widened. He had not been expecting her to say that. Honestly, he really had doubted she’d actually ever develop romantic feelings for them, simply because she had mostly only ever liked women. At the very least, he hadn’t expected to hear her say it so soon; it’d only been a few days since they’d started dating. Somehow, though, it felt like they’d been doing this for years, just without the physical intimacy. So maybe it wasn’t as surprising an admission as it seemed.

Neil squeezed her hand in return. “I’m falling for you two, too.”

“Does this feel…normal to you? Like we’ve been doing this for a long time?”

“Yep.”

“Maybe this is where we were always destined to go.”

“Stop spouting off that soulmate shit.”

Nikki chuckled and turned on her side towards Neil. She placed her hand on his chest and lifted herself up so she dangled several inches from his face. Neil tangled his hand in her teal waves and pressed her lips to his. It was a soft kiss, a slightly hesitant one, as if this were their first kiss. It held power in it, though, their moving lips saying “I like you. I want this.” And for the first time in the last few weeks, they both felt sure that they were doing the right thing.

Max lazily flung an arm at Nikki’s back, annoyed at his loss of warmth. Nikki chuckled against Neil’s lips. It was like a child begging for his mother’s attention while his parents shared a tender moment. The duo separated and sat up, looking down at Max. Max cracked his eyes open and glared up at his partners.

“Don’t fucking leave me out,” he grumbled tiredly. He pushed himself up on unsteady arms and leaned in to kiss Nikki. She returned the kiss, but kept it light and chaste. Nikki cupped his cheek and stared into his brilliant green eyes. He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.

“You need to go to bed,” Neil commented from behind them.

“Fuck you,” Max said wearily.

“No, Neil’s right. Come on.”

Nikki slipped an arm under one of Max’s and wrapped it around his back. They slowly stood up together and started returning to the car. Neil picked up the towel and cast one last look at the water, the stars reflected in the deep blue waves.

Back at the car, Neil threw the sandy blanket into the trunk as Nikki lowered Max into the backseat. They climbed into their respective seats, Neil taking over as designated driver.

“Oh, shit,” he cursed as realization hit him. “My car’s back at the restaurant!”

“We’ll get it tomorrow,” Nikki said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “It’ll still be there.”

Neil bit his lip but nodded, turning the key into the ignition.

“We staying at your place tonight?” Nikki asked.

“If you want, yeah. Max is definitely staying.”

Nikki smiled sheepishly out the windshield. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! As always, thank you all for your kudos, comments, reads, and bookmarks! You are such a sweet group of readers! You guys bring such a smile to my face! <3 Have a lovely weekend everyone, and enjoy the new CC episode tomorrow ;)


	6. You Can't Hide a Body in the Bed Sheets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Neil out of town for college orientation, Nikki and Max get some one-on-one time to play video games, watch action movies, and read comics. 
> 
> And, of course, have deep emotional talks that they never planned on having.
> 
> This chapter is NSFW, as there is explicit sex in it.
> 
> Other content warnings include: self-harm references and mentions of past rape, past/present physical abuse, and internalized homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY KIDS. This one is a fucking doozy. This thing turned out being longer than any other chapter, but my stubborn ass didn't want to split it up, so here ya go! One big, massive roller coaster chapter!
> 
> My main reason for writing this chapter was I wanted Nikki to open Max's eyes up to how head-over-heels Neil is for him. And also to address how she's been kinda left out lately in comparison to how much time I spend on Max and Neil's talks/emotions/actions and their relationship. So this is me, calling myself out so I'll do better. 
> 
> Ok, last thing: in the chapter, Nikki talks about doing Jiu Jitsu. Just for clarification, it's a type of Martial Arts and it mostly focuses on ground fighting. 
> 
> There, done. Hope you enjoy!

“Motherfucker!”

Max chunked his Wii remote across the room, and it just barely missed crashing into the wall behind the TV. Nikki laughed uproariously, her head falling against the armrest of the sofa.

“Get rekt, Max!” she called tauntingly through her cackling.

“Fuck you!” Max yelled. He turned his furious eyes to his girlfriend, teeth gritted.

Nikki pressed the “A” button on her remote to bring them back to the menu screen; now at least Max wouldn’t have to be faced with his pathetic results from last round. She sat up and wrapped her left arm around Max’s right, ignoring the scowl on his face.

“You’re such a sore loser,” she teased, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“Well, you’re a fucking cheater,” he bit, yanking his arm away from her grasp.

Max was deeply regretting his agreement to play Super Smash Bros with her. She had always been better than him at the game; what made him think he could suddenly rise up and kick her ass? He loved having some competition when he played video games, which he missed when he played with Neil. Neil was just _so bad_ at video games. The only ones he could actually handle were things like Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing, though, admittedly, he had gotten decent at Mario Kart from years and years of playing with Max and Nikki. But Neil was gone this weekend, off in Massachusetts for MIT’s freshman orientation. So Nikki had invited Max over for a weekend of competitive video games, superhero movies, action anime, and comic book reading.

Max had been the one to suggest the game, he always was. He usually enjoyed competing against Nikki because of how completely invested they both got into it. They would scream and chant and jump on furniture and occasionally break something. Which was why Nikki’s mother had instituted the rule that they had to close the basement door when they played games. Max’s hurling of the remote was one of the more violent occurrences they’d had in a while.

“I did not cheat!” Nikki protested, shoving his shoulder. “You just can’t accept that I’m better than you!”

“You wish.” Max rolled his eyes. He stood up and went to pick up the remote he’d thrown.

“Alright, why don’t we play something else?” Nikki walked over to the TV, ready to eject the disc.

“No! I will fucking beat you!” Max snapped, pointing a deadly finger at the teal-haired girl.

“In your dreams, Max,” she sighed, ejecting the disc and putting it back in its container. “Alright, why not Mario Kart?”

“Oh yeah, that’ll be less anger-inducing,” he scoffed.

Nikki shoved the disk into the Wii, ignoring her boyfriend’s protest. The duo settled back onto the couch, Max with his arms crossed over his chest. Nikki opened the game and waited for it to load. She cast a glance at her partner, who was still being a drama queen about losing Smash Bros. Nikki thought it was hilarious how apathetic Max was most of the time, but when he lost a video game, he became the most dramatic person she’d ever met.

“I know why you’re really upset,” she teased, a mischievous smile on her face.

“Oh really?” he dead-panned, voice monotone.

“You miss Neil.”

Max chuckled darkly. “Please, I’ve never fucking missed him once in 8 years.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“Not for missing him.”

“Just admit it: you care for him!”

“Over my dead body.”

Nikki rolled her eyes and started setting up the game, choosing to play as Bowser as she always did. Max picked up his remote, selecting Rosalina. Nikki grinned as she remembered the first time he’d played as her, two years ago.“What, you’re playing as Rosalina?” Neil had asked, stunned. “But you always play as Waluigi!”

“Yeah, but now I’ve got a beautiful kiss-ass girl from space to play as!”

 “And you guys call me a lesbian…” Nikki mumbled under her breath, elbowing Neil in the side.

“Shut your mouth!” Max chided, shooting a glare at them. “I can be a gorgeous space princess for a while if I want to!”

“I don’t know if this is you saying she’s attractive or some covert way of announcing you’re questioning your gender identity,” Neil pondered, index finger on his chin.

Max groaned and punched Neil in the bicep. “I am not questioning anything! Not everything has a secret meaning, moron!”

Nikki’s smile fell a bit as she relived the memory. There was a detail in it she had tried to overlook for years. She had noticed it during the moment, but ever since she had purposefully ignored it. It was surely just a trick of the light. There was no way she’d seen anything like that. Of course, looking back now, she realized the twinkle in Neil’s eyes was a sign of what was to come. Even two years ago, he had been falling for Max.

“You don’t see it, do you?” she suddenly asked, her voice incredibly soft compared to normal. She was actually surprised to hear her own voice. She had been spacing out, her eyes fixed on the game screen but not really looking at it. Max turned towards her, puzzled.

“Don’t see what?” Max asked.

Nikki sighed and set her remote down. She turned to Max, a sad smile on her face.

“The way Neil looks at you.”

Max tensed, eyes narrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Nikki chuckled softly. “You really are oblivious.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” Max sat up, turning his body to face Nikki. He threw an arm over the back of the sofa. His green eyes were intense, annoyance mixing with confusion.

"Neil always has this gleam in his eye when he looks at you,” Nikki continued, turning back to stare at the race track selection screen on the TV. “Like you’re the most beautiful thing in the world.” Max’s eyes returned to their normal size, but his face remained tight.

"He stares at you when he thinks you aren’t paying attention. He gets this dumb grin on his face when he does it. He always wants to sit and stand closer to you. He gets fully absorbed in every word you say, every move you make.”

Max’s eyes widened with realization. He could tell where Nikki was going with this and it was making him anxious. He fixed his gaze on the floor. He took a deep breath before asking,

“What are you trying to say, Nik?”

“I’m saying,” Nikki started, finally turning to face her boyfriend. Max refused to look at her. “He’s in deep, Max. I think he’s in— “

“Nope, nope, stop right there!” Max waved his arms in front of his chest, like he was a referee in a baseball game saying a player was safe. He finally looked up and met Nikki’s gaze. “Nik, it’s only been two weeks. Who the hell falls that hard that fast?”

“I think he’s been feeling this longer than two weeks, Max.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Max snapped, his annoyance returning again. “God, stop being so fucking cryptic!”

Nikki sighed, looking back at the TV screen. She swung her long braid over her shoulder, running her fingers through the small strands of unbraided hair at the end of the braid. Max rubbed his temples, a tinge of guilt hitting him for snapping. He scooched towards her a few inches and removed her hand from her hair. She didn’t look at him as he pulled out her hair tie and freed her teal waves. He ran his fingers through the braid until the hair was completely unbraided. He brushed through her hair gently, starting at her scalp and going all the way to the ends of her waves. He lightly scraped his fingernails against Nikki’s scalp each time he went to the top of her head, eliciting a relaxed sigh from the girl. She leaned her head into his hands, closing her eyes.

“He’s been looking at you like this for years,” she said calmly, feeling better now that Max had relaxed. “I don’t even think he realized it.”

“When did you first notice it?” Max asked, forcing himself to remain controlled. Nothing good would come from stressing her out again.

Nikki didn’t respond immediately. She allowed Max to continued to thread his fingers through her hair, keeping her eyes closed. Max was the only one allowed to touch her hair, let alone play with it. He had first started doing it when Nikki had had a breakdown at a sleepover when they were 14. She had just come out to Neil and Max, and she started sobbing and hyperventilating. Unsure what to do, Max had started playing with her hair while Neil rubbed circles on her back and held her hand. She later admitted that she’d panicked because she was so afraid they’d hate her for not being straight. Max saw quickly that she was dealing with internalized homophobia in addition to the usual anxiety of whether or not your loved ones will accept you. Nikki eventually worked through it, and now she was completely out and proud to most everyone in her life. Ever since that breakdown though, whenever Nikki got stressed or panicky, Max would play with her hair, and she would almost instantly ease up somewhat.

“Four years ago,” she finally whispered.

Max’s finger froze in the middle of her hair. He turned his gaze to his girlfriend, shocked.

“Four years?” he asked quietly, eerily calm. Nikki flinched; that was the voice Max used right before he exploded, when his emotions became so jumbled and overwhelming that he just imploded. Nikki yanked her hair away from him, flipping it over her other shoulder and running her fingers through it anxiously.

“Max, I’m sorry,” Nikki mumbled, staring at her lap. “It was only when I looked back that I noticed it starting that early! I didn’t realize it until….”

“Until what?” Max pressed. His voice was a bit louder this time, a bit more direct. _Okay, good, he’s getting further away from exploding. That’s progress._

“Until you started hanging out with…Zach.”

Max froze. One hand balled into a fist while the other brushed against the right side of his forehead, where a scar was hidden behind his messy black curls. Memories of piercing brown eyes, bloody fists, and broken beer bottles flashed before his eyes. In the corners of his mind, mind-numbing alternative music played. God, he could practically smell the all-too-familiar mix of alcohol, weed, and sex.

Nikki finally looked up at him when she noticed his lack of response. Her eyes widened in worry when she saw the state Max was in. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting to see, but it wasn’t this. Max looked…well, scared, almost. He never, ever showed fear, not even when his parents were furious with him. Even when he had admitted to her and Neil that he was scared of losing them, he had hidden his fear behind a mask of anger. He faced everything with such a strong exterior, and sure, it might just be a façade, but sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. And Max always made it. So, why was now different? Why had this shattered his cold shell? Of course, it was a time full of bad memories, but surely it hadn’t had hurt him _that_ much…

Right?

“Max?” she asked, concerned. She set a gentle hand on his knee. Max said nothing for several seconds, eyes fixated on the wall behind her.

“Why…why didn’t you tell me?” he finally managed to croak.

“Tell you what?”

“That Neil liked me.”

 _Oh_. Nikki had assumed he was focused on the Zach thing, not still hung up on Neil.

“He needed to work it out himself,” she said, shrugging. “I don’t think he really understood yet what was happening. Even if he did, though, it wasn’t my secret to tell.”

Max nodded, still looking like he was somewhere deep in space, millions of light years away. Nikki removed her hand and began re-braiding her hair, feeling awkward. She wasn’t sure what Max needed right now, or if he even needed anything. Playing with her hair seemed to snap Max back to reality, as he once again removed her hand and took control of the braiding himself. Nikki rotated 90 degrees so that her back was to him, allowing him more ease with his braiding.

“Sorry,” he sighed after a few minutes of silent braiding. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad. I just…wish I’d know.”

“Would it have changed anything?”

Max thought for a moment. Would it have? It’s not like he had liked Neil back then; hell, he still wasn’t sure what he felt for the nerd. He definitely would not have wanted to date back then, certainly not when they were 14. Perhaps if he’d known he wouldn’t have gotten so involved with Zach. But, in all honestly, he was such a stubborn asshole that he probably would have done it all anyways.

“Probably not,” he finally admitted. “I guess it would’ve made it less of a shock when all _this_ started.”

“That’s fair,” Nikki agreed. “It has all happened really fast.”

The duo sat in silence for a few moments as Max finished the braid. Their game was completely forgotten, the flashing screen trying to regain their attention. Nikki almost wanted to turn the TV off, but she was hoping they could just get back to having fun and leave this heavy emotional stuff behind.

“Was he jealous of Zach?” Nikki snapped back to the present at her boyfriend’s voice. She was surprised at how calm he sounded. Usually, whenever Zach was brought up, which was almost never, he either got furious or completely shut down. And he certainly never said Zach’s name. Not once.

“Oh yeah,” Nikki supplied. “He wouldn’t say it aloud, but he was super jealous. God, he shit-talked the hell out of him when you weren’t around.”

“He deserved it.”

“Yeah, but like, to an absurd degree. He would just kinda say the same things over and over again when he ran out of new stuff to insult him about.”

“Oh.”

“He just couldn’t get past it. He turned into a such a sad sack when you’d go off with him.”

“I…I never noticed.”

“I know. I think…I think he wanted you to notice.” Nikki sighed, turning around to face Max once she felt the hair tie secure her braid. “After it was all over, the night after you told us you were done with him, he called me. I think he’d been crying. And he went on and on about how you deserved better than a ‘shit-head like him.’ He kept wondering why you’d chosen him over us, when we cared about you so much and he didn’t.”

“Is that when it hit you?”

“It confirmed what I already suspected.”

Max nodded, but said nothing. He mulled over the new information, his train of thought switching tracks every second. He knew Neil had been repressing feelings for him, but for that long? For literally half of their friendship? And had he really been that upset about the Zach ordeal? He knew Neil hated the guy, but he didn’t think that was because he was jealous.

“I need to talk to Neil about all this,” he finally concluded. Nikki nodded in agreement. She grabbed one of his hands in her own and squeezed gently.

“Good plan. So…with all that emotional shit out of the way, wanna finally play?” Max’s lips twisted up into his familiar smug grin. The light in his eyes was back and energy had returned to his body.

“Get ready to get fucking rekt!” he hollered, swiveling back to face the TV and grabbing his Wii remote.

The duo played for an hour or so like nothing had happened. They screamed and shouted and cursed at each other like normal. Nikki let out the longest string of profanity Max had ever heard from her when she got hit by a car in Coconut Mall, which allowed Max to speed past her and take 1st place. Max nearly pulled his hair out when he fell off the map at Mushroom Gorge while Nikki effortlessly bounced along towards the finish. He even got so mad when he lost at Bower’s Castle that he tried to throw his Wii remote at the TV. Nikki had had to tackle him, forcing him to drop it on the floor.

“Ok, for pulling that stunt, I’m making you play Rainbow Road,” she announced, sitting up again.

Max growled, retrieving his remote from the floor. “Fuck you! You’re already fucking winning!”

“Yeah, but you need a bit of discipline after you tried to _break my TV_ ,” she scolded, selecting the map.

“I’ll show you some discipline,” Max snapped back, hunching over and gripping his remote tightly in preparation.

Nikki smirked. _Finally, a golden opportunity to steal his sex-joke thunder!_

“Is that a promise?” she asked, giving him a seductive look and wiggling her eyebrows.

“Please, I’m not Neil,” Max scoffed. “You can’t get me like that.”

“Wanna bet?”

Max raised a suspicious eyebrow, stealing a glance at his girlfriend before the race started. “You seriously playing this game?”

“Who said two couldn’t play?”

“I don’t actually mean what I say, Nik,” Max declared, rolling his eyes. “I just do it to mess with Neil.”

“I know,” she mumbled, her confidence suddenly gone. She turned her head back to the TV as the countdown to the race began.

Max’s glanced at her, puzzled by her rapid change in tone. Before he could think about what she’d said, the countdown was over and the racers were zipping ahead. Forcing himself back into game mode, he shook his head and narrowed his eyes. His usual stream of curses and jerky movements were just as violent as ever, if not more so since this was his hardest race track. He bit his lip as he reached Lap 2.

_So far, so good. Just gotta keep it together for a few more minutes._

Nikki was strangely quiet, but her eyes were focused intently on the screen. She raced ahead with ease, never once missing a turn or getting caught by a banana peel or green shell or inkblot. Max had to admit, he was impressed by her skill; normally she stumbled over something by now. Still, he knew something was wrong. She was never this focused or quiet. She always cursed or taunted him or cheered when he messed up, but nothing escaped her tightly-closed lips.

Max leaned forward in his seat just a bit further as he passed the checkpoint into Lap 3.

_Final lap. I can’t fucking fall off now. I just need to finish the fucking race, hopefully not in last place._

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw it: just the slightest movement of her finger. Nikki had pressed a button.

_Shit. What the fuck did she do?_

His question was answered soon enough as a bomb exploded in his face. In his frantic attempt to dodge the explosion, he swerved off the edge of the road, falling into the oblivion of space. Max growled angrily and tugged at his hair. He threw the remote down on the floor, forgetting that the race wasn’t actually over yet. He stood up on the couch and screamed, his frustration finally boiling over. Nikki couldn’t help but laugh, even in her unsettled state. She raced past the finish line into 1st place, and confetti fluttered around Bowser’s cheering face. She then set her remote down and turned to watch the spectacle that was Max-having-lost-Rainbow-Road.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” he shouted at the top of his lung. He bent his knees and wagged an angry finger at his partner. “FUCK YOU! I ALMOST FUCKING HAD IT! YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“Keep it down!” a voice shouted from upstairs. Max flipped up his middle finger towards the closed door at the top of the stairs.

“SHUT UP, CHRIS!” he yelled to Nikki’s brother, the source of the complaint. Nikki just laughed harder, her uneasiness slowly filtering away as she watched her partner’s outrageous outburst.

As Max stood back up, he lost his balanced as the couch cushions moved with the fluctuating weight. The back of his calves hit the back of the couch, and he toppled backwards. He flipped over the back of the couch, landing on his back on the hard cement floor. Nikki flung herself across the entirety of the couch, uncontrollable laughter shaking her body. Tears were starting to prick in the corners of her eyes. Max groaned from the floor, reminding Nikki that he could actually be hurt from that fall. She got up and peeked over the back of the couch, wiping the tears away. Max looked okay, other than a hand pressed to his head.

“You okay?” she chuckled, an amused smile plastered to her face.

“No thanks to you!” he spat, his usual biting tone diminished thanks to the pain in his head.

“Sorry,” she apologized through the last of her laughter. She leaned over the couch to offer him a hand up. He brushed it away with a groan.

“Fuck off.” He sat up slowly, still rubbing his head.

“Seriously, though, is your head okay?”

“Piss off, I’m fine. Just got a headache.” Max stood up and rested his hands on the back of the sofa next to Nikki’s hands.

“You did pretty well that round. Up until the end.” Nikki nudged him teasingly.

“I would have fucking finished if some shithead hadn’t screw me over,” Max growled through gritted teeth.

“Sorry, babe. Couldn’t have you actually doing decently on my course.”

“Go to hell. And don’t call me ‘babe.’” Nikki leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, her typical happy-go-lucky smile on. The gesture hit Max like a bolt of lightning, reminding him of something that he needed answered.

“Nik, about earlier…” Max started hesitantly. Nikki’s smile immediately fell, knowing what he was referring to. “You seemed upset, before the race.”

“Something’s just been…on my mind the last few days.”

“Is it about me teasing Neil?”

“No, it’s not that…I mean, kinda, I guess? But not really. Oh god, I feel so bad about this!”

“Come on, Nik, whatever it is can’t be that bad,” Max said reassuringly. Well, he tried to sound reassuring. It came off as more flippant due to his apathetic tone. “God knows I kept some dark shit hidden from you guys.”

“Like your plan to kill yourself?” Max stiffened and his face paled. Ah, so Neil had told her about that.

“Yeah, like that,” he agreed quietly. “That’s a conversation for later. This is about you right now.”

“I’m just…jealous, I guess,” she said carefully. Max’s forehead creased in confusion. “I see the way Neil looks at you, the way he talks about you. I see how you two to talk about all these deep secrets and emotions. I see the connection you two have, and I want that. I want that with you two. You two just click so well and I sometimes just feel like… a third-wheel.”

Max sighed, drooping his head down between his shoulders. He knew he’d cultivate a different relationship with Neil than he had with Nikki over the past few weeks, but he’d assumed that was natural. Surely not everyone in a polyamorous relationship acted and connected the same way with all their partners.

 “I try and remind myself that Neil fell for you a long time ago, and so he doesn’t have to figure out those emotions. He’s ready to dive head-first, but I’m still fumbling to understand what I feel. I just…I want to be a part of the emotional connection, and not just the fun times like dates and sex.”

Suddenly, Nikki felt a light pressure on the top of her head. She realized what it was when she heard the smacking of lips. She leaned back against the couch, and a pair of blue-sleeved arms wrapped around her frame. Max rested his chin on her head, a move she normally would not approve of; her father had used to do that when she was little, and just the thought of that made her want to shutter. She knew Max had good intentions, though, and that it was supposed to be a soothing gesture, so she let him stay.

“Jesus, Nik,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt like that.”

“I know,” she replied, closing her eyes.

“Look, I’m in the same position as you. I still have no fucking idea how I feel about any of this. You and Neil are…acceptable people, I suppose.” Nikki chuckled. Even in tender moments, he still would go down denying he liked them. “But I don’t know if it’s romantic. It’s certainly nothing like whatever Neil’s got going.

“I know I haven’t been talking to you as much as I should. I’m having a hard time opening up this much to one person, let alone two. But I know it’s important if we want to make this work. And we’re going to make this work somehow, because by god I am not losing you two.”

Nikki smiled, warmth flooding her chest. “Guess we’re not so bad after all, huh?”

“Don’t push it,” he warned, jabbing a finger into her abdomen. “Anyways, we’ll work on this, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed contently. “Thanks, Max.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied, pressing another feather-light kiss to her scalp.

“Neil was right: you really do have emotions in that shell of a soul of your’s.”

“Shut your fucking—” He was cut off by a sudden kiss, Nikki’s lips making his words die on his tongue. Max wanted to roll his eyes at her attempt to silence him, but he could sense that there was more behind the maneuver than that. It was a tender kiss, her lips softly pressed to his at the perfect pressure: more than barely there but not like she was trying to eat his face.

Deciding that this was probably an emotional kiss, he let himself relax into the moment. He moved his lips against her own. He cupped her cheek in his palm, running his thumb over her jawline gently. She sighed against him and set her hand on his shoulder. Max pressed himself firmly against the back of the couch, trying to erase as much space between them as possible.

Nikki pulled back slowly, not going further than an inch or two from Max’s face. He opened his eyes, trying to read the situation. Nikki turned her head and kissed the palm of the hand on her cheek. Max felt his cheeks heat up at the endearing gesture. He sometimes forgot that Nikki could be gentle and calm; he had just gotten so used to her screaming and running and being aggressive over the years. She brushed the curls of his forehead aside and let her fingers graze over the scar on his skin. He instinctively flinched at the touch; no one had ever touched it before besides himself. It was the scar he kept most hidden because it was the one he was the most ashamed of.

“It’s okay, Max,” Nikki whispered as she noticed his reaction. Nevertheless, she did remove her hand from his forehead. “You don’t have to keep hiding them.”

“I know,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “This one just—” Nikki put a finger to his lips and shushed him.

“I know more than you think,” she replied, blessing his lips with a quick peck.

“How much more?” he asked suspiciously.

“Enough,” she stated simply.

“I should’ve known you were more observant than you let on.”

“We’re just airing out all the skeletons tonight, aren’t we?” she asked, a cocky grin stealing her face. “Is this what it’s like talking with Neil?”

“No, usually there are more tears. All of them his.”

Nikki pressed their lips together again, using a bit more force this time. She pulled him forward using her hand on his shoulder. She then snaked her arms around his neck, drawing herself closer to him. Her pulse pounded in her veins as heat coursed through her face and chest. He was so incredible when he was like this: open, vulnerable, understanding. She knew he was secretly always like that; he just tried to hide it under snarky comments, curses, angry remarks, and a lot of eye rolling and scoffing. There was something very moving about seeing the emotions being put on raw display like this. This is what she wanted: to be moved by his words and emotions, not just by physical attraction.

All of a sudden, Max pulled back and released her. Nikki whined as he walked away, but before she could think he was jumping over the back of the couch and landing next to her.

“That’s better,” he huffed, still a bit out of breath from their kissing.

Nikki pushed him down before he could make another move, pressing his head against the arm rest. He felt a dull ache resonate through his skull, the aftereffects of his fall, he presumed. He dismissed it, directing all his attention to the girl looming above him. Nikki laid flat on top of him and returned to kissing him. All the tenderness of their original kiss was gone, replaced by the overwhelming burst of emotions Nikki was experiencing and a sudden desire to be as close to her partner as possible. Max complied with the change in pace, letting his hands roam curiously over her back. Nikki tangled a hand into Max’s fluff of enchanting black curls.

Their mouths opened more and more as their kisses became quicker and more urgent. Nikki slid her tongue inside of Max’s mouth, stifling a dull moan from her lover. She searched his mouth eagerly while his hands balled into fists around the fabric of her shirt. He emboldened himself to enter her mouth, which Nikki consented to with a quiet moan of her own. Their tongues ran over each other and twirled together, studying each other. Nikki’s grip on her boyfriend’s hair tightened, eliciting a groan from his throat. She pulled back to look him in the eyes.

“Admit yet that hair-pulling isn’t just for masochists?” she taunted, voice smug and confident.

“Who ever said I wasn’t a masochist?” he shot back. She grinned at him and gave his hair a gentle yank. He closed his eyes and tried to stifle a moan by biting his lip.

“Looks like you’re right,” she commented, pretending to be uninterested in this discovery, just like he had done to her their first time.

Max grabbed a fistful of the front of her shirt to redirect her attention. “Still interested in showing me some discipline?”

“Well well well,” she tantalized. “I wouldn’t have taken you for a bottom.”

Max rolled his eyes and shoved her shoulder. “Let’s go to your room.”

The duo scampered off the couch and raced upstairs; indeed, they were trying to race each other to Nikki’s room. They slipped and slid on the hardwood floors in their socks, Nikki nearly knocking down a framed family picture at one point. They dashed by Chris as he tried to return to his room from the bathroom. Max shoved him in the shoulder and Nikki stuck out her tongue at him as they passed. He rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what was going on.

“You better keep it down!” he yelled as his sister disappeared around the corner.

“Yeah, yeah!” Nikki shouted dismissively. Chris sighed and stalked back to his room. Guess it was time to listen to some music. Very loudly. Through headphones. For the next few hours.

Max tripped on Nikki’s throw rug as he tumbled into her room. He stopped himself from falling, but not before Nikki caught him.

“So smooth,” she commented sarcastically as she hastily shut and locked the door behind her.

“I would have been if it wasn’t for _your_ stupid rug!”

“You wish you were smooth,” she chided, resting her hands on her hips.

“Really?” he purred. Oh shit, that was the tone Max used right before he did something spiteful and, usually, stupid.

He grabbed Nikki’s arm and yanked her forward. He swiveled her around and shoved her onto the bed, which wasn’t too difficult as she was already off balance from being pulled. She laughed at Max’s ridiculous move as he climbed on top of her, a smug grin on his face. He placed his knees on either side of her waist and positioned his hands directly above her shoulders.

“If you think that was smooth, you’ve got a lot to learn,” she chastised jokingly.

“You don’t seem to mind. You’re the one who was teasing me earlier.”

“Not because you’re smooth,” Nikki snickered. “I’ve seen guys 20 times as smooth as you and I had no desire to sleep with them.”

“Guess it’s my irresistible charm then,” Max smirked.

“You mean your cynical worldview and hatred of everyone and everything? Yeah, it’s a real turn-on.”

“Knew it,” he hummed, inching his face closer to Nikki’s. She rolled her eyes one last time before placing her hands on the back of Max’s head and pushing his lips against her own.

Max took no time progressing things to where they’d left off in the basement. His tongue was back inside Nikki’s mouth almost immediately, which Nikki rewarded by threading her hands through his curls. She grabbed a tuft of black mess and yanked, not bothering to be gentle and give him time to adjust. He moaned into her mouth, his arms wobbling next to her head for just a moment. She repeated the motion, forcing Max to retreat from her lips as he muttered a weak “fuck” under his breath.

Nikki took this opportunity to take charge. She wrapped an arm around one of his wrists and forced it downwards. Max fell onto her chest, taken off guard. She wrapped one of her feet around his ankle, keeping him locked in place. She then forced his body sideways, causing them to roll over. She quickly scrambled on top of him while he was still dazed, straddling his hips. Looks like her Jiu Jitsu lessons were good for something after all! Max blinked at her, confused as to how he got underneath her.

“The fuck was that?” he asked, his tone curious rather than biting.

“A simple Jiu Jitsu move. It’s one of the first things they teach you.”

“What, so are we wrestling now?”

Nikki said nothing, opting to act instead of responding. She dove down to his neck and grabbed a patch of skin roughly between her teeth.

“Shit!” Max cried, grabbing a fistful of Nikki’s shirt unconsciously.

Nikki bit again, this time toying with the skin right underneath his jaw. Max moaned as his eyes squeezed shut and his head flung back against the bed.

“Not so tough now, hm?” Nikki hummed into his ear, giving his earlobe a nip. A shudder ran through his body.

“Suck a dick,” he snapped, glaring at his partner.

Nikki sat up and met his eyes. “That can be arranged,” she purred. She let one of her hands drift down to Max’s groin, where a sizeable bulge was pressing against his jeans.

Max growled, unamused with her teasing. Nikki just chuckled and returned to pampering his neck. He gave up the fight as waves of pleasure coursed through him with every bite. He chose to focus instead on pulling his girlfriend’s hair every chance he got. God, he thought the biting was hot; the pleasure somehow only got better as Nikki moaned against the skin between her teeth. Max rolled his hips upwards, his bulge begging for contact.

The move didn’t go unnoticed by Nikki. They were both eager to push things along, though Max was less subtle about it. She sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it haphazardly onto the floor. She did the same with her black sports bra. Max reached a hand upwards to caress her, but she grabbed his wrist and pinned it upon his head. He looked up at her, surprised. She took hold of his other wrist and forced it to join its partner.

“No hands,” she scolded with a smug grin on her face. Max, face blushed and eyes dilated, just nodded. This was by far the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. He had never really pinned himself as someone who would like to be dominated by a partner, but this was opening his eyes to the amazing opportunities. He should let Nikki take the reins more often.

She released the grip on his wrists and used her newly-unoccupied hands to push his sweatshirt up his torso. A shiver captured Max as his body was exposed to the cool air. She kissed a trail down his chest all the way to the line of hairs leading to his groin. She then returned up his chest, stopping to tease him at his nipples. She swirled her tongue over the sensitive buds and sucked on them, causing Max to moan and arch his back. She gently took one of them between her teeth, which sent a white-hot streak of pleasure through his whole body. His back curled up towards Nikki’s head, his hands instinctively grabbing her head to ground himself. Nikki smirked to herself as she released the sensitive skin. She grabbed his wrists again and shoved them back above his head.

“What part of ‘no hands’ did you not understand?” she chastised. “I need to buy some handcuffs it seems….”

Max’s eyes widened at the sound of that, his dick responding with a twitch. He’d never thought much about anything more than plain old sex. Sure, he’d seen plenty of porn where they used toys or did BDSM or roleplay. He never thought that he’d ever do any of those, though. He figured he’d be lucky enough just to get an occasional one-night stand in. But now that he was actually presented with the option, he couldn’t deny that it sounded appealing.

Nikki noticed Max’s response to the suggestion and felt a throb run through her own groin. She climbed off of Max and got off of the bed. Max watched her, perplexed. She slid off her pants and underwear, slowly so as to tease her boyfriend. It took his lust-clouded mind a few seconds before he realized that he should probably get undressed, too. He tossed his sweatshirt onto the slowly-growing pile of clothes on the floor. Soon, his jeans and boxers followed suit. While he did that, Nikki rummaged through her bedside table and pulled out a condom, one from the box Neil had bought for them a few weeks prior.

Nikki climbed back onto the bed and sat on her knees in front of Max. Max moved himself into the same seated position, transfixed by the intense yet unnamable emotion in his girlfriend’s eyes.

“Max,” she started, voice serious and firm. “I trust you.”

Max narrowed his eyes, but nodded. “Okay. Soooo?”

“I want you inside of me.”

For a moment, Max was lost for words, a rare occurrence in his life. She couldn’t be serious, could she? This was some sort of joke, surely. Except the look in her eyes and the firmness in her tone said this was far from funny.

For years, Nikki had wanted nothing to do with penises, going as far as to swear off romantic connections with men. As she grew older, she realized she couldn’t deny her romantic attraction to men, but she still refused to even look at porn with dicks in it. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago on their first night together that she’d seen, let alone touched, a real one. So for her to ask to have one _inside of her_ was shocking to Max, unprecedented. Neither of her boyfriends knew why she had this aversion to cocks. That was Nikki’s secret. They each had something they never liked to talk about, even after all these years: Max didn’t talk about Zach, Neil refused to discuss his father, and Nikki kept quiet about her loathing of certain genitalia.

“Nikki….” Max really had no idea what to say to her. What the hell was going on?

“I’m sure about this, Max. I want to do it.”

“And I thought _I_ was the one who hit my head…”

“Max, I’m serious.”

“I know you are. But, why?”

Nikki grabbed his hands and held them in her own. A soft smile spread across her face.

“When I first realized I wanted something more with you two, I knew I could never tell you. Until one day when I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I got up the courage and dove in.” She leaned forward and rested her forehead against Max’s. They closed their eyes, feeling the other’s warm breath on their faces.

“These past few weeks have been the best of my life,” she continued in a whisper. “I realize now how much of life I can miss out on if I don’t take chances. You two, this relationship has inspired me to move past my fears.”

“I didn’t think the great ‘Agent of Chaos’ could fear anything,” Max interjected gently.

Nikki chuckled, placing a gentle kiss on her boyfriend’s nose. “You have too much faith in me.”

“Never,” Max retorted. “Why me, though?”

“Because I trust you. And I know you trust yourself not to push boundaries. Neil would be so anxious about moving too fast or too rough or whatever that it wouldn’t be enjoyable.”

“It still might not be enjoyable,” Max pointed out.

“I know. I’m just…tired of being afraid. Especially because this is a part of you two.”

“I could just chop my dick off and call it a day.”

Nikki leaned back and shoved his shoulder, laughing. “Yeah, right. Like you’d give it up so easily. Besides, I think Neil would be devastated.”

“That’s true. He’d probably hold a funeral for it and for all the great sex we can’t have now.”

Nikki laughed harder, and she swore she heard a small chuckle escape her partner’s chest. Without warning, she dove forward and captured his lips. She placed her hands on both sides of his face and pressed their lips together as much as she could. It was a passionate kiss, without apprehension or anxiety or lust or desire. It was meaningful, full of caring and bravery and support and love. This is what Nikki wanted. Not just kisses for fun, but kisses for communication, for showing the other their true feelings. It solidified their trust in one another, and Max felt a tug at his chest as he realized what this meant. She was whole-heartedly trusting him. Him, the most hated student at school because he can’t control his temper and it makes him act out. Him, the kid no one wanted to look at because they feared him so much. Him, the kid who was such a fuck-up his own parents felt they had to beat him to correct his mistakes. Needless to say, no one ever had trusted him this much before.

“You don’t have to do this, Nik,” Max said softly after retracting his lips. “If you’re not ready, then don’t force yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll never be ready.”

“It’s fine, Max. I want this,” she assured him, staring directly into his eyes.

“I just don’t want you pushing yourself too hard to prove you’re brave and fearless.”

“I need to move on with my life. I need to let this go.”

Max nodded, accepting her assurance. He then flopped backwards onto her pillows with a loud groan.

“This emotional shit is exhausting,” he whined, running his hands over his face. “God, who knew relationships were so much fucking effort.”

“Is that why you’ve never dated anyone?” Nikki teased. “Because you’re too lazy?”

“No, it’s because everyone around me is a moron or an asshole.”

“What does that make Neil and I?”

“You’re the moron and he’s the asshole.”

“We must be pretty special morons and assholes for you to pick us.”

“Are we actually going to finish this, or were you just trying to fuck with me this whole time?”

Oh, right. They were here because they were going to have sex. Nikki had kinda forgotten, honestly. There was a lot on her mind and there was clearly a lot she and Max needed to talk about. But she probably should finish what she started; it’s not like she didn’t want to.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, got distracted.”

Max sat back up and placed his hands gently on Nikki’s shoulders.

“Nik, are you sure you want to do this?

“Yes,” she said definitively.

Max just nodded. Before he could think about it, he planted a kiss on her forehead. Nikki smiled, a pleasant warmth spreading through her chest. Max released her shoulders and grabbed the condom she had brought over earlier. He ripped the packaging off and slid the condom over his dick. He sighed at the touch, glad to have pressure back on his needy self.

“Ok, how do you want to do this?” he asked, a little breathless.

“Uh…can I top?” she asked hesitantly.

“Course…um, how, exactly?”

“Oh, Max,” Nikki sighed condescendingly. “You clearly have not watched much porn.”

“Hey, I’ve watched fucktons of porn!” Max jabbed a finger in her chest. “It was just mostly gay porn.”

“What a nerd,” Nikki shook her head. “Here.”

Nikki climbed onto Max’s lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hesitantly put his arms on her waist, unsure what he was supposed to be doing. She moved his cock to her wet entrance, letting the tip rest at her hole. Max sighed, tipping his head forward and letting his eyes slip closed.

“Okay, ready?” Nikki asked, stringing her fingers through the curls at the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” Max nodded.

Nikki lifted herself up, positioning herself over his dick. Max took his cock and lined it up. Nikki took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. Adrenaline was racing through her body and her heart pounded thunderously in her ears. Before she let herself get too worked up, she lowered herself onto Max’s dick. Max held himself steady until he was all the way inside his partner. He let out a shaky breath as a wave of pleasure rolled over him. It was an alien feeling, being inside someone else. Her tight walls surrounded his erection, which was appreciated since all it craved was sensation. Nevertheless, he slid himself in slowly, not wanting to rush Nikki or hurt her.

When he was completely inside, the duo paused and met eyes, panting. Max saw the nervousness in his girlfriend’s pink eyes. He pulled her against himself and planted a quick kiss on her lips. She smiled, grateful for the comforting touch.

“You alright?” he asked, rubbing small circles on her lower back.

Nikki nodded, taking a deep breath. “I’m okay. Just getting used to…this feeling.”

“Yeah, it’s weird,” Max agreed. “Never thought I’d ever do this.”

“Same.”

Nikki wriggled around a little, trying to get adjusted to the sensation. Max bit his lip, restraining himself from thrusting his hips. His body craved movement, but he needed to wait till Nikki was ready.

“Ok, I’m going to move, okay?” she warned him. He nodded, a little to eagerly for his liking.

Nikki slowly raised herself up, letting Max’s cock slide almost all the way out. Then she lowered herself back to her partner’s lap just as slowly. Max tried to stifle a groan with a stiff bite to his lip. When he was fully back inside, Nikki let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding.

“Still okay?” Max checked.

“Yeah. But it’s okay for you to enjoy this. You don’t have to pretend to not care.”

“Please,” he scoffed. “That’s my specialty.”

Nikki chuckled, leaning her forehead against his own. She started the movement pattern over, lifting up and sitting back down. Max let out a small moan, trying to take her advice and not stay quiet. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back, pulling her flush against him. Nikki connected their lips, thinking the kissing might help distract her from the odd sensation in her groin. She went up and down again, a bit faster this time. Max moaned against her lips and thrust lightly into her. Nikki coaxed his mouth open, sliding her tongue inside his mouth. He thrust again, desperate for movement.

Nikki continued moving up and down, gaining speed and confidence each time. Max gradually gave himself more freedom, matching his girlfriend’s speed with each of his own thrusts. He still worried that Nikki was not enjoying herself, though. He grabbed ahold of her long ponytail and gave it a stern tug. Nikki gasped and released his lips, her head rolling back to follow the direction her hair was pulled. Max dove down to her neck and kissed fervently at every inch of skin. Nikki ran one of her hands through his hair, her breathing heavy.

“Nik,” he whispered against her neck. She sighed at the sound of the endearing nickname. God, she loved it when he called her that.

She bounced faster onto him, and Max yanked her her hair as his cock slid back inside her. She let out a small moan, and he smiled against her neck.

“Better?” he asked.

“Y-yeah,” Nikki stammered.

They started meeting each other half-way, Nikki sinking partway down onto him and Max thrusting up into her. They pressed their foreheads together, half-lidded eyes locked together. They moaned together with each thrust. Curses slipped out of Max’s throat and Nikki mouthed “oh my god” repeatedly. When Max let out a particularly loud moan, a streak of nervousness hit her in the gut. She slapped a hand over his lips and stopped all movement. Max let out a muffled whine at the loss of movement, an annoyed glare set on his girlfriend.

“Keep it down,” she shushed. “Chris is still in the house.”

Max removed her hand. “Shut up. I know,” he growled.

Nikki rolled her eyes, but returned her hand to the back of his neck. She resumed her motions, and Max bit his lip to stifle another moan. Suddenly, he felt a pair of sharp nails dig into the skin on the back of his neck. He looked up to see his lover, blushing furiously with her head tipped up to the ceiling and eyes squeezed shut. She was desperately trying not to scream and curse. Max was about to ask if she was alright when she rose up and slammed him back into her. He moaned hungrily and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“Fuck,” she whispered.

“Nik,” Max moaned as she slammed his cock against that amazing spot again.

He kissed a trail up her neck to her lips. She moaned desperately against his lips now that he was muffling the sound somewhat. He hugged her fiercely as he felt the pleasure build up in his abdomen. They separated their lips, but stayed within an inch of each other. They moaned and panted against each other, both of them starting to ache for release.

“Please,” he whispered, burying his head back into her neck. God, even in this frenzied state, it was embarrassing to beg.

“I can’t believe you’re begging,” she panted, voice distant as she focused on getting her G-spot hit again.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” Max grunted, face somehow going redder than it already was.

Nikki giggled jokingly. Still, she supplied his request. To help push things along, she grabbed a fistful of his curls and pulled forcefully. Max moaned loudly against her skin, clearly getting close. Nikki didn’t bother to scold him for his volume. They were nearly done; Chris could live with a bit of noise for a minute or two. Nikki yanked his hair with each of her bounces, driving her boyfriend crazy. He started thrusting as rapidly as he could, not caring that he had gotten out of sync with Nikki.

“Max,” Nikki whispered into his ear, sucking on his earlobe.

That undid him, and he came apart in her arms. He held her as tightly as he could against him, eyes clamped shut. He let out a loud cry followed by a stream of curses. Nikki moaned as he finished, his hips still thrusting into her. When he was done, he loosened his hold on his lover, hiding his face back in her neck. He panted, desperately trying to catch his breath.

“Jesus, fuck,” he mumbled against her skin.

Nikki whined urgently, her body still aching for release. Max sat up and met her eyes.

“Keep going, if you want,” he said, running his hands up and down her spine.

“You sure?” she asked, breathless.

“Yeah, go for it,” he assured, planting a quick kiss on her lips.

“Thank you.” She gave him another kiss before resuming riding him.

Max groaned with every thrust, his dick tired and overstimulated. He slid his hand down in between themselves and searched for her clit. He rubbed the little nub in circles rapidly, hoping that would help his partner. Nikki cried out, gripping his hair tightly. She threw her head back and bounced as fast as she could, and Max followed suit with his hand. He sunk his teeth into her neck deep. Hopefully he hadn’t draw blood….

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” Nikki cried as her muscles clenched and she finally reached her peak. White-hot pleasure shot through her and shook her body. She thrust clumsily as she finished, riding out her orgasm as much as she could. When she was finally done, she collapsed against Max, resting her head on his.

“Goddamn,” Max sighed, rubbing circles lazily on her back. “That was amazing.”

Nikki slid her hands to his shoulders and pushed herself off his overstimulated cock. She threw herself onto her pillows, exhausted. Max followed after her, laying his head on her heart. She wrapped an arm around him and threaded her fingers through his unkempt curls. He closed his eyes and sighed against her warm skin.

“How are you?” he asked, gently grazing her arm with his fingertips.

“Good,” she said. “That was really nice.”

“Not too much?”

“No. Thank you for doing that with me.” She kissed the top of his head softly.

“Don’t mention it,” he mumbled, pretending to be nonchalant. He shattered his own façade by kissing her chest. Nikki smiled, running her fingers down his back.

They laid in silence for a minute, basking in their afterglows and the company of each other. Max reached down and removed the condom, tossing it into the trash can next to Nikki’s bed. After their breathing evened out and they were fully relaxed, Nikki broke the quiet.

“My dad,” she whispered. Max looked up at her from where he laid on her chest, confusion evident on his face. “He’s why I was…scared to do that.”

Max felt his stomach drop and his eyes widened in realization. He felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. Nikki noticed how he tensed in her grasp, and it hit her that he had probably gotten the wrong idea.

“No, no! He didn’t do anything to me!” she rushed, hoping to calm him down. “He used to…use sex as a weapon against my mom. Whenever she did something he didn’t like, he would…rape her. To teach her a lesson.”

Max relaxed a bit, but his muscles were still tense. He entwined their hands and gave her’s a squeeze. She sighed, trying to gather the courage to continue. She had never actually talked about this with anyone before, except for Chris.

“I guess I just saw penises as harmful after that. When I officially learned what sex was, I just assumed that it was for punishment. I’d seen it happen for years, and it was only ever used to hurt my mom. There never seemed anything remotely pleasant about it. So, naturally, I didn’t want anything to do with it.

“Even after I realized what he was doing was not actually sex, or, well, not consensual sex, I still couldn’t shake my fear. I just always remembered how broken Mom looked after every time. I just couldn’t do it.”

Max let the words hang in the air, the full effect of them slowly sinking into him. This was too surreal. He had thought he was the fucked-up one, the one with the abusive parents and the trauma. He felt guilty for not recognizing something was wrong when her dad was still in the picture. How had he missed the fear in her mom’s eyes when her dad came home from work? How had he ignored that him and his friends were made to camp out in the backyard when they had sleepovers instead of sleep in the house? How did he not see the bruises on her mom’s arms, the purple and blue splotches that so eerily paralleled those on his own arms? How was he so fucking blind to another’s abuse when he lived with and faced his own every fucking day?

Nikki released a shaky breath. She was relieved to have that terrible weight off her chest. She had done it: she had finally revealed her biggest secret. And after she had just had penetrative sex. She was finally free of the secrecy and fear.

That bastard couldn’t control her life anymore.

“Is…is that why he…” Max tried cautiously, unsure how to word his question, “is out of the picture?”

Nikki nodded, absentmindedly twirling a curl around his finger. “Yeah,” she whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat.

“Did Chris know?”

Nikki nodded again. Max sat up and moved to sit next to her. She rolled over and rested her head on his thigh. He felt a wet droplet hit his skin. He sighed and took her ponytail, removing the hairband. He ran his fingers through her hair, hoping to soothe her.

“Shit, Nik,” he grumbled, unsure what else to say. “That is so fucked up….”

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

“I…I’m sorry I never noticed before.”

“You weren’t supposed to notice. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. I honestly thought this was gonna go with me to my grave.”

Max fiddled with her hair, unable to shake the guilt from his chest despite her words. Nikki picked up on his silence and knew he was still upset.

“Max, really, don’t feel bad. There’s nothing you could have done. We were just kids! Besides, going through that helped me find my love of nature. I couldn’t stand being in the house, so I’d run off into the woods and play for hours. I wish I hadn’t felt pushed out of my own home, but I found another home for myself out there. And I’m really grateful for that.”

“Why’d you finally decide tell me?”

“You said it yourself: opening up is part of being in a relationship, even if it’s hard. And that was something that had a big impact on me, so I felt like you should know. Besides, it’s a lot easier to open up after seeing you, of all people, do it.”

Max scoffed. “Don’t base your actions on what I do.” He said nothing for a few beats, and Nikki thought he was done. Then, in a whisper, “I do it ‘cause you two make me feel safe.”

Nikki smiled, a knot tying in her stomach. She scooched up and settled her head next to Max’s. She rested her chin on his shoulder, toying with some stray curls.

“You’re not the only one with scars, ya know.”

“You cut, too?”

“I did, back when I first came out. The internalized homophobia was really damaging.”

“I can imagine.”

“Are you still…thinking of leaving?” she asked hesitantly, like she was scared to hear his answer.

“No,” he said simply. “But I am exhausted from sharing all this emotional shit.”

“Are you gonna shut down on me?”

Max shook his head. “No. You broke the dam on our unspeakable secrets. I guess now it’s my turn to share.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Max.”

“I…I just want it out. I want it gone for good.”

Nikki nodded in understanding. Max sat up, leaning his back against the wall behind the pillows.

“Okay, let me just clean myself up a bit and piss, then we can do this. Can we Skype Neil and get him in on this?”

“He might be busy, but we can try,” Nikki agreed.

“I’m tired of having to open up just to rehash it all later because one of you wasn’t there.”

“That’s fair.”

Before Max could move any further, Nikki leaned forward and connected their lips softly. It took Max a second to get his bearings, as he was taken off-guard, but once he did he returned the gesture. He cupped her cheek in his hand and sighed. Relief coursed through him, but also anxiety and some other feeling; it always washed over him when he kissed her and Neil. Is this what romantic attraction feels like? Was he actually falling for them?

Well, if he wasn’t there yet, he had to be getting there. Because no one kisses their best friend and feels their heart rate jump up so fast. And he would never tell them the things he was about to if he just saw them as friends.

What a strange feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this HELLA LONG chapter! As always, thank you SO SO MUCH for all the kudos/hits/bookmarks/comments! Sorry I haven't been responding to comments lately; I have been the stressed lately.
> 
> ALSO! A note on the updating "schedule" (lol like I can even pretend to have one): I am going to be out-of-town for the next 10 days on vacation, so I will have little time to write/edit. I also may not have good wifi, I'm not sure yet. Anyways, I will do my best to get another chapter out next week, but I make no promises. Sorry for any delays, everyone! But I will definitely be finishing this story, have no fear!
> 
> Love y'all! <3


	7. The Prince and His Knight (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max decides it's time to tell Nikki and Neil about his biggest secret: what the hell happened between him and a mysterious guy two years ago. 
> 
> This chapter is SFW (aka there is no sexual content).
> 
> Content warnings for: mentions of suicide, mentions of past physical abuse, cheating, and dubious consent (not in a sexual context)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! I have been blessed with wonderful wifi out here in the mountains, so I am able to actually post this chapter! This one is pretty different from the previous chapters, particularly because Neil and Nikki are hardly in it and the focus is not explicitly on the trio's relationship. The next chapter will be have more focus on the main relationship, but it will also conclude this big story that Max is telling. It will be painful.
> 
> Also, sorry if you're not a fan of OCs. But this person and their interactions with Max really impacted Max as a person, especially in regards to how he approaches romance and relationships. So yeah. Do with that what you will. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy!

It all started at one of those stupid dinner parties. Max’s mother had invited the entire law firm over to celebrate her big win of a corporate lawsuit. The ordeal had garnered national coverage, and it was the first success on such a scale that the firm she worked for had ever had. Thus, Max, at 12 years old, was forced into his nicest suit on a Friday night, instead of playing _Call of Duty_ with his best friends. The only perk to this situation was that he didn’t have to camp out in Nikki’s backyard in a tent that was definitely only supposed to be for 2 people. He grimaced just remembering how the previous weekend, he’d awoken to Neil practically lying on top of him, his face mere inches from Max’s.

The party guests started pouring in around 6 that evening, with a few early birds arriving at 5:30. Dinner wasn’t actually starting until 6:30, but adults love to chat and gossip before the meal. And during the meal. And after the meal. Max didn’t understand why they felt the need to talk so damn much, and he prayed to god he didn’t turn out like that when he grew up. People in fancy dresses and perfectly tailored suits milled about the foyer and living room. A few of his mother’s closest friends helped her set the table and make any final touches on the food back in the kitchen. Max stood awkwardly by the door, greeting each newcomer with a painfully-forced smile.

 _Kill me now_ , he chanted on repeat for the half-hour he was on door-duty. He tried to occupy his mind thinking about what his friends must be doing right now. Nikki was probably on a killing streak already, with Neil complaining about how unnecessarily gory the game was. Thinking about them only made him bitter, though, so he had to abandon that train of thought pretty quickly. He tried to focus his mind on studying all the partygoers’ over-the-top outfits as they came through the door. He attempted to guess how much money they made a year based on their outfit and the kind of car they drove. Eventually he got bored with that, his conclusion being that they all just made too much fucking money. His last ditch at entertainment was to eavesdrop on the circle of women closest to him. They seemed to be gossiping about their fellow coworkers, especially one woman named Louise. Seems she was having an affair with a partner of the firm, Richard. Max followed their eyes to a redhead in a sparkly black knee-length dress who was standing by the couch. His eyebrows raised as he saw a man come up next to her and wrap an arm around her waist.

 _Ah, the husband_ , Max thought to himself. He glanced a few feet to the right and saw Richard, whom he’d grown familiar with after having seen him at so many of his mother’s social events. His eyes were fixated on Louise, not even caring that her husband was standing with her. God, how big an idiot was this guy? You’d think he had some sort of brains since he ran a law firm, but he was a complete failure at subtlety. Max tuned out of the women’s conversation, enjoying watching Richard’s desperate staring at the redhead. He rolled his eyes at the pathetic display in front of him.

Max’s mother popped her head from around the corner and called to the guests that it was time for dinner. The partygoers headed towards the dinning room down the hall, continuing their conversation as they walked. Max watched as Richard stood behind, his eyes still transfixed on his lover. His eyes widened and his mouth fell agape when he actually followed the man’s gaze. He wasn’t staring at the redhead: it was her husband who had captured his attention.

 _Oh shit._ Max had been amused when he thought it was the woman; hell, he even considered telling his mother just to stir up drama. But now that he saw it was not so simple, he immediately jerked his head away and stared at the floor. He had no problem with gay people, or any LGBTQ person, for that matter; hell, he was even considering that he might not be straight. The issue was that he knew his parents were…less than accepting. If his mom found out that one of her bosses was interested in men, she would lose her shit. She’d probably try and stage a coup, steal his job right out from under his feet. She had been after his job for years now anyways, but this would give her a lot of leverage over the poor guy. And Max was not about to help his bitch of a mother steal someone’s job because she was a homophobe.

Shaking his head to try and clear his thoughts, he turned to the door and started to shut it. Suddenly, he heard rushing footsteps and a feminine voice call out, “One moment!” Max reopened the door to find a tall brunette in a flowing floral dress scampering quickly towards the door. A young boy walked slightly behind her, a brunet in a suit much like Max’s. Max was surprised to see another kid; usually these rich people abandoned their kids with a babysitter or relative for the night for these types of parties, as they tended to get very drunk. Max was only here because the function was at his own goddamn house, and his mother refused to let him hide in his room. He’d tried that once. He had a black eye for three days afterwards.

The woman smiled sweetly at him as she crossed the threshold. “Thank you, Maxwell.” Max grabbed his pant leg to keep himself from grimacing at the name. Maxwell wasn’t even his name, for fuck’s sake. His eyes widened though when he looked up at the woman. He hadn’t realized it when he first saw her coming up the sidewalk, but now that she was standing right in front of him, he realized this was Richard’s wife. She had been blonde last time Max saw her; guess the dye had washed out. He cast a suspicious glance at the boy standing next to her; he’d never known Richard had a son. He looked about Max’s age, a bit taller than him. The first thing Max noticed about him were his piercing brown eyes, how he felt like they were staring into his soul as they held eye contact.

“Where are my manners? Max, this is my son, Zach. Zach, this is Max, Mrs. Khatri’s son. He’s about your age!”

Max scanned Zach quickly again before extending his hand. “Hi there.”

“Hi,” Zach mumbled, not taking his hand. _Seems shy_ , Max noted.

The woman grabbed her son’s hand gently and flashed him a sweet smile. _She seems like a nice mother. I’d trade my mom for her any day._

“Let’s go greet our hosts and find your dad, darling. Don’t want to be any later!” She smiled at Max before hurrying down the hallway. “It was good to see you, Maxwell!”

Max stared after them a second, running through the information he had gathered about the father figure of that family and how devastatingly it would likely be for them. He finally just sighed and locked the front door, then headed into the packed dining room.

After dinner was when first contact was actually established. It was 8 pm, which was about the time people started slipping into drunkenness. Max was standing a few feet away from the living room, where the guests were laughing loudly and cheering and popping champagne bottle after champagne bottle. He leaned against the wall and considered making a break for his room; not like anyone would notice he was gone now that they were inebriated. He still felt sure that, somehow, someway, his parents would sense his absence, and he was not in the mood for another black eye.

A figure moving towards him in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned his head to see that it was that shy kid, Zach. He looked like he very much would rather be anywhere else in the world than in a house full of drunk lawyers. He leaned against the wall next to Max, watching the drunken spectacle nearby.

“Are they always like this?” he asked.

“Yep. Wait till about 10. That’s usually when clothes start coming off.”

Zach shuddered and his cheeks tinted red. “I don’t think we’re staying that long. Mom wants to get me home before too late.”

“You don’t stay up past 10, even on Friday nights?” Max asked skeptically.

“Oh, I do. Mom just doesn’t know that.” He flashed Max a mischievous smile. Max gave him a smirk in return. _Maybe he’s not so shy, after all._

Max glanced back at the crowd in the living room. Zach’s dad was chatting with the apple of his eye in a corner of the room. They were definitely standing too close together to even pretend to be just friends. Their faces were mere inches apart as they whispered words to each other. Richard said something that made his lover giggle.

“I can’t believe Mom doesn’t see it.” Max’s head whipped to his companion. Zach’s gaze was fixed on his father, as well. He had a soft smile on his face and his eyes were a little glazed over. “It’s so obvious.”

Max looked back at the couple, then to Zach again. “You know?” he asked, surprised.

“How could I not? Do you _see_ them?”

Max didn’t respond. He didn’t need to.

“Mom always tries to think the best of him. Believes him when he says he has to stay late for work. Trusts he’s actually going to conferences and meetings on the weekends. Thinks he just can’t hear his phone ring when he doesn’t answer her calls.”

Max searched the crowd for Zach’s mother as he continued talking. He found her sitting in an armchair across the room from her husband. She was smiling at the people who were talking around her, but it was a weak smile, a forced one. Max could recognize a fake smile anywhere, the result of 12 years of faking happiness.

“I think she’s starting to accept it, though.” Zach grinned pityingly at his mother. “Her smiles are getting weaker. She’s sighing a lot more. She doesn’t check her phone anymore or wait up for him.”

“You think she’s going to leave him?”

“No. She’s a dutiful housewife. She’ll go down with the ship, when it does sink.”

“Is your dad gonna bail?”

“Probably. Not sure how that’s gonna, though. Lover boy doesn’t seem interested in leaving his wife.”

Max nodded. Wow, adults are so fucked up. Love just seems like an overrated way to ruin your life, from what he had seen of it. It’d fucked up his parents and him, it’d fucked up Nikki and Neil’s families, and now it was fucking up Zach’s family.

“Where do you go to school?” Zach asked, changing the subject.

“Wayward. You?”

“Billington’s.”

“Damn, that’s that fancy-ass private school, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. My family’s loaded. Dad swore I’d never set foot in a public school.”

“They are shitty,” Max shrugged. “Can’t say I blame him.”

The pair fell into silence, unsure what else to say. Max continued to watch the drunk partygoers, chuckling to himself as one of the law firm partners fell and nearly cracked his head open on the coffee table. Zach stared off into space, seemingly wrapped up in his thoughts. Glass shattered off in the distance, probably a wine bottle falling to the floor. An old white man grabbed the redhead Louise’s arms and started dancing her, stumbling drunkenly as he twirled her. Everyone laughed like it was totally not creepy for a man to just force a woman to dance with him. Max rolled his eyes and prayed for this shitty evening to end.

“Are these parties always so miserable?” Zach spoke up, breaking the silence.

“For us kids, yeah. It’s just a bunch of drunk lawyers gossiping and being dancing like fools.”

“Joy,” Zach sighed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

He got his escape soon enough, though. About five minutes later, his mother came over to them, looking weary.

“Alright, Zach, time to go if you want time to play your video game before bed.”

Zach nodded and followed her towards the door. He gave Max one last glance over his shoulder and waved softly. Max held his hand up before they were out of sight. That should have been the last time they ever saw each other.

But then Max wouldn’t be sitting here on a Skype call 6 years later explaining all this bullshit to his two partners.

                                                            ~(*)~

 

It wasn’t until four years later that their paths crossed again. Max had long forgotten about the boy with startlingly sharp eyes, an exhausted mother, and a cheating, rich father. He had never come to another dinner party, not to Max’s surprise; no kid would voluntarily attend one of those hellish affairs. After a while, his mother disappeared as well. His father continued coming, since he was a senior partner of the law firm, but his hair had begun to gray and he had large bags under his eyes. It seemed that Zach had probably been correct in his predictions of his family’s future.

One afternoon, Max sat on a bench out in front of his school. He was waiting for Neil to pick him up so they could go see Nikki’s roller derby match together. He was staring at the sky, the sun threatening to burn his eyes even through his black sunglasses. Most everyone had already gone home for the day, save the athletes who had practice, the band nerds who had practice, and the kids who had shitty home lives and preferred to mill around the school as long as possible.

 _It’s almost Friday, it’s almost Friday_ , Max kept reminding himself. The first month of his Junior year of high school had been shitty and just served to remind him of how much he hated school. Of course, he knew it would only get worse from here. People would soon start talking to him about applying for colleges, taking the SAT, and what he wanted to do with his life. He could feel the desire to shoot himself in the head rising at just the thought of all that.

The roar of an atrociously loud engine drew him out of his thoughts. He titled his head down from the sky to look at the road in front of him. A black motorcycle was pulling into the drop-off circle. It was one of those fancy sport bikes, the thin, sleek ones that go ridiculously fast. The rider had a black helmet on and was wearing a leather jacket with golden spikes on the shoulders. _Jesus Christ, this dude is so fucking emo_ , Max thought to himself with a roll of his eyes.

The rider parked the bike in the middle of the circle, not bothering to pull up to the end of the sidewalk like people were supposed to. The person hopped off the expensive vehicle and took his helmet off, jamming it onto one of the handlebars. He shook his short black hair out, as if the whole world was watching him.

_Fucking narcissist._

The boy walked up the sidewalk leading towards the school, parallel to where Max was sitting. Max watched as he passed by, unamused by this guy’s arrogance and blatant displays of wealth. The rider caught Max’s gaze as he walked by the bench, a smug grin on his face. Max shot him a grimace; no one was smug with him, ever. It wasn’t until the asshole had almost passed him that Max was shot with a sense of familiarity. Those eyes—they were familiar, somehow. They were hazel and piercing, the kind of eyes that just look directly into your soul. Max didn’t socialize with many people, so it shouldn’t be hard to remember where he’d seen eyes like those before.

He took too much time thinking, though, as the boy had already halted in his tracks and turned towards him. Max stared as he walked over to him, taking his sunglasses off. The rider stopped a foot or two away and beamed down at him with that same smug grin. Max felt a wave of anger course through him.

“Max, right?” the guy asked.

Max cocked an eyebrow, looking unamused. “Who’s asking?”

The rider chuckled, unshaken by Max’s cold attitude. “Of course you don’t recognize me! I look a lot different than when we first met.” Max just glared at him, unamused. “Name’s Zach. We met at one of your mom’s dinner parties, after she won the Barring and Co. v. Schauzberg case.”

Max’s eyes widened with realization. His mind flashbacked to that night, to the boy and his mother who’d arrived last to the party. These were the same haunting, piercing brown eyes. The rest of him looked totally different, but that’s what 4 years, puberty, and an intense emo phase does to you.

“Oh damn. Never thought I’d see you again,” Max said apathetically.

“Small world, I guess,” Zach shrugged. “How’ve you been?”

“It’s high school, so pretty shitty. You?” Max’s words were curt and cold. He really was not a fan of small talk, especially with strangers. He also just didn’t understand why this guy was asking about his well-being. They’d met once, 4 years ago. Why the hell should he care how Max was doing?

“Good. Got my baby.” He motioned towards his motorcycle with his thumb. “Best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Looks nice,” Max commented dryly.

“Oh, she is. You should come with me for a spin some time.” Max’s eyes narrowed, perplexed. Zach just continued grinning at him with that infuriating arrogant confidence.

 _What the hell is this guy playing at_? Max wondered, feeling his irritation increase.

“Guessing you go to school here?” Zach continued, glancing over at the brick building behind them.

“What gave it away?”

“Man, I almost went here. We could’ve been classmates. But I ended up in the International Baccalaureate program over at Holster’s instead.”

“Isn’t that the program that kicks everybody’s asses and is the cause of our county’s high teen suicide rate?”

“Hell yeah it is!” Zach put his hands on his hips cockily. He seemed a touch too proud of being in a program that’s so stressful kids would rather end their lives than finish it. “It looks good on college apps, though.”

“Is it really worth it if it makes you want to kill yourself?”

“Honestly, I don’t see how that’s much different than regular high school. I mean, you seem pretty miserable, and you’re in public school.”

“I have depression. It’s a bit different,” Max shot back, a bit defensive.

“Oh. Yeah, that would do it….” He trailed off, and for the first time his confident expression faltered. “You’re not, like…?”

“What, suicidal? I don’t see why that’s any of your business.”

Finally, Zach seemed to get the hint. His face fell and he let out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry, Max. I didn’t mean to pry. I just….” Max gazed up at him expectantly, his mouth drawn in a tight line. “Forget it, it doesn’t matter.”

“Oookayyyyy…” Max drawled suspiciously. “Why are you here, anyways? I thought you were never gonna set foot in a public school.”

Zach chuckled at Max’s reference to their first meeting. That seemed to pick his spirits back up, and his grin returned. “Oh, picking up some documents for a friend who was sick today. Apparently they’re time-sensitive or something and couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow.”

“That sounds like some school administration bullshit, right there.”

“Oh, for sure. Anyways, I should grab those before all the administrators go home.” He smiled charmingly at Max, seemingly forgetting about the tension between them a moment ago. “Good to see you again, Max.”

Max eyed him suspiciously and forced out a, “good to see you, too.” He watched as Zach walked away and entered the double doors to the school. He turned around and faced the drop-off circle once more, a tight frown on his lips.

_What the hell was that all about? Why was he acting so familiar with me? We aren’t friends, we hardly fucking know each other! Why should he care--?”_

Before he could think any further, Neil’s blue Sedan pulled up behind the sleek motorcycle. Max grabbed his backpack and headed for the car, shoving his perturbing interaction with Zach to the back of his mind. He tossed his backpack into the backseat of the car and then grabbed shotgun.

“Hey hey,” Neil greeted as Max closed his door. “How’re you?”

“Why do you even bother asking that anymore?” Max shot, folding his arms across his chest.

“It’s called being polite, dumbass. Something you’re clearly unfamiliar with.”

“Don’t lecture me about being polite when you just called me a dumbass.”

Neil rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue indignantly. He’d clearly been spending too much time with Nikki lately.

“Who’s the owner of this beauty?” he asked, nodding his head towards the bike in front of them.

“A really odd guy,” Max replied, sounding a tad distant.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

They didn’t meet again for two weeks. Max was once again waiting outside for Neil to pick him up. By this point, Neil had become his regular ride home from school, as Max’s mother couldn’t be bothered to retrieve her own son and there was no way in hell Max was riding the school bus as a Junior. Half of the time they went to Neil’s house, and he wound up just staying the night because he didn’t want to go home. But today was Wednesday, and that meant Neil had math team practice, so he wasn’t free until 4:30. God, just thinking the words “math team” sent a shiver down Max’s spine. What a fucking nerd.

Max was stretched out across his usual bench, his arms behind his head and his eyes closed. He hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in at least three weeks. Maybe he could recover just a bit of rest if he took a short nap now.

Suddenly, a loud engine roar disrupted his peace. He growled at the offending noise and punched the back of the bench. Why did people have to drive such fucking loud vehicles? He sat up just so he could shoot a deep scowl at the rude driver, perhaps shout a few curses, but his face fell when he saw the source of the noise. It was Zach’s black bike, pulling up to the same spot it had parked in two weeks ago. Max eyed him skeptically, confused as to why he was here again. Zach slipped his helmet off, shook his hair like he was in a shampoo commercial, then headed his way.

Max watched him approach cautiously. Zach’s gaze was clearly set on him this time; hell, he wasn’t even bothering to use the sidewalk, he was just cutting straight across the grass. He sat himself next to Max on the bench, flashing him his shiny, confident white smile.

“Hello again, Max!” he greeted in a chipper tone.

“Hey,” Max replied hesitantly. “What’re you doing here?”

“Came to pick up some homework for a sick friend. Walter has a shit immune system this year.”

“Oh.” Max didn’t know what to say. He still hadn’t fully wrapped his brain around their last interaction. He didn’t get this guy’s demeanor at all. Nor did he understand why he, an attractive biker who probably was the most popular guy at his school, was talking to him, a depressed, angry loner. It just didn’t make sense. And it didn’t make sense why Max thought of him as attractive, because he most definitely was not. He was just a rich, arrogant emo kid.

“I also came to follow up on my offer,” Zach continued, locking his intense eyes onto Max’s face. Max met his gaze in complete confusion. His puzzlement only increased as he looked into Zach’s deep hazel eyes. He had this strange look on his face, something Max couldn’t place. His eyes were half-lidded and he had something between a smile and a smirk on his face.

“What offer?” Max inquired suspiciously.

“To take you for a spin on my bike,” he responded casually, as if the answer should have been obvious.

“Oh, yeah. Well, I’m waiting for my ride, so I don’t think I should leave.”

Zach leaned back against the bench and flung an arm across the top of it. Max tensed at the movement. If he just moved his arm a bit more forward, it would be around his shoulders.

“Oh, come on! Five minutes, that’s it! Maybe less. She is a speed demon.” Zach shot him what was for sure a smirk this time, and Max felt his cheeks redden.

“Why should I trust you? You could be trying to kidnap me for all I know.”

Zach stared blankly at him for a second before bursting out laughing. Max scooted a few inches away from him, unnerved by his outburst.

“Oh, Max,” Zach sighed as he calmed down from his laughing fit. “You’re too uptight! You need to relax! Why on earth would I want to kidnap you?”

“Maybe you’re a serial killer, I don’t know. We barely know each other.”

“Alright, alright, I see your point.” Zach turned towards him, brining his knee up to rest on the space of bench in between them. “But really, Max, I’m a nice guy. I’m not going to do anything to you.”

“Uh huh, that was convincing,” Max chided with a roll of his eyes.

“Come on, Max! Do it for the poor kid whose family was torn apart?”

“Really, you’re playing the pity card now? That’s just sad. Also judging by that, I’m guessing your dad ditched?”

“Yep. And just as predicted, his lover didn’t follow him.”

“Shit.”

“Yep. Got what he deserved, if you ask me.”

Max said nothing for a few seconds, a thought nagging at him desperately. He was hesitant to voice it aloud, afraid of what sort of answer he might get. But he had to get it off his chest; besides, it wasn’t like Zach was going to leave him alone anytime soon.

“Why do you want me to go with you so badly?”

Zach looked away from him and bit his lip. His confidence had vanished into thin air. Max just stared at him, perplexed, unable to imagine why he was acting the way he was, why he was so insistent on him going for a ride.

“This is going to sound dumb,” he started hesitantly, “but I actually care about you, Max. I thought about you a lot after that dinner party, wondering how you were, what could possibly have made you so bitter. And then when my parents split up I finally felt like I got it. You were the only person who knew about what was going on, what if felt like to be so disillusioned with the world. I just wished you were there when shit went down. And so when I saw you again a few weeks ago I just…was happy.

“Sorry, that was probably really weird and too much information. But I never forgot about you, Max. That’s why you matter.”

Max sat in stunned silence, unsure how to respond. _Did he seriously not forget about me in 4 years? It’s not like we actually talked that much or knew each other well. And why me? I’m not interesting or special! Surely he had actual friends he could have gone to._

“Yeah, that probably was too much,” Zach said, awkwardly scratching his arm. “I’ll just get going now.”

“I’ll go.”

Zach had already stood up and turned away from him, but he turned on his heel when he heard Max’s voice.

“What?”

“I’ll go with you, for a ride.”

“Really?!” Zach’s eyes lit up and a smile—a genuine one, not a smug one—spread across his face.

“Yeah, sure, let’s get this over with,” Max shrugged. His voice sounded distant, and in truth he wasn’t completely all there. His mind felt numb, like a switch had put it into sleep mode and something else was driving him forward, controlling him.

“Sweet!” Zach grabbed Max’s hand and sprinted towards his bike. Max nearly tripped as he was suddenly pulled through the air. It didn’t help that he wasn’t currently in complete control of his muscles and limbs.

At his bike, Zach tossed Max his helmet.

“Wear this. Don’t want you getting hurt.”

Max didn’t protest, still too out of it to speak. He slid his hair tie off his wrist and shoved his mess of hair into a ponytail. He then stuffed the ponytail forcefully into the helmet. Zach climbed on and leaned forward, holding onto the handlebars. Max hesitantly climbed on behind him, his crotch pressed into Zach’s butt. The uncomfortable positioning seemed to reawaken his mind a bit.

 _God, this is so fucking awkward._ _This was a bad decision. Why the fuck did I even agree to this?_

Max knew now why, but it had taken him the entirety of 2 years to figure it out. It was because Zach made him feel special, like he actually mattered. He thought Zach actually gave a shit about him. And in the midst of his darkest year of life yet, that was exactly the sort of thing Max needed to hear. It was easy now to look back and realize the mistakes he had made, all the things he had missed the first time around. But in the moment, Zach had tapped into what he had wanted most, and so he willingly took the bait.

Even now, it still made him wince to think of their first meetings in those terms. To think of how manipulative Zach was being, of how he was just reeling Max in, and of how easily he had allowed himself to be sucked in. He had thought he was smarter than that. And it took him years to realize that it had nothing to do with how clever or intelligent a person is; everyone is searching for something, and when someone feeds that something to you, or dangles it right in front of your nose, you almost always take it.

“Wrap your arms around my waist!” Zach called as he started the loud engine.

Max grimaced, his hatred of physical contact rearing its ugly head. But he knew he had to do it if he didn’t want to fall off the second they started moving. He reluctantly wrapped his arms loosely around Zach’s torso. He couldn’t help but notice the taller boy had some mean abs, a thought he wanted to smack himself for having. He quickly tightened his grip as they lurched forward much faster than he had expected. He pressed himself flush against Zach’s back, trying to ignore the heat the boy radiated. Zach pulled out of the school smoothly and turned onto the main road. He pushed the right handlebar forward, bringing them up to 45 miles per hour. Max held tight to him as the wind roared around him and rippled his clothes. What a strange feeling, to be going this fast without the walls of a car to protect you. He was suddenly really grateful that Zach had given him his helmet.

Zach turned right at the stop light, leaning into the turn gracefully. Max tightened his grip unconsciously, adrenaline spiking as he was suddenly angled a lot closer towards the pavement. When they straightened up again, he glanced up at Zach, trying to gauge his expression. But all he saw was his black hair waving in the wind, his head turned forward and seemingly completely focused on the road ahead.

“You okay?” Zach shouted over the wind.

“Yeah!” Max yelled, hoping he could be heard through the muffling of the helmet. Zach twisted his head a bit so Max could see his face. He had a soft smile on, like this was heaven on earth to him. Max felt his cheeks heat up, so he returned his gaze to the other side of the road.

They took two more right turns, bringing them back to Max’s school. He breathed a sigh of relief as they pulled back into the parking lot. The relief quickly dissipated, though, as he noticed Neil’s car parked in the drop-off circle.

 _Well, shit_.

They pulled up behind Neil and parked. Zach hopped off first while Max pulled the helmet off. He then offered a hand to Max to help him dismount, which Max purposefully ignored.

“Whacha think?” he asked, beaming at the shorter boy.

“It was…fast. But I enjoyed it.”

“Yeah, the first ride is always intimidating. You get used to it, though. If you ever wanna go again, hit me up.”

“Okay,” Max agreed, despite the fact that he had absolutely no way to contact the boy once they parted ways.

“Alright, I need to go get that homework. See you, Max!” He gave Max a pat on the back before hopping onto the sidewalk and heading into the school.

Max blinked after him, his body paralyzed. His mind was completely focused on one thought, two thoughts that insisted on screaming at him repeatedly: _Zach has feelings for you_. _He flirted with you._ He shook his head, trying to dispel the intrusive words.

_No, he doesn’t and no, he wasn’t. He was just being overly friendly. No one would ever flirt with me, because no one would ever like me._

He forced his limbs to move to Neil’s car, dreading the onslaught of questions he knew were to come from his friend. He tossed his backpack onto the backseat before taking his place next to Neil.

“What the hell was that all about? Who the fuck was that?” Neil demanded anxiously as soon as Max opened the door.

Max just stared out the windshield, dazed. He really didn’t know how to answer.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

People always say “third time’s the charm,” and that was indeed the case for Zach and Max. A week after the motorcycle incident, Zach showed up again after school. Max pointedly avoided looking up from the ground, recognizing his arrival by the sound of his stupid, expensive bike. He walked over to Max’s usual bench and sat down next to him as if they had been friends for years. Max avoided eye contact, still confused after last week, especially now that he suspected Zach’s interest in him was more than friendly.

“Hey, Max,” he said calmly, spreading both his arms out on the back of the bench.

“Hi, Zach,” Max responded awkwardly, eyes glued to the grass at his feet.

“What’s new?”

“Nothing. You?”

“Not much for me, either.”

The duo sat in silence for a few beats. Max’s anxiety rose with each quiet second. He was desperate for Zach to do something, say something, literally anything besides just sit and look at him. Each second felt like an eternity, and Max begged whatever higher powers there may be for death. Finally, Zach made a move, sighing softly before he started speaking.

“I’m just here for you this time _.”_

_On second thought, silence is better. This is much, much worse. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

Max felt his eyes widen and his palms start to sweat. God, why was he so fucking flustered? Zach’s just an arrogant, _slightly_ attractive teen who’s toying with him.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to come to a party with me this weekend,” he continued, voice still calm.

Max felt like he was going to throw up. What was with this guy? Why they hell was he taking an interest in him? They barely knew each other! He was just some rich kid whose selfish dad worked with his mom. They were strangers practically, two souls united only in their bitter hatred of their parents’ dinner parties. Not to mention that Zach was _way_ out of Max’s league; he was attractive, probably popular, rode a badass motorcycle, was calm and cool and collected at all times. Not that Max cared or thought Zach was in _his_ league; to be fair, though, he didn’t consider anyone to be in his league. He didn’t consider himself one for romance period.

“Max?” Zach asked, concern tinting his voice. Max must’ve looked pretty awful for him to sound like that.

“Yeah, um, sorry,” he scrambled, unsure what to say. God, he hated sounding like this, hated being taken off-guard. He was always the one in control in conversations. He didn’t like having the rug pulled out from under him like this. “I-I don’t know….”

Fingers wrapped around his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Max thought his heart was going to explode. Jesus Christ, he didn’t even know it could beat this fast.

“I’ll pick you up,” he offered, a soft smile on his face. “We can leave the party whenever you want.”

“I, um, well,” Max stammered frantically. Thank god Nikki and Neil weren’t here; they’d never let him live this down. He desperately wanted an out, some way to escape. He felt trapped, and in a way he was: he had nowhere to go, since Neil wasn’t here yet, and Zach literally had a grip on him. It was overwhelming and extremely anxiety-inducing. “Wh-why me?” he finally managed to stutter.

“Well, it’s like I said last week. I care about you, and you’ve always been an interesting person to me. And ever since I ran into you three weeks ago,” Zach leaned in, staring intently into Max’s scared green eyes, “I just haven’t been able to get you off my mind.”

That’s it, that was the final straw. Max was sure his heart was just going to stop then and there. This was too fucking much. He stared at the ground, his brain not working anymore. Zach took this opportunity to rest the rest of his arm around Max’s shoulders. He scooched an inch or two closer to him. He leaned his face forward so he could see Max’s a bit better.

“You okay, Max?” he asked softly. God, no, this was too much. He had to get out of here. Neil needed to pull up right now and save him from this. And then he could blabber on about this kinda hot guy who tried to hit on him but Max ditched him because he was overwhelmed. But his body was paralyzed and his mind had shut down. He tried to shake his head, to say “No, I’m not alright. You’re really overwhelming me with all this flirty bullshit.” Instead his head bobbed up and down in a nod. Zach smiled at the reassurance.

“So, do you want to come with me this weekend?”

_No. I need to think about this, this is a lot to throw at me so suddenly. We hardly fucking know each other!_

“Yeah.”

_What the actual fuck? What the hell do you think you’re doing?_

_I’m panicking, that’s what I’m doing!_

“Awesome!” Zach cried, pulling him in for a side hug. “Oh man, this is going to be so much fun!” Max just sat frozen in his grasp, unable to move. “I’ll pick you up around 7 on Friday?”

Max nodded numbly again and Zach beamed. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out an iPhone. He unlocked it and pressed the screen a few times before handing it to Max.

“Here, put your number and address in, and I’ll text you later.”

Max did as he was instructed, hands shaking. He limply held it out to his companion when he was done. Zach snatched it and shoved it back in his pocket.

“Perfect! Alright, I’ll text you later!” He side-hugged Max again before running off to his bike. Max just sat on the bench, staring after him.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

“Let me get this straight,” Neil interrupted, putting a hand up to indicate “stop.” He was looking annoyed, his other hand pressed to his forehead. “He pressured you into going out with him?”

“Uh…” Max started, trying to think of an answer. He hadn’t really thought of it that way before. He had just thought Zach was really eager. “Yes?”

“God, what an asshole!” Neil exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “He was trouble from the goddamn beginning! I wish I had just punched him out when I had the chance!”

“He was charming, though,” Nikki mused, squeezing Max’s bare chest in reassurance. Max was sitting in between her legs, her knees pulled up on either side of him. She held onto him from behind, peeking around his bushel of curls to look at the computer screen. Neil, sitting on a hotel bed, looked back at them from the other side of the laptop screen.

“I don’t blame you for getting flustered,” she continued. “He lured you in purposefully. He charmed you, made you think he cared, and then cornered you. He knew exactly what he was doing.”

“I just can’t believe him!” Neil yelled, his face turning red in anger. “What a douchebag! Who fucking does—?”

“Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?” Max snapped, not wanting to drag this out longer than he had to.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, Max,” Neil apologized, sinking into the pillows behind him a bit.

Max sighed, mentally preparing himself for the worst parts of the story. “Alright, so, the party…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading, friends <3 I deeply appreciate each and every one of you and all the love you give this story. Y'all mean so so much to me! 
> 
> Next chapter will hopefully be out in a week. I'll do my best; I am still on vacation. Next one is going to be a lot more angsty, so prepare yourselves.
> 
> Love y'all!


	8. The Prince and His Knight (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max finishes recounting his time with Zach to Nikki and Neil, and it's hard for all of them to swallow.
> 
> This chapter is NSFW for ATTEMPTED RAPE. If you do not want to read that, feel free to skip to the end notes and I'll have a summary down there of things you actually need to know. I will place a warning at the start of the scene. 
> 
> Other Content Warnings: physical violence, blood, sexy dancing, alcohol usage, drug usage, and references to past abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY Y'ALL. Ok, this one is tough to get through. God, it was honestly hard for me to write. I'm so, so sorry.
> 
> That being said, the rape attempt is not very graphic. By that I mean that no clothes are removed, no genitalia are touched, etc. The most graphic thing is the undoing of a jean button/zipper. No actual sexual contact/interactions occur. Still, proceed at your own caution and again, I will put a warning before the scene starts.
> 
> Ok, I think that's it. I hope you enjoy :)

Max spent the next three days in a panic. He ignored all of his homework and instead spent each afternoon pacing anxiously around Neil’s room. Neil kept asking him what was wrong and if he needed to talk, but Max either shot him down or just ignored him. The only thing he actually kept on top of was responding to his text messages, all of which were from Zach. He needed at least three minutes between each message to pace and calm himself somewhat before he could even begin to think of a response.

Finally, on Friday afternoon, Neil couldn’t take it anymore. He waited until Max was out of the room and then stole a glance at his phone. There was a message from someone named Zach reading, “Can’t wait to see you tonight! :)”

 _What the fuck?_ _Who the hell is Zach? And why is Max “seeing” him tonight?_

When Max returned, Neil shot him a quick glare. Max caught it and returned him a confused expression.

“What?” he asked.

“When were you going to tell me you’re not joining Nikki and me tonight?” Neil asked, his voice sounding angrier than he wanted it to.

“What are you—?” Max stopped mid-sentence and shut his mouth. He glanced over to his phone, which was lying where he’d left it a few minutes ago. Still, it was the only explanation for how Neil had found out. “Really? You fucking read my texts?”

“A message popped up on the screen and I just happened to see it!” Neil protested, but he knew that defense was weak. Max had known him for too long to buy that excuse.

“Bullshit!” Max yelled, snatching his phone off the bed. “How fucking dare you invade my privacy!”

“Well what was I supposed to do, Max?” Neil shouted back, throwing his arms in the air. “Something has been bothering you for days but you won’t talk to me about it!”

“Because it’s none of your goddamn business!”

“I’m just worried about you! Is it so awful that I worry about my best friend?”

“Yes! Because I can fucking handle myself, asshole! We’re not kids anymore, so stop trying to treat me like one! I don’t need you trying to fix my fucking life!”

Neil opened his mouth, ready to retort, but then paused as Max’s words sank in. He closed his mouth and turned away from his friend. He could feel his eyes beginning to water, and he did not want Max seeing that. He couldn’t know how hurt Neil was by his words. Max spouted rude, scathing comments all the time, but the anger in his voice made them actually sting for once.

Max immediately knew he had fucked up when Neil turned away from him. He never turned his back on him, even on the rare occasion that they fought. He hadn’t meant to upset him; he was just angry that he went behind his back. It doesn’t seem like a lot to ask to have your best friend not read your texts. Still, he knew he was at fault here, too. If he had just been honest with Neil from the get-go, then none of this would have happened. To be honest, he wasn’t sure why he was keeping this meeting with Zach a secret. Something in his brain just screamed that this needed to be between him and Zach for now.

Max reached a hand out, ready to grab Neil’s shoulder and apologize, but Neil beat him to the punch.

“Just…go home, Max,” he whispered, the pain clear in his voice.

Max winced at his words and his tone, but he did as he was told. Sometimes Neil just needs space, and he didn’t want to intrude on that. He grabbed his backpack and headed for the front door, already dialing Nikki’s number to ask for a ride.

 

                                                                        ~(*)~

 

Just as promised, Zach pulled up to his house at 7:00 PM sharp. Max walked outside to meet him. He had insisted he not come up to the door in the interest of not letting his mother see him. God knows what she’d do to him if she saw he was leaving the house with a guy on a motorcycle on a Friday night. He ran down the front walk to the motorcycle and hopped onto the bike as quickly as he could. He didn’t care how awkward the positioning was or even that he was in the presence of the boy who’d had him on edge for the last 3 days; he refused to be caught by his mother. Zach turned around, smiling his normal smug grin, and handed Max his helmet.

 “Evening, Max,” he greeted calmly.

“Just drive,” Max said curtly as he slipped the helmet on.

Zach looked shocked by Max’s words, but he did as instructed nonetheless. They sped off down the road much faster than the speed limit and quickly disappeared from the view of Max’s house. A few blocks later, Max released his breath and allowed himself to lean against Zach’s back.

“Sorry about that!” he shouted over the road noise and wind. “My parents can’t know we’re doing this!”

“It’s all good! I get it!” Zach returned, turning his head a bit so Max could see his face. Max felt his checks heating up, just like last time.

The rest of the 20-minute ride was spent in silence. Max clung tightly to his companion, his eyes closed as he tried to focus on the rush of wind. He could feel his nerves returning as they got closer and closer to the beach house where the party was being held. He had no idea what this night would entail. Was this a date? Would they dance together? Would they just drink and play beer pong? Wound Zach put his arm around him again? Would he do more than that?

Max’s rush of thoughts was halted as Zach came to a stop. He unwrapped himself from the taller boy and removed the helmet as the engine turned off. Zach slid off gracefully and offered a hand to Max. This time, Max took his help, but after he had gotten off the bike their hands rested together another few seconds. Max finally removed his as they started walking towards the beach house, a gorgeous, wooden two-story building. The second floor had a deck that extended over the water. A large clump of people was occupying it, but Max thought it’d be a nice spot to unwind when it was empty. The house itself was mostly dark, save for the deck and a few windows upstairs. The bottom floor was sporadically illuminated by a strobe light, and Max could see through the windows that there was a good number of people in this part of the house, too.

“Come on,” Zach said, gently resting his hand on the small of Max’s back. Max blushed furiously and was very grateful that the house was going to be so dark. They walked up to what appeared to be a side door to the house, a teenage boy leaning against the wall next to the threshold. He uncrossed his arms and stood up when Max and Zach got close.

“Zach, my man!” he cheered. They slapped hands and then gave each other a fist-bump. “Didn’t know you were coming tonight!”

“Of course, dude. You know I never miss a Carter party.”

The bouncer laughed and gave him a slap on the back. “Ain’t that the truth! Head on in! Just don’t break the sink this time.”

Zach scoffed playfully and put his hand back on Max’s back. “That was one time. And I have company tonight.”

The bouncer shot a curious glance at Max and smirked. Max raised an eyebrow, confused by the boy’s expression.

“I see. Have fun in there!” He winked at Zach as they started heading inside. Max couldn’t place the look on his face, but upon reflection he recognized it. It was a knowing look: he and Zach knew something that Max didn’t. Of course, looking back, it was easy to pin down what they’re little secret was. But at the time, Max just let Zach lead him inside, pushing the odd interaction aside.

They entered into the kitchen, where several people were milling about, red Solo cups in hand. Under any other circumstances, this was probably a very nice kitchen; currently, though, it was littered with used cups, bottles half-full of wine and beer and vodka, and pans of brownies. A small lamp illuminated the room just enough so Max could make out what drink was what. Zach guided him over to the counter of drinks and grabbed two presumably clean cups off of the island.

“What would you like?” he asked, gesturing to the array of bottles. Max leaned over and scanned each label. He finally just decided on a beer, which Zach insisted on pouring in the cup anyways. He then poured himself a hearty half-cup of vodka, much to Max’s surprise.

“Gets you drunk faster,” he shrugged as he took a shot from the cup. Max glanced back at the dark liquid in his own cup and took a short sip. He grimaced as he swallowed it down. _God, beer is gross._ He had just asked for it because it didn’t want to get wasted by taking shots and he hated cheap wine.

Zach looked at him and noticed his hesitancy. He wrapped his free arm around Max’s shoulders and pulled him close. Max’s eyes widened and his heart started pounding at their sudden close proximity. Zach just smiled down at him, eyes half-lidded.

“Relax, Max. You need to chill out.”

“I’m chill,” Max retorted. He looked up and met Zach’s eyes and immediately a spike of adrenaline hit him.

“Then why do you look so nervous?”

“I’m not nervous,” Max insisted. He knew his voice was too shaky to be convincing, but he trudged on nevertheless. “I told you, I’m fine. Let’s go look at the dance floor.”

Zach squeezed his shoulder to show his approval of Max’s choice. They walked through two doorways before they entered the living room—or, for the moment, the dance floor. Roughly 50 people were crammed into the room and were dancing in some form. Some people were in small circles of friends dancing casually. Some were in pairs, grinding and on the whole just being overly sexually. And then there were some who just seemed to be throwing their bodies around randomly; they were likely the drunk—well, the most drunk—partygoers.

Zach chuckled, then pointed towards a buff guy who was attempting to do the worm by the fireplace.

“That guy’s the quarterback of our football team,” he said smugly. Max scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Doesn’t look like he’s winning you a lot of games right now,” Max snorted. Zach chuckled again and took another shot of vodka.

“And that girl over there,” he started, pointing to a brunette in a pastel blue skirt dancing in a small group. “Head cheerleader. She dated Mr. Worm over there. But she left him for your’s truly.”

Max cocked an eyebrow at him as he swallowed a long gulp of his beer. “Wow, she really lowered her standards. What the hell did she see in you?”

Zach shoved him lightly and laughed. “Shut up! I’ll have you know I’m very charming.”

“No shit,” Max mumbled, half-hoping his companion wouldn’t hear. “So, wait, you’re not…?”

Zach just stared at him for a moment, confused as to what he was referring to. After a few seconds, his eyes widened in realization, and he waved his hands in front of his chest. “Oh! Oh, no, I’m not gay! Which isn’t to say I’m not interested in men, I’m just not _exclusively_ interested in them.”

“Gotcha,” Max nodded before downing the rest of his beer. “I got a friend like you.”

“Is that to say that you are _not_ like me?” Zach asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not really interested in anyone,” Max shrugged, eyes fixated on his empty cup. “But I guess you could say I’m attracted to men.”

“Like…sexually?”

Max blushed a touch but nodded. Zach smirked and wrapped his arm around the smaller boy once again.

“Guess that makes two of us,” he said smugly, his voice a bit quieter than before.

That was too much for Max to take. No way was he ready for sexual implications on their first…whatever this was. He jolted a little and slid away from Zach’s grasp.

“I’m going to, uh, get more to drink,” he stammered before darting to the kitchen.

Once he was back in the less crowded and less stifling room, he leaned against the counter and let out a sigh of relief.

 _This guy is too fucking much_ , his brain tried to reason with him. _This is way too much. You should have never agreed to this._

Max closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. _I know_.

_Then why don’t you just ask him to leave? He said you could go whenever you want!_

_I…I’m not sure I want to leave yet._

_Are you fucking crazy? You’re going to wind up drunk and sleeping with this guy and then hate yourself for it tomorrow!_

_No, I’m not. Is it so wrong for me to want to spend time with someone who actually seems to be interested in me?_

“Max?” Max opened his eyes and glanced over to the doorway where the voice had come from. Zach was leaning against the threshold, looking mildly concerned. Max stood up straight and tried to look less frazzled than he felt.

“Hey, Zach,” he called casually. “Just couldn’t decide what I wanted to drink.”

“Are you okay, Max?” Zach pressed, completely ignoring his pathetic excuse. He walked over to him and leaned against the counter next to him.

“I’m fine! Just needed some fresh air,” he insisted. He turned around and started pouring some vodka into his cup. _I need to be drunk_ now _so I can stop overthinking everything and freaking out_.

“Are you sure? You seem anxious.”

“No, really, I’m fine, Zach.” Max turned back around with his fresh drink and put his hand on Zach’s arm. “Really.”

“Ok, well, do you want to dance with me then?”

_You should have pretended to be nauseous. Then he would’ve just taken you home._

_Shut the fuck up._

“Sure,” Max agreed. He took a large gulp of vodka, then set his cup in a corner. Zach placed his own cup, now empty, next to his.

Zach grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the dance floor. Both of their faces were blushed from a combination of heat, alcohol, and each other’s company. Zach dragged him into one of the few open spaces left in the crowd, a small pocket of space in between a group of cheerleaders and a trio of baseball players. He turned around and grabbed Max’s other hand. He pulled the puffy-haired teen close to him, their faces only about a foot apart.

“Shall we?” he asked, his lips curled into a wild grin and his eyes half-lidded once more. Max searched his brain rampantly as his heart thundered in his chest. There was a word for the expression his companion wore. It was something he’d never actually experienced in real life, but he’d seen it tons of times in movies.

 _Seductive_.

Max short-circuited the second the word came to mind. _No no no no no no no. No way, nah uh, this is too fucking much. Time to get going._ But, just like last time this happened, he found his body paralyzed.

Zach noticed his lack of movement and gave his hands a squeeze. “Come on!”

He released his hands and started dancing, as if Max needed a demonstration. Which was honestly a fair assumption because Max did need a demonstration. Max’s eyes studied how Zach was moving, trying to figure out what he should do. He’d only been to a handful of parties before, and not once had he danced before he was completely drunk. Zach swayed his hips and ran a hand through his hair. Max had no doubt he was showing off purposefully, but he had nothing else to go on. He gently swung his hips from side-to-side, trying to less grandiosely mimic Zach’s motions.

Zach chuckled as he noticed Max’s pathetic attempt at dancing. One of his hands grabbed Max’s hip and the other snaked around his waist. Max tumbled forward as Zach pulled him near, pressing their chests together. Max felt his brain completely shut off as he blushed furiously. Part of him screamed to push Zach away and to run for it, but another part refused to let him move. He looked up and met his partner’s eyes anxiously. Zach still had his lusty gaze on, and Max thought his heart was going to explode just from seeing it so up close.

Max raised a trembling hand and set it on Zach’s hip. Zach grinned and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Max’s. Max could hear every part of his brain screaming at him to stop this, to intervene, but he couldn’t tear himself away. It was only when Zach’s hips moved against his own that his brain went into a full panic.

He shoved Zach away by his shoulders, a bit more forcefully than he had intended. Zach stared at him, perplexed, but before he could say anything, Max was sprinting off the dance floor and up the stairs. He quickly locked himself in the only open room he could find—the bathroom. He didn’t even bother to turn on the light. He just sank down onto the cool tile floor, his back pressed against the bathtub.

_Stupid fucking hormones. Stupid fucking party. Stupid fucking Zach._

He sighed and threw his head back, feeling his heart rate coming back down and his breaths evening out. Why had he let things progress to that point? He should have backed off when Zach had first pulled him in. They hardly knew each other! He couldn’t just let some stranger—albeit a hot one—grind on him! He’d never even kissed anyone, let alone do anything below the belt. Why does this guy fluster him so much and make him short-circuit every time he’s near?

Before Max could answer any of his own questions, he heard a knock on the door.

“Max?”

_Shit._

“Max, are you in there?”

“Yeah, um, I’ll be out in a minute,” he lied. He had no intention of leaving this bathroom for at least half an hour.

“Max, I’m sorry for freaking you out,” Zach said, sounding genuinely remorseful. “Can I just come in and talk to you?”

Max debated opening the door, considering what had happened the last time they were close. But he finally resigned himself and headed to the door. Zach deserved an explanation; he was the one who’d shoved him then bailed, after all.

Max opened the door to see a sheepish Zach, a sad smile on his face. Max stepped out of the doorway and closed it again once Zach was inside. He didn’t lock it this time, though; he wasn’t about to trap himself in another awkward situation. Zach sat on the toilet seat and rested his elbows on his thighs. Max sat on the edge of the bathtub so that they were looking right at each other.

“Max, I’m sorry,” Zach repeated, not meeting his eyes. “I got a little carried away. I just thought…you seemed to like where things were going, so I just went for it. I didn’t mean to scare you off.”

“It’s fine,” Max mumbled, eyes fixated on the floor tiles. He knew it wasn’t fine, that Zach was pushing him too much and it was too overwhelming, but he didn’t know what else to say. He just really didn’t want Zach to leave. “I’m just…not really used to stuff like that.”

“You’re joking,” Zach said, dead-panned. Max shot him a confused glance. “You’re so attractive! How the hell do you not have guys crawling all over you?”

Max blushed and diverted his eyes again. “Please,” he scoffed, trying to regain some of his typical apathy. “You’re just saying that because you feel bad.”

“No, seriously!” Zach cried. “Why do you think I wanted to dance with you? Or do any of this with you? Look, I’m sorry I pushed too hard earlier. Can we just pretend like it never happened? Go back to having fun?”

Max hesitated. Zach genuinely seemed to be sorry, but part of him still just wanted to leave. He was sold, however, when he looked up and met Zach’s piercing brown eyes and his soft smile.

 _Motherfucker_.

“Yeah,” he finally agreed. “No harm done.”

Zach beamed and practically jumped to his feet. He extended a hand to Max to help him up, and the shorter boy took it. The duo left the bathroom, ready to drink some more and wipe their awkward interaction out of their minds.

           

                                                                        ~(*)~

 

Neil squeaked in surprise as his loud phone ringtone blasted. He groaned, annoyed that he’d been woken up by this late night call. Who the hell could possibly want to talk to him at—he awakened his phone screen and groaned again—2:00 AM? His question was quickly answered as he glanced at the caller ID: Max.

Neil was still upset about their fight earlier, but Max never called him this late unless it was something important. He swiped right to answer and let out a yawn before speaking.

“Hello?”

“Neil!” Max practically screamed on the other end, making Neil yank the phone away from his ear. “Neil, buddy, how are you?”

“ _Buddy?” “How are you?” The fuck is wrong with him?_

“Well, I was sleeping till _someone_ woke me up,” he bit, not even trying to hide his annoyance.

“Oh, shit, is it that late already? I’m sorry, buddy!” Ok, yeah, something was seriously wrong with him. He would never apologize for waking Neil up. And he certainly wouldn’t call him “buddy” once, let alone twice.

“Are you drunk?” Neil asked suspiciously.

“What? No! Can’t I be nice to my best friend without being drunk?”

“No, you really can’t,” Neil responded, dead-panned.

“That hurts me, Neil,” Max said in faux pain. Neil just rolled his eyes.

“What do you want, Max?” he sighed, pinching the skin between his eyes.

“Oh, yeah! I’m sorry for fighting earlier. I was being a fucking DICK!” He screamed the last word, making Neil wince and pull his phone away once more.

“Oh,” Neil started, unsure how to respond. Especially since Max was definitely drunk and would likely not remember this in the morning. “Thanks, Max. I’m sorry for being nosy.”

“It’s all good, buddy!” Max assured him. Neil swore he heard Max’s feet stumbling around underneath him. “I should’ve told you what was up! I’m at a party with a really hot guy, Neil.”

“Motorcycle guy?”

“Yep!”

“Congrats,” Neil said, his tone harsher than he had intended. He felt a knot twist in his stomach.

“He’s _really_ hot,” Max continued, ignoring Neil’s clipped comment.

“Ok, I get it,” Neil interjected, feeling his annoyance rising. Why was he so put off by this?

“Max!” Neil heard someone shout in the background. “Come on! There’s only three brownies left!”

“Shit!” Max yelled. “I gotta go. I gotta get those brownies!”

“They wouldn’t happen to be pot brownies, would they?”

“What? No! Don’t be silly, Neil.” Max giggled, revealing his obvious lie.

_Jesus Christ, drunk and high? This is a first._

"Sure, whatever you say. Night, Max.”

“Night, Neil! I love you!” The phone beeped three times to alert him that Max had hung up.

Neil tossed his phone down and sat in the darkness silently. He tried to process all that had just happened, everything he’d just heard.

_Why do I care that he’s on a date? It’s none of my business. Max can date whoever he wants._

_But seriously, cross-faded on a first date? What kind of guy is he with?_

_Who cares, not my problem. Max can date_ whoever _he wants._

But the feeling in his stomach still refused to go away. And his annoyance was twisting into a sadder emotion; it almost felt like disappointment. What did Neil have to be disappointed about, though? It wasn’t like _he_ wanted to go on a date with Max.

Even through his exhaustion he could feel the weakness of that argument. Especially with his brain chanting one other though on repeat: _Max said he loves me._

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

The next few meet-ups were blurry and fragmented to Max. He knew he spent every Friday night with Zach, partying at the beach house. He knew he drank a lot and smoked pot, successfully getting crossfaded each time. Sometimes he experimented with harder drugs: someone told him that he used LSD once, another claimed he took some mushrooms, and a few claimed they saw him snort crack or take acid. He honestly couldn’t remember what he had and hadn’t done, but he knew he had toyed with shit he definitely shouldn’t have. He would dance and laugh and play party games with Zach and the other partygoers till early light. He had vague memories of the actual activities of those nights, most of them fleeting remembrances of touches shared between him and his companion.

The alcohol and drugs helped loosen him up and made him much more inclined to physical contact. He remembered Zach with his arms around him as they sat in front of a bonfire. He recalled Zach hugging him each time he dropped him off at his house in the early morning hours of Saturday. He knew their dancing had gotten more intimate, but he couldn’t remember how far anything had gone. He did remember that neither of them openly discussed what was going on between them: neither one declared themselves a couple, or called their nights together dates, or ever called the other his boyfriend. For all Max knew, they were just really flirtatious friends. But Zach’s ramblings about how much he cared for him seemed to counteract that theory.

Max still spent Saturday nights and Sundays with Nikki and Neil, after sleeping for most of the day Saturday. He knew they disapproved of what he did when he wasn’t with them, or at least were uncomfortable with it. Nikki tried to keep her usual smiley, happy self when they hung out, but sometimes she slipped up. Neil, on the other hand, didn’t try to hide his growing frustration. He knew some of his anger was misguided, that some of it was his own fault and came from emotions he really didn’t understand or want. But part of it was certainly a result of whatever Zach was doing to Max. Max had never done so much drinking and drugs before; hell, he’d never even smoked pot before all this started! Sure, he liked a drink occasionally, maybe get drunk once a month, but he never got as wasted as he did on his nights out with Zach. Normally when he drank, he almost always remembered everything the next morning; but now, his memory was always filled with gaping holes and blurry images. Neil was getting more than angry; he was getting scared.

Things reached a turning point six weeks after Max and Zach’s first party together. The event itself was fuzzy, but Max remembered the details vividly. They had been dancing together, as they now did every weekend. Max remembered Zach’s hands on his hips, one that ran through his heap of curls. He suspected they had been grinding a bit, which was no longer an uncommon occurrence. The hand in Max’s hair slid down the side of his face until it cupped his cheek. Max remembered the warmth of that touch, and the swift movement to press their foreheads together. He remembered the warmth of Zach’s breath on his face. He remembered his hands feeling the warmth of skin and the crunchy, slick feeling of sweaty, stylized hair.

He knew what happened after this, but he didn’t actually remember anything about it. He knew they kissed. He knew their lips connected, more than once. But he had no recollection of what it felt like to have lips press and move against his own. He had no idea what Zach tasted like, or if his lips were soft or chapped. He didn’t remember how many times they did it, or how intimate the kisses got, or if they ever progressed to just making out. He honestly wasn’t sure why he didn’t remember; he hadn’t actually had much to drink when it occurred. Perhaps he was drunker than he thought. Or maybe he had just blocked out the memories, too angry and hurt to hold onto them.

They never clarify if this makes them a couple or friends-with-benefits or anything at all, but things are never the same between them after that night. Zach texts Max almost constantly after that, invites him to do things after school. He gives him rides from school, buys him cheap fast food dinners, drops him off at home. Soon Max’s undone homework is in a giant pile on his desk and he has 40 unread messages from Nikki and Neil. He’s ignored every one of their calls, too tired to talk to them and put up with their bullshit. If they found out that things were progressing, they would freak out—well, Neil at least would blow a fuse. Max had been watching Neil get tenser and tenser as the weeks with Zach passed, and he had already looked like he was at a breaking point when he last saw him nearly 2 weeks ago. Besides, he was so busy hanging out with Zach or texting him that he really didn’t have time for much other socialization.

Max gets more open with Zach, both emotionally and physically. He doesn’t get flustered when Zach touches him or takes their dancing from actual dancing to just grinding. He lets Zach kiss him whenever he wants, and, though he doesn’t remember it, he knows he kisses back. Sometimes they sneak away from the parties and smoke cigarettes on the roof of the beach house. Max’s alcohol and drug intake only increased, his cares whisked away by his exuberance over whatever he has going with Zach.

But that quickly came crashing down.

Three weeks later, Max was in his room, getting ready for the weekly Friday night party. He has got on a white crop top, one Nikki had given to him for his birthday after realizing it didn’t fit her right. He was applying eye liner, a recommendation a regular partygoer named Marina had made, when he heard his phone ring. He picked up the device: Nikki. He hadn’t heard from her in weeks; or, well, _he_ hadn’t contacted _her_ in weeks. She had been messaging him every day, despite his lack of response. He hesitated a moment, but finally decided to let it go to voicemail so he could finish his makeup. When he was done, he played back the message she’d left.

“Hi, Max,” she started, then released a heavy sigh. “Look, I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m really worried about you. Please, just talk to me. I don’t even know if you’re alive right now. God.” Max heard her take a shuddering breath, clearly trying to calm herself down. “Please Max. Come back. I miss you so much. And so does Neil. He’s angry, and I think he’s ready to punch Zach out, but he’s worried too. We miss you, Max. Please…we love you.”

The message ended. Max pulled the phone back from his ear and stared at the screen. He felt a punch of guilt hit him full-force in the gut. He sat on his bed, almost as if the wind had been knocked out of him. Had he really been upsetting them that much?

_Of fucking course you have. They’re your best friends, and you’ve ignored them for three weeks._

He knew from the start he shouldn’t have done this. He had just shoved the guilt to the side to allow himself to have fun with Zach. He felt like he had reached a crossroads; he couldn’t keep all of them in his life, they just weren’t compatible, as he had witnessed. He didn’t want to let go of Zach, but Nikki and Neil had been his best friends for 6 years now. He just wanted to postpone the decision-making. But in doing so, he essentially had made his choice.

He was about to call her back when he heard the familiar roar of Zach’s bike’s engine. He locked his phone and ran out the door. He could call Nikki later.

           

                                                                        ~(*)~

(A/N: THIS IS THE START OF THE ATTEMPTED RAPE SCENE. JUMP TO THE END OF THE CHAPTER OR UNTIL THE NEXT LITTLE DIVIDE MARKER IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ IT) 

 

Max leaned against the island, having just topped off his second drink of the night. Zach smirked at him, still working on his first.

"You’re drinking particularly fast tonight,” he commented teasingly. He reached his hand out, offering to get Max another drink.

"Don’t fucking judge me,” Max shot back, his words playful and a grin on his face. Zach chuckled as Max handed him his red Solo cup.

“Just don’t blame me when you blackout later,” he trilled, turning around to face the line of liquor bottles. He selected the cheap vodka that Max loved to take shots of—it got him very drunk, very fast.

Max was about to close his eyes and let out a content sigh when something caught his eye. Zach had already poured his drink, but he had yet to return it to him. He watched as a hand slipped into Zach’s jean pocket and moved upwards and out of sight. Max narrowed his eyes, confused. What the fuck was he doing? Putting one of his stupid miniature umbrellas in the cup? Zach slipped whatever it was back into his pocket, and Max heard the quiet sloshing of liquid in a cup.

A few seconds later, Zach turned around and thrust the cup towards his companion. Max eyed it curiously. There was no little umbrella on the rim of it. He stared at the liquid, ripples still rolling through it from being transferred from hand-to-hand. It didn’t look any different or smell any different, but Max couldn’t shake the concern from his brain. Zach certainly hadn’t slipped something into his drink. He would never do anything like that.

_Calm down, Max. You’re overreacting. He probably just happened to get something from his pocket while pouring your drink. Just take a sip and prove it._

But he couldn’t bring himself to move the cup to his lips. He decided to just hold it for a minute until his brain calmed down and he relaxed again. He leaned back against the marble island and flashed a smile back at Zach.

“Thanks,” he said. Zach beamed back at him and took a long swig of his own drink. He slammed the now empty cup onto the countertop behind him, looking pleased with himself. He cocked an eyebrow as he noticed Max’s cup had yet to move or get any closer to empty.

“What’s the matter? Where’d your confidence go?” he taunted with his characteristic smirk.

“I’m fine,” Max retorted, waving a hand in dismissal. “Just thought I should take it a bit slower. I actually have to wake up tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Zach said. A look that Max was unable to pinpoint crossed his face, but in less than a second it was gone. He turned around wordlessly and poured himself another drink, adding some Coke into it to dull the alcohol taste. When he turned back around half a minute later, Max’s drink had still gone untouched.

“Seriously, dude, what’s up with you? You never take this long to take a shot.”

“I told you, I’m fine. I just don’t want to get black-out drunk tonight.”

Zach glanced from the Solo cup back up to Max’s face. Despite Max’s relaxed expression, his companion knew something else was going on. He had gotten to know Max all too well to buy his bullshit. He narrowed his eyes, as if searching for the lie in Max’s face. Max looked away, his friend’s striking brown eyes boring into him and making him want to squirm. After all this time, he still hadn’t gotten used to that intense stare of his.

And then it seemed to hit him. In his peripheral vision, Max saw Zach’s face crease in concern. Max’s body tensed, knowing what was going to come next.

“You don’t think I put something in your drink, do you?” Zach’s voice was quieter than usual, his tone a mixture of disbelief and hurt. Max instantly felt a pang of guilt kick in his stomach.

"No! I just…I saw you fiddling with something when you were making my drink and— “

“Don’t you trust me, Max?” Zach asked accusingly.

“Of course I do. Zach, calm down.”

“Then drink it.”

“What?”

Zach crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter. “If you trust me, prove it. Drink the drink.”

“Zach— “

“Do it, Max,” Zach insisted firmly.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

“Because after all this time, you still don’t trust me!”

“It’s not my fault that you were screwing around with shit in your pocket and I saw it!”

Zach fell silent, his face tensing and his eyes going stone cold. Max had never seen him look like this before. He wanted to leave, at least to go hide in the bathroom like he did at their first party. But his back was up against a barrier, and Zach could easily grab him if he tried to split either way. He hated that he was thinking this way about him, but his mind had immediately jumped to this train of thought. He’d been trained to think like this after 16 years of fighting off his parents.

“Drink. It.” Zach demanded, grabbing his arm and shoving the cup into his chest. A bit of the drink sloshed onto Max’s chest.

“You need to calm down,” Max said, trying to keep his voice from showing his growing panic. He tried to yank his arm out of Zach’s grasp, but he had too tight a grip.

“God, why do you have to be so fucking difficult?” Zach yelled. He released Max’s arm and threw his hands in the air exasperatedly. Max put the drink down and rubbed his arm where Zach had been holding. Zach turned around and paced back and forth in the small area between the island and counter. Max watched him, his heart racing and every nerve in his body screaming at him to run.

“I should’ve known you weren’t worth all this trouble,” Zach grumbled under his breath, but loud enough that Max could still make out the words. Max’s face contorted into a confused expression, but he also felt a surge of anger course through him.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” he snapped, standing up straight.

Zach whipped his head around, his stare intense. He seemed to be contemplating his response carefully. He let out a sigh after a few seconds, and then a dark little chuckle. Max wished he had more room to back up. This was very disturbing. He could feel the hairs on his neck and arms standing on end.

“You really think I care about you, Max?” he purred darkly. Max felt his stomach drop out from under him. “Why would anyone give a shit about you? You’re just a depressed, cynical, ruined piece of shit.”

Max felt his eyes starting to water. He squeezed his fists tightly, determined not to cry in front of Zach. He felt so small and helpless, his back pressed firmly into the island and Zach looming over him. Why was this happening? What had gone wrong? Had he done something? His mind frantically searched for an answer, but he couldn’t find one.

“I can’t believe I wasted 2 fucking months on you,” Zach growled, jabbing a finger into his chest. “And I still got nothing to show for it.”

“What are you talking about?” Max hissed, narrowing his eyes into an intense glare. He might have been smaller, but he was determined to try to be intimidating.

“God, you’re stupid.” Zach rolled his eyes. He leaned in until he was only mere inches from Max’s face.  His smug smirk returned, and he cupped Max’s cheek just like he had when they first kissed. Max smacked it away. He bit his lip, trying to force the tears back.

“I just wanted to fuck you,” Zach whispered.

Without thinking, Max raised his right hand and smacked Zach across the cheek. Zach stood stunned for a moment, raising a hand to feel the red burning skin. Then he let out another dark chuckle and returned his gaze to his smaller companion.

“Feisty. I always liked that about you,” Zach purred. Max thought he was going to be sick. “You’re so goddamn hot. If only you weren’t a fucking prude with no personality. I should’ve known this wasn’t going to work since that first date.”

“So your solution was to pretend you cared about me for 2 months and then try to drug and rape me?” Max screamed. He could feel himself loosing control. A single tear slid down his cheek, and he prayed Zach didn’t see it in the dim room. “Why not just find someone else? You can probably get anyone you want!”

“I could have done that,” Zach responded calmly, “but when I want something, Max, I get it. And I wanted you.”

“You’re disgusting. You realized how fucked up that is, right? You can’t just fucking force people to have sex with you against their will!”

“Why not? I had my family taken away against my will! Life isn’t fair, Max!”

“Oh my god, don’t you fucking dare try to blame this on daddy issues. Having your dad bail doesn’t turn you into a rapist!”

“You’re right, Max. What turned me into a rapist was putting up with spoiled brats like you who don’t know a good thing when they see it.”

Max slapped him again and, while he was still recovering, grabbed the collar of his shirt.

“I actually fucking cared about you, you know that?”

“Oh yes, Max, I certainly did,” Zach smirked. “You weren’t subtle about it. I guess that’s why I hung on for so long. I really thought you’d come around.”

Max stared at him, fury raging through his body. He wanted to destroy this kid, to just pound him into the ground until he begged for mercy. But part of him just wanted to leave. He knew beating Zach would get him nowhere: he’d still be angry afterwards, and besides, Zach might go to the police and press charges. And Max had nothing to prove that he did it because he was almost raped by this piece of shit.

“I’m leaving,” Max finally growled. He shoved Zach back by his shoulders and took a few steps towards the door. Zach grabbed his arm and pulled him back against the island.

“You’re not going anywhere! I did not waste 2 months of my time not to get what I want!”

Max swung his free arm and landed a punch on Zach’s nose. The taller boy stumbled back, putting a hand to the injured spot. His eyes widened when he realized blood was flowing from it.

“You son of a bitch!” he shouted, approaching Max as he pulled his fist back.

Max grabbed an empty beer bottle from behind him and smashed it over Zach’s head. The bleeding boy growled, but was disabled for a moment as he regained his surroundings. Max didn’t wait for him to raise his head back up; he swung for the side of his head and knocked him to the floor. Max made a dash for the door, but hit the floor hard thanks to Zach grabbing his ankle. Zach scrambled onto his knees and socked Max in the eye. The smaller boy fell back down with a groan. He tried to slide his body away from Zach’s so he couldn’t get another grip on him.

The details of what happened next were unclear to Max. Everything happened too fast for him to process it. All he knows is that somehow, Zach had managed to scramble on top of him and trap him. Max tried to throw punches and slaps and attempted to shove the taller boy off, but Zach blocked everything. He slammed one of Max’s arms to the ground and kept the other at bay by positioning his elbow just so. He dove forward and planted a sloppy, wet kiss on his lips. It was hungry, controlling, demanding. Nothing like any of their previous kisses. Nothing like the Zach Max had thought he’d known. Zach pulled back and then reached down and unbuttoned Max’s jeans.

“Get the fuck off of me!” Max screamed, half in protest and half in the hopes of someone hearing him. He squirmed his legs and arms, but couldn’t free himself. Zach just smirked.

“I don’t think so,” he purred, grabbing the zipper of Max’s jeans.

Max screamed in fury as he finally maneuvered his unrestrained arm to a useful angle. He punched his attacker square in the temple. Zach fell over and onto the floor, whimpering in pain. Max got up at record speed and proceeded to kick the pained boy repeatedly. He aimed anywhere he could get his foot: the ribs, the head, the neck, the hip. He lost track of how many times he kicked him and how long he’d been doing it for. His mind was completely gone now. Disassociation had taken over, trying to protect his mind from the terrible situation. He finally ended his assault with a hard stomp on Zach’s crotch. Zach screamed, curling up into a ball and grabbing his injured dick through his pants.

“Rot in fucking hell,” Max hissed as he rebuttoned his jeans. He then spat on the bloody boy’s shirt before stomping out of the house.

 

(A/N: END OF THE ATTEMPTED RAPE SCENE) 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

It wasn’t until after he’d been walking for twenty minutes that he realized how screwed he was. He had no way of getting home besides on foot, and even if he did, he definitely did not want his parents seeing him all bruised and bloody like this. He couldn’t go to Nikki or Neil’s houses, not after the way he had treated them. Plus, he didn’t want them to know about what had happened. It would just prove them right, that Zach was a bad person who couldn’t be trusted. He’d look like an idiot. No, he couldn’t go to them. At least, not right now.

His mind frantically searched for another answer, for somewhere else to go. He didn’t have any other friends. He didn’t have any other family in town. He didn’t even know any of his classmates well enough to have any of their phone numbers. He felt panic creeping back into him, his breathing becoming more shallow and quick.

_Calm down. Just think. There has to be another way._

He scanned his brain desperately for anyone he had ever met who he might be able to contact, who might actually give half a shit about him. And then it hit him.

He pulled out his phone and opened the Yellow Pages website. He searched for the name, typing as fast as he could. _Please say he lives here, please say he lives here._ Bingo! There it was! The name, with an address and phone number. Thank god for online directories! Max plugged the address into his navigation app and started walking the way it told him to. Looks like it should only be a 30-minute walk.

He was already starting to feel sore when he reached the apartment complex. His adrenaline had finally worn off, and now the pain of his injuries was sinking in. He located the building number and then forced himself exhaustedly up four flights of stairs. He dragged himself five doors down, to apartment 405. He knocked loudly three times, praying that this was indeed the right address.

He was reassured when the door swung open and revealed a lanky man, probably in his late 20s or early 30s, with a distinct puff of red hair. He was dressed in a faded yellow Camp Campbell t-shirt and plaid boxers. His green eyes scanned the ragged teenager in front of him, confusion evident on his face.

“Can I help y…?” He trailed off mid-question, realization hitting him. That puffy black hair, those bright green eyes—they were unmistakable. “Max, is that you?” David cried excitedly.

Max averted his gaze with a loud groan. “Yeah…” he sighed.

David wrapped his arms around him tightly and pulled him into an amazingly-strong bear hug. Max winced and curses shot through his brain. His body was way too tired and sensitive to be squeezed like this. David didn’t seem to notice his discomfort, continuing to hold him happily.

“I can’t believe it’s you! It’s been so long! You’ve grown up so much!”

“Pipe down, will ya? It’s kinda late, you know,” Max managed hissed despite the feeling of suffocation engulfing him.

“Ah! Sorry!” David whispered in a not-so-quiet voice. Max rolled his eyes.

David pulled back finally and took his first actually decent look at Max. At first, he smiled as he studied the boy’s new height, his long, wild curls, and his mature, contoured face. And then he noticed the bruises on his arms and chest, the black eye that was swelling his right eye, and the dried blood on his knuckles and shoes. His face fell into an expression of dread, and he put a hand over his mouth to keep from gaping.

“Max…” he trailed off, unsure what to say. “Wh-what happened?”

Max squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ward off the new round of tears his eyes were trying to spill. He couldn’t break down, not yet. And definitely not in front of David.

“Can I come in?” he asked, avoiding the question.

David blinked at him a moment, still in shock over his appearance. But upon realizing the question, he quickly nodded, and moved out of the way. Max walked in and took a glance around the dark apartment. It was small: just a small living room with a couch, a cramped kitchen, an ever more cramped bathroom, and one bedroom with a queen-sized bed. The place was mostly dark save for a lamp shining from the bedroom; David must have already been getting ready for bed when he had knocked. He stood awkwardly next to the couch, unsure where to go or what to say. David closed and locked the door behind him. Max flinched when he heard the lock click, a spike of anxiety hitting him.

_It’s ok. It’s just David. David would never hurt you._

Then again, he’d thought the same thing about the person who’d just tried to rape him.

“Do you need anything?” David asked nervously. He was fiddling with his hands anxiously.

“I can’t believe I’m asking this,” Max groaned, running a hand down his face, “but can I stay the night?”

David stared at him blankly, surprised by the question. Max waited anxiously for his response, watching as the gears turned in David’s head. He could probably figure out why Max needed this: he couldn’t go home like this. His parents couldn’t see him this way. David knew his parents, after all, albeit it’d been years since he saw them. Nevertheless, he could likely imagine the position Max was in. And he didn’t know that him and Neil and Nikki were still close—well, until Max had shoved them away in favor of a complete dickhead.

David finally put a sad smile on his face and nodded. “Of course, Max. Anything you need.”

Max nodded slightly, humming in agreement. “Thank you.”

“Max— “

“Could we talk about this in the morning? I really just want to get cleaned up and sleep.”

David closed his mouth. He nodded reluctantly, though it was clear he was still greatly concerned and would rather learn the details now. But Max also knew that David understood when people needed space, and he knew David would never press him when he asked for time. David really had learned something after being a camp counselor for some many years.

“Sure. The bathroom’s right there.” He pointed to a door across the hall. “First aid supplies are under the sink.”

“Got it,” Max affirmed.

“I’ll go grab you some blankets and pillows while you do that,” David assured him, scampering off to his bedroom to find extra linens.

Max headed to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, bracing himself to look in the mirror and see the damage. He forced his eyes open as he exhaled. He had to grip the counter to keep himself from collapsing.

His right eye was swollen to all hell, purple and black and blue coloring the surrounding skin. His eyes were bloodshot, a combination of stress and exhaustion. There was a bruise forming under his chin from falling to the ground. His hair was more crazed than usual, with strands of curls sticking out on all sides. His chest was dotted with cuts and bruises from falling and fighting with Zach. A few had even bled a bit, as his shirt had blood stains on it. His arms were in the same shape. His legs seemed to be fine, protected by his jeans, but he could still feel the ghost of Zach’s finger around his ankle where he had grabbed him. His shoes were spotted with blood splats, a result of his repeated kicking of his attacker.

Max took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. _Clean yourself up. Then freak out_. He opened the cabinet under the sink and found the first aid kit, as David had said he would. He pulled it out and dug around, unsure exactly what he wanted. He decided first to grab a small towel to clean off his cuts and hopefully get some of the blood out of his clothes. He put antiseptic cream on the ones he suspected had bleed and covered them in Band-Aids. The blood was already dried into his clothes, so he gave up on cleaning them and accepted they would forever be bloodstained. He’d probably burn them later on.

He next dampened a washcloth with warm water and pressed it lightly against his swollen eye. He winced at the initial contact, but held it on nevertheless. While one hand did that, his other grabbed David’s hairbrush from the counter and tried to tame his hair a bit. He quickly ditched that effort, as David’s brush was not made for curly hair. He held the washcloth on for a few more minutes. He returned the first aid kit, deciding there was nothing else he needed from it. Finally, he removed the cloth and hung it up to dry. He took another glance at himself in the mirror. He didn’t look much different, but even if he had been able to do more, it didn’t make a real difference to him. The pain was all still there, inside of him.

That’s when the tears started streaming down his checks. He squeezed his eyes shut, allowing himself this moment of weakness and collapse. He gripped the counter again as he stifled a sob. The tears came faster now and hit his knuckles and the counter beneath him. His hands trembled and his legs wobbled beneath him, threatening to send him crashing to the floor. He released his hold on the counter and stumbled backwards to the toilet. He sat down atop the lid and buried his face in his hands. He stopped trying to muffle his sobs and whimpers, just letting himself breakdown for the first time in years.

He could still feel Zach’s hand on his cheek, the fingers around his ankle, his hand holding his arm down, the forceful, unwelcome lips on his. The worst was the ghosts around his crotch, the finger undoing his button and zipper. He frantically wiped his hand against his crotch, desperate to erase the feeling, to push those fingers away. His sobs only intensified as he failed to eradicate the feeling. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to give some sort of comforting touch to erase the disgusting hate-filled ones haunting him. He heard in the distance a knock on a door, a faint call of his name. But he wasn’t there, he was still trapped in that godforsaken beach house with his attacker.

The more David’s voice grew louder and more concerned, the more it penetrated Max’s deep disassociation. He slowly started to return to the present as the bathroom door knob jiggled fruitlessly. The tears were coming slower now, and the ghostly feelings were starting to dissipate. They wouldn’t fully go away for days, and even after that, they still occasionally haunted him. But at least it no longer felt like he was still there, living it all. David eventually stopped knocking and calling out. Max just sat on the toilet, even after his tears had stopped and the last few dried on his caramel skin. He desperately wanted a shower, but he knew he needed to show David he was alright first—or, well, that he was still alive. After a good half-an-hour trapped in the bathroom, he finally mustered up the courage to open the door.

 

                                                                        ~(*)~

 

He opened his eyes at 6 am to the sound of David making a pot of coffee. He hadn’t slept much at all, save for one or two 30 minute respites. He met David in the kitchen, his body protesting against any and all movement. They silently greeted each other and sat together at the small kitchen table. David handed Max a cup of coffee, which he gratefully took. And then he told his story. He didn’t want to tell it, but David seemed anxious to know what happened. Besides, he owed David an explanation after he allowed him to stay on his couch and use his bathroom and eat his food.

David sat silently through the entirety of the tale. His eyes never left Max, determined to make sure Max knew he had his full attention. He let him tell it at his own pace, never rushing him or asking him for details. He smiled sympathetically when his old camper struggled at some parts, but restrained himself from reaching out to the teen. Physical touch was probably the last thing he wanted right now, even if it was gentle and calm and in good faith.

When Max was finished, David was at a loss for words. The only thing he could manage was, “I’m so, so sorry, Max,” but he knew that didn’t mean anything. Max only nodded, also unsure of what to say. Finally, he mumbled the only thing he could come up with.

“Thanks for letting me stay.”

“Of course, Max. If you ever need a place to go, you’re always welcome.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask you something?” David asked hesitantly.

Max nodded. He had just told him the most vulnerable experience of his life. There wasn’t much he could ask that would upset him.

“Why did you come to me? I mean, I was always fond of you back at Camp Campbell, but I know I was not your favorite person.”

Max sighed. He stared at the dark liquid in his cup. It had grown cold during his storytelling, but he didn’t care anymore. He took a sip before responding.

“I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t go home, I pushed Nikki and Neil away and made them hate me. Well, at least I made Neil hate me. They’re the only friends I have. Now, don’t look to deeply into this,” he snapped, jabbing a finger in David’s direction, “but I knew out of anyone else on this planet who I know, you would be the one to actually give a shit about me. I knew you’d be most understanding and would believe me. You’re an obnoxious piece of shit who is way too goddamn happy all the time, but you did always protect your campers. I knew you wouldn’t turn me away or accuse me of lying.”

A beat of silence passed. Max refused to look at the older man. Then:

“Do you really trust me, Max?” David asked, his voice soft and a smile to match.

“Yeah,” Max groaned. “Don’t get all sappy on me, though. You’re still annoying as fuck.”

David ignored Max’s weak biting words. He beamed at the teen, much to Max’s discomfort.

“Thank you,” he finally said.

                                                            ~(*)~

 

David didn’t leave Max’s life after that. Max regularly went over to the apartment, sometimes at David’s request, sometimes of his own volition. They would talk about their days, catch up on their lives, relay any major news if they had any. Max occasionally spent the night there in order to avoid his parents, especially if he had been drinking. David always let him, no questions asked. Max still kept up his cynical teen attitude, and he remembered to disperse biting comments and shots at David in their conversations. But for the most part, they just talked like two normal humans.

Even after David had moved to Michigan last fall, Max still kept in touch. They called each other once a month or so, updating each other on their lives. David always told him he was welcome to visit anytime he wanted. Maybe one day, he actually would.

After their conversation, David made them a small breakfast the drove Max to Nikki’s house. Max didn’t bother to relay this part of the story to Neil and Nikki. They all knew what happened next. Nevertheless, the scene replayed quickly in his head as he waited for someone to speak.

Max came in, told them he was done with Zach and that he was sorry for being such a dick. Nikki asked what happened, Neil let his anger out. They expressed concern over this appearance, but he refused to say what happened. He wasn’t ready to tell them yet. He would just prove them right and make himself look like a fool. Neil argued with him, demanded to know what had happened, claiming he owed it to them after all the bullshit he’d put them through. Max fought back, saying it was his life and he would tell them when he as ready. Nikki tried to defuse the situation, but the boys wouldn’t stop. Max finally marched out and Neil collapsed onto Nikki’s bed. Later that night, he called Nikki crying and expressed his concerns that Max had been raped and how hurt he was to almost have lost him.

The trio made up the next morning over breakfast at a café by the ocean. Nikki and Neil didn’t ask what happened. Max didn’t offer to tell them. They just apologized to each other and agreed to never let anyone split them apart again. And now, 2 years later, they had finally heard the story.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

The trio was silent when Max stopped talking. Nikki gently rubbed his chest and placed a soft kiss on his shoulder. She rested her head on his back and released a sigh. Neil let out a shaky breath, tears cascading down his cheeks. Max refused to look at either of them. He felt the shame of all that had happened return full force. Even after 2 years, he still felt like an idiot. God, how had he not seen it? How had he not known Zach was bad news when he started off by being so fucking pushy? Why hadn’t he trusted Neil and Nikki more?

“God,” Neil whispered, blinking back more tears. Max glanced up at him, his image slightly fuzzy on the laptop screen. Max felt a sudden ache in his chest, a longing to be with his boyfriend. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and comfort him, just like last time.

That was the moment he knew he was falling for Neil.

“I should have done more,” Neil continued. “I should have protected you.”

“Neil,” Max started firmly. “There’s nothing you could have done. You tried, but I pushed you away. I didn’t want to listen. I…I just wanted him. I wanted things to work.”

“He was good at convincing you things were working,” Nikki mumbled, squeezing his chest. “He was just a really good liar. But Max, we knew what happened. Or, well, we had strong suspicions.”

“Why didn’t you ever confront me?” Max asked, leaning back into his girlfriend’s arm.

“Because it’s like you said. It was your story. You needed to tell us when you were ready.”

“And we were hoping we were wrong,” Neil added, sniffling and wiping his eyes. “We were afraid to ask and find out you had been…you know.”

Max sighed, grateful Neil hadn’t said the word aloud. It still hurt to call it that.

“I might never have been ready to tell you. You know that, right?” he asked.

“And that would’ve been okay, too.”

How was he so blessed to have two such beautiful, caring friends and partners? He really didn’t deserve these two. “I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you two. I’m sorry I was such a dick.”

“It’s okay, Max. We forgave you a long time ago.”

“Neil.” Max looked up at his boyfriend. Neil met his gaze, his eyes finally dry. “Were you really jealous of Zach?”

Neil nodded and scratched his head. “Yeah. I didn’t realize it as it was occurring, but it became pretty obvious afterwards. And then I hopped on the repression train.”

Max smirked and chuckled. “And look where that got you,” he teased.

“Oh, shut it,” Neil protested weakly.

Nikki giggled and snuggled into the crook of Max’s neck. Max released a content sigh. It felt so freeing to have all his cards on the table, to not have any more secrets.

“You know, Max,” Neil spoke up. “We wouldn’t have thought of you as an idiot. We wouldn’t have said ‘I told you so.’”

“I know that now,” Max contended. “But at the time it was hard to trust anyone. I couldn’t know that, especially with how angry you were.”

Neil nodded, considering what Max had just said. He sighed after a few seconds. “I’m sorry, Max. I shouldn’t have been angry with you, especially when you needed us. And I shouldn’t have let my jealousy take over like I did.”

“It’s alright,” Max assured him. “I forgive you.” Neil smiled weakly, grateful. “You just wanted this hot bod.” His face instantly contorted into one of annoyance, and he flipped his playful boyfriend off. Max just chuckled, pleased with himself.

“You know now that you weren’t an idiot, right Max?” Nikki questioned suspiciously. He tensed in her grasp and avoided eye contact. “Because you’re not. He deceived you, lured you into a sense of security. Anyone would have fallen for it.”

“I know. It’s just…hard to believe it wasn’t my fault.”

“Well, it wasn’t,” Neil assured him. He grabbed his laptop and sat it in his lap, bringing his face much closer to the camera. “None of that was your fault.”

“I know that logically-speaking,” Max agreed. He traced light circles around Nikki’s knee cap, giving him something else to focus on. “But emotionally I don’t believe it.”

“That’s okay,” Nikki reassured him with another squeeze. “You will one day. And we’ll help you get there.”

“Thanks. And thank you for not abandoning me after I treated you like shit.”

“We love you, Max,” Nikki said. “We could never just leave you, even though you were being a major asshole.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Neil added, a soft smile on his face. Max returned the expression.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys, either.”

He leaned back into Nikki’s arms and maneuvered his neck so that he could place a kiss on his girlfriend’s head. She hummed in approval and kissed his shoulder again. Max felt like he could stay like this all night. Maybe he would, if Nikki would let him. Or maybe he could hold her and play with her hair. He did love how calm and content she looked when he did that.

And that’s when he knew that he was falling for her.

The trio sat together quietly for a while, just basking in each other’s presences. Finally, they returned to talking, but didn’t approach any serious topics. Max and Nikki asked how college orientation was going, and Neil regaled them with stories of strange freshman and quirky professors and mediocre food. Neil asked Max how David was doing, if he knew about their relationship yet. Max said he needed to call him and give him that update. Nikki hypothesized their old counselor’s reaction; her bet was he’d scream with joy then faint. Neil put his money on fainting first and then bombarding Max with questions about how they’d gotten together and what their dates were like. Max imagined he would say something along the lines of “it’s about time,” or “I knew this would happen someday.” He had seen the gleam in David’s eyes every time he talked about Neil and Nikki, which was frequently since he spent the majority of his free time with them.

But he kept his idea to himself, letting Neil and Nikki banter playfully and start actually betting money on the older man’s reaction. Instead, he just smiled at his partners, his chest growing warm. He was just happy to have have them in his life and to be feeling the same way they were. And he was happy to finally be free of his last burden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading, everyone, and for all the kudos/comments/bookmarks! Y'all know how much I love every single one of you <3 Y'all have legitimately improved my life a lot! 
> 
> So, TL;DR if you did not want to read this particular chapter: Max and Zach go to a party and Zach keeps trying to escalate their interactions. He backs off, noticing Max's uneasiness, and the two continue going to parities for 2 months. Max distances himself from Neil and Nikki, much to their concern and anger. One night, Zach attempts to rape Max by drugging his drink, but Max catches him. Zach reveals he never cared about him and just wanted him for sex, and they get into a physical fight. Max escapes with some bruises and scrapes, and, feeling alone and afraid, goes to David for help and the two kindle a lasting friendship. Neil, Nikki, and Max debrief after the story and all is forgiven. And Max finally realizes he is falling for his two friends.
> 
> Next chapter is probably going to be about as long and angsty, so heads up! I hope to get it out in a week like normal, but I'm going out of town again soon to see the solar eclipse. See y'all next time! :)


	9. Fairytales are Bullshit and There is No Such Thing as a Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil returns from college orientation and spends the night with Max. Unfortunately. their reunion is rudely interrupted, and now their lives will never be the same. 
> 
> This chapter is NSFW because of explicit violence and some sexual content.
> 
> Other Content Warnings: physical violence/abuse, verbal abuse, self-loathing, use of the "f" slur (derogatory word for a gay person)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry this chapter is a bit late! I was out of town for the solar eclipse and didn't have a lot of time for writing/editing. This chapter is oh so angsty. I'm sorry for torturing these poor kids. I swear things won't always be so depressing.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Neil pulled up along Max’s curb slowly, as he had 100s of times before. The street was deathly silent, as it typically was at any time after 10:00 PM.  He parked and turned the engine off, making sure he remembered to flip off his headlights. He glanced out the passenger window at the all-too-familiar house. There were hardly any lights on inside, which was not a rare occurrence when Max was home alone. It seemed the front porch and Max’s room held the only sources of light.

Neil had no idea why he was here. He had just returned home about 5 hours ago. He’d been greeted in his driveway by his mother, Nikki, and Max. The three of them had embraced him tightly, and when Neil’s mother had her back turned, Nikki and Max had kissed him on the cheek. They all had dinner together, but then Nikki had to return home afterwards because she and Chris were planning a surprise birthday breakfast for their mother. Max had said he was tired, and so he went home at the same time. However, 20 minutes later, he had called Neil and asked him to come over around 11:00. When pressed as to the purpose of the meeting, Max had ignored the question and just insisted he come.

So here Neil was, tired and confused and curious. He opened his car door and got out onto the dark street. He slammed his door and headed towards his second-home, hitting the lock button on his car keys as he went. When he reached the door, he raised his hand to knock, but before his knuckles met wood, Max flung the door open. Neil’s hand froze in the air, inches from Max’s face.

“Come on,” Max said, grabbing Neil’s raised fist and dragging him inside. Neil stumbled over the threshold after him.

Once inside, Neil yanked his hand free so he could do all the little things Max seemed to be forgetting. He tossed his car keys onto the front table and then locked the front door of the house. He turned around and saw Max looking expectantly, his body half-turned towards his bedroom.

“Max, what’s all this about?” Neil asked, perplexed.

“Just follow me,” Max insisted, motioning him towards his room. Neil followed him hesitantly.

Once inside his room, Max closed the door behind them. Neil stood in the center of the room, unsure of what he was supposed to be doing. Max walked around him and planted his hands firmly on Neil’s shoulders. Neil gazed down at him, meeting his boyfriend’s intense electric-green eyes.

“Neil, word of what is about to happen can never leave this room,” he stated firmly.

“Max, what the fuck is going on? You’re freaking me out.”

“You trust me, right, Neil?” Max asked, his grip loosening a bit.

“Of course I do.”

“Then trust me on this. This has to be our secret, though.”

“Why do I feel like you’re going to do something awful to me?” Neil sighed warily.

“Say it.”

“Fine, fine, I won’t tell, Jesus Christ….”

“Ok.” Max visibly relaxed at his promise. “Close your eyes.”

Neil quirked an eyebrow at him, but did as he was told. For a few seconds, nothing happened. There was no movement in the room, or anywhere else in the house, for that matter. Neil felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of his head, his anxiety starting to kick in. Was Max just going to…stare at him? Then, suddenly, a pair of arms were wrapped around his torso and a head was being pressed against his chest. Neil smiled and rolled his eyes, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. Of course Max would make such a big deal out of being affectionate. He wrapped his arms around his shorter boyfriend, pulling him tighter against him.

“I missed you,” Max whispered, his words muffled by Neil’s chest.

Neil’s smile widened and he planted a kiss on Max’s head. “I missed you, too.”

A few beats of silence passed, Max just calmly resting in Neil’s embrace. Neil absentmindedly ran his hands through his partner’s curls, soaking up the warmth of the boy. Finally, he decided to voice the thought that’d been nagging at his brain throughout their embrace.

“You know, it’s normal to miss people,” he hummed, a teasing hint in his tone.

“Shut up,” Max snapped. “It’s not normal for me.”

“Guess this means you must care about me or something,” Neil taunted as he twirled a black curl around his index finger.

“Yeah,” Max whispered distantly. “Guess I do.”

Neil froze and his eyes shot open. He had not been expecting Max to answer that seriously. He should’ve used one of his normal curse-laden quips. He should have shoved him in the shoulder playfully. They should be laughing light-heartedly together right now.

“What are you saying, Max?” Neil asked, pulling back a bit from their hug so he could see his partner’s face.

“I’m saying I like you, moron,” Max replied quietly, his voice soft even with his weak insult.

“Wait, like, romantically?” Neil asked quickly. His heart was hammering in his chest and he could already feel a hopeful grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. _Don’t get too hopeful, don’t get too hopeful._

“…yes.”

_Holy fucking shit never mind! This is happening! This is real! Oh my god!_

Neil pulled back and placed his hands on Max’s shoulders. The shorter boy finally looked up and met his boyfriend’s gaze. Neil had an ear-to-ear smile on, just as he had the day he found out he had gotten into MIT.

“Max, that’s incredible!” he cried. He pulled Max into a tight hug. Max hesitantly returned the gesture, still a little shaken by Neil’s overjoyed response. “I…I really didn’t think you would ever feel the same way.”

“Yeah, neither did I,” Max admitted with a shrug. “Look, I’ve missed you before when you’ve left town. But something was different about this time. I actually wished I was with you when you were gone, unlike in the past where I’d just wished you’d come home. And when I saw you upset on Skype the other night…all I wanted to do was hold you.”

Neil’s heart swelled with warmth as he listened to Max talk. He was still in awe; this was just so surreal! Even though he knew Max was capable of opening up and being vulnerable and loving, it was hard to believe he was doing these things because he _liked_ Neil. He wanted _to be_ with Neil. He wasn’t just in this for the hugs and kisses and sex. Of course, Neil had already realized that after their recent Skype conversation with Nikki. But he hadn’t picked up on Max feeling anything more than he had been for the past few weeks.

“You’re wonderful, Max,” Neil whispered fondly, letting his eyes slip close in bliss. “I like you, too.”

“No shit,” Max mumbled against his chest sarcastically. Neil gave his back a light slap and chuckled. Max chuckled as well, the serious air between them starting to thaw.

“So it that why you called me over here?” Neil pulled back from the hug once more, eyeing his boyfriend. “You wanted to confess your feelings and be sappy?”

“Yeah,” Max reluctantly admitted. “But I also wanted to do this.”

Max stood on his tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on Neil’s lips. Neil fell into the groove immediately, forgetting all about their playfulness. He snaked a hand through Max’s wild curls while the other pressed against the small of his back. Max ran a hand up his chest and cupped his check. They pulled back for a few brief seconds, then gently reconnected once more. Neil hummed happily against Max’s lips, but Max hardly noticed. He was completely lost in the moment, his brain ceasing all functioning. All he could focus on right now was the feeling of Neil’s lips against his and the gentle way he held him.

The pair continued like that for several minutes, with sweet, chaste kisses separated only by momentary needs for breath. When they parted for the last time, Neil rested his forehead against Max’s and panted. He opened his eyes a fraction and smiled down at his boyfriend. Max returned the look, running his fingers lightly across Neil’s jawbone. Neil closed his eyes again and leaned into the touch. When Max’s hand returned to his cheek, Neil took it and put it up to his lips. He kissed the palm lightly, his eyes left open so he could watch Max’s reaction. Max’s eyes were wide and his face flushed as he watched the spectacle in front of him. Slowly, Neil kissed the pad of each of Max’s fingers. He watched with amusement as a shudder coursed through Max’s body. Max closed his eyes and buried his head in the crook of Neil’s neck, too embarrassed by his flustered reactions to make eye contact.

When Neil finished, he returned to Max’s palm and kissed every inch of skin he could. He heard Max inhale shakily and exhale against his neck. As he continued pampering his lover, he felt a brush of lips against his own skin. He sighed against Max’s hand as Max added more pressure to his kisses and even scraped a little bit of his teeth against his sensitive neck. Neil was about to slip one of Max’s digits inside his mouth when the owner of said digit gently removed his hand.

“Let’s not work ourselves up tonight,” he suggested. “I just want to enjoy your company.”

Neil nodded, despite the urge in his groin to keep going. He slipped off his pants, leaving him in just his t-shirt and boxers. He then laid down on his usual side of the bed. Max followed suit, stripping away his sweatshirt and jeans. He crawled onto the bed and laid his head on Neil’s chest. He rested one arm on Neil’s chest and snaked the other behind Neil’s neck. Neil wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and lazily began playing with his curls again.

“You’re too good to me, Neil,” Max murmured, his eyes already shut.

“What are you talking about?” Neil asked, trying to stifle a yawn. Now that he was laying down, the exhaustion of traveling was resurfacing.

“I was awful to you and you still never let me go. You still lo-liked me.” Max tried to quickly cover up his mistake, hoping his lover hadn’t noticed. No need for him to know that Max knows the extent of his feelings just yet.

“What, during the Zach thing? Max, you’re my best friend. Of course I wasn’t just going to abandon you.”

“But I almost did that to you.”

“Yeah, but I knew you’d come around.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Neil sighed and stopped playing with his curls. He ran his now-unoccupied hand up and down Max’s back, hoping the movement was soothing. Max nuzzled against his chest, so Neil assumed his hopes were correct.

“Ok, yeah, I didn’t know you’d come around. I just really hoped you would.”

“Damn, you were in deep, weren’t you?”

“Deep in friendship!” Neil protested, stopping his soothing backrub. Max scoffed, followed by a whine of disappointment at the removal of his hand. Neil rolled his eyes, but returned to his motions. “Ok, yeah, so I liked you. But it was nothing like what I feel for you now.”

“I wish I’d just liked you back then. Then I never would have gotten involved with that dick.”

“God, can you imagine us dating when we were 16?” Neil chuckled. “We would have been a fucking train wreck.”

“Are you saying we’re not a train wreck now?”

“Oh no, we are. But at least we’re slightly more mature and in touch with our feelings.”

“Speak for yourself,” Max huffed.

Neil didn’t bother responding. He leaned his head forward and kissed Max’s mess of curls. He then reclined back onto the pillows and closed his eyes.

“I’m gonna fall asleep soon,” he mumbled groggily. “Goodnight, Max.”

“You’re so lame,” Max sighed, but exhaustion was clear in his voice as well. “Goodnight, Neil.”

 

                                                                        ~(*)~

           

Max groggily woke up on his side with a strong weight pressed against his back. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, he noticed a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. He twisted his head over his shoulder and came face-to-face with his unconscious boyfriend. Max scoffed quietly—even in his sleep, Neil needed physical attention. He stole a glance at Neil’s watch: 11 AM. Man, they had been tired last night if they slept in this late.

Max debated disturbing Neil or just laying in his arms. The latter seemed very appealing, but his bladder strongly disagreed with that sentiment. With a sigh, he delicately removed Neil’s hands from his waist and wiggled out from their spooning position. Neil groaned, but Max didn’t bother to turn around and see if he was awake. He just got out of bed and headed out of the room.

When he returned, Neil was lying on his back, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Max leaned against his door’s threshold, arms folded over his bare chest.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” he greeted cockily. Neil flipped him off, not even bothering to look at his boyfriend. Max chuckled smugly and waited for Neil to notice his stature.

“How am I this tired after 11 hours of sleep?” Neil whined. He sat up and stretched his arms over his head. He tried to work out any cricks in his neck by rolling his head slowly in circles.

“You’re the scientist. Shouldn’t you know?” Max teased with a smirk.

“It was a rhetorical question, smartass,” Neil bit back. He finally looked up at his boyfriend with an annoyed glare. His expression quickly fell as he came face-to-face with his half-naked boyfriend. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open a tad as his eyes scanned his partner’s gorgeous body. Max’s smirk widened as Neil’s face slowly grew redder and redder.

“Oh good, now you’re actually awake,” he teased, walking over to the bed. He sat down next to Neil, who was still ogling. “You didn’t seem to care how I looked last night.”

“Yeah, but now I’m awake, you look like a mess, and you wouldn’t let us have any fun last night,” Neil argued, turning his body towards his partner. “Speaking of which…can we get ourselves worked up now?”

Max tsked and pushed Neil playfully. “So needy. Someone needs to teach you patience.”

Neil grinned wickedly at him. Without warning, the taller boy pounced on top of Max, trapping his hips between his knees. He shoved Max’s arms above his head and pinned his wrists down. Max stared up at him, genuinely surprised by the move.

“Since when do you top?” he asked, stunned.

“Oh, always,” Neil assured him, that same wicked grin still on his face. “I just like to make you think I’m submissive. It’s more fun when I do the big reveal.”

“I’ll say,” Max purred, smirking up at him. “Are you that guy everyone thinks is really innocent but you’re actually a sadomasochist with a crazy sex dungeon?”

Neil hummed in thought. “Well, I don’t have a sex dungeon, but I have a collection of toys I’ve been waiting for the right time to use.”

“Did you just buy a bunch of sex toys when you were a virgin to use at some vague point in the future when you were no longer a virgin?”

“Pretty much.”

“Ok, that’s not weird at all.”

Neil’s expression fell into an annoyed grimace. “Next time, I’m bringing the gag over.”

“Like that’ll shut me up,” Max scoffed with a haughty roll of his eyes.

“Well, this should do the trick.”

Neil dove down and planted a forceful kiss on his lover’s lips. Max immediately responded, not caring that this meant he was conceding the upper hand. In all honesty, he was curious to see what dominant Neil was like; from the little bit he’d seen just now, he liked where this was going. Neil wasted no time sliding his tongue into Max’s mouth, to which Max responded with a little gasp of surprise. Neil chuckled triumphantly into his mouth as he continued exploring every inch of the place with his tongue. Max tried to move his arms, forgetting Neil was holding him down. God, how he wanted to run his hands through Neil’s crazy bedhead curls and underneath his thin t-shirt.

Neil drew back from Max, biting Max’s lip as a sort of farewell present. When he looked down at his boyfriend, he felt his heart skip a beat. Max was flushed bright red underneath him. His mouth was open and he was panting. He looked absolutely divine with his hands pinned down, looking so wrecked and submissive below him. Neil could feel the blood flowing rapidly into his groin.

“Is that it?” Max finally managed once his breathing had calmed down somewhat.

Neil smirked and leaned in towards his lover’s ear. He nibbled the earlobe teasingly, sucking on the droplet of skin. Max gasped and screwed his eyes shut as a roll of pleasure surged through him.

“I’m just getting started,” he purred. The words went straight to Max’s dick as he felt himself get hard.

“We should have done this ages ago,” he mused absentmindedly as Neil slid himself down to Max’s neck.

“Not such a tough guy now, are you?” Neil teased before biting forcefully on a swatch of skin.

Max moaned loudly, his arms pushing against his restraints. “Fuck. You,” he squeezed out between pants.

“It’d be my pleasure,” Neil purred, and he bit another large patch of skin. Max balled his hands into fists as he moaned again.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath.

Neil smirked, not missing Max’s flustered mumblings. He lifted one of his knees and ground it against Max’s crotch.

“Motherfucker,” Max hissed. He threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut again.

“You’re so easy to rile up,” Neil mused as he repeated the motion. “I’m also bringing a cock ring next time. That’ll keep things going longer.”

“Hey, it’s not like I’m about to cum,” Max argued weakly.

“Really?” Neil teased. He ground his knee in fast succession against Max’s hard-on. Max cried Neil’s name desperately and dug his nails so deeply into his palms he thought he might draw blood. He was practically whimpering by the time Neil stopped. “I think I could easily make you cum just from this.”

“Fuck off,” Max grumbled. Neil just chuckled haughtily before diving down and silencing Max with his lips once more.

Max moaned into Neil’s mouth as Neil’s tongue forced its way back into his mouth. He could feel his nails digging into his palms once again as he tried to ground himself. God, he never could have imagined how easily flustered he could be. Usually it took more than this to get him this needy. Maybe he really did enjoy Neil’s dominance. Neil’s teeth clashed against his own as he ravenous devoured Max, swallowing up every moan and whimper and curse he made.  

Max was completely lost in his boyfriend and the pleasure he was bringing him, more so even than usual. Which is probably why he didn’t hear his bedroom door open.

By the time his slowed brain had made sense of what he’d heard, it was too late. Suddenly, Neil’s lips were retracted and he hovered above him, terrified. Max already knew what he was going to see when he turned his head, but it didn’t make the movement any less painful. There in the open doorway stood his mother, her mouth hanging open in shock. Her eyes were wide, and Max couldn’t think of any other way to describe the expression on her face other than abject horror. Max and Neil just stared at her, too scared to move, to scared to speak. Max could feel the adrenaline spike in his veins. Every muscle in his body screamed at him to run, but his brain kept him paralyzed underneath his boyfriend.

It took Max’s mother a moment to fully process the situation and gather her thoughts. After a few seconds of awkward, terrified staring, she closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists.

“Neil, _get out_ ,” she said sternly, enunciating every word. Neil flinched at her tone, but did as he was told. He clambered off of Max, grabbed his pants off the floor, then skittered by her to the front door.

Max sat up and watched him leave, his stomach dropping out from under him. He was going to die. This was it. That was the last time he was ever going to see Neil. And they had wasted their last moments together fooling around like horny teenagers instead of holding each other and whispering about how much they loved each other—or, well, liked each other. Even in his terrified state, Max refused to even let the idea that he could ever love Neil cross his mind. He swallowed around the lump in his throat as he looked up at his mother. The horror had been replaced with pure, unadulterated rage. He couldn’t help the wetness he felt pool behind his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screamed at him.

Max averted his eyes. He tried to ignore her words as he stood up and walked towards the door. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t be trapped like this in a room with only one exit. He tried to slide past her but she grabbed his arm painfully. He tried to yank it away forcefully, but her strength was far greater than he’d expected. She used her free hand to slap him in the face hard enough to leave a handprint on his skin.

“Since when are you a fucking faggot?” she snarled, tugging on his arm. He balled his free hand into a fist at the sound of the slur. No one had ever called him that. Not even motherfucking Zach.

“Well?” she screamed. Did she really want an answer to that? Well, it didn’t matter; Max would not dignify her with a response.

He pulled his arm away, and this time she let him go. He strode into the living room and stole a glance at the front door. He had to get there. It was his only means of escape. He was not ready to die yet, certainly not at the hands of his mother. He wouldn’t gratify her with that. Besides, he’d meant it when he said he wouldn’t leave Neil (and, of course, Nikki). He wasn’t ready to break that promise.

But he knew he couldn’t just make a break for it. She was too close, she would catch him and just beat the shit out of him. No, he needed to impair her first; then he was home free. He grabbed the lamp sitting on the table next to one of the armchairs. He yanked its electrical cord out of the wall and turned around, ready to defend himself. He was too slow, though, which he only realized as a blunt force hit his head and he hit his eye on the coffee table as he fell to the floor. He hissed in pain, holding his damaged eye in one hand and the lamp in the other. His mother took the opportunity to kick him, starting with his torso and moving up to his face and head. He tried to block her blows with his limbs and the lamp, but she would just kick them instead. She kicked his already-bruising eye and he screamed in pain. He scrambled backwards to give himself some space. He tried to stand up and make a dash to the other end of the room, but his ankle caught on the coffee table. He felt pain shoot up his foot as he tumbled back to the ground. He dropped the lamp as he fell, which his mother swiftly picked up. She wacked him in the face with it, eliciting another yell from her son.

“I knew you were good for nothing,” she hissed at him as she kicked him repeatedly in the stomach and chest. “Should have figured you were fucking that white boy. I always thought he spent too much time here.”

She then stomped on his injured ankle, drawing a loud curse from him. She got down on the floor next to him and grabbed one of his arms. He desperately tried to pull it away, knowing exactly what she was trying to do.

“Why didn’t you just drown me as a baby or something?” he shot as he spat blood onto the carpet. She slapped him in the face, more likely because he stained the carpet than for his actual words.

“I didn’t realize my son would turn out to be such a worthless invalid,” she snarled as she yanked on his hair, forcing his eyes to meet her’s. “I can’t believe I wasted 18 years on you.”

“And I can’t believe I wasted 18 years putting up with your bullshit.”

“Oh, what else would you have done? Run away to your faggot boyfriend? Like he’d take care of you. He probably just wants you for sex. You’ve probably been some fag whore for years now.”

A flash of fury struck Max at her words. He didn’t care that she’d called him a fag. He didn’t care that she’d called him a whore. No, what made him mad was that she claimed Neil didn’t give a shit about him and that he just keeps him around for sex. He immediately returned to that night, to his blood-stained crop top and angry brown eyes above him trying to undo his jeans, the sound of mind-numbing dance music playing in the background.

In his sudden flash of anger, he socked his mother square in the jaw. She froze for a moment, shock overtaking her. Then she turned her head back to her son, a new kind of rage in her eyes.

“So, you can fight back, eh, _Max_?”  She then threw her legs across his chest and trapped his arm tightly between them. She pulled back on it, lowering it towards the floor. She lifted her hips up, forcing his bicep and forearm in opposing directions. He cried out as a sharp streak of pain pierced his arm. She was going to break his fucking arm. He’d really be screwed then. There was no way he could escape with a broken arm and a twisted (sprained?) ankle. This was it. He really was going to die in this shitty house at the hands of his shitty mother.

The next 30 seconds were a complete blur. He had closed his eyes, not wanting to watch his arm break or see his devil of a mother’s face anymore. He heard a door slam open and angry yelling, a man’s voice. His mother yelled back, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. He was too busy disassociating, waiting for the pain to end and death to grab him. But then the grip on his arm was gone and the pain ceased. He opened his eyes and saw a bushel of brown curls and a pair of sad, yet determined, eyes. He noticed his body was suddenly lying above the ground, so he assumed he had been picked up. And then it was all gone: the house, his mother, the pain.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

Neil stood on Max’s doorstep, trying to slip his pants on. His hands were shaky and he kept losing his balance and he had to hold onto the walls of the house to keep from falling onto the lawn. He finally ditched the idea and just threw his pants over his shoulder. Loud voices rang out from inside the house. He flinched at the pure rage in Max’s mother’s voice and her use of the f-word. His stupid, politically-correct brain corrected her in his mind: _He’s not gay; he has a girlfriend._ He winced as he was drawn back into reality at the sound of a loud crash.

_Fuck fuck fuck. This is bad. I have to help him._

_What the hell are you going to do? You’re a skinny twink who’s never worked out a day in his life._

_It doesn’t matter. I can’t stand by and let him get hurt like this!_

He heard a scream of agony and then another loud crash. He gripped his hair and felt his breathing accelerate. He discarded his pants on the lawn, making sure to grab his phone and his car keys from them and slip them into the waistband of his boxers. He heard Max’s voice, but he couldn’t make out the words. Then a few seconds later another loud shriek of pain.

_Go._

With a surge of strength he never knew he could possess, he kicked the door open with his right leg and burst into the house. He scanned the scene in front of him, searching for his surely-injured boyfriend. All he could make out were some disheveled black curls over the tip of the coffee table. They were much more neatly taken care of than Max’s—they must be his mother’s.

“Don’t you FUCKING TOUCH HIM!” Neil shouted as he ran over to her.

Max’s mother looked up at him and snarled. “I told you to get the fuck out of my house!”

“And I told you to not fucking touch him!” Without thinking, he punched her straight in cheek, knocking her off balance. She released Max’s arm from the arm bar as she tumbled backwards. He followed up with a kick to her side and hoped that would give him enough time to get Max out.

He winced as his eyes fell over his boyfriend. Bruises and blood were scattered across his entire body. There was a bloodstain on the carpet next to his mouth. _Holy shit he’s been coughing up blood. Jesus Christ, how injured is he?!_ He shook his head, refusing to let himself get caught up in worry right now. He had to focus on getting him out of here. He slid one arm under Max’s neck and the other under his legs. He then lifted the shorter boy into his arms, his head lolling into his chest. Neil made for the door as quickly as he could with another human being in his arms, but he made sure to stop and turn around for one last warning.

“Stay the fuck away from him!” he commanded furiously. And with that, he stormed out and made a dash for his car. He swore he heard Max’s mother yell something at him as he left, but he couldn’t make it out. And truthfully, he didn’t particularly care to make it out.

When they got to the side of the car, Neil glanced down at Max and swallowed the lump that arose in his throat at the site of his battered friend.

“Can you stand, Max?” he asked, speaking slowly and calmly so Max could understand him. He had known Max long enough to know when he was disassociating, and it was clear he was not present right now.

Nevertheless, Max nodded. Neil slowly released his legs and lower them to the ground. Max immediately winced as he put weight on his legs. He took his weight off his left ankle and leaned heavily against the side of the car. Neil unlocked the vehicle, opened the shotgun door, and tossed his keys and phone into the driver’s seat. He then turned back to Max to help him into his seat. He crouched down slightly and wrapped an arm around Max’s back, providing support for him on his left side. Max leaned his weight into Neil and hobbled over to the seat. He slid himself gingerly into the seat, letting out a sigh as he settled in. Neil carefully lifted up his left leg and swung it into the car, accompanied by a stream of curses from Max. He then closed the door and headed around to his own side. He started the car and sped away faster than he ever had in his life.

He went 50 mph for the next five blocks. It wasn’t until they were safely out of Max’s residential area that his shoulders relaxed and he slowed the car down slightly. It was now that he stole his first glance at Max since starting the car. His chest tightened and his stomach dropped as he saw Max’s face. Max was staring blankly straight ahead, tears silently streaming down his cheeks. His face was bruised and swollen to all hell, and a black eye had already formed around his right eye. Neil’s hands trembled, so he gripped the steering wheel till his knuckles were white to steady himself. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. There was nothing he could do to fix this. For the first time in his life, he felt truly trapped in a situation.

Unconsciously, he laid his right hand palm-up on the console, an offering of some sort of comfort to his partner. For a few seconds, the hand seemed to go unnoticed, Max’s eyes never once straying from the view outside of the windshield. And then, a caramel hand slowly landed on top of Neil’s pale palm. The touch was light, as if Max was scared to put more pressure on it. Neil wrapped his thumb around to the back of Max’s hand and gently stroked it.

They didn’t speak for another three miles. Then, Neil finally gathered the courage to ask a necessary question.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Max shook his head, the movement hardly perceptible.

“Are you sure?”

Max nodded, again a tiny movement. Neil nodded in understanding and dropped the issue. He would just head straight to his house then and do first aid there.

15 minutes later, Neil pulled into his driveway and parked the car. He ran up and unlocked the front door first, then returned to help Max inside. They used the same arrangement from earlier to get inside, with Max using Neil’s shoulder for support on his bad foot. They hobbled inside and Neil directed them towards the bathroom. He gently helped lower Max onto the toilet seat before running back and locking his car and the house door. He returned to his partner and began digging out what little first aid supplies he had under the bathroom sink. He dampened a wash cloth and gingerly began wiping the blood from his partner’s body. Max’s eyes were fixed on the ground, refusing to meet his. Neil’s were totally focused on cleaning the blood spots from his face, arms, and chest. A single tear rolled down his face as he stole a glance into Max’s eyes. The usually vibrant green orbs were dull and lifeless. He imagined that this is what he looked like after the Zach ordeal.

Once the blood was wiped away, Neil grabbed Max an ice pack from the freezer in the kitchen. He wrapped it in a hand towel and lightly pressed it against Max’s swollen eye. Max moved a shaky hand and placed it atop Neil’s, a sign that he wanted to hold the ice pack. Neil allowed him, as it gave him another free hand to examine the rest of his battered body. Most of the damage was bruises, things Neil couldn’t remedy or provide aid for. But as he scanned Max’s body and saw all the damage that’d been done, his mind chanted a mantra on repeat: _This is your fault. You did this to him._ He tried to silence the thoughts; this wasn’t about him, this was about Max and helping him and comforting him and being there for him in this dark time. The guilt still gnawed at his chest and stomach, no matter how much he tried to shove it away.  

He decided to devote his attention to the main issue: the left ankle. That should require enough of his attention to silence the guilty thoughts for a minute. He sat down on the bathroom floor and gently held the swollen foot. Max flinched, but remained silent. Neil moved it slowly from side-to-side, which elicited a hiss of pain from its owner. Neil shot him an apologetic glance as he moved it up and down. Well, at least it could still move, which meant it wasn’t broken. Thank fucking god.

“Ok,” Neil sighed, his voice sounding strange to himself. He stood back up and looked down at Max. “Well, the ankle isn’t broken, so that’s good. Probably going to hurt to walk on for at least a few days, though. The black eye is bad, but ice packs and anti-inflammatories should help.”

Max said nothing, just nodded.

“Do you, uh, want to go lay down for a bit?”

Max nodded again.

“Ok. Would you, um…rather be alone?”

Max nodded a third time.

“Alright,” Neil murmured, swallowing the lump in his throat. He readied his shoulder by Max’s side to help him up.

The duo hobbled to Neil’s room. Neil made a stack of pillows for Max’s swollen ankle to rest on, and then he left Max to his own devices. Immediately after closing his bedroom door, he felt the urge to break down overwhelm him. But he knew his work wasn’t done yet.

_Not now. Gotta call Mom and Nikki. Then you can sob._

He stepped out on the front porch so as not to disturb Max. He called his mother first, and she picked up almost immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Neil, sweetie, how are you? Are you going to be home for dinner tonight?” his mother asked excitedly.

“Um, yeah, I will.”

“Perfect, I’ll make your favorite then!”

“Mom, we had my favorite last night,” he chuckled softly.

“Yes, but it’s not like you’re going to be living at home for much longer!”

“Yeah, that’s fair,” he mumbled quietly.

“Neil, you sound upset. Is everything okay?”

“Uh…no, actually. That’s why I’m calling.”

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did the house burn down? Did you get kidnapped?”

“Mom! Slow down! Relax! I’m fine…well, physically. It’s Max. He, um, he got kicked out of his house.”

“What?!”

“His mom found out he wasn’t straight and…well, she lost it.”

“Is he hurt?”

Neil closed his eyes to hold the tears back and nodded. “Yeah, he’s pretty hurt.” God, his voice was shaky.

“Is he in the hospital?”

“No, he insisted he didn’t need to go. I picked him up and took him to our house. I did what I could and now he’s laying down.”

“Oh god, poor boy. I am so, so sorry!”

“Yeah, so am I,” Neil whispered, blinking back his impending tears. “Anyways, I just wanted to warn you there’s a tired, injured boy in our house.”

“Thank you, Neil. And please, tell him he can stay as long as he likes.”

“I will, Mom.”

“I’ll pick up your guys’ favorite pizza on my way home from work, okay?”

“Sounds good. Thanks.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think he just needs time to process it all.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. But Neil, I have one question for you.”

“Um, sure, what is it?”

“How did Max’s mother find out?”

Neil’s body tensed and his breath caught in his throat. He had not been anticipating that question. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

“Um, I don’t see why that’s important…” he trailed off. He knew she wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer, but he knew lying wouldn’t do any good either. She was too smart for that.

“You do realize what I’m actually asking, don’t you?”

_Wait, shit, it’s a trick question?! Oh fuck, now I’m screwed!_

“Uh…no?”

His mother sighed into the receiver before speaking. “Neil, are you and Max dating?”

Neil nearly dropped the phone. How the hell had she found out? How long had she known? Was she going to blame him for Max getting kicked out, like he blamed himself?”

“Neil?” his mother asked after he’d been silent for several seconds too long.

“Um, yeah, sorry, I’m here,” he stammered nervously. “Uh…yeah, we are dating.”

To Neil’s surprise, his mother chuckled on the other end. He didn’t know what kind of response he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that.

“I thought so,” she said. She sounded like she was smiling.

“Wait, you’re not mad?”

“Of course I’m not! Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know. Because I hid it from you? Because I’m not straight?”

“Neil, you know me better than that. I don’t care who you love! Besides, I always thought you and Max would be cute together!”

“Mom!” Neil cried, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

“Just saying….”

“Um, Mom? This probably is going to sound weird, but I might as well get it out now. I’m also dating Nikki. And so is Max. We’re all dating each other.”

Neil’s mother didn’t answer for a few beats. Neil felt his heart rate accelerate a lot more than was warranted given the situation. Finally, she responded in the same calm, friendly tone she’d had the whole conversation.

“Good for you three. I always knew two of you would end up together, but I guess you were always meant to be a trio.”

“So…you’re cool with it?”

“Neil, it’s your life. You can do whatever you want. If you love your 2 best friends, then by god you love your 2 best friends! I don’t pretend to understand what it’s like to love and date 2 people at once, but you seem to.”

“I…I don’t know what to say. Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, Neil. Now, I have to go! Got a meeting in a few minutes! See you this evening! Take good care of Max!”

And with that, the line was disconnected. Neil smiled to himself, pleased with how that conversation had gone. He hadn’t expected most of it, but it honestly felt nice to have such a big secret off his chest. And now he could start having Nikki and Max over for actual dates and such without it being as awkward. Which reminded him, he needed to still call Nikki.

He took a deep breath then pressed the call button under his girlfriend’s name. On the third ring, she picked up.

“What’s hanging, babe?”

“Hey, Nik.”

“Whoa, you sound down. What’s up?”

“Nik, you might want to sit down for this.”

And then he explained everything that had happened, in vivid detail. He could practically see Nikki’s expressions in his mind based on the the different patterns of breathing she had as he told the story. She remained silent throughout the tale, but he knew she was going to explode the minute he closed his mouth. And, sure enough:

“What the ACTUAL FUCK?” she screamed, forcing Neil to hold the phone at arm’s length. “Who does that to their own fucking son? Even if you are homophobic, you don’t try to FUCKING BEAT YOUR CHILD TO DEATH!”

“Nikki, I know,” he murmured. He knew his words would do nothing to soothe her tirade, though.

“AND who even is homophobic these days? It’s the 21st century! Grow the fuck up!”

“I totally agree,” Neil nodded.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! FUCK HIS PARENTS TO HELL!”

“100 percent.”

And then Neil heard something he wasn’t expecting: sniffling. Nikki cried the least out of all of them. It wasn’t because she was above crying or saw it as a weakness; she just genuinely didn’t feel the need to cry over most upsetting things. Apparently, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Nikki?”

A little more sniffling and a shaky intake of breath.

“Nik, please don’t cry. It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it, Neil? Is it?”

Neil’s face fell. He leaned his back against the front door and slid down until he was sitting on the cement porch.

“Neil,” Nikki continued, trying to get her breathing under control. “I’m really scared for Max. I know he says he’s left his suicidal thoughts behind but this is a lot. He just told us all about that fucked up shit with Zach. He’s emotionally vulnerable right now from that and from figuring out his feelings for us. He’s been stressed because he has no idea what he wants to do with his life and no clue what he’s going to do when we leave town. And now he’s homeless and is probably going to be disowned!”

“I know!” Neil cried, his voice cracking. The tears started streaming down his face, the dam beginning to collapse. “I know, Nikki! Don’t you think I’m scared, too? I’m _terrified_ of losing him! But I don’t know what to do to help him!”

A sob ripped itself from his chest against his will, and he knew the fight was over. He pulled the phone away so he wasn’t sobbing directly into it. He laid his head on his knees as tears cascaded from his ocean blue eyes and his body heaved with each sob. He heard distant mumblings coming from his phone, but he couldn’t hear what Nikki was saying. He needed to let this out before he even tried to speak to her again. He dearly wished Max was here to hold him and comfort him like last time, but he was alone and Max was alone. They were only a few walls apart and yet it felt like they were on opposite sides of the globe. He hadn’t felt this distant from him since the whole Zach ordeal.

It took a few minutes to let the horror of the last hour out of his system, but finally there were no more tears left to cry and his breathing slowed once more. He pulled the phone back to his ear as he wiped the last few tears away.

“Nik?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, you’re still there. I’m sorry about that, it’s just been a really hard day.”

“I know, love. I’m sorry that I pushed you. I know you’re worried about him, too.”

A beat of silence passed between them. Neil bit his lip, contemplating whether now was the time to say this or not. But he wanted Nikki to know, and there was no better time then when you’re already opening up.

“I love him, Nik,” he finally whispered. Another beat of silence.

“I know,” she whispered back.

“Wait, what?” Neil’s head shot up so fast he felt dizzy. “You know?”

“Neil,” she chuckled softly, “you’re not very subtle. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes.”

“So…does Max know?” he asked nervously.

“He’s figuring it out,” she sighed. “He’s one of the people without eyes. But I may have told him to open his eyes. And that you’ve liked him for a long time now.”

“He knows about that?”

“Yeah…he was going to talk to you about it, but well…this happened.”

“Oh.”

“Neil, I’m sure he wants to know how you feel. But give him some time. Especially after all of this.”

“I will, Nik, don’t worry. I think we all need some time after this.”

“Yeah…anywho, I’ll come by later this evening. I’ll bring a gallon of Max’s favorite ice cream.”

“You’re a life saver, Nik.”

“I know, babe. I’ll talk to you later.”

And so, with everyone who needed to be informed informed, and with every emotion he had been caring that day out, Neil returned inside his house for a much need break from life.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

It was 7:00 when Max stumbled out of Neil’s bedroom. The sun was beginning to sink below the houses of the neighborhood and Neil had already turned on some of the houses’ interior lighting. He had spent most of the afternoon lying on Neil’s bed, staring at the ceiling. He broke down once or twice, letting the raw emotions out. But afterwards he had nothing left to feel. He replayed the scene over and over in his head: him and Neil fooling around, the horror when his mother opened the door, watching realization dawn on her, the fight. No matter how many times he went over it, the story never changed. He kept hoping maybe, just once, he and Neil would go uninterrupted and would just have amazing sex together. He kept hoping his mom would laugh it off when she caught them or say something like, “you two were always too close to just be friends.” But that wasn’t how the universe treated him and that wasn’t who his mother was.

The worst part was the self-loathing he felt. He couldn’t believe he was upset about finally being out of that house, about finally being free from his abusive fuckwads of parents. That’s all he’d ever wanted since he was a kid. And now he was upset just because it hadn’t been the nicest exit? Deep down he knew he had every right to feel this way. He had just lost everything he’d ever had: the only place he’d known as home, the only parents he could ever have, every one of his possessions except the boxers around his waist. He was homeless, broke, and without anything. Of course he should be distraught! Not to mention he’d gotten the shit beat out of him by the person who birthed him! And yet, he couldn’t stop hating himself for being upset. He should be grateful he got caught. He should be grateful his parents were raging homophobes. He should be grateful he was kicked out.

Neil lifted his head up from the book he’d buried himself in for the last hour and a half. When he heard the door open. He immediately jumped to his feet when he saw Max trying to walk. He slipped his shoulder under Max’s, and Max leaned against him without protest. Neil helped him hobble over to the couch, which he flopped down into the middle of.

“How are you doing?” Neil asked hesitantly. Max looked up at him with the same lifeless eyes as that afternoon. Neil’s stomach lurched and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Ah, right,” he mumbled, unsure of what else to say. “Well, Nikki will be coming over later. She’s bringing your favorite ice cream. And Mom is bringing pizza for dinner.”

Max nodded and then turned his face away. Neil sighed and balled up a fist in his pocket.

“Max, just answer me this,” he whispered, tone desperate. Max didn’t look his way. “Are you mad at me?”

That managed to get his boyfriend’s attention. Max whipped his head towards Neil, confusion in his eyes.

“Neil,” he started. His voice was hoarse from not having spoken in hours or having had anything to drink all day. “Why the hell would I be mad at you?”

“Because it’s my fault you got found out, right? If I hadn’t started fooling around, none of this— “

“Neil, stop,” Max interjected firmly. Neil’s mouth shut tight immediately, startled by the intensity of Max’s voice. “None of this is your fault, okay? I instigated it, remember? Besides, this had to happen one day. I just…wish it hadn’t been like this.”

Neil looked away and nodded solemnly, unsure what to say. Max sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I know you don’t believe me, but really, trust me. This wasn’t your fault. And…if I had to get caught like I did, then I’m glad it was with you.” He mumbled the last part under his breath, but it was still loud and clear enough for Neil to hear. He raised his head and looked at his boyfriend, a warm smile on his face.

“Good to know you’re still a sap underneath it all,” he teased sweetly.

“Fuck off,” Max returned, a small grin of his own on his face.

“Can I, um, sit next to you?” Neil scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. He knew that after an episode with his parents, Max usually kept his distance and refused to let anyone touch him for at least a week. But he didn’t know what the rules were now, since they were dating and all-in-all a lot more touchy-feely than before.

Max nodded and scooched over a little to add some space between them. Neil smiled and took a seat.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, worried eyes scanning over his boyfriend’s bruised body.

Max shrugged. “Hurts like hell, but that’s no surprise.”

All of a sudden, the front door flew open, making both boys jump.

“Where is he?” Nikki demanded frantically, carrying two cartoons of ice cream under her arm. Max and Neil turned around and stared at her in confusion. “Oh, there you are!” she said with a small grin as her eyes landed on Max. “I brought your favorites—Extreme Double Chocolate and Coffee Bonanza!”

Max cracked a weak smile. “Thanks, Nikki.” She returned the gesture and began heading to the kitchen to put the ice cream away. “Actually,” Max interjected, “can you just bring the chocolate one over here?” She smiled and nodded, and went to go grab some spoons.

She set the cartoon on the table along with three spoons. She then took her place on Max’s other side, but she was careful not to touch him. Normally, the three of them always sat together with their thighs pressed together or with someone’s leg on someone else’s lap; and, of course, more recently they were just flat-out cuddling. But tension was in the air and Max was still painfully quiet and his body was more damaged then any of them had ever seen it.

“Um, so…” she started awkwardly, swinging her braid around so she could fidget with it. “Do you wanna talk? Or should we talk about stupid junk or just watch a movie or—?”

“Movie, please,” Max mumbled, reaching forward with a groan of pain to grab the ice cream.

“Ok,” Nikki agreed. “How about—?”

“ _10 Things I Hate About You?_ ” Neil interrupted.

“What? Why the hell would you suggest that?”

“Yes,” Max declared in a quiet voice. “Let’s watch it.”

“It’s kinda Max and I’s favorite movie…” Neil said bashfully. “It was our little guilty pleasure when you weren’t around.”

“What other sort of _guilty pleasures_ have you two been hiding?” she asked teasingly with a wink.

“Well, I just found out Neil has a sex toy collection, so there’s that,” Max added dryly as he shoveled a big scoop of ice cream into his mouth.

“What?!” Nikki shrieked. She leaned forward in her seat and stared at Neil. “Neil, what the fuck?”

“Why is everyone so fucking interested in that?” he cried, a blush covering his face.

“Because we’re your partners? Why the hell haven’t you brought these out yet?” Max nearly choked on his ice cream while Neil turned more red.

“I was…waiting for the right time? I don’t know! I was afraid you guys would be weirded out!”

“Oh, most definitely,” Max nodded.

“Doesn’t mean we don’t want to use them!”

“Ok, ok, next time I’ll bring them out! Jesus…” Neil trailed off. He stood up and headed to his room. “Let me go grab the movie.”

“Grab a dildo while you’re at it!” Nikki shouted after him. Max chuckled despite the lump of chocolate in his mouth.

After Neil put the movie in, the three fell into silence. They sat fairly relaxed on the couch, but they didn’t get cozy with each other like normal. They made sure not to touch each other and kept their arms and legs strictly close to themselves. The only real contact they had was a brush of fingers as they passed the cartoon of ice cream around. About half-way through the movie, the front door opened again and Neil’s mom walked in carrying two large pizza boxes.

“Hi, you three!” she called cheerfully as she shut the door. “I brought your favorite!”

“Whoa! Thanks, Ms. Zimmerman!” Nikki called out graciously. She bounded off the sofa and raced to the kitchen to get some slices.

“Want any, Max?” Neil asked as he went to get his own. Max shook his head. He really didn’t have any appetite; he was only eating ice cream because it was comforting and gave him a distraction.

Neil shot his mother an appreciate glance as he entered the kitchen. She smiled back at him with warm eyes, but there was clearly sadness lying beneath the warmth. Without warning, Neil gave her the strongest hug he had ever given, and she returned it with equal strength.

“Thank you,” he whispered, feeling his eyes begin to water.

“Of course, sweetheart,” she returned. She pulled back and kissed his forehead. He smiled once more at her before grabbing his pizza and leaving.

The trio spent the rest of the movie in silence, the only noises being the chewing of pizza and the scraping of spoons against a cardboard ice cream cartoon. Neither Max nor Neil enjoyed the movie like they usually did, but it did give them a vague sense of distraction and disconnection from the real world. Nikki had never really like the film, or any romcom for that matter, but she held her tongue for her boyfriends’ sakes. Nevertheless, she hoped this would remain their movie and not become a group endeavor.

As the credits rolled, Nikki cleared the empty plates and made a bathroom run. The sun had already fallen below the horizon, blanketing the outside world in navy with hazy street lights to break the darkness. Neil’s mother had already headed to her room, recognizing that the trio needed time alone together. Most of the lights in the house were off, save for the one in the kitchen. For the first time all day, Max truly felt some semblance of peace. He was safe, at long last. He was safe and his parents could never touch him again and he was sitting next to the beautiful boy who’d saved him. The boy who loved him more than anything in this world. Max glanced up at Neil as they sat together in the darkness. He looked awkward, unsure of what to do with himself now that they were alone again. Max just stared at him, searching for some clue that Nikki suggested he should see if Neil really did love him. And then Neil looked down at him and his eyes took on what Max could only describe as unfathomable warmth. His smile was so soft and so inviting and his eyes were only open halfway.

_Oh my god, she’s right,_ Max thought to himself as he looked back, a strike of electricity hitting his chest.

Max let his eyes slide closed and his head fell against Neil’s shoulder. Neil looked down at him in surprise, wondering if he had fainted. But seconds later, a quiet voice reassured him Max was alright.

“Thank you, Neil,” he whispered. It took a moment for Neil to figure out what he could possibly mean by that, but it made sense after he reflected on the day’s events. Neil hesitantly wrapped an arm around the back of the couch, but didn’t let his skin actually touch Max’s.

“Of course, Max,” he whispered back, a soft smile on his face.

“I heard what you said earlier, by the way,” Max started softly. “When you were on the phone, crying.”

_Oh shit._ Neil tensed underneath Max’s head, so Max gave his knee a reassuring pat.

“It’s fine, Neil. I just…I get that you’re worried, and you have every right to be. But you are helping. You don’t realize it, but you are.” Neil glanced down at him, staring thoughtfully at the mess of black curls. “Just you being here helps me. Everything we do together helps me. And god, you literally saved my life today and gave me a roof to sleep under.

“Point is, you’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know. So don’t stress that you’re not doing enough.”

Neil wanted to throw his arms around the smaller boy and never let go. He wanted to plant kisses all over his face and neck and say how much he loved him and how much those words meant. But now was not the time or place; they both had some healing, especially Max, to get done before they were ready for any of that. Instead, Neil just settled for letting his smile widen and just barely laying his head atop Max’s.

“Thank you. That…means a lot, Max.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Is everything going to be okay?”

Max paused for a moment before letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Yeah, it is.”

The duo fell in a content silence, just laying quietly together and barely making contact with each other. Somehow, it felt just as nice as their normal touches and kisses did. Neil felt a warmth spread over him as exhaustion swept his body and Max’s body heat radiated off of him.

“You can stay here as long as you want,” he mumbled through a yawn, letting his head put more pressure on Max’s. “You can sleep in my room.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Max chided wearily, hardly any bite in his voice. “Sleep in your own goddamn bed. I’m fine on the couch.”

“No, no arguments. You get the bed.”

Max groaned weakly, realizing there was no way to win this one. “Fine,” he conceded grumpily. “But when I’m feeling better, you’re joining me. Deal?”

“Deal,” Neil agreed happily.

“Awwwww,” Nikki cooed as she reentered the room. “Did you two have big meaningful talks while I was gone?”

“Naturally,” Neil hummed with a mischievous smile.

“Alright, love birds, I’ll leave you to it. I’m gonna head home.”

“Sounds good. See you tomorrow?”

“You know it!” She dashed over and kissed Neil on the cheek. She gave Max a warm smile, and Max returned it, grateful that she was restraining herself.

And with that, their girlfriend and was gone, and all that was left was an empty cartoon of ice cream, two tired boys, and a lot more emotional baggage than they had woke up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! As always, a million thanks for every kudos, reading, bookmark, and comment! I love y'all so so much <3
> 
> Ok, bad news is I'm going back to school this weekend :( I'm really really going to try to keep up with weekly updates, but we'll see how busy my schedule is. BUT HAVE NO FEAR! I am not going to abandon this story! It will be finished, even if it takes a bit longer than desired. 
> 
> See you guys in a week! I wish you all good luck with surviving the finale tomorrow!


	10. I Can't Give You What You Want, but I'll be Damned if I Don't Try To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week since Max got kicked out of his house. Max has been distant for the entirety of it, but he can't keep his emotions at bay any longer. And, like the good boyfriend Neil is, he is there with him through it all. 
> 
> This chapter is NSFW for explicit sex.
> 
> Other Content Warnings: explicit discussion of recent physical abuse, references to masturbation, and a brief mention of partying/drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I can't believe I actually got this out in a week holy hell! So, this chapter is a lot less angsty and painful than the last few, so rejoice! Enjoy the sweet, joyful times while they last ;) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

When you sleep on a couch for a week straight, the uncomfortableness fades away. The sleepless nights disappear as your body stops being picky about where you lay down. You stop caring that your legs dangle over the armrest because you’re too tall for this short couch. The openness and vulnerability of sleeping in an open room no longer disturbs you. You stop caring about the cricks in your neck that greet you when you wake up. Eventually, a couch becomes just like a bed.

Or, at least, that was Neil’s experience after sleeping on a couch for a week. Max was still reeling in the aftermath of being beaten shitless by his own mother, so Neil had yet to join him in his bed. He was patient, though; he knew Max needed time and space to recover, and he had no problem giving him that. Besides, Max had already been slowly opening up over the last week. He started holding Neil’s hand again when they sat together, and he let their thighs touch when they watched TV on the couch. He hadn’t kissed or hugged him, but Neil figured it would be a while before he felt comfortable being that intimate again, let alone sleeping in the same bed.

Neil yawned as he pulled his blanket up to his shoulders, praying sleep would overtake him soon. It was already 1:00 in the morning and he was tired after their weekly Friday Night Horror Flicks. Three movies and five bowls of popcorn was a lot to ingest in the span of one night. Not to mention Nikki had been slightly tipsy, and handling her when she was like that was more energy-taxing than anything. Needless to say, even if Neil wasn’t used to the couch, he was going to sleep soundly tonight.

That was, until an odd shuffling of feet stirred his brain back into awareness. The movement was not a rhythmic, one-foot-at-a-time sound, but rather there was a pause and a longer noise coming from one foot. Neil knew exactly who it was just from that: Max was the only one in the house with a limp. He’d been getting pretty good at limping around the house the last few days without Neil’s support. Neil had offered to buy him crutches, and Neil’s mother had _insisted_ on buying him crutches, but he adamantly refused. Neil’ mom had finally caved, but she had bought him an ankle brace and forced him to wear it during the day. It was like she was an actual mother who cared about him. What a foreign concept.

Neil sat up as he realized the shuffling had passed the bathroom and was growing nearer.

“Max?” he whispered into the dark, hoping he was loud enough to be heard.

The shuffling paused for a moment, but restarted quickly. Neil trained his eyes on the hallway, waiting to see a dark mass of curls emerge from behind the wall. A few seconds later, the injured boy rounded the corner and gazed at Neil. Despite the darkness, Neil could make out the distressed look on Max’s face. He clearly had something on his mind.

“Max, what’s wrong?” Neil asked, voice laced with concern. Max didn’t respond, just limped slowly over to the couch.

Neil moved over to give Max a seat, but his boyfriend shook his head. Neil stopped and just watched as his boyfriend sat next to him. Max laid down on his right side and patted a hand to the sliver of couch he’d left behind him. A very confused Neil wiggled his way in between the back of the couch and his boyfriend’s back. He hesitantly set a hand on Max’s side, unsure if he wanted Neil to actually hold him. He felt reassured when Max pressed his back firmly against his front.

“What’s up, Max?” Neil asked, running a light hand down his side. Much to his surprise, Max only sniffled in response. “Max?” Neil tried again, more concerned.

And then the floodgates opened. Max had known that he needed a release of emotions, but he hadn’t thought that he was this desperate. Tears poured down his face as sobs racked his chest. Frightened by the sudden outburst, Neil yanked his hand back.

“Max, what’s wrong? Did I upset you?”

Max hiccuped as he tried to calm his breathing. He then ditched the idea of talking, and opted instead to just shake his head. Neil returned his hand slowly and gave his arm a gently squeeze.

“Then what’s the matter?” he pressed in a soothing voice.

“Go-god,” Max stammered, trying desperately to suck air in through his sob-filled chest. “I just…I just can’t fucking believe this!”

Neil said nothing, deciding to just let Max vocalize and talk through whatever thoughts he was having.

“I got kicked out of my fucking house! For being gay!” he sobbed. He tried to wipe his tear-stained face with his hand. “I always knew I’d get disowned or cut off for it, but I thought I’d be long gone before it happened.

“And then that bitch! She tried to kill me, Neil!” Max cried, the tears resurfacing. “My own goddamn mother tried to fucking kill me because I’m dating you!”

Neil slid his arm down and wrapped it around Max’s torso. He hooked it under Max’s hip and pulled his distraught boyfriend tighter against him.

“I always knew she was fucking terrible, but I never thought she’d try to _kill_ me!” he continued. “And every time I move or look at myself I remember every fucking second of it. Every place she slapped or hit, every kick she landed on me, the arm she tried to break. It all comes rushing back and sometimes I get nauseous from how much pain that resurfaces.

“But the worst part is I should be grateful to have gotten out of there, even if it nearly killed me. And I know that’s bullshit but I can’t stop _beating myself up_ because of it. Who the fuck does that?!”

Neil felt tears prick at his own eyes. He had known Max must be going through a lot, but he hadn’t thought it was this bad. He didn’t know Max relived it constantly on repeat day in and day out. And he sure as hell didn’t know Max felt _guilty_ for not appreciating his removal from that hell hole. He understood how that was the worst part; it certainly was the worst thing he had ever heard in his life.

“I’ve got nothing, Neil,” Max concluded. “I have no home, no family, no possessions, no money, no plan. What the hell am I going to do?”

Neil pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Max’s neck as several tears of his own streamed down his cheeks. He prayed none of them landed on Max, or at the very least he didn’t notice if they did. He took a deep breath and buried his face into the mess of curls that was his boyfriend’s hair.

“Do you want me to respond, or did you just need to vent?” he asked softly. Max sniffled and wiped his eyes again, trying to calm himself down. He shrugged his free shoulder, the one near Neil’s head.

“Ok. Well, you’ve been through a lot of shit, Max. Both now and in the past. And it’s fucked up how you perceive things. Of course it’s good you got out of your house. But it shouldn’t have happened this way. You owe that bitch _nothing_ , certainly not gratitude. And I know you know that. Sometimes it helps to just hear it from someone else. Or maybe this just sounds repetitive and I’m not helping anything.”

Max shuddered in his arms, and Neil gave his torso a light squeeze.

“You haven’t lost everything, Max. You still have Nikki and me, and you always will have us. And you can live here literally however long you want. My mom already thinks of you as a second son.”

“Does that make us brothers?” Max whispered quietly. Despite the fact that he was recovering from a breakdown, he still managed to sneak a bit of a teasing tone into words.

“Why in god’s name did you have to say that?” Neil groaned, sounding exhausted.

“Because I knew it’d bother you,” Max replied haughtily. He slipped his arm out from underneath Neil’s and laid his hand atop his boyfriend’s. “You know me too well not to know that.”

“I know….”

“But seriously,” Max said, running his thumb over the back of Neil’s hand, “I can’t just mooch off you and your mom forever.”

“Well, ok, yeah. But you don’t have to figure that out right now. You just need to focus on recovering.”

“Yeah,” Max mumbled. He knew Neil was right, but he couldn’t shake his anxiety and guilt.

“Please, Max, relax. You’re safe now, that’s what matters. We’ll figure something out.”

“But when, Neil? You leave in, like, two weeks. And Nikki leaves shortly after that. Then I’ll be alone, homeless, and broke.”

Neil was silent for a minute, chewing on a thought in his mind. He knew Max would protest, but it was the best solution he could think of. Besides, it was an idea that had been nagging at him for weeks now anyways.

“You could come with me,” he whispered, burying his head further into Max’s curls.

“Neil,” Max scoffed, “I can’t just show up at MIT and ask them to enroll me because my boyfriend goes there.”

“Not to the school,” Neil clarified. “You could move to the same town. Get an apartment and a job. We could live together.”

“Neil, no,” Max said firmly. He twisted around, forcing Neil to release his hold on him. He turned so that their chests were pressed together. He looked up at his disappointed partner’s face and sighed. “Don’t throw away your life for me. You deserve to have a real college experience. Make friends, go to parties, get wasted on the weekends. And you need to focus on school if you want to work at IBM or some shit like that.”

“Since when are you one to advocate for partying and studying?” Neil teased with a chuckle.

“Since it’s you, dumbass,” he shot back, narrowing his eyes. “Normally I wouldn’t give a shit what someone does with their life. But this is you, and I will not mess up your life more than I already have.”

“Max, you haven’t messed up my life,” Neil sighed. He brushed a lock of curls out of Max’s face. “If anything, you’ve made it so much better.”

“God, you’re gross,” Max protested with a roll of his puffy red eyes.

“I believe you’re the one who just said you gave a shit about me?” Neil teased with a poke to Max’s cheek.

“Fuck you,” Max spat back. He shoved his hand against Neil’s face.

“You can’t just say ‘fuck you’ every time I catch you being sweet.”

“Yes, I can,” Max said matter-of-factly. He clamped his hand over Neil’s mouth. Neil licked his palm, much to Max’s disgust.

“God, what are you, 5?” he cried as he retracted his hand and wiped it on Neil’s shirt.

“Here’s an idea: you allow yourself to be open with Nikki and me and don’t try and hide that you care about us behind sarcasm.”

“Absolutely not. Why would you even suggest a stupid thing like that?” Neil just rolled his eyes.

Max fell quiet and burrowed his head into Neil’s chest. Neil wrapped his arms around his warm boyfriend, partially to keep him from rolling off the edge of the couch.

“How are you feeling now?” Neil prompted, twirling a curl around his finger. God, that was so relaxing.

“Tired,” Max yawned against him. “But it’s nice to have that shit off my chest.”

“You’re gonna fall asleep like this and make this an uncomfortable night for both of us, aren’t you?”

“Probably.”

Neil sighed, resting his head atop Max’s. “Goodnight, Max.”

He couldn’t hear Max’s response, but it sounded like something akin to “Night.”

 

                                                                        ~(*)~

 

Neil woke up much earlier than he wanted to to the sound of his mother cooing over him and Max. He groaned quietly and shooed her away. She smiled at him sweetly, but obeyed as she headed out the door to go to work. Neil glanced down at his still-asleep boyfriend and shook his head at the ridiculous position he was in. One leg was draped over the edge of the couch and the other was strewn across Neil’s own two legs, creating a V-shape with his legs. One arm was also dangling off the edge of the couch, while the other was wrapped around Neil’s back. Neil smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek, then nuzzled into his absurd bed-head curls.

A few hours later the duo officially awakened. Max attempted to stretch his arms above his head, accidently punching Neil in the eye. Neil jolted awake with a curse and a hand slamming against the injured spot. Max was so startled by his own mistake that he toppled off the edge of the couch and narrowly avoided hitting his head on the coffee table. Once Neil had gathered his bearings, he laughed at the spectacle that was his boyfriend.

“Told you that would be uncomfortable,” he snickered with a haughty expression.

“Fuck off,” Max bit, staggering as he got back on his feet.

“How’s the body feeling this morning?” he asked, patting the couch to invite him back. Max took the invitation and sat down by Neil’s head. Neil wrapped his arms around Max’s waist and pulled him close.

“Ok, could be better,” Max said, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

Neil bit his lip, a response hot on his tongue. Was it too soon to be making sex jokes again? Max seemed pretty open to physical touch and affection again, but there was a big difference between cuddling and sexual touching. But this was also Max, king of the sex jokes and innuendos. If anything might help him get back to his normal self, it might be some lewd humor.

Neil finally decided to bite the bullet. He plastered a smug smile on his lips and placed a kiss Max’s lower back.

“I know something that might make you feel better, at least for a bit.”

Max caught his mischievous tone and cocked an eyebrow. He twisted his head over his shoulder as best he could to give his boyfriend a skeptical look.

“Oh? And what would that be?”

“I can show you,” Neil hummed teasingly against his back. “If you want me to, that is.” A wave of anxiety washed over him; was he pushing too hard? Was this too soon? Was he upsetting Max? He unwrapped his arms and sat up, giving Max a serious look. “Is this too much? Am I rushing you?”

Max chuckled and put a hand on his shoulder. “Relax, Neil. I’m fine. I’ll intervene if I get overwhelmed or anything.”

“Ok, good, good,” Neil nodded. “I just don’t want to overdo it. I know, ya know, that you’ve been through a lot and you need space and probably don’t want to be touched— “

“Neil, I’m _fine_ ,” Max insisted, squeezing the shoulder he held. “I can stop you whenever I want. Besides, I think I’m over not being touched after cuddling with you all night.”

 “Yeah, that’s fair. Just…speak up, okay?”

“You know I have no issue with that.” Neil grinned and nodded. “Alright, are you going to show me this amazing pain-relieving technique?” Max pressed, a smirk on his face.

Neil smirked right back at him. He slid himself out from behind Max and got off the couch. Max watched him curiously, unsure what this brilliant idea was. It clicked in his mind very quickly though once he saw Neil kneel down in front of him.

“Ah,” he hummed. He swallowed a lump in his throat unconsciously.

“This okay?” Neil checked. He put a tentative hand on Max’s thigh. Max nodded, feeling his pulse accelerate.

Neil pulled on the legs of Max’s boxers and slowly pulled them down to the floor. Max’s breath hitched as the cold air-conditioning hit his now exposed cock. Neil left the discarded boxers around Max’s ankles. He sat up again and placed his hands once more on Max’s thighs.

“Still good?” he asked, looking up at his partner’s face. Max was already blushing and his eyes were intently fixed on Neil. He nodded again and let one of his hands cup Neil’s cheek as reassurance. Neil leaned into the touch before redirecting his eyes to focus of the task in front of him.

“This should distract you from the pain for a bit,” he purred, though he knew his words came out more nervous than he would have liked. Max didn’t seem to mind, his eyes still fixated on his boyfriend.

Neil leaned in and kissed the tip of Max’s cock, eliciting a light gasp from his partner. He planted quick pecks up and down his length, watching as blood flowed to it and it hardened. He glanced up at Max once he had reached the tip again. Max was biting his lip and a bead of sweat dripped down his forehead. His breathing was heavier now. He looked anxious for more, to see where this went. Neil felt a surge of warmth move through him at the sight of his flustered boyfriend. He couldn’t believe it’d been this easy to turn his partner on; he really hadn’t done anything at all yet!

He returned his eyes to the task at hand and licked a trail to the base of the hardening dick. Max’s breath hitched and his body jerked. He repeated the motion several more times, causing Max’s hips to thrust forward sporadically. The boy above him bit back a whimper and attempted to grab a fistful of couch cushion in his hand. Noticing his struggle, Neil raised one hand upwards and Max grabbed it gruffly. He pulled it to his face and planted soft, fervent kisses across the back of the hand.

Neil decided to progress things, noticing how wound up Max already was. He gently slid the tip of the cock into his mouth and sucked lightly. Max moaned and jerkily thrust his hips forward. His grip on Neil’s hand tightened unconsciously. Neil ran his other hand up and down the inside of Max’s thigh soothingly. He released the cock and leaned against his thigh, looking up once more at his lover.

“Still okay?” he asked, panting lightly. Max shot him a weak glare.

“Stop asking and just keep going. I’ll tell you if it’s not okay.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Please, just keep going.”

“Okay, okay,” Neil chuckled. He returned his mouth to work, taking in a few more inches than last time and sucking.

“Ne-Neil,” Max stammered. He ran his free hand through Neil’s curls and pressed kisses across Neil’s hand again.

Neil slowly swallowed more and more of Max’s cock, much to Max’s pleasure. Max moaned and whimpered incoherently above his boyfriend. Neil felt himself hardening as he soaked up every noise his lover made. God, he loved having this effect on Max: dissolving him into a mess of desperate noises, his body limp like putty, his hips frantically thrusting for more contact. Max was so adorable when he was at his hand. And he was squeezing his hand so hard that he was confident it was ghostly white by now—or, well, more so than usual.

“Neil…” Max moaned again, lightly pressing against his head to shove his cock further down Neil’s throat.

Neil gagged as the dick hit the back of his throat. Max only moaned louder and let out a stream of quiet curses. He thrust his hips hurriedly, eager to reach the climax he knew was approaching. Neil moaned around the cock in his mouth, the scene turning him on further. That was all that Max needed. He arched his back and cried out as warm fluid filled Neil’s mouth and throat. He thrust weakly a few more times as he rode out his orgasm before collapsing onto the couch, his eyes slipping closed. Neil swallowed the fluid and pulled back, slowly releasing the limp cock from his mouth. He rested against Max’s thigh again, letting his own eyes flutter shut.

“Feel better?” he panted. Max pressed a light kiss to his hand once more.

“Yeah. Definitely distracted me from the pain,” he mumbled through heavy breaths. “Thanks, Neil.”

“No problem. Don’t want you in pain, do we?” he asked, trying to sound teasing through his tired pants. Max scoffed as he twirled a brunet curl around his index finger. “Thanks for letting me do that,” he added after a beat of silence.

“Anytime,” Max smirked. Neil chuckled and shoved his thigh playfully. “Don’t you need to finish up?” he continued, glancing at the tent in Neil’s boxers. Neil blushed and waved a hand dismissively.

“I’ll take care of that later.”

“Why not now?”

“Because I don’t feel like it,” Neil said stubbornly, a hint of teasing in his tone.

“You don’t want me to see you jack off, do you?”

“Nope! That is for my eyes only.”

“You literally just sucked my dick, but now you’re all about privacy?”

“Shut up. I’m going to go shower.” Neil stood up and headed down the hall towards the bathroom.

“And jack off,” Max called after him.

“Yeah, whatever,” Neil rolled his eyes. He suddenly stopped in his tracks, a thought popping into his mind.

“Wanna go on a date tonight?” he asked without giving it a second though.

“Sure,” Max answered. “Just us or with Nikki?”

“Um…just us, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine by me.”

Neil stood still for a moment, pondering what had brought him to this point, what had made him decided so suddenly that today was the day. He looked back at Max. His boyfriend was sliding his boxers back up, wincing a bit when he put weight on his bad ankle. Neil grinned unconsciously. That didn’t provide him any answers, but it somehow reinforced that he needed to say it, today.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

Max had expected them to go out to dinner, or to see a shitty end-of-summer movie, or maybe even just go for a drive along the coast. But no. Somehow Neil was still able to surprise him after all these years of knowing him. Never in a million years would Max have expected them to go to a park and just sit on a bench. Sure, it was a pretty park, with luscious green grass despite the deadly summer heat and a sidewalk that overlooked the ocean below. It was particularly beautiful right now, with the roses and oranges and pinks of sunset canvasing the sky. But Max still didn’t understand. They were just…sitting here. Looking out at the ocean and the sunset. From a bench.

“Neil, what are we doing here?” he finally asked after 10 minutes of sitting in silence.

“Well, I would have taken you for a walk, but I didn’t want to hurt your ankle,” he explained, his eyes fixated on the landscape before him.

“Ok…well are we going to talk or like, cuddle or something? Or are we just going to stare at the sunset together silently?”

“Either way,” Neil said nonchalantly with a shrug.

“Ok, seriously Neil, why’d you bring me out here?”

“To enjoy the sunset. Do I have to have an ulterior motive?”

“Yes. You never want to just watch the sunset unless we’re camping.”

“Speaking of which, Nikki wants to go on an end-of-summer camping trip sometime soon.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I just want to enjoy your presence. Is that too much to ask?” Neil retorted, a little defensive Max closed his mouth and turned away from him. “You’ve been so hurt and distant the last week. And understandably so. But I’ve missed you, and now that you’re back, I just want to cherish every moment with you.”

“Wow. That was…really gay,” Max teased. Neil’s serious expression broke and he chuckled, playfully shoving Max’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I think we established I’m gay for you. I did suck your dick earlier.”

“Piss off,” Max snapped, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What? Why are you embarrassed about that?”

“Because I’m supposed to be the tough, dominant one. Not the submissive guy who loses his shit when he gets his cock sucked.”

“Oh, relax. No one cares what happens behind closed doors.”

“Nikki does.”

“Okay, yeah…no one except her. But she was going to find out eventually, Max. She is also in this relationship.”

“We can avoid it for as long as possible, though,” Max pointed out, jabbing a playful finger into Neil’s chest. Neil just rolled his eyes and allowed the subject to drop.

Max allowed silence to resettle over them for a few minutes, but he sensed there was something else on Neil’s mind. He decided not to press the issue, though, opting to watch as the sun slowly descended below the blue watery horizon. After several minutes, Neil began to get restless. He fidgeted with the sleeves of his blue sweater and fiddled with the watch on his left wrist. He eventually stood up and walked across the sidewalk to the railing that separated the park from the drop down to the ocean. Max watched as he slumped over the side and sighed. He stood up and joined his partner at the railing, but he made no moves to touch him.

“What’s wrong, Neil?” he asked, voice quiet and genuinely concerned. Neil took a shaky breath and raised his head, watching the water ripple and reflect the pinks and purples of the sunset sky.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he clarified.

“Then what’s on your mind?” Max rephrased, sounding a tad annoyed at Neil’s avoidance of his question.

“I…I just don’t know if now is the time,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Max.

“No time like the present,” Max persisted, leaning his arms against the railing.

“But, it’s just a lot, you know? After last week and then everything we talked about last night. I already probably pushed you too far this morning!”

“God, Neil, shut up! I’m fucking fine. Fuck my parents, fuck figuring out the future, and fuck that blowjob. Just tell me what’s going on!”

“I don’t want to put so much on you at once, okay?” Neil retorted, a little annoyed by Max’s tone.

“Neil,” Max said, finally turning and looking at his boyfriend. “I am an adult. I can take care of myself and I can cut things off when they get to be too much.”

“Okay, okay!” Neil cried, putting his hands up. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he exhaled. He gripped the railing tightly and looked back out at the setting sun.

“I…I think I’m falling in love with you,” he finally said. A wave of anxiety hit as soon as the words were out of his mouth. A knot formed tightly in his stomach, causing him to grip the railing even tighter.

Max said nothing for a few beats, eyes transfixed on the water and the sound of the rippling waves below him. Neil swore every second that passed was like an hour. Sweat beaded at his hairline and his palms grew damp as he held tight to the railing. He wasn’t sure if he was breathing or not, but he hadn’t fainted yet, so he figured he was doing something right. Finally, Max took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

“I know.”

Neil whipped his head around, staring intensely at his partner. “What?”

“I know, Neil,” Max repeated quietly.

“Si-since when? For how long?”

“Nikki told me about 2 weeks ago. She told me it was really obvious and I’m just oblivious. And so then I looked and…I saw it.”

“Oh, gotcha,” Neil nodded, voice distant. “Well, anyways, I just wanted you to know. I was tired of hiding it and I felt like…that might be good for you to hear.”

“What, to know someone loves me?”

“Yeah. I mean, I loved you before, as a friend! This is just a different kind of love. But I still love you as a friend, it’s just--!”

"Neil,” Max interjected, placing his hand atop Neil’s. He turned to his partner and looked him dead in the eyes. “Shut the fuck up.”

Neil smiled and blushed, an awkward chuckle leaving his throat. “Sorry, I know, I know.”

Max glanced back out at the water. The last sliver of sunlight was going to disappear soon and they would be shrouded in darkness. A tug of anxiety pulled at his stomach. He felt safe enough going out in the daytime, as then he could at least see his surroundings. But at night people could hide in the darkness and sneak up on him.

“Neil, I don’t feel the same way. Which, you know of course.” Neil nodded. Despite having known this all along, he couldn’t help the punch of disappoint that hit his gut at hearing the words aloud. “But…considering I thought I’d never like anyone ever, it’s pretty special that I’ve felt this much. Who knows…maybe one day it could happen.”

Neil’s eyes widened and he stiffened. “What are you saying, Max?”

Max groaned and turned back towards him. “I’m saying that hypothetically, maybe, someday, I might feel the same way about you.”

Neil’s face brightened and a huge smile stole his face. Max immediately regretted sharing that and he groaned again.

“Do _not_ freak out!” he commanded, jabbing a finger towards him. “This is _not_ a guarantee of anything!”

“I know, I know!” Neil cried. He wrapped Max in a tight hug, causing a pained groan to escape Max’s throat. “But just the possibility is exciting oh my god!”

“Release. Me. Now,” Max said firmly. Neil obeyed but grabbed both of his hands in his.

“I love you, Max,” Neil said as he looked in his boyfriend’s intense green eyes.

Max glanced down at their entwined hands then back up at his overjoyed boyfriend.

“I…I like you,” Max mumbled under his breath, squeezing his hands. Neil squeezed them back and his smile somehow managed to get even larger.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he demanded, averting his eyes and hoping Neil couldn’t see his blush.

“No,” Neil insisted. He pulled their hands against his chest and kissed them. “Nope nope nope, you just were emotionally open with me without being sarcastic or rude!”

“God, fuck off,” Max drawled dramatically, weakly trying to pull his hands away. “So, wait, you brought us out here to confess your love to me? What is this, a 1990’s romance movie?”

“Yes,” Neil joked, kissing their hands again.

“You’re literally the most disgusting person I’ve ever met. I wanna break up this instant.”

“I don’t think so,” Neil chuckled. He released Max’s hands and stood next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. The duo slowly started walking back down the sidewalk in the direction of their car. “You already said you liked me.”

“All of those feelings immediately dissipated the second you hugged me.”

“Sure, darling, sure.”

“Don’t call me ‘darling,’” Max snapped, shooting a glare at his partner.

“Wanna watch a movie and cuddle?” Neil asked, ignoring him.

“…yes,” Max grumbled, finally conceding. “But we’re watching it on your laptop in your bed.”

Neil chuckled and pulled him closer. “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Thanks as always for reading/commenting/kudosing/bookmarking! Sorry I haven't even gotten around to responding to last chapter's comments! Starting school again has kicked my ass a little lol. But I will get to them either today or sometime this weekend. Also, thanks to all the awesome people who messaged me on tumblr! Y'all are too sweet <3
> 
> Now that school and work are getting back into the swing of things, I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write. I will do my best to keep with weekly updates, but we'll see how it goes. Especially considering I am anticipating next chapter to be....fucking long.....
> 
> Anyhow, see y'all in a week hopefully! Enjoy suffering tomorrow with the season finale!


	11. Math is Hard, but I Know that a Boyfriend and a Girlfriend do not Add Up to be a Whole Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As summer winds down, the trio worries about what will happen when they go their separate ways soon. Neil comes up with a plan that he believes would benefit them all, but everyone else in his life begs to differ.
> 
> This chapter is mildly NSFW for discussing sex and a bit of kinky things.
> 
> Content Warnings for: brief mention of suicidal thoughts, brief mention of death, drug usage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry this is late! Life kinda kicked my ass this week, and then on like, Wednesday night, I decided I didn't want to go with the chapter I'd originally been planning. So here's this instead!
> 
> If any of y'all live in Florida, my thoughts are with you. Stay safe and know you are loved.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

“Still buying from Jack?” Neil asked as a puff of smoke hit him in the face. He coughed loudly, turning his head away.

“Yep,” Nikki said before taking another drag of her blunt. She didn’t smoke weed often, but this was one of the last chances she would have before she went on her Outward Bound program for 4 months. She was not dedicated enough to try and smuggle weed in her backpack.

Her and Neil were laying on her bed in total darkness at 10:00 on a Wednesday night. Max had stayed back at Neil’s place, tired and in pain thanks to a stomach ache. Neil and Nikki rarely hung out alone, but this was a good night for them to get together. While they had spent most of the time watching movies and cuddling, they also knew they should talk about more serious things—namely, what was going to happen when they left town in a week and a half.

“Does Max still smoke with you sometimes?” Neil asked curiously.

“Nah, not really. He’s really been good about quitting since we started dating.”

“Wait, really?” Neil turned his head back towards Nikki, surprise overriding his hatred of the smoke.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?” She sat up a bit and let the hand with her blunt in it dangle over the edge of the bed.

“No, how was I supposed to know this?” Neil cried, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.

“Um, I don’t know, Max talking to you?” Nikki suggested sarcastically. “For all the time you two spend together, you really don’t actually communicate that much.”

“Hey, we communicate!” Neil retorted. “He talked to me about being kicked out. I told him I loved him. We check in to make sure neither one of us goes too far.”

“Ok, yeah, so you are careful during your weird kinky sex and throw around the ‘L word.’ Doesn’t mean you guys _communicate_.” Nikki jabbed a finger playfully into his arm. Neil retracted the limb and flung it across his chest so that it was out of her reach.

“And what do you count as ‘ _communication_?” Neil asked, putting air quotes around the last word.

“Talking about how you fell in love with him 4 years ago, discussing the little changes you both made when we started dating, and, of course, discussing what the fuck we’re going to do in 10 days.”

Neil sighed; she had a point, at least with the last one. That was something they all needed to talk about pronto, because the days were ticking away faster than they could even process. Nikki took another drag and blew out the smoke in a sigh.

“I don’t know what to do, Nik,” he started, tone already sounding defeated and deflated. He threw himself back against the pillows and closed his eyes. “You’re going to the woods for 4 months with no way of us contacting you, I’m going to Massachusetts and will be busy studying, and Max is stranded here with no home, no family, no transportation, and no job.”

“I know,” Nikki mumbled. She paused for a moment, nervous about the answer she might receive to her next question. “Has Max said anything to…make you worry?”

“No, he hasn’t. He mentioned to me one night that death seems like the easiest solution, but he swore he wasn’t actively suicidal or planning to do anything.”

“You sure about that?”

“Nik, I live with him. We sleep in the same bed and spend almost all our time together. If he was planning something or trying anything, I would know.”

“Ok. I just…I’m worried about what happens after we leave. I don’t want him to do anything drastic.”

“I know the feeling.”

“But I know we have to live our lives, too,” Nikki shrugged helplessly.

“Yes, we do. But Max is a part of our lives, a big part of them.”

“Of course he is.” Nikki stubbed the end of her blunt out in the ashtray she had on her bedside table. She put a hand on Neil’s knee, running her thumb back and forth over it. “But there’s more to life than romance.”

“I know, I know,” Neil groaned, running his hands down his face dramatically. “But I don’t want to just run off to college and move forward with my life while he feels trapped.”

“He could get a job? Go to community college?”

“I think he wants to stay completely away from school. And I offered for him to come with me to MIT, get a job and an apartment. But he turned that down.”

“Honestly, I think he’s right.”

“What?” Neil said, louder than he had intended. He whipped his head towards his girlfriend. She returned his gaze as she gave his knee a gentle squeeze.

“Neil, we need to learn how to live apart from each other. We’ve literally never been apart from each other for longer than a month. What happens if we break up? Or move across the world from each other?”

“Is breaking up really on the table?” Neil asked incredulously.

“Babe, we’ve only been dating for a month or so. I know it’s different since we were best friends for so long beforehand but still. You don’t really think we’re going to marry each other or anything, do you?”

Silence stole the dark room. When Neil didn’t immediately respond, Nikki stared at his face intently. Neil sat up and curled his knees against his chest. He refused to meet Nikki’s gaze, his eyes fixated on the rug by the door.

“Neil?” Nikki prodded lightly, laying her hand on his shoulder. “You…you aren’t seriously considering this, are you?”

“We’ve always been together,” Neil whispered, eyes still trained on the floor. “I guess I just…can’t image a future without you two.”

“I mean, neither can I. I just always assumed we’d be friends, though.”

“I did, too. Until now.” He whispered the last part, a blush coating his cheeks.

“Neil, you’re not considering proposing or anything, are you?”

“No. Not now. Like you said, we’re only a month into this.” He shrugged, unsure what to say. “I dream big, but I’m not gonna dive into something like that so fast.”

“Okay, good,” Nikki nodded, removing her hand from his shoulder. “I think that’s for the best.”

“Even if I wanted to, Max isn’t ready for that.”

“Definitely not. Neither am I, truthfully.”

Nikki gently shoved him down so he was lying on his back once again. She tossed a limp arm across his chest, followed by a leg sprawling atop his own. She rested her head on his chest and nuzzled against him. Neil entwined a hand with her’s and gently planted a kiss atop her wild mess of teal hair.

“We still don’t know what we’re going to do about this fall,” she pointed out.

“I know…well, I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it.”

Nikki turned her head and sat her chin on Neil’s chest. She gave him a skeptical look.

“What?” she inquired suspiciously.

“I could stay here with him.”

Nikki’s body shot up at the suggestion. Her eyes widened and a wild glint sparkled in them, one Neil rarely saw except for when she was preparing for a rant. Whatever was about to happen, he knew he was going to get strung through the ringer. She flung herself on top of him so that she was straddling his hips. Neil’s head jolted back in surprise, but Nikki’s face just followed his as she planted her hands firmly on his shoulders.

“Neil,” she stated firmly, her face only inches from his own. Normally he didn’t care about their proximity—hell, most of the time he liked it—but to be that close when she was about to explode was not enjoyable. “What the fuck are you thinking?”

“Nik—“

“You can’t sacrifice your opportunity to go to MIT, one of the _best_ schools in the country and your dream school! You can’t throw away your dreams of working at IBM or some other sciencey place for a boyfriend!”

“He’s not just—“

“This is exactly what I mean, Neil! You need to learn to live apart from him. I know you love him and you’re worried about him, but you cannot throw your life away for him! He wouldn’t want you to, either!”

“I’m not throwing—“

“Neil, no. Just no! You can’t do it! You just can’t!”

She finally stopped frantically ranting at him. She panted heavily after hardly having time to take breaths as she spoke her two cents. Neil just stared into her crazed eyes and red face, not saying anything.

“Well?” she prompted with a light shake of his shoulders.

“I wouldn’t be throwing my life away, Nikki,” Neil said firmly. “I love Max, and I honestly would rather help him and be with him than spend all day in a stuffy library studying my ass off. Besides, we’re young. I could go to school next year, or the year after. I could still get a degree, still work at IBM or whatever. But I can’t wait a year or two to help Max.”

Nikki released her grip on her boyfriend and let her hands slide down his chest. They’re gazes never parted, even as Nikki sat and pondered his words and a response.

“Please, Neil,” she finally whispered. His face relaxed when he heard how soft her voice was. “I know you love him, and I know you want to help him, but I don’t think this is what’s best for either of you.”

Neil sighed, a tightness squeezing his chest at her words. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her against him. She allowed the gesture, pressing into him and leaning her forehead on his.

“It was just an idea. That’s not what I’m planning on doing. But, that being said, it’s still on the table.” He leaned back a tad and opened his eyes so he could meet her gaze. “I can’t abandon him, Nik. I can’t just leave him when he’s so vulnerable.”

“I know, love, I know,” Nikki cooed, her hands absentmindedly fiddling with his shirt. “But he’s an adult, too. He wouldn’t want to be cared for or treated differently just because he’s in a tight spot.”

“Yeah, I know…” Neil mumbled, finally averting his gaze for a second.

“Just…don’t do anything drastic, Neil,” she continued. “And if you’re seriously considering this, talk to Max. It’s kinda his decision, too.”

“I will. If I actually pursue this.”

“Okay,” she nodded, glad to at least be on a similar page as her lover. She then slid down and rested her head on his chest again. “Hey, Neil?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“You never considered that I might want to join y’all.”

Neil’s eyes widened and he cast a confused glance at her teal tangles. “What?”

“Why wouldn’t I want to run away with my boyfriends to live happily ever after?”

“Well, I just assumed after all that talk of needing to ‘learn to live apart’ and ‘not throwing our lives away for a relationship,’ you wouldn’t even consider abandoning your plans.”

“Of course I’ve considered ditching everything for you idiots,” she muttered, not bothering to life her head up. “But you’re right. I wouldn’t actually do it.”

“Then why did you say that?”

“Because sometimes I worry that you forget I’m in this relationship, too,” she whispered. She balled her hand into a fist around a clump of his shirt.

Neil tensed beneath her, her words hitting him like a punch to the gut. He slowly wrapped one arm around her back and let the other one play with her hair. He knew she really only liked it when Max did it, but he hoped it would be at least somewhat soothing.

“Nikki, I’m sorry. I never forget you’re a part of this. And I certainly never wanted to make you feel that way.”

“I know. And I know that your feelings for Max are much older and deeper than your ones’ for me. And it’s weird because you two live together now and spend all this time together. I just feel…left out sometimes.”

“I’m sorry, darling. You are just as much a part of this relationship as Max and I. One day, we will all run away together and be happy.”

Nikki chuckled at that, uncurling her fist and releasing his shirt. “I sure hope so. Speaking of running away, when are we going camping?”

“This weekend, I guess? We’re running out of other times to do it.”

“True. I’ll go ahead and plan for this weekend then.”

The duo laid in silence together. Neil was still stroking her hair, though now it was more unconscious than before. He still was trying to avoid pulling her hair, but her tangles were making it difficult. Nikki had her eyes closed and was slowly drifting off to sleep. Neil was actually convinced she had fallen unconscious when a voice suddenly interrupted the quiet.

“So, Max told me you gagged and handcuffed him last time you fucked.”

“…shut the fuck up.”

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

Neil staggered through his front door at noon the next day. Max was relaxing on the couch, surprisingly enough reading a book of Neil’s. He looked well put-together, or at least much more so than Neil did. He had already taken a shower, his hair was neat—well, as neat as he could get his bushel of curls, he had put on clean clothes and shaved. If Neil wasn’t so exhausted, he would have been swooning over him.

“How was your night?” Max asked with a casual turn of a page.

“Exhausting,” Neil groaned. He stumbled over to the couch and messily threw his arms around his boyfriend. He nuzzled his face into Max’s neat curls, much to Max’s annoyance. He ignored the gesture as best he could, opting to focus on his book.

“And whose fault is that?”

“Shut up.”

“You two get kinky?”

“Ok, about that…you told Nikki about our last time?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I…I don’t know! It was embarrassing!”

“The fucking or Nikki knowing?”

“Nikki, you idiot!” Neil slapped his arm lightly. He moved his head so that his chin was resting atop Max’s head.

“Neil, we both know you’re a weird secret kinky top. This isn’t new information.”

“Yeah, but us actually doing kinky shit is new!”

“I can’t tell if you’re actually upset about this or just being dramatic,” Max mused with another page turn.

Neil sighed and let his eyes slip close. “I’m not upset. I just feel self-conscious, that’s all.”

“You’re very confident in the bedroom.”

“Yeah, but…look, I keep it a secret because I’m self-conscious about it. So hearing Nikki say she knew what we did was...embarrassing, I guess?”

“She’s our girlfriend, Neil. Why is it embarrassing for her to know? It’s not like she’s not going to do it with us someday.”

“I know. Just…give me some time to adjust, okay? I’m not used to doing this type of stuff yet, and I’m certainly not used to people knowing and talking about it.”

Max finally shut his book and set it next to him on the couch. He sighed and laid his arms atop Neil’s, pressing them against his chest.

“I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal to you.”

“I didn’t either.”

“Sorry, Neil.”

“It’s okay. Now we know.”

Neil tilted his head downwards and planted a kiss on Max’s head. Max closed his eyes in content and relaxed into the back of the couch.

“But seriously, how was it last night?” he asked, not even bothering with a teasing tone.

“It was good. Things, um, escalated.”

“Handcuffs?”

“Yep.”

“Blindfold?”

“Definitely.”

“Gag?

“No. Unlike you, I don’t have a big, sassy mouth.”

“Fuck off,” Max bit, shoving Neil’s arms off of him. Neil chuckled as he released his lover and stood up again. “Wait, did you just say…?” Max swiveled around so fast Neil thought he’d give himself whiplash. “Wait, _Nikki_ topped?”

Neil nodded, a bashful grin on his face. “Yeah, she was actually… _really_ good at it.”

Max grabbed Neil’s wrists and pulled him down towards his face, causing Neil to let out a surprised yelp.

“Are you telling me,” Max hissed, his stare intense, “that you were handcuffed and blindfolded and bottoming, and _I_ didn’t get to see it?”

It took Neil a moment to process what Max had just said. When he did, he burst out laughing, much to Max’s annoyance. He tightened his grip on his lover’s wrists to communicate this.

“Maybe some other time, darling,” he chuckled as he came down from his fit of laughter.

“Don’t call me ‘darling,” Max snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “And we both know that’s bull. You like topping too much when I’m there.”

“You’re just so adorable when you’re all flustered and desperate beneath me,” Neil purred, his attempt at sexiness marred by his subsiding laughter. Nevertheless, he pushed ahead, determined to get under Max’s skin. He gently stroked his fingers down Max’s jawbone, his eyes half-lidded. Max immediately blushed crimson and narrowed his eyes.

“Piss off,” he weakly threatened.

“Admit it: you love it, too.”

“Over my dead body.”

Neil rolled his eyes light-heartedly and chuckled again before connecting their lips. Max didn’t protest, allowing his boyfriend this small victory. He wouldn’t say it aloud, but he actually had missed Neil when he was gone yesterday and that morning. It felt nice to have his lips on his again.

Neil pulled back sooner than Max would have liked, but he said nothing. Neil stood up and stretched his sore muscles, a yawn escaping him.

“I’m gonna go shower and take a nap,” he announced, slowly making his way towards the bathroom.

“Don’t press too hard on your hickeys while you shower!” Max called after him, reopening his book nonchalantly.

“You’re an asshole!” Neil yelled over his shoulder, flipping his boyfriend off.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

Neil crawled out of bed shortly before his mother got home from work. He emerged from his room to find the house dark and quiet. He headed to the living room to see if Max was still there. As he rounded the corner, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. Max had fallen asleep reading. He had toppled over and laid across the couch, while the book had fallen to the floor. Neil dove back into his room and, as quietly as he could, tiptoed over to his tired partner. He laid the light blanket over his relaxed body and placed an air-light kiss on his curls. He then headed to the kitchen to fix him and Max something to eat.

He opted for Mac ‘n’ Cheese for simplicity and calories. He hadn’t eaten all day, so something that would fill him up was preferable. Besides, he wasn’t exactly a master chef, but he felt assured in his Mac ‘n’ Cheese skills. Not 15 minutes into his dinner endeavor did his mother enter the room.

“Hi, sweetie,” she greeted cheerily. “How was your day? How was seeing Nikki?”

“It was good,” he responded nonchalantly. “I slept most of the day here, though.”

“You and Max both,” she chuckled, setting her purse on the counter. “You stay up late last night?”

“Yeah.”

“You guys must’ve been pretty busy,” she teased as she lightly elbowed him in the side.

Neil blushed and groaned in embarrassment. “Mom!”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Neil, it’s normal,” she said in a vain attempt to calm him down. “As long as you use a condom, you can do as you please.”

“Mom!”

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop,” she relented. She still had a mischievous grin on her face, though.

“Um, Mom?” Neil asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Yes?”

“I actually…do want to talk to you about something.”

“Alright, go for it!” She leaned against the counter next to the stove where Neil was cooking.

Neil hesitantly stopped stirring the noodles and looked up at his mom. She loved him so much, no matter what. Surely she would do anything to make him happy…right? He tried to swallow a lump in his throat, half-succeeded, and then went back to nervously stirring his dinner.

“Mom,” he started hesitantly. “I…I’m thinking about not going to school.”

He didn’t even need to lift his head up to catch her change in expression. Her face fell and her brow creased with worry. Her eyes narrowed in concern, a look that always sent a jab of guilt into Neil’s chest.

“And why is that?” she asked, keeping her voice level.

“I want to stay here and be with Max. Help him get his feet on the ground.”

Neil’s mother continued to just stare at him, the concern only etching itself deeper in her face. She really was at a lost of words. Neil just paused his cooking and looked up at her, trying to gauge her reaction better.

“Neil,” she sighed after several moments of silence. “You can’t.”

He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. He lowered his gaze and went back to cooking.

“And why not?”

“You got into your dream school, sweetheart. One of the best colleges in the country. You can’t just throw that all away.”

“I’m not throwing anything away. I can go to college later, once Max has settled in.”

“Neil, it’s not that simple.”

“Why not, exactly?”

“You’re not just going to get into MIT again. Besides, what if you lose the passion to go to school? You might get so wrapped up in Max that you decide you don’t need school. And then you’ll be the brightest high-school graduate who didn’t go to college.”

“You know me better than that, Mom.” Neil started to stir his dinner more roughly, irritation spreading through his body. “I’m not going to not go to college. Max just needs me right now.”

“Did he say that?”

Neil paused, her words confusing him for a second. Then he hesitantly began again.

“No.”

“Then how do you know?”

“Because he’s got nothing besides me and Nikki. Everything else in his life has been taken away. And now we’re supposed to leave, too? We can’t just leave when he’s this vulnerable.”

“Neil, you’ve always been very thoughtful, especially when it comes to Max.”

“But?”

“But, you don’t actually know how Max feels, or what he wants. You know he hates being treated like he can’t take care of himself. How do you think he’d feel if you dropped out of college and just stayed home with him?”

Neil dropped the spoon and gripped the counter until his knuckles turned white. His head was tilted downwards to the floor and he refused to even glance at his mother. He just wanted to help Max. He just wanted to make sure he was safe and okay and got on his feet. He didn’t want to abandon him.

“Neil, your heart is in the right place. But you need to seriously think about this. This also impacts Max’s life. Do you think he wants you to stay here because of him? He’d probably feel terrible if you did.”

He knew she was right. Max would feel guilty. He’d blame himself and his self-loathing would eat away at him just as it had when he was kicked out.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t change your plans based on a boyfriend. I know Max means the world to you, and I know this isn’t just any other relationship.”

Neil’s head shot up in surprise. He stared intensely at his mother, begging with his eyes for answers. His mother’s face softened and she gave him a warm smile.

“I know you love him, sweetheart. But he wouldn’t want you to do this.”

Neil looked back down at his dinner, his mind bouncing from thought to thought to thought. He turned the stove off and slid the pot to another burner to let it cool off. He sighed heavily and leaned more of his weight into the counter.

“I just…don’t want to abandon him,” he practically whispered, eyes trained on the steaming pot.

“You’re not, Neil,” she reassured him. “You’ve been planning on going to MIT for half a year now, and Max knows that. And, though circumstances are not ideal, he knows you’re not leaving him behind. You have to live your own life. Max will be a part of that, but right now he may not be able to physically be a part of it.”

Neil nodded numbly. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder, hoping to relax him.

“Just talk to him, darling. That’s the best way to have a strong relationship.” Neil nodded again. “Alright, I’m going to go change and then I’ll be back to whip up my own dinner.”

She left the room and headed down the hall to her bedroom at the back of the house. Neil sighed as he continued to watch steam fill the air above his pot of Mac ‘n’ Cheese. That had not been the best conversation, but he knew she was right about a lot of what she said. He hated when that happened.

“Is that Mac ‘n’ Cheese?” a voice asked from the entryway. Neil turned around and smiled at his disheveled boyfriend.

“Your neat look went away,” he teased.

“That’s what happens when you fall asleep on the couch for 3 hours,” Max returned as he walked over to the stove. “Is that mine?” he asked playfully, pointing at the pot.

“Not all of it,” Neil said, stirring the mixture together one last time.

“You’re a rip-off,” Max grumbled as he leaned against the island, facing Neil.

“Nikki wants to go camping this weekend. Is that alright with you?”

“Camping always sounds like shit. But if we have to, might as well get it over with.”

Neil smiled. One day, Max would admit that he loved hiking with them. Just like he had admitted to liking him.

 

                                                            ~(*)~

 

“I’m. Going. To. Fucking. Kill. You.” Max spat each venom-laced word in between pants, his lungs desperately searching for air.

“Come on, Max, it’ll totally be worth it! Just get up here!” Nikki was already at the top of the monstrous hill, waving her arms excitedly at him. He grit his teeth and growled, but didn’t stop moving.

This was one of Nikki’s favorite places to go camping. It had gorgeous views, was within a good hiking distance, and provided a flat place for their tent and a water source. It was also within a few driving hours of their homes, so it wasn’t a ridiculously long trip. She had never taken Neil and Max up here, but this was a special trip. It was their last adventure before they went their separate ways in a week. They had to make it meaningful. They had to make it last.

Neil finally reached the top of the hill. He groaned dramatically and tossed his backpack aside. He then collapsed to the ground beside Nikki and desperately tried to find his breath again.

“That was the worst hill I’ve ever climbed,” he decided dramatically, letting his eyes slip close.

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Nikki said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “That was way easier than Katahdin in Maine.”

Neil shuddered at the memory. He would never understand Nikki’s fascination with the Appalachian Trail, but one summer him and Max had decided to indulge her a bit. They went on a road trip and took her to the famed northern terminus of the trail. She had loved it, racing up the mountain faster than either boy had ever seen her hike. They, unfortunately, did not have the same lovely experience as their friend.

Max yelled in frustration from a few feet down the hill. His back was sore from carrying his 10-pound pack for the last 4 hours. His ankle was screaming in protest from all the movement; it had only recently gotten adjusted to going on short walks and having full-weight placed on it. Sweat was dripping down his face, and it made his messy curls stick to his back. He prayed they went to a lake tomorrow so he could at least _pretend_ he was cleaning himself.

Nikki cheered him on enthusiastically, jumping and pumping her fists and yelling. Neil did nothing, still breathing heavily on the ground. Max took the last few steps to the top of the monstrosity. Nikki wrapped her arms around him and planted a kiss on his sweaty cheek. He unraveled her from himself and threw his pack on the ground by Neil’s. Then, he turned around, looked down the hill, and screamed as loudly as he could. Neil bolted upright in fear, while Nikki fell to her knees in hysterical laughter. Max glared at the downward sloping ground in fury, his breathing labored still from the climb. Neil slapped his leg, a glare of his own plastered to his face.

“Don’t fucking scream like that! Nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Max kicked at him with an annoyed grunt. Nikki wiped several tears from her eyes and stood up. She grabbed Max’s hand and started dragging him towards their campsite.

“Come on, it’s right over here.”

Neil grabbed his and Max’s packs and grumpily dragged them over to the flat patch of earth Nikki was pulling their boyfriend to. She threw her bag down on the grass and then sprinted to the edge of the mountain top. Through some low-cut shrubs was a gorgeous vista of the nearby mountains. Their peaks and edges faded into blue majestic domes in the evening sun. They extended as far as the eye could see, right up to the blue horizon. Soon it would be sunset, and they would get to witness it from one of the most beautiful points in the state. Even Max seemed impressed as his face softened and his mouth fell open a tad when he followed her gaze. Neil tossed the bags down and joined them, his own mouth agape.

“Wow, that’s incredible,” he whispered to no one in particular.

“Isn’t it?” Nikki mused just as quietly.

Neil took her free hand, and the trio silently stared at the blue mountains for several tranquil minutes. Then, Nikki removed her hands from those of her boyfriends and walked back over towards their packs.

“Come on. Let’s set the tent up and stuff so we can be ready to watch the sunset.”

The boys nodded in agreement and joined her in pulling out the tent pieces. It only took them 5 minutes or so to set their temporary home up; after all, they had been camping together for years now. They spread out their sleeping bags side-by-side on the floor of the tent. They pulled out some food to eat for dinner, mostly just trail mix, and stuffed the rest of their possessions into the tent. They finally settled themselves in the grass near the shrubs, making sure they had a good view of the vista before them.

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” Nikki whispered after sitting in silence for 15 minutes. Neil nodded solemnly, and Max grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze.

“I’m gonna miss you both, too,” Max mumbled, his eyes trained on their entwined fingers. Neil averted his gaze, a thought bubbling up in his mind. _Maybe he won’t have to miss both of us._

“We gotta spend Christmas together,” Nikki said definitively.

“For sure,” Max agreed, his voice distant.

“You’ll be home for Christmas, right, Neil?”

Being addressed shook Neil out of his stupor. He shook his head, trying to fully return to the present. “Ye-yeah, I’ll be home.”

“Good.” She smiled at him, then leaned her head on his shoulder.

They watched the rest of the sunset in silence. They always did this when they went camping—it was almost a ritual by now. This time, though, there was a different aura around the trio than in the past. There was a hidden sense of sadness, of the fleetingness of these precious moments together. Nothing would be the same ever again in a week’s time. The would still be friends and perhaps even lovers, but their lives could never go back to this simplicity again. There were new opportunities and adventures in the future, and they knew that. But that didn’t shake the sadness of having to say goodbye to yesterday.

Once the sun had slipped behind a mountain, Nikki left the boys to their own devices.

“I’m going to get ready for bed. Come join me soon and we can cuddle.”

Neil glanced up at her, a confused look on his face. She was leaving, very intentionally. She returned his gaze, a knowing grin plastered on her.

_Talk to him._

Neil didn’t want to, he was too nervous. But Nikki turned away and left them alone, left him without back up or help. He cast his gaze over to Max, who was still staring at the landscape in front of them. Neil nervously swallowed around the lump in his throat. His hands began anxiously fidgeting with his shorts’ hem. God, why didn’t he have his fidget cube on him right now?

“Neil.” Max’s calm voice startled Neil from his musings. He turned back to Max, but the man had his eyes still fixed on the sky and mountains.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not good at keeping secrets.”

Neil tensed and he cocked an eyebrow at his partner. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I figured out you liked me, I figured out that you _loved_ me, and now I’ve discovered your plan to ditch college and stay with me.”

Neil felt all the blood drain from his face. He turned away from Max and transfixed his eyes on the dying sunset. He let out a shaky breath and curled a fist around the fabric of his jacket sleeve.

“You really do see right through me,” he whispered. Max said nothing, just kept watching the sky slowly darken. “How long have you known?”

“A few days. I overheard you talking to your mom about it.”

_Goddamnit. I should’ve known he might hear that conversation..._

“Ah,” was all he said.

“Neil, you can’t.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Neil yelled exasperatedly. He threw his hands in the air and finally turned to his boyfriend. Max met his gaze, slightly taken aback by his outburst. “Why does everyone keep trying to tell me what I can and can’t do? I can do whatever the fuck I please!”

“This isn’t about you, though, is it?” Max pressed, his voice harsher than he’d been intending. “This is about me. You’re doing this for me, _because_ of me.”

“Okay, yeah! So what?”

“So, maybe I don’t want you to stay here! Maybe I don’t want to have my hand held! This is _my_ life you’re trying to change here, Neil. Not just your’s.”

“Why won’t you let me help you?” Neil cried desperately. He felt a tear threaten to slide down his face, but he grit his teeth in an attempt to hold it back.

“Because I need to figure my life out myself! And I won’t let you throw away your own life for me!”

“I’m not throwing anything away! I love you, and I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you!”

Both of the boys froze, the words sinking in and realization slowly dawning. Max looked nervous, which was a very rare occurrence. He looked almost like he was debating between running or sticking this conversation out: fight or flight. Another rare thing for him to be experiencing. Neil was panicking, his brain going a million miles per minute trying to find a way to backtrack.

“No, that’s not what I meant! I just meant that, you know, I love you and so spending my—oh no, that sounds bad, too! Ugh, um, okay—“

“Neil,” Max interrupted, his voice surprisingly calm. Neil shut his mouth and met his boyfriend’s gaze. “Your mom was right. I don’t want you to stay here for me. I’d never forgive myself if that happened.” He took a sharp inhale, his breath much shakier than he would have liked.

“So…if you try to do this, I’ll break up with you.”

Neil felt the world disappear from underneath him. He chest clenched so tightly he thought he might legitimately be having a heart attack. He tried and failed to hold back a sob, and tears followed quickly after it. Max felt his own heart writhe at the sight of his boyfriend so upset, but he knew he needed to stand his ground on this. He looked away and clenched his fists tightly.

“I don’t want to, Neil. I really fucking don’t. I know I don’t say it enough, but I care about you so goddamn much.”

“Then why would you do this to me?” Neil shouted, causing more tears to pour down his face.

“Because I care about you! I will not have you throw your goals and dreams away because of me!”

Neil turned away and tried to regain control of his breathing. He couldn’t think when he was in this state. He wiped his eyes with his trembling hands in an attempt to stop the tears. He forcibly tried to stop any more sobs from escaping his throat. His efforts actually seemed somewhat effective after a minute or two. Max let him focus on calming down by staying quiet and not intervening. Normally, he would hold Neil or at least wrap an arm around him; but considering that it was his stupid words that brought him here, he decided his help might be unwelcome.

“Neil,” Max continued, his voice quieter and calmer now, “You can’t give everything up for me. We are a part of each other’s lives. We are not each other’s _entire_ lives. We’ll still talk while you’re at school. I’ll see you over breaks. It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but will _you_ be fine?” Neil sniffled through the last of his tears.

“Yes. Because I have you and Nikki supporting me, even if it is from afar.”

Neil looked at him through his red puffy eyes, and he was pleasantly surprised to find a soft grin on Max’s face. He returned the gesture before wiping his eyes one last time on the sleeve of his jacket. He took a deep breath and exhale shakily. At least the worst seemed to have passed.

“That emotional manipulation was shitty,” he pointed out grimly.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t think before I spoke,” Max admitted guiltily. “I just needed something to stop you, and I knew that would do it.”

“Would you have actually broken up with me?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I have the heart to.”

“Being sappy again? You’re really losing your edge, Max.”

“I will shove you off this ledge, no second thoughts.”

Neil chuckled. There was the normal, cold Max.

“I’ll go to school,” he announced, returning to seriousness. “But I’m giving you my car.”

Max stared at him in shock, his mouth hanging open. “What?”

“Yeah. I don’t have any real need for it at school. And then you’ll have transportation. Maybe you can find a job or move to another town or something.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.” That had to have been the first time Neil had seen him at a loss for words.

“None needed. Except maybe ‘thank you.”

“Thank you,” Max repeated, his eyes still wide with surprise. Neil smiled back at him, a silent “you’re welcome.”

“Neil?”

“Yeah?”

“One more thing: did you mean what you said earlier?”

Neil blushed furiously and hoped the encroaching shadows of night hid the tint. He averted his eyes back towards the mountains.

“I…I think I just got overly emotional.”

“Really?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Max nodded silently, not wanting to push the issue any further. Neil probably really didn’t know, and that was okay. He didn’t need to know.

“Are you two coming?” Nikki yelled from the opening of their tent. “I’m cold and I wanna cuddle!”

The boys shared a happy glance before heading for the tent. They needed some emotional and physical recuperation after this day. And there was no better way to do that than cuddle with your partners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! Thanks as always for reading/kudosing/bookmarking/commenting. Sorry I haven't been good about responding to comments lately :/ Hopefully I'll keep up better this chapter! 
> 
> I'm still planning on weekly updates so hopefully that'll happen! 
> 
> Have a great weekend everybody!


	12. 3-2 = 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio say goodbye.
> 
> CW: brief references back to Max's abuse from Zach and his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am literally so sorry that it's been A YEAR. God why am I like this? 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you really enjoy this last chapter. I really struggled with how I wanted to end this first part of their story, but I like the direction I took in the end. So, enjoy!

David jumped at the sound of loud knocking on his front door. No one ever came by, especially not this late in the evening. He took one last glance at the framed photograph in his hand before setting it down on the coffee table. His thumb casually swiped across the face of a kid in a yellow shirt with purple cuffs and collar. He was just about to check the peephole on his door when a soft, “David?” came from the other side.

David could recognize that voice anywhere, so he immediately unlocked the door and swung it open. Just as he’d assumed, Max stood on the other side. His hair was somehow messier than usual, and his face was tinted red, like he’d be crying. David quickly scanned the rest of his body, his protective senses starting to activate. His old Godsmack tee-shirt looked undamaged, and it wasn’t positioned unnaturally. His jeans weren’t anymore torn up than they usually were. Things appeared to be normal, sans the red face. Despite his assessment, David couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong.

“What happened?” he demanded. “Who hurt you?”

Max gave him a confused look. “What? Nobody. What’s your deal?”

David sighed and put an apologetic hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “Sorry, Max. I just worry.”

Max shrugged the hand off his shoulder and slipped past David into the apartment. “Yeah, yeah. I haven’t been getting in trouble, don’t worry.”

David grinned and shut the door. “That’s good to hear.”

Max strode across the hardwood floor to the couch where David had been sitting before he knocked. He glanced at the out-of-place photograph on the coffee table. His stomach twisted into a tight knot: _Jasper_. He quickly looked away, unable to hold the image of the dead boy’s eyes. He never stopped feeling bad about what happened to him, though he had nothing to do with it. It had happened years before he was even born. But he knew he shouldn’t have lied to David about what had happened to his friend. It only wound up hurting him more in the end. Max felt another twinge of guilt hit him.

Speaking of lying, he realized that he hadn’t been fully honest with David when he said he hadn’t gotten up to trouble. Sure, he hadn’t picked any fights lately, but his mother had beaten the shit out of him and kicked him out. That was not insignificant.

“You want anything?” Max’s head shot up as the kind voice ripped him from his thoughts.

“No…no, I’m good.” Max sat down finally, letting his back sink deep into the plush, gray cushions. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the back of the couch. He could feel himself drifting away already.

“Tired?” David inquired, making his way back to where he had been sitting.

“Haven’t been sleeping well,” Max admitted, rubbing his sore eyes.

“Any particular reason why?”

Max didn’t say anything for a moment, unsure of how he wanted to approach this. He was going to tell him, but was he going to just jump right in? Would he lead up to it? Would he fall asleep before he got anywhere?

David gave him a worried look. He wanted to find a way to reassure him that this was a safe place, that he was someone _he_ could trust. But before anything inspiring could come to mind, Max spoke up.

“Yeah, actually.” He sat up as a large yawn ripped its way out of his throat. “Um, Neil and Nikki are leaving town.”

David’s concerned face fell into one of compassion. He sadly grinned at his former camper. “Ah, it’s that time, huh? I’m guessing you’re not ready?”

Max stared down at his shoes. He felt his cheeks warm as he shook his head.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. They’re your best friends. Of course it’s going to be hard to say goodbye.”

Max winced at the term “best friends.” He glanced over at David without lifting his head, worried the flinch might have upset him. But the older man was staring at the photograph on the coffee table. His face was expressionless, but Max could tell from his eyes that he was very far away. Back on Spooky Island, if he had to guess.

“About that…” he started, brushing a lock of curls out of his face. David snapped back into reality and turned to look at him. His attention was clearly all focused on him.

“It’s…not quite that simple anymore….”

David opened his mouth, obviously wanting to ask a hundred questions, but he shut it again before a noise left his throat.

“We’re not…they’re not just…I….”

“Did something happen, Max?” David wanted him to open up at his own speed, without prompting, but it was clear Max was really struggling with his words. Max nodded sheepishly, keeping his eyes fixated on the light blue circular carpet. “Was it a fight?” He shook his head.

“No, no, things aren’t bad. Nothing bad happened.”

“Are you afraid you’ll all drift away?”

“What? No…well, ok, I guess that’s a concern, but. It’s not the same as if we….” Max pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, annoyed by his inability to speak. “God, I don’t know how to fucking explain this!”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” David said calmly.

“No, I have to. I need someone to know. I can’t be left alone in this town with no one fucking knowing the truth.”

“Do your parents know?”

Max tensed immediately. His eyes grew wide and his hands curled into fists. David instantly noticed the change and leaned backwards to give him space.

He’d hit a nerve. Max’s parents had always been a sore spot. The duo never talked about them, even on the nights Max came to David to escape them. David had an idea of what was going on, but by the time he had pieced things together, it was too late. Max had been almost 18, so his parents had been about to lose custody over him anyways. There was no reporting that could be done—not that he had any tangible evidence, anyways.

Max hardly opened his mouth as he mumbled, “Yeah, they know.”

“I’m guessing you can’t go to them?”

Max scoffed. The idea was laughable, even for David. He wasn’t _that_ naïve.

“No. I can’t really go to them ever again. For anything.”

David’s heart stopped for a moment. His mind began racing with ideas, all of them of worst-case-scenarios. _They’re dead. They’re dead and Max killed them. He snapped. Or what if Neil or Nikki snapped? Is that why things are different? Did they—_

“Are they…?” was as far as the shocked man could get. Max finally looked up at him, trying to scan his face for clues to what the end of that question was. He recognized the panic in his eyes; it was the same look he’d had when he’d come over, bleeding and broken from Zach, when he learned Camp Campbell had been sold, when he learned the truth about Jasper.

“God, calm down, old man,” Max said, sitting up straighter. “They’re not dead.”

“Ohthankgod,” David sighed. He hadn’t noticed that he’d been holding his breath until that moment. Max rolled his eyes, amazed by how quickly his companion could jump to the worst possible issue and panic.

“They’re fine. We don’t…talk anymore.”

“You had a falling out? One…bigger than usual?” David’s concerned face was back, but it was still fathoms calmer than his panic look.

“Yeah. A really fucking big one. A permanent one.”

“…permanent?”

Max finally made eye contact with his former counselor. David looked so pained, and he didn’t even know what had happened.

“My mom caught…Neil and I. Nikki had had this stupid idea earlier in the summer and we all…figured out it wasn’t as dumb as we thought. As I thought. And we didn’t tell our parents because people don’t get that kinda shit. But my mom found out and she fucked me up and I ran away. And I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

David held Max’s gaze through the entire explanation. But the longer it went, the damper his eyes got, until tears were silently streaming down his cheeks. When Max had finished speaking, David shifted his eyes to the old camp photo on the table. A lump formed in his throat and no matter how much he swallowed, he couldn’t wash it down. Nevertheless, a sad smile spread across his lips.

“I always knew you three were something special. I’d never met friends with a relationship like that.”

“Everyone else seemed to see it. But I never had a clue.”

“Romance was never your forte, Max,” David chuckled. “At least, I’m assuming this is romantic and not just—“

"Yes, it is, don’t you dare fucking finish that sentence!” Max jabbed a threatening finger towards David’s chest, his eyes full of anger but his cheeks flaming from embarrassment.

“Ok, ok,” David laughed. “Just thought I’d check.” Max lowered his finger and let his hair cover his blushing face. “So,” David started, tone serious once again. “When do they leave?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Max sighed, leaning his head backwards.

“Tomorrow? Max, why on earth are you here with me and not them?”

“I told you! I can’t sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep all week. They both passed out but I... just couldn’t.”

“If you sleep, then tomorrow comes.” Max nodded. “I understand that feeling. That’s how I always felt the night before Camp Campbell closed each summer.”

“God, you’re such a fucking dork,” Max groaned, shoving the older man in the arm.

David chuckled. “Yeah yeah, tease me all you want.”

A beat of silence passed between the two. David processed all the new information he had learned, while Max continued wrapping his brain around the fact that his partners were leaving town in less than 12 hours.

“So, what’s it like having a boyfri—“

“No, stop right there! Shut the fuck up!”

“Come on! We’re bonding!”

“No, we fucking aren’t. If you’re just gonna piss me off then I’m going home. Or, er, to Neil’s house.”

David’s humorous smile fell into a simple grin. “Well, normally my door is always open. But I think it’s maybe best you don’t tonight.”

Max bent over, resting his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, you’re right.” He stared into space a moment, gathering himself before driving back for a sleepless night. He slid a thick red scrunchie off his wrist and tied his hair back into a ponytail.

“Are you ever gonna cut that?” David asked, amazed by how long the curls had gotten. It seemed like Max had been growing them out since they first met.

“Fuck off,” Max dismissed as he stood up. “I’ll cut it when I fucking want to.”

David grinned as he followed his younger friend to the door. “Just curious, not trying to imply anything. It looks good as it is.”

Max self-consciously adjusted his ponytail. He was still not used to compliments, despite Neil giving him a minimum of 10 a day. “Thanks,” he grumbled, not making eye contact. He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. His hand lingered on the doorframe for a moment, preventing David from closing it.

“David?”

“Yes, Max?”

“Can I…stay here tomorrow night?”

David smiled warmly. “Of course, Max. Always.”

“Thanks. Night.” Max turned and walked down the dimly lit hallway.

“Night,” David whispered to himself as he watched him walk away, before quietly closing the door.

                                                            ~(*)~

“So, when did you get back last night?”

Max raised a quizzical eyebrow at his girlfriend as he carried two more cardboard boxes to the trunk of Neil’s mother’s car. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t lie; you know exactly what I’m talking about!”

“I really don’t, Nik.”

“I heard you leave. You tripped over my shoes on the way out the door.”

Max sighed loudly as he shoved the boxes into one of the unoccupied spots in the trunk. He turned to look at Nikki, whose hands were on her hips in annoyance. “Yeah, ok, I went out to get some fresh air last night. Big whoop.”

“You? Going to get fresh air? Please, Max.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” Max threw his hands up in defeat. “That’s all that happened! I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“Fine, ok, you just went for a walk. I’ll bite.”

“Thank you,” Max mumbled as he passed her, headed back towards the front door.

“…when I’m dead!” Nikki swiveled around and wrapped Max in a backwards hug. He struggled against her, thrashing his torso and trying to wrench apart her arms to undo the strangling lock she had him in. She giggled, pleased with her success.

“What the hell are you doing?” Neil asked, appearing from the doorway with two clear, plastic storage containers in his arms.

“Bothering Max,” Nikki snickered. Max tried to headbutt her, but she dodged.

“Uh huh,” Neil grumbled, unamused. “There’s a couple more boxes that need to get loaded.”

“I’m trying to help,” Max said defensively with another forceful shove of his arms against Nikki’s. “But _someone_ is being a dick!”

“Oh, come on, Max! You love me!”

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I fucking don’t.”

“Guys, please. I’ve gotta go in 5 minutes,” Neil groaned as he failed to shove the containers into the trunk. “Ah, fuck.”

“Okay, okay,” Nikki relented, releasing Max. He stumbled forward as he caught his breath. He sent Nikki a glare before returning to the house to grab the final boxes.

“So, he didn’t tell you where he snuck off to last night?” Neil asked as soon as Max had reentered the house.

“Nope, he was stubborn about it. Claimed it was just an evening stroll.”

Neil sighed. “Oh well. He’ll tell us when he’s ready."

Nikki leaned into his side and laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped a weak arm around her waist and laid his head atop her’s.

“You’re acting very calm about this,” she commented. Neil sighed.

“Well, I’m a little more preoccupied with the fact that we’re leaving.”

“Yeah, right.”

Max popped back into view holding three boxes. He gave the duo a suspicious look.

“Alright, fine, don’t help me, you assholes.”

Neil gave him a warm smile despite the glare and grabbed a box off of Max’s pile. Nikki ruffled Max’s curls, earning her a low growl.

As soon as Max and Neil reconfigured the trunk arrangement, Neil slammed the door shut. Max stared at the back of the car, loaded up so high with boxes that the rear window was almost entirely blocked. The world felt less real the closer it came time for them to leave. Max’s staring soon went beyond the car, his head roaming around in his thoughts. He squeezed his fists in an attempt to ground himself, to remind himself that he had a body and this is what it felt like. His vision began to get blurry the longer he stared. He couldn’t even detect Nikki and Neil walking towards him, despite the sudden teal and brown blobs that appeared out of nowhere.

“Max? You ok?” Nikki asked as she waved a hand in front of his face.

Max nodded and blinked several times, trying to reenter his body. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Nikki and Neil exchanged a worried glance, but dropped the subject. Neil’s mom walked out of the front door and called out, “Alright! Are you ready, sweetheart?”

Neil took a deep breath before nodding. He didn’t turn around—he didn’t want her to see that he was about to cry. His mom gave a sympathetic grin before turning around to close the door.

The trio looked up at each other, unsure what to say. They really had never imaged this day would actually come. It had loomed in the back of their minds for years—since the beginning of high school, at least. But none of them thought it would happen. They thought they’d go to college together, or travel the world and be vagabonds, or buy some old run-down shop and start a business together. They never thought they’d actually be separated. Now they all wondered why they hadn’t done those things. Why hadn’t they saved up and bought an old van? Why hadn’t they taken a business class and bought that old candy store? Why hadn’t they all applied to some community college and gotten an apartment together?

But they all knew why they hadn’t done it. They had lived in an idealistic dream: they’d never actually have to worry because things would just work out. They were meant to be together, right? Life had thrown them together for all these years for a reason, right? But they also knew the simple fact that, as much as they loved each other, they all had their own dreams and aspirations. And grabbing a van and driving to Alaska or going to some college and majoring in a random discipline wasn’t going to get them where they wanted.

They all realized now how silly it felt to think life was keeping them together for some purpose. There was nothing divine influencing their lives. They weren’t special or different. Nothing was holding them together except themselves. If they wanted to stay together, they had to do it themselves. And they simply hadn’t.

Nikki took Max’s left hand and Neil’s right. She squeezed them reassuringly, but a tear still slipped down Neil’s cheeks. Max raised his free hand and wiped it away with his thumb. He was about to yank his hand away, shocked by his own reaction, but Neil grabbed it and cupped it around his cheek. Max felt his face soften a bit. Neil took a step closer to him and leaned his forehead against Max’s. He closed his eyes only to hide the tears welling up. Nikki joined the party and leaned her forehead against their’s as best she could.

“I love you guys,” Nikki whispered.

“I love you two, too,” Neil echoed.

“…Right back atcha,” Max chimed in awkwardly. He didn’t care if they were saying it platonically—he had never told them that he loved them, and he doubted he would be ready to anytime soon.

Nikki chuckled at his awkwardness, while Neil just shook his head. He pulled back slightly and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“You’re so cute,” he mused happily.

“Fuck you,” Max snapped. The others chuckled again.

Neil pulled back when he heard his mother open the passenger door. He stared into Max’s eyes for half a second before leaning in and kissing him. Normally, Max would be embarrassed at the prospect of kissing anywhere near Neil’s mom. But this was different. This wasn’t a cute kiss or a goodnight kiss. This was goodbye—for now, at least. Max wouldn’t be able to kiss him again for 5 months. And that sent a little pang of pain to his heart.

Max leaned into the kiss. He put a hand in Neil’s brown curls, pulling him ever so slightly closer. He hadn’t realized until that moment how much he was going to miss his boyfriend. Or processed that Neil was actually his boyfriend. Maybe time apart would give him space to think things through and realize basic shit like that.

Neil surprisingly was the first to pull back and end the kiss. For once, Max had wished it had lasted longer. He wanted to keep kissing his boyfriend until the sun went down. But you always take things for granted, until you want them when you can’t have them.

Nikki kissed him next: a quick, chaste peck. Max grasped at her shirt front to pull her back in, wanting more. What kind of goodbye was that? But Nikki gave him a sad smile and pointed at her watch—her train left in an hour. She needed to leave just as much as Neil did. Nonetheless, she allowed Max to pull her in for just a couple more seconds. She moved to wrap her arms around his neck, but she stopped herself halfway there. If she did that, she would never be able to leave.

She gave Neil the same quick goodbye. Max saw the disappointment in Neil’s face—he wanted a longer kiss, too. But they had run out of time, and they all knew it.

The three linked hands one final time and squeezed each others’ hands. It was for reassurance, to remind them all that they would be okay. This was temporary. Once it was over, they could live happily ever after. If that was what they all still wanted in 4 years.

They let go of each other and moved towards their separate places. Nikki unlocked her car and climbed into the driver’s seat. Neil threw open his driver’s door. Max walked to the front door and grabbed the door handle tightly. Neil gave him one last look, eyes red and tears running down his face. Max wanted to will himself to smile, to give Neil some sort of reassurance and support. But he was just too sad. He waved at him, trying to show some sort of positivity. Neil nodded, then climbed into the driver’s seat and closed the door. Both cars started, somehow louder than usual. Max’s ears started ringing from the noise. The sun was somehow brighter than usual and he suddenly wished he was inside. Nikki waved at him from her windshield with a sad smile. Max returned the wave, but as soon as he did he felt light-headed. His grasp on the door handle tightened.

And just like that they were gone. The cars backed out of the driveway and went in opposite directions. And Max was left behind in the middle.

                                                        ~(*)~

Max didn’t mean to knock as loudly as he did. It was more of banging than knocking. He felt bad, but he had been dissociating all day and had no concept of noise levels or even basic situational awareness. It was a miracle he had driven there without getting lost or hitting a telephone pole.

Within seconds, the door swung open, and there stood a tall, familiar ginger.

“Hi there, Max,” David greeted calmly, a smile on his face.

“Hey,” Max mumbled, his throat scratchy. His own voice sounded unfamiliar to him. He hadn’t spoken in more than 12 hours. He hadn’t had anyone to talk to.

David moved out of the doorway so Max could enter. He did so, lugging a small backpack over his shoulder that contained a change of clothes and a toothbrush. The couch was already set up in it’s normal fashion when Max spent the night: a pillow at the left end and a quilt atop the cushions. David closed and locked the door behind him and followed him to the couch.

“I made dinner if you’re hungry. Just some chicken alfredo.”

“I’m not hungry, thanks,” Max said quietly, plopping down on the couch.

“Are you okay, Max?” David asked in a concerned tone.

“I just need to sleep,” Max answered after pausing for a few moments to think of a response. “I’m really out of it.”

David nodded hesitantly, but he knew better than to push Max. He had learned that long, long ago. He settled instead for going to the kitchen to put dinner away, with some quick parting words.

“You can talk to me if you need to, okay? And if you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”

Max nodded with a whispered “thanks” under his breath. David resigned himself to that as the best possible response and continued towards the kitchen.

A couple hours later, Max laid in bed, eyes wide open. He hadn’t moved in the two hours he’d been there, save for a quick swivel to lay down. The darkness of David’s clean apartment was pierced only by a street light breaking through the cracks in the blinds of the window. Max was unbothered by the stray light streaks hitting his face. He probably wasn’t going to sleep tonight, anyways; why let some extra light bother him?

He felt so disconcerted on this couch. There was no warmth from another person. No one was holding him, combing fingers through his mess of hair until he fell asleep. There was no one to give him a goodnight kiss or to say “sleep well.” He never thought he’d miss those things. Hell, he never thought he’d ever experience them. But now he had. And he had gotten addicted.

He turned over on his side, facing towards the coffee table. The picture of David from his camper days was still on the table, just where it had been when he left last night. Even in the darkness, Max could make out David’s smile, and the equally bright smile of the kid next to him. He wondered if David ever felt like this. Longing for his friend to come back, to hold onto him and never let him go again. To have get one more hug, one more kiss, one more cuddle. But Max saw a brief silver lining in this comparison: his separation was temporary. David’s was permanent.

And with that nice thought, Max closed his eyes and waited for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, as always! And thanks for those of you who stuck with me through that awful hiatus haha! Y'all are MVPs, for real.
> 
> I still fully intend to write a sequel, and I'm hoping to begin work on the first chapter tomorrow, actually. I may try and pump out multiple chapters before I start posting it, so in case I get really busy there is still content ready to go. But we'll see. 
> 
> Love y'all <3 Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for coming with me on this incredible journey! To the next part!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this! Feel free to comment, kudos, etc! I will probably write some follows up to this, so keep your eyes out! You can also subscribe to me on here or follow me on tumblr for updates (http://funhousefreak.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


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